Disclaimer: Neither of us owns anyone who is in need of counseling. Please don't sue us, lest we feel the need to join our own group. Warning – the rating of this chapter had to go up due to Skywise's perverted mouth.

A New Member?

The next week, the Copper Kettle filled with elves once more. "Welcome once more, all." Dalamar was once again leading the group, as it was on his home world. "Today, we're going to have a special treat. One of our own members is going to give a lecture on how he's coping with his problem. Skywise?" He sat, and Skywise began to rise.

Suddenly, the door burst open, and an odd looking creature came in. He was really short, with wrinkly skin, a carrot nose, huge ears, and what appeared to be sackcloth as a primitive outfit. "Is Dobby late? Master didn't give Dobby permission to leave, so it took Dobby forever to sneak out." At this, the odd creature started to bash his head against one of the tables, yelling vehemently: "Bad Dobby! Bad! Bad!"

One of the twins pulled him away. "Are you sure you're in the right place, uh, Dobby? This is the Elven Support Group for Abused and Mistreated Elves. Maybe you're in the wrong inn? Because I'm pretty sure ESGAME booked this one for the night."

The odd creature stared at the elf as though he'd grown a second head. "Of course Dobby is in the right place. Dobby is a House-Elf, whose Master is a very bad man." With that, he wrenched his arm away from the young elf and started beating himself against the table again.

At that proclamation, the Elves from Middle Earth and Drizzt exchanged horrified looks. That thing? And elf? Suddenly they realized. It must've injured itself permanently from all of it's head banging. They nodded to each other in relief. During this, Skywise was ignoring the creature; his only thought being to take back everyone's attention. Zelgadis wisely stayed silent, as he wasn't a true elf either, and was permitted to stay merely out of pity.

Dalamar, however, had a kind look on his hard face for once. So it was Dalamar who wrenched him away from the table this time. "What seems to be the problem with your master, Dobby?"

"Dobby isn't allowed to tell much, Sir. If Dobby says too much, Dobby will have to iron his hands when he gets back. But Master treats Dobby very badly." Compassion was written across Dalamar's face as he listened to the House-Elf's tale. He appeared to be ignoring the other elves' expressions of disdain.

"Well, Dobby, I guess you can stay then. Though this is mostly support for abuse from authors, I too have been abused by my Master. Take a seat." He was still diplomatically ignoring the others. "Now, Skywise, if you'll continue?"

Skywise tossed his hair, trying in vain to regain the attention of the others. "My lecture is entitled 'I'm a Sex Symbol and I've Found a Way to Accept It.'" Gasps were heard around the room. Skywise cleared his throat.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Elf Lords..." he began his speech. "And Ladies..." he added, bowing politely in Gladriel's direction and to the white wolf at his feet, earning himself raised eyebrows from the others.

"I know you all are frustrated about how you're treated by the fans. Since you are celebrities, your private life is open to public discourse in any respect. You've frequently been shown in the most private situations. Your only luck is that novel figures have no apparent digestion or you would also end up 'washing your hands' in front of the readers, if I dare say so. We all are stars shining brightly on the firmament of fandomly love and admiration. However, the most unnerving problem with being a star is people's insatiable interest in your love lives. This is quite natural, I dare say. Because they love you, they want to see you happy, reunited with the perfect love they designed just for you."

"If it is all about happiness, then why do we sometimes have to have been raped in the past, or have mental traumata, or have to undergo frequent pain and terror?" Dalamar asked skeptically. So far, Skywise's lecture had not made an impression about him. The wolfrider smiled.

"Because your perfect love will give you comfort and care. And you will relish in that care, brother, and you will be content. Be honest, Dal. If ever you have been hurt, who has been there for you to catch you and to enchant you with a worried look in their eyes?"

Everybody turned to Dalamar, waiting for the answer. Dalamar sighed and stared into his wineglass.

"Raistlin I suppose." he admitted, subdued. "And occasionally some random mistress..."

"Welcome to the wonderful mushy world of hurt and comfort." Skywise announced his arms spread as if he wanted to embrace them all. "You see, there's nothing humiliating about hurt and comfort. The humiliating part will just raise the inevitable all-healing sex to the dimension of a pseudo-religious experience. Tell me, fellow elves: Who did see stars and exploding suns when having their first, and of course best, sex of their lives? Who screamed his or her partner's name in perfect joy? Who experienced the cosmic salvation of bodily pleasure?"

Skywise looked around. The elves in his audience all stared at their glasses or at the table. Everybody avoided returning the glance of the grinning wolfrider. Obviously they all were embarrassed and some of them even blushed while remembering their own experiences. Dalamar heard Drizzt whisper something in his ear.

"Sometimes he reminds me of Frank N. Further." the Drow mumbled. "If somebody starts singing 'Rose Tints My World' I'll hack them to pieces." Drizzt occasionally tapped on his enchanted scimitars.

