Chapter 7…

Another breeze passed by me and I held onto my sweater. It would only be some time till the weather starts to get warm. I waited for the traffic light to turn red so that I could cross the street. Asking the chuffer would have been easier and would have saved me from the cold. But walking to get to Darien's and back would buy me lots of time away from the house. I really didn't want Stacy to make me another project of hers.

The gates opened as I spoke to the butler. Darien's house was no different from mine; it was a huge building that suddenly pops out of nowhere. It was ironic though because these mansions were very solitary. I climbed the stairs to his bedroom to find him sitting so still and staring at something intently. I walked over to him and became concerned when my eyes fell on the object that he was contemplating. "Now a rose lies next to her grave…" the headline read with pictures of Mrs. Shields when being carried away and also of when she was lively.

Feeling my presence he looked up at me expecting me to say something but I had no words for him. "I know what you are thinking…" He said self consciously "You're thinking that this might really upset me but you're wrong!"

"Darien, don't you worry… everything will be okay!" I tried to assure him

"No, nothing will be okay… aunt Lily will never get over her plot of revenge…not once thinking how it will affect me and neither will father realize what he has done to this family!" He said intensely.

"Oh god…"He said rubbing his forehead "If Mom's memories weren't so fresh in my mind I think I would go mad!"

"Darien, what happened?" I asked wanting to know the whole story.

He sighed and relaxed for a minute then looked at me with tired eyes. "Aunt Lily came by and showed me the articles she got two magazines to publish and says that she has still a long way to go. And she also suggests that I go and live with her. She claims that she is very serious about all of this and wants me to support her all the way." I became worried at this and he noticing gave me a small smile. "Don't worry… moving in with her is not on my list of things to do. I really think that the alcohol has gotten to her brain and finally made her crack!"

I sighed in relief but stiffened again "Darien, I'm worried about you… I don't know how the stress of all of this is affecting you."

He turned away from me and walked to one of his desk and took something out. From far away I saw him taking a picture out from the family album to show me. "This was when we went boating in Venice over the summer." He said handing the picture to me. I saw both Darien and his mom beaming with smiles as the picture was taken before they were about to go under a bridge. "I remember her telling me that night that if I really wanted to know what life was about then I had to travel the world and see that no matter what kind of tragedies take place in the lives of people, they had to move on or else sorrow would conquer the world. And I remember telling her that I would never let anything keep me down. She looked at my eyes suddenly becoming serious and told me to promise her that. But I didn't think that I would have to prove it to her one day." He told me all in a whispered voice. He suddenly grasped my hand into his hold and gazed into my eyes. "Don't worry about me! You have always bought a sense of peace into my life and it has kept me going. I'll be okay… as long as I have a friend like you!"

He didn't realize the burst of emotions he had just released into me when he touched my hand. "I'm just angry that my aunt has gone crazy and is doing things are absolutely meaningless but more than that bringing back haunting memories. And Mr. Shields has suddenly decided to make phone calls to make sure I'm doing okay or send me gifts with a note to cheer me up but doesn't have the guts to face me. I really want to believe that he doesn't exist anymore!"

The last thing he said made me feel sick to my stomach. I suddenly felt really hollow inside. "That is really painful…" I heard my self say.

"What is?" He said directing his attention toward me. Then his eyes softened and I looked away from him noticing that I was tearing up. "Serena?" He asked concerned.

"To shun someone's existence is too painful." I said quietly "Sometimes it feels as if my parents really believe or wants to believe that who I am really doesn't exist. But when they have to explain my being… it brings them back to the reality that I'm such an embarrassment to them."

"That's not true!" He said incredulously

"It's the truth that I have had to live with for some years now." I said assuredly "Don't do that to anyone Darien! It hurts too much!"

His cold eyes softened as he looked into mine and I wondered what he saw in them. "I promise I won't…" he murmured "But I could never forgive him for taking away my mother!"

I didn't think anything I could have said could make him change that decision but I knew that only time could heal this wound. The sound from the grandfather watch echoed as it rang two o'clock and I remembered the appointment with Stacy. "I have to go soon… Mother has asked Stacy to fix me up for her anniversary."

"When is it?" He asked

"Tomorrow night… they are making a big deal that they got married on Valentine's Day." I said with disdain.

"I'll be there!" He said suddenly

I looked at him surprised "But… you don't even like these parties!" I reminded him.

"Neither do you!" He said "And I wouldn't abandon you in one!"

