Yeah, this is looking like one of those fics that I can update pretty regularly. My Squall is being terribly awkward with me, but that's fine, it gives me more to write about! Hope you enjoy. :)
Mm, and if anyone likes this and wants to keep an eye out for another multi part FF8 fic from me, during April I've taken up a word challenge; 1k a day during the month. Since I'm busy editing my novel, I wanted to do something that was challenging and long, but not a new novel or novella. So, a long FF8 fic is in the works. When I think of a plot...
"Why did you decide to do this, Squall?" Laguna – my father, God help me – gave me a piercing look. Not as stupid as he seems, maybe, to know that there's a reason behind this.
"Seifer."
"…That's not very informative, Squall," he chides me gently. "The ex-sorceress's knight, you mean?"
"That's Seifer, yes." I don't know why I did this, I really don't. I'll keep it in mind to thrash Seifer properly next time we duel. 'Owing it to them' to do this, indeed. If Seifer had a father like Laguna, I bet he'd be running as fast as he could in the opposite direction.
At least Laguna's state of health bodes well for me in the future. He doesn't look so much older than me, and he's not grey haired or bald or fat. So, if I ever live to be his age, at least I'll look good doing it.
"I didn't think you were friends with Seifer."
"I'm not."
"Oh? But his opinion obviously counts for something with you," he says, carefully, trying to catch a look into my eyes. Sorry, Laguna, it doesn't work that way. My eyes won't tell you anything the rest of my body doesn't. The only way you'll know what I'm really thinking is if I tell you, and I'm not ready to share that with anyone, not even my own flesh and blood. I'm much more inclined to share with Quistis, or Seifer, even Rinoa… someone who knows when to back off with me now.
"I grew up with him, you know. In the Orphanage."
"Oh. Right." Is it just me hoping, or does he look a little sorry for that? Whatever, I don't care – he wasn't my father then and no matter what Seifer thinks, he won't be, can't be, now.
There's a long moment of silence, him picking at his food, me long finished. He takes too long over things like this, and the silence stretches out like an uncomfortable barrier between us, strengthening with every moment.
"I didn't want to forget about you completely, you know," Laguna says suddenly. "I did… give a shit what happened to you. But I didn't want to… you know, jump in, you seemed to be doing fine for yourself and - "
"You got in contact with me when I became a hero. Isn't that a little shallow?"
He stares at me, mouth open, then closes it and looks down at the tabletop, dropping his fork and taking a deep breath, and then another. It looks like he's trying to work up the courage to face my accusation. I don't know why I even said it, I don't care, really don't.
Damn Seifer. For making me feel like I should do this.
"I didn't want… I didn't even think… I didn't know you would think that," he says, almost painfully, "I just wanted… to know you. For you to know me, to know that you did have someone, somewhere, I…"
"I see," I try to spare him babbling any more, heaven knows it annoys me and surely he can't enjoy running his mouth like that.
"I'm sorry," he says, looking up, his eyes totally honest. For a moment, I wonder if I would have been more like him if I had been brought up in a normal family, if I hadn't gone to Garden, if I'd never met Seifer… no, where did that thought come from? I'm happy this way, I enjoy my work, like the way I am. I don't want to be anything like this man, this… my father.
I let the silence hang on those two words, unable to think of some reply, and he sighs, his breath hitching. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was going to cry, but surely he wouldn't do that.
"I… So, this Seifer. How did he persuade you to come and talk to me?"
I shrug, toying with my fork, not meeting Laguna's eyes. For all his blundering, he's too observant. I wouldn't put it past him to realise how much I care… how much I want Seifer.
"He knows me too well."
"I didn't think anyone knew you," he says, an eyebrow raised.
"Not many people do."
"He's privileged?"
"He's been fighting me for years," I remind him. Damn, if people think I'm awkward and closed off now, what did they think of me back before the sorceress and being Commander and everything that came with it? Compared to then, I'm an open book now.
"I don't understand."
"Me neither," I admit, and he gives me a piercing look. I look away quickly. Damn Seifer. I could almost hate him sometimes, but that wouldn't seem right. Never have hated Seifer, probably never could. He's just… there, always a part of my life, always pushing and nudging at me, trying to get something from me. He usually gets what he wants, too.
"He's your friend?" he tries.
I nod. There's no other word for what he means to me, no other way to explain why he has such an affect on me. Well, there is, but that isn't a word that I'd ever use to describe what we have. It's purely one sided, I'm sure, and it's not even real. It's just a word someone might use if they didn't know any better. A word that he'd never use, and a word I refuse to use.
"I'm glad he convinced you to see what having a father was like," he says, smiling slightly at me, as enthusiastic about this as about anything else. "I wish I had been around to see you as a kid."
No, you don't.
"So, have any love in your life at the moment?" his eyes twinkle at me, and I think he even winked. What a foolish, bumbling idiot. And yet I can't help liking him, or at least respecting him a little.
"No."
The day goes on like that, him asking questions, me answering them, but I'm not opening myself up to him. Not yet, anyway. It's taken me my whole life to open up even as much as I have just to one person – Seifer – and that's on a purely superficial level. He can get me to talk and share what's on my mind, but if I have a secret, I wouldn't tell him or anyone else.
It's a relief to be back in Garden, more specifically, in the training centre. I hated some of today; claustrophobic and unfamiliar, and while I suppose I enjoyed some of it, I've got some frustrations to kill.
He's there, of course he's there. Where else would he be? He's always in the right place at the wrong time. It'd be better if he were here in an hours time, and then maybe I could fight him, warmed up from grats and ready for a bigger challenge. But no, he's here now, and he doesn't want to fight, he'll want me to talk, and of course, I will.
"Enjoy it, Squally?"
"Not really." Lionheart in hand, I pass him, heading further into the training centre. Of course, he won't just leave it at that, but I might as well put up a token resistance.
"Didn't think you would. Did he?" He? Seifer is asking whether Laguna enjoyed it?
It takes a moment of thought, that, another mental pause. I really should kill Seifer for knowing me too well; this is positively disconcerting.
"I think he did," I admit.
"That's good."
"Why?"
He shrugs, "It means someone got something out of it, at least. I figured you wouldn't, but this guy seems genuine in wanting to be there for you."
Whatever.
"Yeah, I know, 'whatever', right?" he says, smirking, knowing he can read me perfectly. I just shrug, turning my back on him, but this time he doesn't let me walk away, grabbing my shoulder and turning me back to face him. "I'm serious about it, you know. I really think you should take this chance you've been given."
"So you've said," I pull away, uneasy at his touch and his sincerity.
"Squall…" There's softness in his eyes and his voice that I don't trust. I want to open my mouth, make him shut up, but of course, he's Seifer Almasy.
He won't shut up.
"Squall," he takes a deep breath, "I care about this more than I'm willing to let on. I wish I had a father. I don't… I wouldn't like to see you throw this away just 'cause you think you're better off alone."
This is dangerous, this is open.
"I know, I know, time for you to run again, huh, Squally-boy?" he smirks at me, safer ground now. "When you decide to stop running, there are some people around who'd be interested in getting to know you, that's all."
And this time he's the one to walk off.
What the hell did all that mean?
Damn that man. Just, damn him. For all of this.
