Hey guys I understand I am doing a hell of a lot of cliff hangers here but I hope your not too angry :P Okay I'm sorry I am always being slack with my updates but I been too obsessed with Full Metal Alchemist (Anime) to do anything at the moment all I can do is stare at Edward, but now I just finished watching the series and although I'm pissed the movie aint coming out for ages and it was the biggest cliff hanger, I will some how manage (ED IS SO HOT) Sorry just had to say that
Message to Steel: (MWAH) you are a brilliant English freak I have decided and I am so proud to have you as my editor, you did a brilliant job, but a lot of my careless mistakes where things I had over-looked in my editing as I usually do… I have something else to say to you but I will laeve it for the email, I thank whoever it us up in the sky for you. You are my saviour (Kiss, hug) hope you become something, you have talent my boy.
Trivia
Question: Favourite Anime?
My answer: OMG I have like so many, but nothing compares to FMA, OMG man but the list goes on so I am not going to bother. Watch Appleseed (animation is great) See I download all my anime, so I had Appleseed like ages ago lol, but it's an old anime that's been redone so yeah, I recommend it if your into animation and stuff. (I'm just an anime freak)
Chapter Twenty-Five: A Lifetime Without Me
I watched as she placed the noose loosely around her neck; she was so comfortable with the situation that it scared me. I held onto tightly to the roses she had rebelliously chucked me and I was smiling inside as she had done, disrespecting Yevon for her independence was something I had come to love. Almost instinctively she smiled at me and I must have had some distressed look on my face but I was too distressed to notice. I dug my hands into the roses tighter; ignoring the blood that the thorns were drawing from my fingers. She smiled at me again ever so peacefully. Damn Yuna! Why was she so happy about this?
"I know you probably all don't want a speech, but these are my last words… and I only expect one man to hear me out after all we have been through. The rest of you may do whatever you wish to do. Whether you choose to hear me out or not is your decision, because… I don't deserve it." Yuna looked back up at me and I gave her my best attention, trying hard to hold myself down. She looked so beautiful… and I loved her so much… I knew I had power over this situation, since my father had merely become a spectator over the issue. It wasn't like he wanted to see Yuna die either, but he didn't want to make an exception for her just because of her background, and I was starting to wonder if my father had a much closer connection to the woman than I knew. Slowly, I felt myself forget about what she had done in the past, only wishing to live with her in the future, but the other part of me was cutting myself up into little pieces for thinking that… Even though I knew Mark would want it, he would want me to forgive her, saying it is a soldier's duty to take commands, just like he had done in the past, and just like Yuna said she had done.
"I have done some terrible things in my lifetime, but I also have had a fair share of terrible things happen to me and I don't expect sympathy. I have been taken advantage of and manipulated by a man I used to feel so close too… and it resulted in the death of the wonderful man Mark even though I… did it for a reason… but that is all behind me… and I only hope the man who did what he did to my mother has also mended his old ways and I forgive him! But then I met Tidus and he did change me, Tidus healed my own ways, I beg my pardon, Praetor Tidus sorry." Yuna laughed at the shocked expressions on the faces in the crowd, although I really didn't think her not calling my by my proper name "Praetor" was what they were so shocked about.
"He gave me the blessing of love, and I will never forget it and now I just wanted to say…" Yuna looked up at me, and I was already about to burst. Her tear filled eyes provoked a fear deep inside of me I never knew I had. "Thank you for being so gracious with me, and I love you." The crowed suddenly gasped and some of the women were crying even harder than Yuna was, and I stood up from my chair angrily, that was it I couldn't take it any more. Did Yuna really think she could manipulate me with her soft words? Was she trying to make me feel guilty when she was the one who should be feeling guilt? I huffily turned my back and began to walk off down the stairs, following the path that would lead me out of the palace walls. I just wasn't able to handle it anymore. I was going to run away like a scared little boy because I couldn't watch her die… and I admitted that.
"Wait, Tidus." Yuna said desperately as I reached the bottom of the stairs. I froze and waited for her to continue. "I just have one more favour to ask I am about to die, and if you have any decency, you will grant my one last wish… I just ask that you let me apologize, Tidus… forgive me." She stopped, and I heard the soft sound of her heels walking towards the edge, since the crowd had gone completely silent, I could almost hear her heart beating with fear, and with each passing second I became more and frantic till the intensity of the moment became too much to handle.
"STOP!" I yelled, turning around abruptly. As I wished, everyone had frozen, even the guard who had a sword to Yuna's back, forcing her to walk forward. To add to the whole dramatic scene my father began to look at me with surprise, but also with one of the most softest looks filled with pride I had ever seen radiate from his eyes.