"Oh yes, of course, I forgot about the food…" I teased "how could you resist?"

He frowned "I can't believe that you would look for motives behind my support for you. It's really true that people don't understand compassion these days!"

I smiled at his complaints… it was great to have a bit of humor between us. "But you have to dress formally with a TIE!" I reminded him

"That's not so hard!" He said dazzlingly "I think I have a great sense of style!"

I giggled "Uh yeah whatever you say!" He scowled at me "I'm kidding…you look handsome in whatever you wear!"

"Oh my, Serena…" His face brightened at the thought "…your not falling in love with me, are you?"

My face paled as he said that and I had to act fast before my silence gave the answer to that question. "You wish!" I said with a forced laugh.

He eyed me suspiciously but shrugged "Hey… it could happen!"

I smirked trying to be more convincing "Think again!"

"Well… go ahead and destroy all my hopes and dreams!" He said faking disappointment. I had to smile at his sarcasm and at the irony of his words.

Watching him brought all those feeling once again to my stomach and I brought up whatever came to mind to get rid of them. "How are you doing these days?" I asked

He turned to me and gave a small smile. "Somehow I'm getting through one day after the other. Andrew and the guys really try to cheer me up at school and then there is you who is always checking on me. I don't think I'd be able to go on if it weren't for you guys. But then when I come back to the house… the emptiness just sinks in. This place that once was so lively with Mom around suddenly turned so cold and dark. It's this strange feeling of loneliness of coming home to no one. How did you manage all these years?" He asked me.

"Well…" I said to him "… I had you!" He gave a smile of understanding and I found myself once again staring at him. I really had to get a hold of myself before things went bad. Realizing the time I stood up. "I got to get home or mother will have my head!" I said as I was making myself towards the door.

"Hey… uh, Serena?" He stopped me

"Yeah?" I poked my head back in

"Listen… no matter what happens, don't let what your parents say get to you. You know who you are and you don't need anyone's approval other than your own." He said comfortingly.

"Thanks Darien!" I said as I stepped out. I sped to get the out of the cold and reach home with a bit of confidence from Darien's words. As I entered the personal office that Stacy had in the house all of that confidence seemed to melt away. I have never been here before and being here now brought a strange feeling in my stomach. There was a formal office where her desk was with shelves and filing cabinets and then there was a door that led to another room that was her private work area for her to work on designing clothes.

When Stacy was in college, she got her job as Mother's secretary after she fired the last one for reasons that I don't know of. After Stacy had shown many of her designs to Mother, she became very impressed and decided to give her the money to start a small boutique. Her boutique had its ups and downs so she remained working for Mother because of the good pay. Since then she was Mother's personal assistant and fashion designer.

"Well, hello there!" Her high pitched voice startled me out of my thoughts.

"Hi… Stacy." I tried to sound enthusiastic but could not bring myself to.

She scribbled something in her pad "I just finished with your Mother's dress. It looks absolutely gorgeous!"

"Right…" I muttered under my breath.

"You said something dear?" She looked at me expectantly but I shook my head. "Now I'll have a lot of time to do yours. But we have a lot of work to do before that, like finding what would suit someone like you." I pretended that I didn't hear that and was anxious to get this over with.

She had me sit in front of a mirror. "Okay lets first start with taking these spectacles off… it makes you look way too much older than your age!" I felt angry and bit my lip to not blow up on her. She removed them and then pulled off my hair tie. She brushed my hair with her long nails as it fell down to my hips. My emotions went from anger to misery watching her 'fix' me up. Everything that I had tried to forget all these years flooded back to my memory. How Mother had always disapproved of me and what not. Even Darien's words couldn't reassure me.

"Wow, now we are getting somewhere… you naturally have some potential!" She said studying me but I kept my eyes away from the mirror. "I think I know just the kind of dress that you would look adoring in." With this she took my measurements and assured me that she would have something great for me to wear tomorrow. She also said that she would do my make up and accessories and that my Mother would be very proud.

I took in everything she had to say and marched up to my room then fell onto my bed, burying my face in the pillow. It was a habit of mine when I truly wanted to disappear at times. I pulled up the covers to complete the process and lay there silently sobbing. 'Why do they do this to me? Am I that horrible that they can't even consider the way I would feel? Couldn't they love me once for who I am?'

The thoughts ran frantically through my mind and I knew I could never get those questions answered. There was a small tap at my door and then the sound of someone walking in. "Miss Serena…guess what I have for you." I heard Susanne say in a soft voice. "I have your favorite cookie dough ice cream!"

