Okay, here is the next chapter. Please review and let me know what you think. I hope that this appeases some of you out there. So review please! Thanks!

Disclaimer: Oh, right, I don't own them.


"How is she?" Kirsten couldn't tell whose voice that was, but she knew that they were talking about her. She couldn't open her eyes either. She felt like one hundred pound weights were weighing down her eyelids.

"I don't know," that was her husband's voice. She would know his voice anywhere."She has really woken up yet and been coherent." What had happened? In an instant it all came back to her.

Ryan was dead.

Now she really didn't want to open her eyes, she didn't want to open her eyes and be reminded that she had wished for this. That her wish had ended up having Ryan killed. The last thing that she remembered was walking over to the metal table where Ryan's body was to say goodbye to him.

That must be why she felt so disoriented. She had passed out, and she must be only waking up now. She wondered how long she had been out, and she wished that she wouldn't have to wake up now. Sandy's voice sounded funny to her. Almost fuzzy and far away.

"Her fever is down to 102.9," Sandy's voice again. What was he talking about? Fever? "She had the flu earlier in the week, right after her birthday, but the fever wasn't getting any better. And she was delirious, in fact, she was just muttering, 'I want to go back,' just a little while ago. Not sure what that means." She felt his cool hand touch her cheek.

"When did you bring her in? Why didn't you call me?" It was her father's voice that she was hearing, she finally placed it. He seemed angry. What was Sandy talking about? She didn't have a fever. She wasn't sick. Her son was dead. She was grieving, but not sick.

"I'm sorry Cal, you know she's been sick all week, and then yesterday she started to cough this awful dry heaving cough, and her fever reached 104.4 and the doctor told me to rush her to the emergency room, by the time her fever broke and she was stabilized it was the middle of the night and I figured it would be better just to wait until morning," Sandy said. "I should have called, I'm sorry." Kirsten was so confused, she struggled to open her eyes and she saw Sandy's eyes peering at her, worry evident.

"Sandy?" She said hoarsely.

"Hey baby, how are you feeling?" Sandy asked, running a hand through her blonde hair.

"Where am I?" She looked around the room confused as to her surroundings.

"The hospital honey, you had a really high fever and we had to bring you in," Sandy told her. "But you're okay. You have pneumonia, you got hit pretty hard. You're going to have to stay off your feet for awhile."

"Ryan," Kirsten said immediately.

"He and Seth are coming down in a little while. They both wanted to be here last night, but they weren't allowed to stay in the room with you, so I sent them home to get some sleep. You had us all a little worried honey." Ryan was alive. Ryan was not lying on some slab in the hospital after having crashed his car driving home drunk. He was okay. He was alive.

"Ryan's okay?" Kirsten questioned a small smile of relief forming on her face.

"He's worried about you, but other than that he's okay," Sandy told her, confusion now replacing the worry that had been written on his face.

"Oh thank God," Kirsten breathed. The door opened to her room, and Seth peeked his head around.

"Can we come in?" He asked.

"Sure," Sandy said as both Seth and Ryan walked in. Kirsten had a flash and suddenly saw him lying on the metal table, and a few tears escaped and rolled down her face.

"Kiki? What's the matter? Are you in pain?" Caleb demanded.

"No, no I'm fine, I'm sorry," Kirsten hurriedly wiped the tears, but she began to cough violently, and Sandy reached for an oxygen mask and placed it over her face and instructed her to take deep breaths. Ryan and Seth exchanged a nervous glance, and then approached the bed cautiously, looking for a cue from their father that it was okay to come near her. Ryan reached out as if he was afraid she was made of glass and would break at the slightest touch and placed a hand on her arm.

"I'm glad that you are awake, Kirsten," Ryan said as he gave her arm a gentle squeeze. Kirsten. He had called her Kirsten. Not Mom. Kirsten. She was back in her world. He was alive. And that was all that mattered.

Maybe it was supposed to be this way.

Maybe he was supposed to have this awful childhood. Maybe everything happened for a reason, and her wishing for something different or more was too much. Maybe everything had made him stronger, or made him better. She still wished that he hadn't had to go through all that pain, she would have gladly traded places with him, and taken the abuse for him, but maybe even Ryan wouldn't trade his past. Maybe he thought about the same way, that he could fully appreciate things now that he wouldn't have been able to. Maybe in some ways, Ryan even pitied Seth and her because they had never had it rough, and had nothing to compare it to. Sandy had once said that the good in his life wouldn't have been nearly as good if he didn't have the bad to compare it to. Perhaps Ryan would feel the same way someday, if he didn't already now. She didn't know. All she knew was that he was alive, and she suddenly extremely grateful that she didn't have to figure out how to live in a world where he was dead.

She took off the oxygen mask and gave him a small smile back.