I pushed my way through the crowd, knocking several people over in the process, but I didn't care because all I could think about was Yuna's word. My dream… I remembered it. Her with the rope around her neck begging ever so sadly for me to forgive her… I had dreamt of this, because I was a stupid idiot who would let it get to this point. I climbed up the platform only wanting to get to her. The crowed all watched the drama that looked like it was out of a movie silently and intently and I hope they were treasuring this moment, because they would never see it again. I finally reached her, panting for breath, realising how much stress I had put on my body in the process to get to her, not to mention I hadn't slept at all last night, and finally I took her in my arms, loosening the rope almost instantly. She looked up at me with fears and tears in her eyes.
"Yuna, I forgive you," I said loudly, grasping her upper arms in my hands. The crowd started to cheer, and I pushed her away into the guard, not wanting to anyone to get the wrong idea. This wasn't some fairytale with a happy ending. Yes I couldn't watch her die because I loved her so much, but for me and Yuna, there was no future.
I looked at her coldly as the Yevonites grasped her. The last thing I wanted was to get her hopes up as well. This seemed to hurt her so much that I wanted to take the hurtful deed back, but the anger at her was still dormant in my stomach. Even though I couldn't watch her die, I didn't think I could bring myself to be with her. "Take her away, the hanging is off," I said, turning away. I heard her kick and scream with a fuss and tried my best to ignore it as we went in opposite directions.
"WHY, TIDUS?" She screamed furiously, crying and sobbing in the distance. More men came to the Yevonite's aid since he was having serious trouble holding Yuna down. "I LOVE YOU!" She yelled again. I could hear the fuss behind me, and all I could do about it was turn around with a worried look on my face. I knew it wasn't like Yuna to give up without a fight, but she must have been serious if she was doing a good job of fighting 5 men off. "IF YOU'RE JUST GOING TO THROW ME BACK INTO PRISON YOU MAY AS WELL KILL ME, LET ME GO!" she said shouted to the men with frustration, and in her determination she finally broke free, running back to the noose. "I will die! I don't want to spend one more day without you, I have nothing!" Yuna jumped over the edge, only to be caught in my arms. "NO TIDUS LET ME GO!" Yuna screamed, her hair falling out in the process. I threw her back to the now-large crowd of Yevonites waiting to take her away, feeling the energy run through my body from having her in my arms once again. If it was possible to freeze time and just hold her without anyone else knowing, I knew I would want to hold her forever. She screamed some more, but all I could do was sigh. I tried my best to hide my tears from the crowd. I was supposed to be a leader. But suddenly, a woman walking up to me caught my attention.
She instantly struck me as a warrior with bad taste for armour, since she could easily be pierced in her most vulnerable spots, such as her stomach. But her complete black outfit did have style to it, and the girl just seemed to ooze a stoic sort of personality. Her hair was cut short and shone a silvery sort of colour in the sunlight, and she had piercing red eyes which pinned me to the spot. She walked up to me gracefully and held up her hand, bringing it down to my cheek with force.
"You're a disgusting pig. Do you even know what she has been through? She changed herself for you and it's a miracle the poor girl is even sane after some of the emotional torture she has endured, you aren't even decent enough to look her in the eye, yet you would stop her sentence against her wishes when she doesn't want to live her painful life anymore. Yuna must have thought meeting you was a blessing well, I see it as her damnation. I have never met another man more pig-headed and arrogant! She killed your best friend, so what? She was merely a puppet, but you don't realise that, do you? You send hundreds of soldiers off every day to do what Yuna did. If you want to be condemning anyone it should be Gippal!" the woman said infuriated. I froze… too much information being planted on my head and too much pain in my cheek…Gippal?
"If there is anyone that should be rotting in the farplane it's you, and I hope you never gain control over Spira, disgusting," she snorted "Put the poor girl out of her misery. If you're not going to open your eyes and see her true colours, you should be ashamed of yourself, Jecht, for raising this thing!" The woman walked away, leaving me emotionally naked in front of all those people who were gazing at me with mock horror, but maybe the truth was that she was right… a puppet. Yuna had said she had been used many times, and I think it was just about time for me to hear the real story from her.
I ran with all my might to her jail cell, dismissing the guards, watching her sadly as she cried with her head down. "Please bring me a gun!" Yuna yelled out to which I presumed she thought were the guards. "BRING ME A YEVON DAMNED GUN." The sound of her pained voice drove me almost insane and I started to wonder who was right.