Her voice was an echo in the silence. "Miss Serena?" She asked again.

"Don't even try!" I said and my voice sounded muffled "Go away… please…I really want to be alone!"

There wasn't even a protest, she just left like that. And I was left to feel guilty about the way I spoke to her. Susanne had always tried to mend the relationship between me and my parents but her efforts were all futile. I had always wanted them to accept me as who I am. Why was it so hard for them? It was as hard as it was hard for me to change into a whole different person. For that moment I felt so weak and tried of fighting the truth. My mind kept uttering for years to give in and that everything would be okay. At this moment I had decided that I would give in and sobbed more into the pillow wet with my tears.

I really did give in. I gave in to Stacy cutting my hair three inches shorter and layering it. And to her plucking my eyebrows that hurt like hell but I sat without any emotions in front of her. She sat in front of me for about half an hour drawing all over my face with make up and her tongue sticking half way out of her mouth. But I just didn't want to be rude and say that it bothered me if she drooled anywhere near me. It wasn't my place to judge others but everyone thought they had a right to judge me. And I didn't want to fight it anymore.

"Okay… time to put on the dress!" Stacy said handing me the satin red dress which had a red rayon fabric chest and was fairly decent and the rest of the dress onwards was a red satin. I stared at it. "Well, come on, we don't have all day!" Stacy said to me and I headed for the dressing room.

Pulling the dress over my neck I stepped out. Stacy came and gave me a big hug. "I had no idea it would turn out this good!" I pulled away feeling too awkward. "Here are your shoes." She said as she revealed two red shoes that looked like they were ready to kill someone's feet.

"You have anything more comfortable?" I asked after my first glance at it.

"You haven't even put it on yet!" She pointed out.

"The pain is very palpable already." I said looking at my feet.

"Well, beauty is pain." She said as she went to open the door.

"Pain that is voluntary, I never asked for it." I said before she could reach for the knob.

She gave out a laugh. "Who said you get a say… because you are in the higher social status, you have an image to live up to!" It was very nonchalant to her, or was I just from a different planet? "So I don't get a thank you or anything?" She suddenly asked

I stared at her coldly. "Thank you Stacy… for making me realize how ugly I was!"

There was a frown on her face. "Teenagers like you get on my nerves… what is youth about if you don't spend it looking gorgeous?"

"I have a tendency not to judge others that way. And I can't stand shallowness!" I said back bitterly to her.

"Well it's a real shame then…" she said in a mocking way "…from now to the rest of your life you gotta live up to the expectations of others. Learn it now before you learn it the hard way later!" She said and opened the door. Her words sank into me.

Mother was walking by but stopped as she saw me. I could see the surprise and satisfaction in her eyes.

"My god Stacy, you've done a wonderful job!" She exclaimed admiring me like an object.

"It's my pleasure Mrs. Tsukino, I was wondering if you would let me have the honor of designing more clothing for her." Stacy said as I could see her eyes held the hope of profit.

"Stacy you have my permission to make her whole wardrobe, I have never seen my little girl this beautiful and its all thanks to you!" Mother said very pleased and I was surprised that mother called me her little girl.

"I'll leave you guys alone and get myself ready for the party as well!" She said as she stepped out and father stepped inside at the same time.

Father's expression was soft. "My, Serena I almost didn't recognize you there honey!"

I think I was going crazy… how could two people change so much in one night? A slight noise at the door turned to all of our attention. I saw Susanne at the door and after she had one glance I could see in her eyes the regret for coming in. "I'm sorry to interrupt, please do excuse me, I'll come back later!"

"Susanne…" Mother stopped her and put an arm around me smiling. "Doesn't my daughter look wonderful?"

I looked up to see Susanne's expression and her eyes were filled with sorrow as she looked at me and she gave a subtle smile. "Well… hasn't she always?"

The smile from Mother's lips faded and there was a tension in the room but Susanne broke it. "Do excuse me!" She said as she turned to leave.

"Well!" Mother said changing the subject. "Dear, we should go and entertain the guest about now!" she said to father slipping her arm through his and then to me. "Don't take long in coming down Serena! I can't wait for them to meet you." With this they both left.

