Chapter 4…

The freezing wind made my cheeks hurt and my body shiver. It had gotten worse over the few days from snowing over to temperatures dropping below zero. But no matter how the weather was we were all present at Mrs. Shields' funeral. Everyone was there to pay their respect; Andrew, Greg, Mina, Amy, all except for Darien. He hadn't left his room in the past week. Mina was at my side hugging me and letting me rest my head on her shoulder while I cried. Mrs. Shield meant a lot to me and neither I nor anyone here could believe or want to believe that she was gone. My thoughts suddenly went to Darien wondering what he was going through.

My chauffer opened the door for me getting the sense that I wasn't doing too well when I stood near it for ten minuets without reaching for the knob. The car slowly left the cemetery and I realized that this is where she now would forever lie. "Do you want me to take you home, Miss Serena?" the driver asked.

"No!" I replied right away "Please drive me to Darien's…"

"Yes, Madam!" He affirmed and left me in silence. The shield's estate was filled with people trying to comfort the family of their loss. But these things never helped and I hoped that no one was telling Darien that they were sorry for his loss. What did they know about how much pain he must be going through? Or what he had lost?

I tried to find Darien but failed to find him in the crowd. Instead I found Nancy whose eyes were bloodshot. "Miss Serena…" She got out before taking me into a tight embrace. I felt her tears fall on my hair. "What will happen to Darien? He was too young to lose his mother." She said in between sobs.

"Where is Darien?" I asked my voice shaking.

She led me away from the crowd and was now climbing the stairs while I followed behind her. "He hasn't come out of his room in so many days. The only time I see him is to leave his food in there in hopes that he would eat."

"Nancy…" I say as we stop near his room. "Were you the one that found her…?" I trail off not wanting to say the rest.

"Yes!" She answered, her voice low.

"That morning…" She began, fixing her eyes on the floor. "…I was going to check on her and get her breakfast ready for her. She hadn't eaten dinner the night before… but when I…" She tried to control her sobs. "…she was just lying there… so still. And her skin was so blue, it looked like she was put in a freezer." Nancy covered her mouth then ran past me into the long hallway and entered into a room.

Tears flowed like a river from my eyes because just for a second I felt like I had seen that image of her. I desperately went to Darien's door and knocked on it wanting to hug him badly. There was nothing but the echo of the tapping due to the contact of my hand with the wooden door. "Darien!" I choked out but there was still no answer. "Darien please…" I begged "…please Darien open this door!"

There was nothing but a sickening silence that followed, terrifying me. I wanted to be with him and hold him tight and offer him a shoulder to cry on. But none of that was possible while this door was still between us. He had locked it… so I couldn't be able to reach him. And there was this gut feeling in my stomach that told me that I might never be able to reach him again. I sat on the floor leaning my back against the door and banged the back of my head on it. And I cried wishing that this was only a night mare that I would soon awaken from. But this was reality and there was nothing I could do to turn back time.


Darien opened his door half an hour after Serena was gone. He had heard her crying but she was the last person that he wanted to see. For the past week he had isolated himself from everyone because the last image of his mother had haunted him every moment. He was just quiet not uttering a single word. The death of his mother had brought the cheerful being to suddenly find comfort in silence.

It was now ten o'clock and all the visitors had left after their hours of "consolation". Darien suddenly had the urge to be with his father. The man was almost never home that it felt like he didn't exist. But that man who Darien barely knew was the only bit of family he had left. He remembered the past years and how his father was never there while he grew. The only thing he had known was his mother and believed that she even made up his father's part.

Through his days of childhood Darien's only memories of his father was just a temporary presence in which the family gathered together. There was always a rush to get to work, always time sacrificed away from home. The awkward formalities and hours of boredom at business parties was the personality of him that Darien was familiar with. But he didn't remember a day that was only spent on the three of them. He didn't remember ever being able to talk to his dad. He never remembered a moment that they were ever a real family.

Darien wondered if his father was lonely after what had happened. Would he always be home now that he had lost his wife? Would he try to be a better father?

