Disclaimer: The elves don't belong to us. The song doesn't belong to us. The two stories mentioned are used with the permission of their authoresses.

Note: Please, please, read the whole chapter before sending a really nasty flame.

Warning: Both of Dally's muses (Fie and Sadi) cooperated in the making of this chapter, so unjust flames will be punished!

Aren't You Kind of Glad... or Springtime is Coming... or Help, I Need Somebody!

The annual spring rain had settled in Palanthas, for several days it seemed impossible to find a dry spot if you were outside. The sky tormented the city day and night with huge drops as if it tried to turn Palanthas into a water world like that which was said to reside under the Blood Sea of Istar. Tonight, a thunderstorm accompanied the rain. Under the wind, the trees of the Shoikan Grove waved back and forth like gripping skeletal hands. The creaking of the old trees sounded like soft moans of despair and completed this clouded night's atmosphere of darkness and tension.

Dalamar Argent had not even noticed the annoying weather. He sat in the cozy library in the Tower of High Sorcery and was bent over a text. While he read, a frustrated line appeared between his brows. In his hands he held newest excerpt of his personal humiliation and one of the worst kind. It had been written by some human girl named "Pippychick." Of course it was about him and Raistlin. Who else... If it came down to having Dalamar at his knees and out of his mind, it was usually Raistlin who did the abuse. THAT story could fill a whole evening for the ESGAME group. Only the poor remnants of his self-esteem kept Dalamar from taking the manuscript to their meeting. He could imagine Skywise snickering behind his glass of wine or Galadriel having that certain expression of pity and wisdom written across her face. And he could perfectly foretell how such an evening would finally end. He, Elrond, and probably Drizzt or Zelgadis would drown their frustration in wine. But becoming alcoholics was not a solution, either.

He read on. A strange mixture of utter aversion and rapt fascination kept him reading. On page 2 he wanted to cry, on page 3 to laugh and on page 4, he finally did cry out. "Oh my god, she made me beg?" His face burned in humiliation. One of the tower-ghosts that floated by, interrupted his movement, and hovered next to Dalamar, until the mage waved the creature away. Wonderful, even undead spirits pitied him.

"As if somebody would write that about you..." he muttered at the disappearing spectre. This evening had only one good aspect at all, the fact that Raistlin wasn't here to pop in, get the manuscript into his hands and make some witty remarks on the fact how easily the will of an elf could be broken. The archmage had left half an hour ago in order to visit Astinus. Or somebody else. Or maybe he planned a secret sleep-over at the temple of this idealistic cleric who-was-certainly-and-absolutely-really-truly-not-his-lover. It was not as if Dalamar really cared. However, his Shalafi, with his sarcastic attitude, was, of course, much less angered by these stories then Dalamar.

Why should he? The fans often had Raistlin find comfort, love and power and what did he get? Either he was the one giving the comfort or he was hopelessly smitten and craving even tiny bits of his Master's sympathy. Or even acknowledgement, which usually came along with pain. Which brought him back to the current concoction. And no solution in sight. He truly hated his creators for the "burning-hand-scene". Dalamar was sure that was the main reason for his persistent masochist image.

The spectre came back. Dalamar felt the skin on his neck tingle a bit. That was the spectres' equivalent of saying 'hello'. He turned around, inclined to let his frustration out on the annoying ghost. "WHAT!"

A soft whisper from a voiceless voice answered. "The dooooor. Visitooor..." Dalamar put down his book and spoke a quick spell. And, indeed, he felt an aura of life at the outer front door. A guest? It couldn't be his Shalafi; Raistlin wouldn't appear on the doorstep, he usually teleported directly into the room of his choice. Who could that be, who had enough bravery and strength to enter the Forbidden Grove and make it out alive

Dalamar knew only one person who ever had... Oh no! Hopefully it was not his Shalafi's sister. Kitiara meant trouble and all he wanted now were some quiet hours of peace. He also didn't want her to see the book of slash. Her reaction was likely to be even more demeaning than that of his Shalafi. Still, there was somebody at the door and Dalamar had better find out who, or, most certainly, trouble would occur in one way or the other. He carefully his the book amongst the other volumes of the library. Sighing he left the room.

When he finally opened the door he was prepared to repel everybody from a kender trader trying to sell him carpet-cleaner or other pointless wares to a cleric of Palandine who would try to convert him to the 'true belief'. But the visitor was neither a kender nor a cleric. In fact, it was another elf.

"Drizzt? What are you doing here?" The drow looked horrible. His hair and clothes were soaking wet and it was obvious that he was depressed for some reason. "Dalamar, I would be very thankful if I could come in. I know, it's late and you didn't expect me but the weather is wearing me down."