After they were gone I looked at the mirror for the first time. I didn't recognize the person in front of me. It wasn't as if I looked horrible but I felt this deep sorrow because this person wasn't me. My parents chose her over me, they wanted her as their daughter not the real me. And these thoughts couldn't stop the tears that I saw falling. I went to the staircase to get a view of the party. Laughter echoed and music faded into the background. I saw father and mother descend into that world of lavish and wealth as they joked with the guest and had a good laugh here and there. Someone hugging me from behind distracted my thoughts. I turned around to see my nine year old brother back from boarding school and giddy as ever to see me. "Sis I missed you so much!" He squealed.

I forced a smile at him. "I missed you too Sam!" I said hugging him back.

"I have so much to tell you! You know how you said that if I tried to like studying than I can become good at it? Well after I scored two home runs in baseball I thought I could do anything and everything and I studied hard too and passed all my classes with A's." He said to me all in one breath. For Sam who was struggling in boarding school it was a big accomplishment.

"I'm proud of you Hun!" I said patting him on the back.

He gave a big grin and then stopped to study me. "Sis you look really pretty!"

"Really?" I asked sad that he approved as well.

"Yeah! I think you should stay this way!" he said with vigorous energy.

"Sam…are you coming or not?" Two boys called from the other side of the hallway.

"I'm coming!" Sam ran away from me to go to his room to play video games for the duration of the party. God I was jealous of him at times!

"Serena, come down here dear!" Mother called to me from downstairs. "This is my lovely daughter Serena." Mother put an arm around me while introducing me to one of her clients. "She's at the top of her class!" Things like this came out of both the mouths of Mother and Father when introducing me. "My daughter is very talented! Honey why don't you play my favorite piece on the piano for us? I had your piano brought down just for that!"

I looked back at mother without any emotions. Everything they said and the way they acted was killing me inside. I hated this new face that they put on with such shallowness. But I felt myself only become hard… crying somewhere inside of me from this confusing situation. I knew though that I would never let anyone see me cry, definitely not my parents. I decided to let them have it… the lie that I was what they wanted to see. I walked over to the piano and noticed a silence overcoming the audience as they fixed their attention on me. I picked up the microphone that was focused on the piano and looked toward mother and father who were both beaming with smiles. "This is dedicated to my parents for a joyous 15 year anniversary." I said and then put the microphone back as I took a seat next to the piano taking a deep breath. I felt a surge of energy and anger rush over my whole body as I placed my hands on the keys. 'A comme amour' by Richard Clayderman had me lost on to a different place.


Darien was dressed in a black suit with a blue shirt underneath and a red tie. He went to Andrew to get his tie right. It was always an obstacle for him and since he had promised Serena then it must be kept, there was no exception on that to his conscience. He walked past the other guests that were just coming in and found himself in the large hall of the Tsukino's. He sighed remembering parties like this ever since he was young and had an understanding of what Serena might be going through. He went over to get himself a drink before he went to meet Serena. As he poured himself a glass of punch he heard the Orchestra sound off and everyone drifting to a silence.

He went over to see what it was that people were waiting for. He saw a figure sitting next to the piano that he gave as a gift to Serena and that person looked nothing like her. Out of curiosity he circled around in order to get a glimpse of this blonde girl. She took in a sigh and opened her eyes to reveal a pair of eyes that he had know so well. They were filled with such sadness as she started off slowly with a sweet melody. It was romantic and beautiful how soft her fingers traveled the keyboard. The tune kept on and then changed into a more deep sound as she played only the left hand on the bass clef. He kept his eyes on her being awed by her as was everyone else in the room. The music suddenly picked up getting faster by each second. He noticed the anger in her eyes as she moved rapidly across the keys. She looked beautiful and the pain in her eyes was all too visible for him. He had an idea of what might have happened and felt a tug at his heart wanting to comfort his dear friend.

The music came to a soft ending and he saw the tears that slid down the side of her cheeks. The last note still echoed into the walls and she wiped her tears before getting up. The music had moved her as it moved him. "Bravo! Bravo!" He heard her parents say as they went to hug her. She didn't hug them back and her eyes were cold. He stayed afar and observed her. The Orchestra started up again and the conversations climbed its heights. He decided it was better not to go up to her. There would be nothing more embarrassing to her… maybe if he waited until the guests were gone. At a given opportunity he saw her slip away from the crowd of people and disappear up the stairs.

He waited a little while when the last bit of guests were gathering their belongings and was on their way to the door. There was laughter in the huge room coming from Mrs. Tsukino who was obviously drunk. Mr. Tsukino supported her with one of his shoulder. "Darling, if you're this drunk how will you be able to see the fireworks I had planned for you?"