The questions throbbed at his mind and he had a headache. He made his way into the hallway and was on his way to the private entrance into his father's study. He opened the door softly, trying not to disturb his father the slightest bit. He watched as his father sat at his desk quietly studying a file; having the same stern and disciplined look in his face. Darien stood in his corner still being unnoticed while the two mahogany doors that were the main entrance to the study flew open and a figure barged in.

"Lily!" His father said looking up from his work at the person in front of him. Darien watched as he saw his aunt's appearance and the fury in her eyes. "What is the meaning of this intrusion?" His father asked surprised.

"You asshole!" Lily growled "You really think that I'll let you get away with what you have done?"

"I clearly don't know what this is about." His father maintained his calm all the more surprised.

"Like hell you don't know!" Lily shouted to the confused man pounding her fists on top of his desk. "Today my sister was buried and put to eternal rest and the man behind it doesn't have a single clue why I'm here?"

His father's eyes narrowed at her accusation. "Why?" Lily asked in a soft voice that almost came out as a whimper. "Why did you cheat on her?"

Darien's head shot up in surprise at his Aunt's question. "Why couldn't you see that she loved you more than anything that she ever valued? Even me!" The tears fell from her eyes and she looked vulnerable unlike the strong and brave woman that she normally was. "I knew that this would happen… I just knew it. But seeing her so happy, I tried to forget how men are. My baby sister… my beautiful baby sister! You ruined her!" Lily pointed to the man who watched her closely.

"You ruined an angel so beautiful and talented. All those other women you went to bed with can't even hold a candle to her and yet you cheated on her just like any other son of a bitch would! You murderer! You killed her!" The woman yelled

Mr. Shield gave a long sigh "Lily… you always were coming up with one thing or another to make my reputation look bad. Now that the person you used to complain to about me is gone, you're accusing me of being responsible for her death?"

Lily was growing angrier at the way he had a calm outlook. She gave a smirk "Of course you would never confess to your doings. But don't worry about that I'll make sure I bring out your true face to the public. I'll show the world what Michael Shield really is… a lying and cheating…"

Mr. Shield cut her off from calling him another insult. "…And just how do you plan to do so." He asked looking on with fake interest.

Lily gave a sardonic chuckle "I'm sure the press would like to know what the hidden reason was behind the death of Rose. What was wrong in the perfect marriage of the Shields? Then I wouldn't mind suing you for the mental torture that you caused my sister and what drove her to her death. I won't spare you until justice is done!"

The man in front of her leaned back on his chair and had an amused look on his face. "Counselor Lily Stevenson… there is no way that you can prove that in court. You would become a derision to those that look up to you with respect. Personally I think that you have made a fool out of your self in front of me right now!"

"You bastard!" Lily said as she made a quick movement and grabbed him by the collar. But even his anger had risen when she had done so. He pried her hands off and gave her a shove which caused her to fall to the floor. She was madly drunk which was the reason that she had stumbled and fell and in the first place had given her the temper to confront him.

"You're a drunk!" Darien's father's voice was dry "You always were one and your sister happened to pick up on it. You have some nerve to tell me all that you have said."

Darien watched as the woman in the floor tried to pick her self up and defend her sister. But she was unable to get up and instead she fell down crying. "She loved you so much…why? Why? You never deserved her! You never did… but she still loved you! And I couldn't save her from you. Why did you kill her that way?" She said desperately in mourning. Darien felt the tears falling from his cheeks as he saw the woman in front of him. He wanted to cover his ears because the words that he was hearing suddenly made him feel like he was suffocating.

His legs finally found its strength and he ran out of the door that he came in through. The noise that followed after Darien was out the door had caught the attention of his father. He hadn't seen anyone leaving and wondered if the person who was there had heard the whole thing. He was distracted though as Lily spoke again as she struggled to get up.

"I always hated you Michael, for one reason or another. But today everything that I thought of you had turned out to be true." She said as she was on her two feet and turned to stare at him. "Rose is gone… forever! And when the time comes for you to realize it… it'll already be too late. I curse you Michael Shield! You'll never be able to be happy again and before you know it you'll be all alone."

With that Lily left the room leaving the man overwhelmed with the events that took place. He couldn't help but see the resemblance in Lily with his dead wife. It felt as if she was the one in front of him and had confronted him. Did she really know that he had affairs with other women before her death? He sat down at his desk once again, feeling dizzy. There it was in front of his eyes the picture of him and his wife in each other's arms. The picture was taken a long time ago even before they were married.

