Chapter 14: A Letter Home

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November 25th

'Ello Mom-

            This has been one of the hardest, strangest periods of time in my life!  Even after Father was murdered and I went to live at Hogwarts, I didn't feel this overwhelmed.  I still often find it hard to believe that Colin and Anna are gone, but the thought doesn't reduce me to tears as much anymore.

            I am humbled and scared by the fact that I am helping raise their children.  If it weren't for George, I don't think I'd be able to do it, to be honest.  I can tell he worries about it too, though we don't discuss it all that often.  I can see that look in his eyes that says he's as unsure about things as I am.  I wouldn't even notice it except he's so rarely at a loss.  It prompts me to rise to the occasion and find a way to fix whatever's causing it.  But he does the same for me when I feel overwhelmed.  I can see him reach inside to find a solution.  Is there any wonder that I love him so much?  We make a good pair.

            Not that raising the twins is such a horrible thing, don't get me wrong!  It's wonderful watching them grow and see new things in the world around them.  George has made them mobiles for over their cribs and you can see their eyes light up when they notice one of the colorful objects floating above their head.  They'll smile and gurgle happily while batting at it in their slightly limited ability.  And the first time they look at you and know who you are…  Oh Mom, it was the most amazing thing!  Almost as memorable as that first morning when I met George.

            I could do without the diaper changing though.  I can only convince George to do it for so long before he swears that it's good for me and that he doesn't want to deprive me of something so beneficial.  Men!

            Molly and the rest of the extended clan have been very helpful through these first couple of weeks.  We moved back to our flat a couple days after the memorial service, but everyone has tried really hard to do what they can for us, while also not being around too much.  It's a fine line to tread, but so far it's been working.  I've been at home with them most of the time, since George has to be in at the office or at one of their stores, but anytime I feel like I just can't handle it anymore, someone will come take over or at least come keep me company.

            Katie and I took the twins into Hogsmeade a couple days ago.  I'd forgotten it was a 'Hogsmeade Weekend' for the school, and we ran into quite a few students I knew from working in the store as well as a couple of the professors.  It was a bit awkward for us all, but we survived.  Ran into Sara there too.  She was fuming as she was supposed to be meeting Snape, and he was running late.  I think he was just trying to avoid being seen in public with a woman.  Hehehehehehe!  Unfortunately, he didn't show up until right before Katie and I had to leave, so he was saved from being ganged up on by three women.  Sara told me she'd be coming by sometime in the next week to 'free me from my maternal obligations for an afternoon'.  I can't wait.  I hope we go dancing!

            Ginny, Katie and I have been working in some practice time for our upcoming performance at Hogwarts' Yule Ball.  They did ask if I felt up to it and I asked them if they did.  We all decided that it was something we had to do and that we still wanted to do it.  It's a bit different coming up with a plan of action when you're performing for a dance and not a concert.  At a dance, we're not supposed to be the center of attention whereas, at the concert, the more outrageous you are, the better they tend to like it.  Despite it, I think the program is coming along fine.  Only a couple of weeks…

            I'm trying to stay positive and not make this letter depressing, but…

            I feel guilty.  If George and I had been with them that night, in the car, would they still have died?  Neither Colin or Anna were incredibly strong magically, while George and I have had many opportunities over the years to hone our skills until we're both generally prepared for anything- within reason, of course!  With our reactions, maybe we could've Apparated everyone out of the car so no one was hurt.  Argh!  This does me no good to dwell on, so don't get worried that I'm going to make myself sick over this.  It's just that whole 'what if' thing…  What if we'd all gone dancing like normal, would the car still have had problems?  Would our being there have made a difference, or would we have simply died too?  I could drive myself crazy with these thoughts, so I'll stop.  Yep, I'll stop right now…

            Anyway, I've been working on some new material for the group that everyone seems to like.  Maybe we'll try some of the songs out at Hogwarts next month.  I'll see about sending copies of a few of them with this letter so you can give me your opinion as well.  I'd invite you to come visit, so you can listen in person, but I know how much you hate the weather this time of year.  Though if you ever feel like coming, just let me know as you're always welcome here. 

            I'm seriously behind on my Christmas preparations.  George has offered to do the shopping this year, which makes me rather nervous considering we can't afford to have his family angry with us, but I may get him to help just the same.  Maybe he can find gifts for the men as they're less likely to blame me for whatever he comes up with.  Not that I don't have a few entertaining ideas of my own…  I think maybe we'll have to consult, compare ideas and go from there.  No matter what, I need to get going on that.  Next time I go into town, I'll get started.  I saw the most wonderful set of The Complete Works of Gilderoy Lockhart, bound in dragon leather, which I know Molly would love to have to replace the set she currently has.  I, of course, would also add a charm to control all those disparaging comments she gets when referring to them.  Not that I don't agree that he's a massive buffoon, but if she likes reading them who am I, or anyone else, to ruin her enjoyment?

            I feel like I'm trying too hard to sound normal.  That it sounds forced.  If that's the case, please ignore it and I promise to do better in my next letter.  If I sound the same as I normally do, well then, just ignore this entire paragraph!

            Well, I can hear Arial starting to get fussy, so I'd better close this out.  Sorry it was so short and leaning towards the depressing end of the scale.  As I said earlier, my next letter will be better!  George and the rest of the family send their love, as do I.

Love,
Alinora