"Sweetie I'm only seeing a bit blurry…I'm not drunk! God I've not had this much fun in a long time!" She said from the side affects of drinking the whole night. 'Fun is not part of their vocabulary' he recalled Serena once telling him that.

"Well this was to celebrate how well you did on the last case!" Mr. Tsukino said putting his arms around her.

"And what about that merger that went so well with you?" She asked

"That too!" He said as he was about to kiss her but she stopped him as something distracted her.

"What are you doing here Darien?" She asked of the figure behind her husband

"I'm sorry Mrs. Tsukino, I was just on my way to meet Serena. I hope I'm not being a bother." He said as he saw Mr. Tsukino move away from her.

"This late…are you planning on sleeping over again?" She asked as she tried to focus on one of him.

"Well go ahead Darien… don't let us keep you!" Mr. Tsukino said as he dragged his wife along with him. "Honey… let them be… the fireworks are about to go off in about five minutes. We have to have all the lights turned off!"

Darien paid no attention to them as he made his way up the stairs. Before he could make it to Serena's room the lights went off and within seconds the sound of fireworks could be heard. He opened the door hoping that he didn't trip into something but he didn't have to worry because the full moon illuminated the room. Her balcony doors were open which let the moon light in. "Serena?" he called but there was no response. "Serena?" He asked again a bit concerned.

"I'm here!" He heard a voice coming from the balcony to where she stood with her back facing him. He came up right next to her and stared at her while her eyes were fixed on the fireworks that went off in the night sky. There were multiple colors bursting in the air. "This is my father's present to mother. It's grand and sophisticated isn't it?" She asked him self consciously. "This is the life isn't it, where people pretend to be something that they aren't." She said as she turned to him for the first time and he noticed that she was crying.

"Oh Serena…" He sympathized with her.

"I pretend to be this beautiful, intelligent and talented girl that they are proud of. And they pretend to be parents who show so much affection and care for me." She said to him and the pain in her eyes was more than visible to him. There was a silence that passed over the two of them. "Sometimes I wonder Darien…" She said after a while. "If I truly was like this everyday… would they truly love me a lot more… would they be home more and be there for me more?"

"I know it doesn't make much sense but I have no one else but myself to blame…" She looked into his eyes "…that all this time it wasn't our relationship that was wrong but it was me that was wrong."

"Why would you think that?" He asked

She gave a long sigh "I don't know…" And then turned to him giving him a sad smile. "I look a lot better this way don't you think? Even Sammy thinks so!"

He decided not stay quiet anymore. He got really close to her and stared at her. After the first minute she became intimidated by this. "What?" She asked softly wondering what it was that he was thinking.

He gave a small smile. "You know you do look beautiful!"

What should have been a compliment that would have had her floating on air made her want to sink beneath the floor because he had never thought of her that way before until now. He noticed as her face suddenly was engulfed into more sorrow. He took her hand and she looked up at him. "Come… I want to show you something." He said as he pulled her along with him. He was in front of her dressing table feeling around for a scrunchie and her glasses, which he was both successful at. He grabbed a hand mirror that he found surprisingly and then led her back to the balcony where it was easy to see. "Okay… don't ask any questions and just do what I say!"

She was dumbfounded with his sudden burst of energy and decided not to ask anything. "Turn around!" He ordered and she listened. He grabbed the whole of the hair from the back and tied it with the scrunchie.

"Ouch!" She complained when a part of it was pulled.

"Sorry… now turn back around!" He said as he had finished. When she did with a look of curiosity he smiled to reassure her. He brought up the glasses that he put in his pocket. He gently put it on her and she was more surprised then ever. He moved a strand of hair that was being blown in front of her face with the soft wind and sighed. "I want to show you the most beautiful person in the world. You want to see?" He asked almost teasingly. He picked up the hand mirror that he put on the balcony railings and held it in front of her.


I looked at the person reflected in the mirror. The real reflection of who I am and looked up at him still confused. "But that is only me."

He gave a genuine smile. "Exactly! The most beautiful person I have ever seen."

His words made me confused and all these emotions climbed into me that I didn't understand. I guess he understood what I was going through because he reached out and took hold of my hand and then looked into my eyes. "You are the kindest person I know. You are intelligent, thoughtful and hold deep perception." He gave my hand a bit of a squeeze which made my heartbeats race. "Yours smiles are warm and brightens up someone's day. But your friendship and love for others is the most sincere thing I have seen because it comes from your heart. I could go on Sere but I think you understand what I'm saying. You are most beautiful when you are you, my sweet and most innocent Sere."