Dalamar realized that he had let himself being carried away by his own surprise and quickly stepped back giving the entrance free. "Of course. Come in." Dalamar wondered what kind of tragedy or shock could make the steadfast drow susceptible to something as trivial as bad weather. He hid his puzzlement. "Well, Drizzt Do'Urden, what a surprise. And surely a good one." From all beings he knew, Drizzt was probably the only company he wouldn't mind having around. Perhaps, he might even be one of the few people that Dalamar could call a friend. Out of all of the elves in their group Drizzt was the most likable. From the beginning on there had been a silent, mutual understanding between both of them. A kind of sympathy that didn't need words or explanations. It had simply been there right from the start. Maybe that was due to the fact that they were both, in certain ways, dark elves. Or maybe not...

Oh, it really wasn't my intention

To disregard convention

It was just an impulse

That had to be obeyed.

Later, when they both had settled in the library and had made themselves comfortable, Dalamar had to admit that he was curious as to what had caused Drizzt to visit Krynn this evening. Meanwhile, the drow had changed clothes. He now wore a black robe out of Dalamar's possession. They were both nearly the same size, though Drizzt, the fighter, was slightly more muscled then Dalamar. This garment looked strange on him Unusual to Dalamar's eyes, but nevertheless striking.

Drizzt obviously didn't share this opinion he looked down at himself quite a few times, smiling uneasily. "Not my usual color." he said "Or my style. I bet I look like a ghost. And fighting seems damn near to impossible." Dalamar smiled and leaned back into the silken cushions of his chair. "You won't have to fight here. It may sound ironic to you, but this is a safe place. And I don't care what you wear." Still, seeing this special elf wearing these clothes was amusing, and to a certain point, fascinating.

"Tell me, what made you come here?" he asked eventually, handing the other elf a mug of hot tea. Drizzt stared into his mug while he said quietly "I needed somebody to talk to. And you were the only one I could think of. Breunor would not understand, and I don't feel like I can confide in anyone else on my world."

To his own surprise Dalamar felt his heart flutter at the thought that Drizzt had chose him over anybody else. He noticed that his treacherous heart had beaten faster since Drizzt's unexpected arrival. Dalamar had chosen to ignore it. He was simply tired. Yes, and that was that. He hid his emotions though and asked calmly what depressed his companion so profoundly.

"You know." Drizzt stuttered. "It is HER again."

"Her?"

"Hakatri. A twisted authoress who loves to torture elves and dark elves. Her favorites are elves tortured by dark elves. Usually, she sticks to her own characters but sometimes she borrows me. And that is... she... it was..." Drizzt couldn't finish the sentence. He looked shaken and his hands trembled.

Dalamar didn't want to push his companion on that sensitive topic,so he only leaned forward, reached for the teapot to refill Drizzt mug. Absently Drizzt held his mug into Dalamar's direction, but the usually so composed fighter shivered still from the images in his mind. Dalamar reached for the mug to stabilize it so he wouldn't spill the tea over Drizzt ruining another set of clothes. Their fingers touched accidentally. Suddenly Dalamar felt a sweet electrifying wave rushing through his fingers. Drizzt must have felt the same. They both winced and pulled back, breaking the contact. For a second none of the knew what to say, both elves too bewildered by the incident.

Finally, Drizzt hemmed softly and took up the lost thread of their conversation. "And how did you fare today?" Dalamar ignored the part of his mind that tried to make him analyze what he just had felt and grimaced. "Not much better then you did, I guess." he said. "Here." He pulled the book from its hiding place and handed Drizzt the disgusting manuscript. Suddenly he found it unexpectedly easy to share his hardships with Drizzt. Especially after the confession the other elf had made. Drizzt merely raised a white eyebrow.

"And I thought I had problems..." he muttered after a while. Dalamar smiled inwardly. If this... thing... helped to give a depressed Drizzt some consolation it was maybe not completely pointless. Drizzt finished the manuscripts and Dalamar noticed a slight shade of pink on the drow's cheeks. The story had embarrassed him. The fighter looked younger, innocent and, there was no way to deny it, quite handsome.

Eventually Drizzt reached into a bag he had brought with him and handed Dalamar a pile of papers. The rain had partially ruined the material but Dalamar was sure he could still decipher the content. "Here, this is... what I came for." Drizzt said and the roles switched. Now, Dalamar was the one reading while Drizzt watched him nervously. When he had finished, Dalamar looked up. "I see, this is... special." He said.

"Its not because I am raped again. No its..."

"Because it is a first-time-story." Dalamar finished the sentence.

"Yes:" Drizzt nodded once. "It's a first time, and though I am victimized as usual, she makes me enjoy it. In a feral sense. Enjoy! As if I wanted to be with a man."

Dalamar's next question came over his lips before he could stop it. The impulse had come too quickly. "And? Do you?"

