Okay children. Last chapter. So I hope that you enjoy, and thanks so very much for reviewing. That was awesome. Knocked my socks off. Really. So I'm starting to think of all the papers and tests that are going to be due within the next three weeks, and my head hurts. I'll probably be procrastinating, so you'll probably see a new story from me….but anyway, I digress. Read, review, and enjoy! I'm off to class, and maybe I'll convince my professor to teach outside, because it is a gorgeous day! I'll probably be distracted then, so maybe that's not such a good idea.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Really not mine.
If you're lost, hurt, tired or lonely
Can't control it - try as you might
May you find that love that won't leave you
May you find it by the end of the day
You won't be lost, hurt, tired and lonely
Something beautiful will come your way- Robbie Williams
Kirsten smiled as she handed the book that Ryan had bought for her as a get-well present to Sandy to place in her bag to go home.
"I think you'll like it," he said shyly as he handed it to her. "I just thought that you were going to be taking it easy for awhile and might get a little bored."
"Thank you so much sweetheart," Kirsten had said wrapping her arms around him. He had, thankfully, been very patient about her new habit of hugging him every time she saw him, which she appreciated very much, as she couldn't stop hugging him. She couldn't stop touching him, making sure that he was real. That he was alive and okay.
"You ready to blow this popsicle stand?" Sandy asked as he leaned down and gave her a kiss on the forehead. She nodded, and started coughing, and Sandy rubbed her back for her. "I wish I could trade places with you."
"I wouldn't let you," she told him giving him a small smile. "But yes, I am ready to go home. I can't wait to go home."
"Then let's go," Sandy said helping her into the wheelchair and wheeling her out to the car. They drove home in relative silence, with the exception of a coughing fit from Kirsten.
"In the words of Seth," she said as they pulled up to their house. "Pneumonia really sucks." Sandy laughed and turned off the car and hurried to her side to help her out. They slowly walked to the house, and when they opened the door, they were surprised to see a banner welcoming Kirsten home, and balloons everywhere.
"Did the boys do this?" She asked Sandy who just shrugged in response.
"I would guess yes, but I'm not entirely sure." Kirsten just beamed at the homemade sign and glanced around, not seeing either of the boys, as Sandy continued to help her up the stairs to their bedroom. Halfway up the stairs, Kirsten began to cough again, and it had moved from the dry heaving cough that it had been, into a wet, deep cough that broke Sandy's heart. He scooped her up in his arms and carried her the rest of the way.
"Mom!" Seth and Ryan were both in the bedroom playing cards when Sandy and Kirsten walked in. "Welcome home!"
"Thanks honey," she said as Sandy tucked her in and got her situated. "And thank you both for the sign."
"The girls' idea," Ryan replied shrugging. "But I'm glad that you liked it." Kirsten nodded, and reached out her hand to place overtop of his.
"I did," she told him. She gave his hand a squeeze, before reaching over and doing the same to Seth.
"You should get some rest," Sandy spoke up after a moment. "You need to sleep."
"Can we get you anything?" Ryan asked. "A glass of water?"
"Rosa made some soup, it'll be ready for you when you wake up," Seth chimed in.
"Great," Kirsten said yawning. She was completely zapped of all her energy and wondered if she was going to feel this tired and weak until she got over this. Sandy leaned down and placed a kiss on the top of her head, and ushered the boys out of her bedroom giving her time to sleep.
It was Ryan who brought the soup up to her. He somehow felt more connected to her. He was chalking it up to purely the fact that she had gotten sick. When Sandy had burst into the pool house breathless in the middle of the night telling him that Kirsten was running a high fever and he had to take her to the emergency room, Ryan felt his heart stop, and was more terrified than he had ever been before in his life. Surely, that had to explain this feeling that Ryan had, that he shouldn't leave her side, that he had to convince her that he was still here. Which was ridiculous, she could see that he was still there, and yet she kept touching him, hugging him, as if reminding herself that he was still there, and he found himself not only willing to let her, but craving the physical contact as well.
He opened the door to her bedroom quietly and looked in to find her curled up on Sandy's side of the bed, sleeping peacefully. He hated to wake her up, but Sandy had said that she also needed to eat, as she hadn't really had anything, or held anything down in the past week.
"Kirsten?" Ryan said softly moving towards her. "I brought you soup. Sandy said that you have to eat it." It was a weird change for him. He was taking care of Kirsten. Kirsten, who always took care of everyone else. Who always worried about everyone else before she worried about herself. And here Ryan was, taking her soup, making sure that she ate it. Being the adult. Like with his mother, and he had to bring her Tylenol and water after she had a rough night.
He had to be the adult with his mother, and he was choosing to be the adult here. And that made all the difference. He wanted to help Kirsten. She stirred in her sleep and sleepily opened her eyes.
"Kirsten?" Ryan tried again. "Sandy said that you have to eat this soup." Kirsten nodded, and Ryan placed the soup on the nightstand next to her, and placed pillows behind her and helped her sit up.
"Thanks honey," she said hoarsely. Her throat was killing her, and she was thankful to see that next to the soup on the tray there sat a pile of cough drops and a cup of tea.