He took in the sight of her; her long ebony hair that had a purple shine to it and deep blue eyes. And another picture nearby was of her and Darien. Michael had to admit that all of his son's appearance had been from his wife instead of him. The thought of his son had made another worry spread across his mind. How would he raise him all alone? Rose knew about kids and how to deal with them; especially a teenager. But he hadn't had a clue on being a good parent like she did. He had a flashback to when once again he arrived home at a random hour.

After the last meeting he had he went to the bed of the offering woman who he had just signed a business contract with. But as he stood over his sleeping wife, he knew that she would never question him where he had been or who he was with. And yet it bothered him as to why she would never question anything. Years before it ate at his conscience that she would find out but there was nothing but her usual tenderness. Why did she have so much trust? He bent down and stroked her hair.

The relationship between them was falling apart and yet she still looked at him just as lovingly as she always had. It would take time for him to make it up to her and it would take time for him to change his ways. But that night he made a silent promise that he would change his ways. While he stared at her for the next hour and stroked her hair, she sensed his presence and gave him a smile.

"When did you get home?" She asked sleepily

"An hour ago." He said as he now loosened his tie.

She sat up in bed as if alarmed. "Why didn't you wake me?"

He took off his coat and sat beside her. "You looked so peaceful sleeping that I didn't have the heart to."

His wife frowned "You do know that I want to spend as much time as I can with you, right?"

He rested his head on the pillow and smiled "At two in the morning? Don't worry honey! I'll be home for two days."

"Only two days? Mike!" She complained

"What's wrong now?" He asked tiredly as he closed his eyes. She moved closer to him and rested her head on his chest.

"I know your career means a lot to you. And I'm not even asking this for myself but for Darien. You don't spend enough time with him and the two days that you're here he'll be at school." She said in a soft voice.

Mike sighed and ran his hand through her hair. "Honey, I don't think that Darien would even want to spend anytime with me! You know kids these days."

She raised her head to look at him. "That's why I said you don't spend enough time with him. If you did then you would know that he is a wonderful son! He just doesn't know you well enough."

"I'm not sure if I could take anything off of my schedule for that." He said sleepily. His wife didn't say anything else and stayed silent for the moment. He raised his head wondering why she had gone quiet. His eyes met up with hers and he sensed pain in them.

"Please Mike!" Her voice was but a whisper "You know very well that my father died when I was a little girl. Lacking his presence in my life was very painful to me. I don't want Darien to not know his father when he has one."

Mike studied his wife closely and offered her a smile. "All right!" he looked defeated "But after these two days I have to go to London for a few weeks and then I'll take a full two weeks off for both you and Darien. And that's a promise!" He told her sincerely. A smile graced her features and she rested her head once again on her husband's chest.

The weeks came and went. But he didn't keep his promise to her. He didn't take his time off for his family. But one other thing he hadn't done as well was keep on with his affairs with other women. If anything he had to start somewhere. And being faithful was his start to mend the relationship between him and his wife to an honest one. But time had caught up with him and what she might have heard was only a fragment of the past. But even if he had told her… it would have been painful but he would have had a chance to apologize.

He sighed at the picture, looking at her smile when he had held her. He suddenly wanted to hold her badly. He had always thought that she lived under his shadow but that wasn't true. A person's shadow imitated them and depended on the being's actions. But he needed her to put his arms around and drift off whenever the stress of everything had gone too far. He needed her to talk to because no one ever listened like she did. He needed to tell her that he loved her which he seldom did. Tears fell on his wife's picture as he desperately wished for her presence. Lily was right… that when he would realize that he had lost the most important and best thing that ever happened to him… it would already be too late.


Darien rushed into his room and stumbled and fell. He cursed as he hurt his leg but the anger was because of the hurt in his heart. "No!" He said to his empty room. "Please don't let it be true! Please mom, don't let it be true!" He begged staring at the ceiling. "Please don't say that you left because I couldn't be there when you most needed me! Oh god, please don't!" He said desperately curling into a ball and crying.