Drizzt stared at him, flabbergasted. "Dalamar..."

The elven mage slapped himself mentally for this unfitting remark. But it was to late to take it back. He tried to downplay the painful situation with a smile. "It was a joke, Drizzt. Just a joke."

"Ah. Haha." Drizzt gave a strained fake laugh. He helped himself to more tea.

"No really, I didn't mean that. Of course I don't think that you..."In just one minute, the conversation had turned into a disaster. Dalamar decided that now the time had come for something stronger than tea. He went over to a small cupboard and poured himself a glass of port wine. He mediated one moment over it and decided to bring the bottle and a second glass over their sitting place.

Though it seems convention we've been scorning:

I'll still not go in mourning

Though my reputation

Is blemished, I'm afraid.

Drizzt accepted the second glass gratefully. "No, its all right, I know you didn't mean to embarrass me. I'm just really on edge today." He gulped back the good port in one swig. Dalamar decided that he should get something a bit less fine, and a lot stronger, for them to drink. He didn't think that Raistlin would be pleased if he found his best bottle of port completely demolished.

"Since you asked, though, have you ever been with another man?" Drizzt smiled jokingly. Dalamar didn't respond, but the faint blush that crept up his ears and onto his cheeks was enough of an answer. Drizzt realized that his innocent question hit upon a point that Dalamar had wanted to remain hidden. "Is it always this bad?" He motioned to the large book he had in his lap.

Unfortunately, Dalamar had just looked away to motion for one of the spectres to put more wood on the roaring fire. "What!" His blush deepened, revealing more than he'd wanted to. He then saw Drizzt's hand on the book. "Oh, that. Most of the time. You'd think that the Earthlings never heard of male roommates. Not that we even share the same room, mind you. Not that I'd want to, because I definitely could never be attracted to that callous, monstrous human…" Dalamar stopped midsentence as he realized he'd been babbling.

After a few moments of slightly uncomfortable silence, Dalamar spoke again. "You know," Dalamar was starting to feel a pleasant loss of inhibitions. Elves never were ones for lots of strong drink. "It really is good." Drizzt looked at him dumbly. "Being with a man." Drizzt's deep blush was obvious even under his dark skin.

With another sudden change of subject, Dalamar looked at Drizzt quizzically. "You're a virgin, aren't you?"

"Wha… Wha… No!" Drizzt was incensed. "And it was very pleasant, thank you very much."

"Very pleasant? That's all you have to say? My dear friend, if that's an adequate description, you are quite deprived, both in fanfiction and reality." Before Drizzt could react, Dalamar was leaning across the table and kissing the other dark elf passionately. Without quite knowing why, Drizzt felt himself adoring the other elf's touch, never wanting him to let go. In his passion, he climbed across the table, his lips never parting from Dalamar's.

Dalamar gently broke away from the other elf's frantic embrace. "I trust that that was more than simply 'very pleasant'?" He raised an elegant eyebrow.

What's done is done

But wasn't and isn't it fun?

With just one kiss

What heaven, what rapture, what bliss

Drizzt could only nod, shaking. For a moment, he could only sit in silence. "I never realized that it could be so … so right."

Dalamar smiled, a smile that went from his smooth lips all the way to illuminate his beautiful eyes. "Of course it can. Why do you think it is called love?" He kissed Drizzt again, more tenderly this time, and with less need.

Drizzt, however, pulled the other elf closer. Dalamar, who had held back out of respect for the less experienced drow, consented to the other's need and deepened the kiss. Gently, his tongue opened Drizzt's mouth and probed tenderly. Drizzt was taken by surprise for a second, but soon returned the kiss with equal intensity. Again, Dalamar pulled away. Drizzt looked stricken, worried that he had done something wrong. His worried query, however, turned to a moan as Dalamar started to lick and nibble on his ear.

Drizzt started to unfasten the top of Dalamar's robes, but the dark elf whispered "Lets go somewhere more comfortable." Dalamar clutched the other elf tighter, and they both felt a momentary disorientation as Dalamar transported them to his rooms. Drizzt knew he should be disconcerted by the black décor that reminded him too much of his childhood in Menzoberranzan. However, with Dalamar there, he felt a sense of security and well being that he'd never felt at home.

"If someone had asked me this morning, I would have never guessed that I would even acknowledge these desires to myself..." Drizzt murmured against Dalamar's neck. The smell of the mage's herbal spell components and the obvious scent of arousal were an irresistible, intoxicating mixture. The drow closed his eyes and placed a trail of kisses along the soft white skin. "Or that they'd be fulfilled in such a way..." he added between the kisses.