He released my hand and gave a sigh. "And I don't care what anyone says you should never change! Neither do you need to change this illuminating light around you that reflects because of your pure heart."

I stared at him and couldn't stop the tears that fell and tried to look away before he could notice them. But I failed and he brought up my chin forward with his fingers. I saw his eyes soften "Don't cry!" He said as he wiped the tears. "You know how I get when I see people cry! Especially you!"

I had to laugh at that. He can't control his tears either when he sees the tears of others. I stopped as I felt a lump in my throat and I wanted to cry again with him in front of me. I wanted him to take me in his embrace and soothe me. But I couldn't bring my self to reach out and hold him. I heard him sigh again. "Is it okay Serena, if I slept over again?" He asked in a shy manner. "The lonely mansion is sometimes a bit haunting."

I could only nod. Words didn't escape from my lips and I was scared to talk in fear of letting my secrets slip. He touched my cheeks with one of his hands and I closed my eyes feeling the comfort in it. When I opened my eyes I saw that he was gone and the lights came back on. The room that he was in is adjoined to mines. And I put my ear next to the wall to hear his movements. I heard the opening of the closet door to where he kept his clothes because he slept over there so often and then it closing. A few minutes later I heard the switching off of the lights. I changed as well into my pajamas and got one look at myself in the mirror suddenly liking the person that I saw than I ever had with a strange ecstasy.

Turning off the lights I laid on my back with eyes wide open and far from sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about his words and how handsome he had looked. That day on the roof I remember the feelings that I suddenly acquired for him. But today it was different. He looked much different. It was as if I had never laid eyes on him before. How the moon shone in his eyes looked so beautiful to me. Had I really been blind before not to notice that? But Susanne's words echoed in my mind. No, I hadn't been blind and he wasn't any different in reality. The truth was that he now held the deepest part of my heart. I got up from the restlessness and looked at the balcony doors from where the moon light shone. As if it was beckoning me I got up and opened the doors and the cool air rushed past me. I walked toward the railings and rested my hands on it staring at the full blue moon. I felt calm and serene in the solitude of the night.

The balcony was long and connected to both my room and the one Darien was staying in. I started toward his balcony doors and looked in only to see that I couldn't get a good glimpse of him. I slowly turned the knob and found that the door was unlocked and tiptoed inside coming closer towards him to where he was sleeping. I stopped by his bed and knelt down. I could hear his deep breathing and the rise and fall of his chest. I wanted to put my ear there and listen to his heartbeats. But I couldn't get myself to because I was so nervous even while he was asleep. His face was so close to mine. It had this angelic glow to it that I only saw in him. And in watching him I couldn't stop the tears that escaped my eyes. "God… I love you… I love you so much!" The words escaped and faded into the darkness.

When I saw him stirring I decided that it was best he didn't find me here crying out to him and started towards the balcony again. He suddenly sat up in bed. "Hello?" He asked the darkness searching for someone. "I thought I heard someone crying!" He said and a shiver ran through him. As he realized the balcony doors were open he got up and closed them. He laid his head down again. "Me and my imagination!" he said to himself and drifted back to sleep.

I was breathing hard as I pressed my back to the wall away from the door. He had felt my presence there. It was strange to be hiding from your best friend, the one person that knows you so well. There was an aching in my heart and I touched the glass of the door which had Darien on the other side. It was an aching that hurt so much because I had just fallen in love with my best friend and I didn't know what to do. I stood there for sometime with my back leaning on the glass and returned to my bed after a while.

I was wide awake for hours thinking only about him. How would I ever tell him? What would he say? Maybe he would laugh it off thinking it was only a joke which would kill me inside. Maybe I had always loved him from the moment I had met him and hadn't realized it till now. He was my only companion when I was alone. The only one that really cared and was by my side all of these years. Tears ran down to the sides of my cheeks as I knew that if I told him, it would change everything about us. Neither I nor he was ready for love. And I wondered how many years I would have to wait. Countless days, nights and moments, till he is in my arms. Yet I couldn't picture it… him holding me that way. I cried a little more until slumber had taken over me.

I think that was the longest chapter I had so far. I'm extremely sorry that I had taken so long to post this up and hopefully it won't take that long to get the other chapters up. Please do review because I'm only 16 and a junior in high school and I have very little experience in writing. Your criticism and advice will help me out a lot. See you guys until the next update…April 1st 2005.