Disclaimer: No, I don't own this….sobs in her cold and lonely corner…coughlosercoughcough

This chapter is dedicated to Bob the Builder: Hmmmm, your suggestion is quite interesting….evil cackle

Chapter 8: Artificial Happiness, is that really wrong?

Sasuke NEEDED some drugs. Anti-depressants, crystal meth., rohipnol (you know, the date rape drug.) several crates of cough syrup, he didn't care, just so long as he could get high as a kite.

Seriously, Sasuke was not normally a druggie, but the horribleness that is garden gnomes was following him everywhere he went. He saw those damn things everywhere, especially the abomination named Jasper. Tsunade, how dare she? He would never have suspected her to be that evil. Maybe her stupid pig, but never her. Well, I guess it's always the ones you least expect.

Sasuke grabbed his crutches and limped over to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. AHA! Here it was! The old bottle of cough syrup! He examined the bottle, and what great luck he had. The cough syrup was 3 years past its expiration date. Why get high when you can just overdose on perfectly good prescription drugs? He looked up at the rest of the contents of the medicine cabinet. He had always wondered what those pretty pink pills were for…

Naruto was almost done, just one more…annnnnd he was finished. If he ever had to see another envelope again, he would raze this town to the ground. He had never before realized how boring missions were without Sasuke. There was no one here to challenge him or for him to compete against. Even something as tedious as envelope stamping/sealing could be interesting. He hated to admit, but he missed his rival.

"Mou, Naruto, what are doing, aren't you doooone yet?" The pink haired girl appeared behind him.

He looked over at Sakura. He didn't really like her any more, ever since he had discovered her 'Inner Sakura.' Man, talk about multiple personality disorders.

Sakura continued whining about how much this mission sucked, probably trying to make small talk to fill the silence. Naruto couldn't wait to ditch this popsicle stand and go check on Sasuke. Ever since he saw Sasuke's reaction when he showed him the gnome Tsunade-baba gave him. Such good fun!

He turned to leave and Sakura grabbed his arm before he could escape.

"Mou, Naruto, Are…are you going to …to Sasuke's house?"

"Ummm, yes." He replied.

" Um, could... could you give these to Sasuke-kun…uhh bye-bye now!" Sakura fled from embarrassment.

'Hmmm' Naruto examined the contents of the brown paper bag. There were cookies of all kind, but most important of all, there were his favorite, chocolate chip. He knew he shouldn't but couldn't help but shove a couple in his mouth on the way to Sasuke's.

"Hhhhey there shexy! Youse is finally hoooome giggles ensue

OH. MY. GOD! Was this…'thing' in front of him really Sasuke? What the hell! Was this some kind of sick joke?

"Trashhhhhhhhhh CAAAAAAAAN! Wheeeee!" another out burst from the boy just scared the shit out of Naruto. Seriously, what the hell was going on, was this apocalypse or something?

Then Naruto noticed all the pill bottles in front of Sasuke. 'Well, doesn't that just explain everything! So I guess whenever Sasuke has some free time, he goes and does drugs…' And then he noticed the charred remains of his beloved garden gnome in the corner…and where did those stockings come from? Wow, Sasuke is a flaming transvestite! Holy crap!

"Jasper! How could you!sob" The poor defenseless gnome, scorched and broken in the corner. What had he done to deserve such vile treatment?

"heh heh, I tink is thime fo' shome more pillsh heh heh heh." Sasuke reached for the only not-empty pill bottle.

Naruto slapped his hand away and cleared the bottles away. "You stay right here while I go get you some help!" Naruto was scared, VERY scared of this new side of Sasuke.

"Sasuke nooo needed hhhhhelp!" He whined.

"Right."

'I hope Tsunade-baba will know what to do!'

"Alright, where is Sasuke?" Tsunade asked as she entered the Uchiha mansion.

"Ahnd den dere waz dis mhan wid some whacked-out hair, giggles …hair"

Sasuke was just where Naruto left him, but now he was talking to thin air.

"Ahnd den he shaid..."

It was obvious he had been mixing meds.

"Ahnd it whas shooo coool"

And now he was very lucid...

"Sho I shays tooo dat bashtard..."

And spouting all his well-kept secrets...

" Ahnd den he sho totally pullsh out dis huuuugh..."

And all of this was prefect blackmail material..

Tsunade had an idea, a maliciously evil idea that would scar the poor boy from ever doing this type of thing ever again

"Naruto, get me a tape recorder and a camera, it's petty revenge time" She said mysteriously.

"Huh" said Naruto.

'Dobe' she thought. "Well, you see, what we're gonna do whispers incoherently... You see"

"Great! This way I can avenge Jasper"

"Jasper, what happened to Jasper" Naruto pointed to the charred remains in the corner.

"He did that to Jasper! THIS BITCH IS GOING DOWN"

Rants: Sorry about not updating in like forever, but I have had a bitch-load of midterms and project thingys to do. Gomen!

To all my reveiwers: I love you all, even the Flamers! Seriously though, if you are gonna complain about my grammar, why don't you tell me what I am doing wrong so that I can fix it! I don't really need unhelpful criticism from other people, since my English teacher reminds me almost everyday anyways.

Yet again, Sorry about the uber-late update, and I'll try to get another one out soon!