"No problem," he replied smiling at her. "How are you feeling?" As soon as he asked it, he shook his head. "Stupid question, you probably feel like you've just been hit by an 18 wheeler." The words sent shivers down Kirsten's spine and she nearly choked on the tea that she was drinking. Ryan noticed her stiffen and immediately berated himself for doing something wrong. He wasn't sure what it was exactly that he had done, but whatever it was it had upset Kirsten. "I'm sorry."
"Why are you sorry?" Kirsten asked recovering and forcing a smile. He hadn't known the effect of his words. He hadn't realized that she had this dream that felt so real that even now she still questioned whether or not it had actually happened.
Of course it hadn't happened, she reminded herself. That's crazy. It was just a delirious dream. Nightmare actually. Well, the end had been nightmarish, the rest had been quite nice.
"I don't know…I just…" Ryan trailed off, and became very interested in studying his shoes.
"Don't be sorry, you didn't do anything wrong," Kirsten assured him. "I just had a nightmare about…an accident." She shrugged. "But it was just a dream, right?" Ryan nodded.
"Right." He didn't ask her what the dream was about. He didn't want to upset her further. "Anyway, eat some soup, otherwise Sandy will have my head." Kirsten smiled and shook her head imagining her husband telling Ryan that he had to get Kirsten to eat the soup or else there would be hell to pay.
"Well, we wouldn't want that, would we?" Kirsten said picking up the spoon.
"Wouldn't want what?" Seth entered her room carrying a laptop. "Dad claims that he knows you so well that he knew that you wouldn't be able to resist doing some work while you were bedridden. He was afraid that you would try to get up and go to the study, and to cut you off at the pass, he told me to come bring the laptop up for you so that you won't leave the bed." Seth shrugged. "So how well does he know you?" Kirsten had to admit that she had already planned a break for the study, but didn't want to give Sandy the satisfaction.
"Don't let him know, but he has me pretty well pegged," Kirsten admitted.
"Ha!" Came Sandy's voice from the door.
"Oh God, there'll be no living with him now," Kirsten said shaking her head. Sandy laughed and came over to the bed and sat down beside her.
"Because you're sick, I'll give you a reprieve," he promised her, giving her a kiss on the temple. "How's the soup? Rosa promised me that it was the very best she had ever made."
"It's very good," she told him. "Make sure you tell Rosa that it was excellent." Kirsten continued to eat soup as her boys sat around her and talked and laughed, and she basked in having all three of them.
Ryan was laughing at Seth, and she remembered the awful feeling of realizing that she would never get to hear his laugh again. Or see his smile. She remembered that feeling, and knew that never again would she want to feel it.
"We should let you sleep," Ryan said suddenly. Kirsten had finished her soup, and Sandy had placed the bowl back on the tray and she was slowly drifting back off to sleep.
"No," she said sleepily. "Stay here please."
"Are you sure?" Seth asked as he watched his father tuck the blankets around his mother and lean down and place a kiss on her lips.
"I'm sure," she said nodding slightly. She wanted to remain close to her. She wanted to be able to open her eyes at any given moment and see them, all three of them, there with her. And she knew that this wouldn't last. Soon she would be feeling better and life would resume as normal, with Seth and Ryan off with their girlfriends, or in their own little worlds, and she and Sandy back at work. But for right now, she wanted them here, with her. She wanted to block out the dream from her mind.
Sandy was sitting next to her, sitting against the headboard, one of his hands absentmindedly playing with her hair. Seth was down at the end of the bed, lying on his stomach, his feet dangling off the side, and Ryan had pulled up a chair, and had his feet carefully on the bed by Kirsten, and he was being extra careful not to move them too much and accidentally kick her.
Ryan wasn't her son by blood. Someone else had given birth to him. He called someone else "mom." But she loved him just the same. And she did wish still that there could be someway that he had could have been protected from all the pain that he went through as a child. She wished that maybe she and Sandy could have gotten to him sooner, wished that he could be a little more confident with them, place a little more trust perhaps that they were there for him.
But she would take what she could get. There was good and bad to everything. She would deal with the bad. She would deal with the fact that Ryan had grown up somewhere else. That he had parents who took him for granted and abused him. She wouldn't be happy about it, but she would deal with it. Because look what she got in return. A great kid. A wonderful, thoughtful, amazing, kid. And maybe she still wished sometimes that he was hers, that she could go back and replace his terrible childhood with a better one. But it couldn't happen. She couldn't go back and change things, she wasn't even sure anymore that she would if she could.
What they had, the four of them, was amazing. They were closer than any other family she knew. The relationship between Seth and Ryan was the most incredible she had ever seen. She watched them laugh and joke, and felt Sandy's hand take hers and give it a squeeze, and she knew that something good had come out of Ryan not being hers.
Something beautiful.
Okay, that's it kids. Please review and let me know what you thought of it. I really think that I should try to convince my professor to have class outside. Even though it's a film class, because really, she could just act out the scenes for us, right? Yeah, I don't think she'll go for it.