Dalamar nodded, the other elf's humor chasing away the deep embarrassment he felt. "I'll help you. A grin and a fireball solve every problem."

Meanwhile Skywise continued.

"I can see it in your ashamed faces, my friends. All of you know what I'm talking about. And I want you to see this as a privilege. Since it is so much better then what everybody else has. See the humans, the poor humans. I wonder if they even know what good sex is. They are frightened of their first time as long as they haven't had it. They are terribly disappointed when they finally have it, because to most of them the mating process is not in any kind as spectacular as our wonderful mind-blowing love-relations are. So what do the poor wretched creatures do? Yes! They'll go back to their pens and papers and they write about us, my friends. And they make us live a fantasy. A fantasy larger than life. And we are the ones who experience the three-lettered word as it should be, my friends. We are the perfect sex symbols. And we should learn to accept it."

The elves stared at Skywise, their faces masks of utter astonishment. Nobody spoke except for the Drow. Drizzt simply ordered "More wine."

"You see, I speak from experience." Skywise said. "Because in our world, we made this part of our canon. It's our Elvish philosophy. If anybody is hurt and needs help, the tribemates will take care of the elf in question. The Go-Back's tribe even has a word for this; they call it a 'roll in the furs.' Yes my friends, that's how it should be. We elves from the world of two moons discovered the soul-saving, therapeutic potential of hurt and comfort situations long ago. We are used to live with it. And I tell you, where is the problem with having fun with different partners of varying gender and race, hm? You should be open to new experiences. You should accept that it is sex, not money, that makes the world of fiction go round."

Skywise would have said more, but he was interrupted by Elrond. The Lord of Rivendell jumped from his chair.

"Enough!" he shouted. "We are here to find solutions to our problems, not to hear how wonderful it all is. It is not wonderful and I personally cannot see anything transcendent about being humiliated or being the one to do the humiliating. No, this is just sick. Especially when more then two persons are involved in the issue."

"Pah. You shouldn't let yourselves be imprisoned by old-fashioned moralizing prejudices. You'll just spoil all the fun."

"You perverted little elf."Elrond responded. "It must be the wolf-blood in your veins that makes you speak like this."

At Elrond's words, the white wolf growled ferally. Skywise bent down to caress the wolf's head.

"I may be called perverted, Lord Elrond,"The wolfrider answered nonchalantly. "But at least I'm rarely made the sucker of the nation. You said they always make you an arrogant prick and a bad father. I think I just got a good impression why."

"How dare you insult Lord Elrond in this way?"Galadriel rose gracefully as Elrond began turning colors again. Though her voice was calm, it resonated all over the tavern. "He is an honorable man in any respect. You should beg forgiveness or..."

"Or what?" Skywise said.

Dalamar realized that the situation was about to slip out of control. The white wolf had stood up and stepped in front of Skywise in a possessive manner. The wolf watched Galadriel suspiciously and for a reason that nobody except him understood, the wolfrider grinned and yelled "Catfight!"

Galadriel and, surprisingly, the wolf both turned and looked at Skywise as if he were a nasty bug. "What?" The little elf raised his shoulders. "What did I say?"

At that moment Dalamar silenced all with a gesture. He thanked Skywise for the lecture but it wasn't quite what they had hoped for. "There must be other solutions." Dalamar concluded. "Maybe Skywise is not the right type for this group after all. Since he doesn't have any problems with sexual abuse by fans." He sighed, depressed that his first true act as unofficial leader of the group had failed so miserably.

Suddenly, Dobby broke the uncomfortable silence. "No one told Dobby this was all about that!" Dobby had a horrified look on his face. Finally, the shock grew just too much, and he fainted. As his head hit the floor with a thud, an automatic "Bad Dobby!" issued from his mouth. The other elves could only stare in shock.

A/N: Well, hope you all enjoyed. Please review, and PLEASE say more than 'was good, write more'. If there's something you liked, tell us! If there's something you didn't like, tell us! Galadriel approaches, a spiritual look on her face Let your troubles out, for only then can true healing begin! Authoresses shove her out of the way Anyway...

Guan: Thanks.

Ahn-Li Steffraini: Dally hadn't, Pet had, but neither of us have the time. Thanks for the offer, though!

SorcerousOne: Never knew Dally wrote things like this, did you? And remember – tell us what you think!

Juno Magic: I'm glad you liked this. It began as a joke while Dally was proofing Wishful Thinking for Petalwing, when we were saying how abused Dalamar always is. One of us then decided there should be a support group, and Dally decided she had to write it. She realized she couldn't do it alone, because several of the members she'd never met. And so this was created. We're not really sure what you meant about Elentar, but if you give us more of a lead, we'd be happy to look into it. And though this chapter is a bit contrary to this, we are not only focusing on sexual abuse. Thanks for reviewing.