"So what were you dreaming about honey?" Sandy asked taking a seat next to her bed and stroking a finger over her hand. "You kept mumbling that you wanted to go back somewhere. Where were you talking about?" Kirsten wanted to tell Sandy about it. The dream that was so real. The dream that had felt and looked and was so very real. But she couldn't tell it in front of Ryan. So instead she shrugged.

"I have no idea," she lied. He leaned down and kissed her forehead, and only flinched slightly at how warm it was.

"You should get some rest," Sandy told her. She nodded and both her boys gave her a hug and walked out of the room, giving her a small wave as they went.

"I'll be leaving too," Caleb said leaning down and placing a kiss on her forehead. "I'll see you later Kiki. Feel better."

"Thanks Dad," she said softly as he left the room. Sandy sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

"You scared the shit out of me," he told her.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "When do I get out of here?"

"Tomorrow, they just want to make sure that they've got the fever under control, and then they'll give you a prescription for antibiotics, and you'll be good to go. Of course, you'll be on bed rest, and don't even think about doing work young lady."

"Yes sir." She began to cough again and groaned. "This is really going to suck isn't it?" Sandy chuckled softly and gave her a kiss.

"I'm so sorry that it hurts baby, I would change places with you in a heartbeat if I could," Sandy rumbled into her ear. She wanted to tell him about her dream, right then. It was the perfect time, but she felt the pain medication start to kick in, and she could only mumble,

"I love you," before she fell asleep.

She was woken up again by what Sandy referred to as a "coughing episode." He was right there next to her, with a glass of water, rubbing a hand over her back and offering her the oxygen mask, which she waved away as she gasped in deep breaths.

Once she had stopped, she lay back down and gave Sandy a weak smile.

"Where are the boys?" She didn't want to let Ryan out of her sight even for a moment. She didn't want to remember seeing him dead. She wanted to permanently block that out of her brain. It hadn't even happened, right? So why was she still remembering it clear as day?

"They went home to get some pajamas and things for you," Sandy told her. "How are you feeling?"

"Eh," she replied.

"Well, good news, your fever is down to 102.1," he grinned at her.

"That's good news? That's what you cook a chicken at," Kirsten responded. He laughed.

"But it's going down, and that's the important part," Sandy said leaning forward and giving her a kiss on the forehead.

"Was I really out of it?" Kirsten said after a pause. Sandy nodded.

"You kept mumbling, and then yesterday you started crying in your sleep, I thought it was just from the pain," he said.

"No. I was having…God, it felt so much more real than a dream, and Ryan…he was ours. I mean, I had given birth to him, and… he…God, Sandy, he died." She shuddered at the thought, and a few tears escaped. He placed his finger under the tears and wiped them away. "It was awful."

"I can imagine."

"It was great up until that point. You know? He called me mom, he was so confident, and then…we got this knock on the door that he had been in an accident…" She trailed off and closed her eyes. "It just felt so…real to me." He was interrupted from saying anything by the door opening up.

"Hey, you're awake again," Ryan said as he and Seth stepped in the room. Seth was holding a bag, and he placed it on the empty chair in the corner.

"We brought you nice warm pj's like Dad requested," Seth said. "And Mom, I apologize for having to go through your pajama drawer, and I want to say that I think that those little silky and lacy…rags that you keep in there for cleaning, which is the only purpose for them that I can think of that doesn't make me puke, should be gotten rid of. Immediately." Sandy shook his head vehemently, and Kirsten and Ryan shared a smile as Seth gagged. Kirsten placed a hand to her head, and Sandy jumped into overprotective mode.

"Are you okay? Does your head hurt? Do you need something for it? Do you want me to get the nurse? Do you need the boys to leave?" He wasn't offering to leave, because there was no way that he was leaving her.

"No, my head just hurts a little bit, calm down." She placed a hand on his arm, which seemed to do the trick. She couldn't stop staring at Ryan, and she knew that she was making him uncomfortable, as he squirmed under her glaze.

Kirsten had never been so happy to see anyone in her entire life, and she didn't care if her staring at him made him uncomfortable. She didn't want to let him out of her sight for even a moment.

"Well, we'll let you change," Ryan said. "We're going to head down to the cafeteria. Sandy, Kirsten? Do you guys want or need anything?"

"I could go for a coffee kid," Sandy requested.

"No problem," Ryan grinned at the two of them as he and Seth walked out of the hospital room.

"I can't stop looking at him," Kirsten said. "I feel as if I should memorize his face."

"That dream must have been a doozey," Sandy commented taking her hand.

"You have no idea," Kirsten replied.


I think there's going to be at least another chapter after this one, so leave me a review and let me know what you thought. I hope you enjoyed it. I wanted to have some way for her to go back, but it not just be a dream, because it felt more real than a dream. So anyway, review please! And have a great Easter weekend, or if you don't celebrate Easter, have a great weekend in general!