"Yuna…" I opened the cell door quietly and closed it behind me. It scared me how much the girl was obsessed with suicide; she was so obsessed that I was starting to realise how much of a painful past she'd had. She had told me so many times that she'd had nothing but a hurtful life until I came along. It was the same for me. She had set me free, shown me something worth living for, and perhaps we were both just two lost souls that needed each other. I stood and watched her cry her heart out into her pillow, not finding it appropriate to ask her anything now.
"It's me; I just wanted to tell you that you're free to go…" I said, placing a hand on her bare shoulder. I flinched since I had forgotten just how smooth her skin felt under my hands, just how perfect it felt when we touched each other. Well, it was impossible to envision since she was pure perfection. She lifted her head, sniffing a couple of times. Her make up was still almost perfect yet a little run, and running down her lips was blood, stained down from her lips to her chin from what I presumed was one of the guards she had violently bitten in her haste to get free. It was a light strand but went down to her neck, almost giving the impression of a pale vampire… somehow it looked beautiful. She wiped her mouth, sensing me staring at the blood, and looked up.
"I-I can go?" Yuna asked, somewhat happily.
"Yeah…" I said, relived she wasn't yelling at me.
"You're going to come with me, right?" Yuna said, grabbing my hand slightly insanely.
"Yu… I think it would be best if we just forgot about each other… go, live and get married to some other man, and I'll…" She already started to look hurt so I didn't finish the sentence and sighed. I knew I couldn't forget Yuna; I knew that… and there was no way I would ever be able to love another… time wouldn't be able to heal these wounds, and I knew it was the same for Yuna… the truth was that we belonged together, even if we were damned from the start.
She stood up slowly and walked past me without a second glance, tears streaming down her beautiful face. I turned around to stare at her back longingly and painfully as she opened the door and felt my own share of tears as well in my eyes. "You fucked me up good, Tidus," she whispered, walking out. I looked back at her with hurt. "Actually, I think I am more fucked up now than I was in the beginning, congratulations," She slapped me across the face in the exact spot that mysterious woman had. Although the pain was immense I just held my face softly. I deserved it.
I just couldn't bring myself to be with Yuna after everything I knew, even if she was merely controlled. Even thought I knew I didn't really care about the fact she had done it, that I just cared that my best friend was gone, even if I didn't blame Yuna, that attitude made me want to vomit, and I had to keep myself away from her for the sake of my best friend. "I won't forgive you for stopping that hanging. Now I have to do it myself." Yuna stood against the wall, closing her eyes and running her fingers through her hair. "I love you… you know that right?" she whispered.
"I love you too Yuna. That's why I don't want you to go and kill yourself, and if you force me to, I am going to lock you up in this cell so you don't do anything like that," I said, also feeling down. Why couldn't I just be with her? Why were we so far apart yet so close? I couldn't deal with it much longer, and I knew she couldn't either. We were making things so damn complicated when it could be so simple:
"I love you," she repeated again, a little louder.
"Yuna, don't do this to me…" I said, taking a step towards her. Her lips seemed so enticing as she said those most treasured words to me.
"Tidus, tell me something, how do you feel when you think about being apart from me for eternity? How did you feel last night when you went to sleep?" she asked, moving closer to me while pinning me against the bars. "Did your bed feel empty without crazy Yuna sleeping topless in it? Tell me, did you long for my touch? Did you dream about making love to me? Did you reach out to me, only to find I wasn't there?" She ran her hands down my chest and I looked away from her as she placed kisses on my neck. "Did you miss this, Tidus?" she whispered, her kisses so soft and warm. I wanted to cry out with happiness as her lips ran over my skin, knowing it was something I had missed, but I contained myself and merely moaned, closing my eyes gently. "You almost died last night, Tidus, didn't you? You felt so empty, DIDN'T YOU?" she shouted. I opened my eyes and shook her off me. Standing to the side while holding my now-tingling neck, the first thing I wanted to know was how she knew exactly everything I felt, dreamed, and longed for last night. "Multiply that emptiness by a lifetime, Tidus. Do you really want to live without me?" she asked, taking a step closer.
I thought on her question, and she was right, it was the most painful thing I could imagine, the thought of her being with another man hurting me even more… "I'm sorry, Yuna… I have to go." I walked away from her, not wanting to hurt her any more… I had lost all her trust, I had broken my promise, and now it was not her who was undeserving. It was me. Things had been screwed up way out of proportion and this battle we were trying to fight to hold onto our love had changed everything.
"By the way, everything you said was true… I almost died last night," I shouted back to Yuna, my voice echoing through the corridors as I once again left her standing there… alone.
Saturn Stars