Meanwhile, Dalamar had opened the collar of Drizzt's robe with skilled fingers. He chuckled softly. Dalamar's breath brushed tantalizingly slowly over Drizzt's skin, making the drow moan in pleasure. Dalamar obviously enjoyed the power he had over his partner and stripped him further.

"That's the advantage of being a Sue, Drizzt. You'll always get what you really want. You don't even need to say it out loud..."

"Hm... never saw it that... oh... don't tickle me... that...way... gods, your hands are incredib-"

The sentence was broken by another passionate kiss. Drizzt helped Dalamar out of his robes, and couldn't help marvel at the mage's excellent physique. Suddenly, however, he noticed a flaw. "What are those?" His voice was raw with concealed passion.

Dalamar looked down at his chest as though he'd forgotten about the five bleeding burns that were a permanent fixture there. "I was a spy for the Conclave, and my Shalafi did that when he found about my other loyalty." He could not understand why he was being so frank and open with a person he barely even knew. It was almost like the compulsion of Liralala, except for the fact that he knew that he was in full control of his facilities. He panted as Drizzt gently licked away the five drops of blood.

Honestly, I thought you wouldn't.

Naturally, you thought you couldn't.

And probably we shouldn't.

But aren't you kind of glad we did?

"I know we don't even know each other very well," Drizzt panted as Dalamar kissed his neck and body. "But I've been attracted to you since the moment we met. My sarcasm hid feelings I didn't wish to acknowledge. I guess I feel a bond to you, since we're both dark elves, and apart from our people."

"Shhh." Dalamar put a finger over Drizzt's mouth, as he put his own mouth somewhere that made Drizzt gasp in surprise and pleasure. "Better than 'very pleasant'. Much better." Drizzt panted.

"Now, want to find out whether or not its always bad?" Dalamar smiled coyly at Drizzt and…

… We interrupt this broadcast to bring you an important message. APRIL FOOLS! Hah, bet you all thought we would actually do that, didn't you? We'd never do that to two of our favorite elves.

Dally: "This chapter proves that in fanfiction you can easily couple everybody with everybody, no matter how unlikely that is!"

Actually, it all was blameless.

Nevertheless, they'll call it shameless

So let's keep the lady nameless

But aren't you kind of glad we did?

Dally: "I'd rather stay nameless, I can tell you."

Petalwing: "To late, dear... anyway this also proves that you can write a whole chapter with a certain set of sentences that have been used innumerable times without anybody noticing it!"

Socially, I'll be an outcast

Obviously, we dined alone

On my good name there will be doubt cast

With never a sign of any chaperone.

Dally: "We additionally have to inform you that in respect to our protagonists' personal feelings, stunt doubles were used in this chapter to spare them all bodily action."

Petalwing: "Of course!"

No matter how they may construe it

Whether or not, we have to rue it

Whatever made us do it

Say, aren't you kind of glad we did?

Whatever made us do it

Say, aren't you kind of glad we did

Petalwing: "Yes, I definitely had a lot of fun."

Dally: "Yes, me too."

Dally and Petalwing: "And now, dear readers? Was it as good for you as it was for us? So, we really hope you enjoyed our little practical joke, and took it in good humor. Now, please review!"

PS: The song we used is: "Aren't You Kind of Glad We Did?" by George and Ira Gershwin

To Our Readers:

Lazy.kender: Lately, Dalamar's gotten a lot fewer Sues than dearest Raist, but all males are affected! Hopefully this was a fast enough update to escape the lasso again!

Pippychick: (From Pet) Legolas/Treebeard? Oh my god, this sick world we live in… (From Dally) Eew, I think Legolas/Treebeard is now going on the mental list of 'wrongest couples'. Thanks for joining us! And even more thanks for the inspiration for the beginning of the chapter!

Guan: Glad, as always, that you enjoyed.

Hakatri: (From Pet) Well, the diary entries… we'll see to that. (From Dally) Hmm, I need to watch more reruns then! And I think we've got the perfect way to bring on some (more) embarrassment! Thanks for reading, contributing to this chapter, and taking our little jokes in good humor.

Curai Katt: (From Pet) At your service… LOL. But you scare me a bit. Are you a telepath? How the hell did you know? (From Dally) Wow, was that a lucky guess, telepathy, or were you the only reader who actually caught our little hints leading up to this chapter? We've actually been plotting this since the very beginning, so we tried to leave subtle hints wherever possible, but no one (but you?) picked up on them!

SorcerousOne: Guess one of us reading the books really does help with characterization… Well, before you start to e-curse me for this chapter, I do hope you appreciate all of the effort this took me to write. And yes, most of the more graphic stuff was mine! Hope you enjoyed our little prank, and a happy April Fools to you! (And no, this chapter contained no subliminal messaging, even though it contained both of our favorite characters, in a rather embarrassing situation!)