7-27-03

All of the EVA fics up to now have been experimentations and I've only put my full intellectual effort behind a few of them. However, all these efforts were all preparation for this fic, a post-EoE fic that I hope will explore into the depths of the minds of the children and be faithful to what we see at the end of the series, including all the deaths. Many people see many similarities in my plots and that's because I've been evolving them to a point where I feel that is perfection. And who knows? Maybe someone else will think the same. Because of this, I have placed a date at top, which is the date that this was started.

This first part most might actually consider rather dry reading, but those that want some depth might find it.

Neon Genesis Evangelion: Reprise of Humanity

Prologue: Face to Face With Reality

My name is Shinji Ikari. There's nothing too interesting about myself, though others would disagree. I was just a normal kid, though again others would disagree. I am a coward at worst and a reluctant hero at best, or so others say. What am I saying? I'm no hero. I'm human after all. I want the same thing other people do, but I crave it more. I fear the same thing others do, yet it is far more intense for me. Does that make me different? I think so. And yet, when I'm around friends that understand me, I'm simply another boy on the face of the earth. Is it so much to ask for that people care for me for what I am? Apparently so. But then again, there are people who care for me and people I care for. Misato, Rei, Asuka, Toji, Kensuke, and even Hikari. And of course, I can't forget PenPen. At times even a penguin is good company.

I just wanted to know what it felt like to be cared for, and for a time I did. Or at least I thought I did. Misato I'm pretty sure cared for me, she was like a big sister that cared for her little brother. Asuka saw me as competition and I guess I should have been more sensitive to her emotions. I just wish Misato had told me more about her. I couldn't reach out to her because I knew nothing. My friends? Toji and Kensuke understood a little of the pain I was going through and they stuck with me, trusting me and sometimes offering me advice. There's also Rei. Rei, the enigma. Until Dr. Akagi revealed the truth behind her past. So what is she to me? I guess she's a sister in a way. I wish I had the chance to overcome the despair I had felt and had a chance to reach out to Rei. She wasn't a bad person and she never asked to be created under those circumstances. I'm sure she would have been nice. Actually, she was nice, at least to me. And of course there's Hikari. I took something away from her. No, I nearly did. It might not have been by my hands but I was helpless to prevent it. I should have at least tried.

I am a failure, no matter what people say. I failed to save Asuka, I failed to prevent Third Impact. Things didn't seem so bad at first. I didn't actually feel anything different until Rei told me about the difference. She and Kaworu. I'm not sure I understand why they were there, but they were and there is no reason for me to question it. I think they were more human than any individual human could ever be. But I guess that's just my opinion and I'm not sure how much that counts for.

There are times when I sometimes think death is better than life. I thought that no one would miss me and I also wished for the death of others. That was another mistake I made, one of many that still haunt me. Without someone to offer me support I always fell into despair. But as I went through instrumentality, I faced everyone that had affected me in some way. My father, Misato, Asuka, Rei. My mother. I still don't know why I finally accepted them for who they were. Maybe it's because in their own way, they supported me.

My father? Most would think him a bastard for what he's done. I can't help but agree and might be the first to crucify him. But even so, I always sought his approval. Strange, isn't it? But by the end there was nothing left for me to hate except the man himself. All his actions? I had already hated them and there was no point in being angry with them anymore. And in the end, I found I couldn't be angry at just the man, for the man is just a shell without the actions.

Asuka. She always insulted and pushed me. I can deal with that. It's just her way of dealing with reality and is something I can understand. She was fighting to keep her sanity just like me, though because of her pride she ended up hurting herself. I didn't want that. I wanted to protect her but she didn't want anything from anyone else except approval. And even then that approval had to be praise. Did I praise her? I think I did. I don't remember. But I do know that I was never mad at Asuka. In many ways she was just like me and thus I felt that she was important to me. I don't want to hurt her. I just want her.

Misato. A mother and sister. The way she acted around the house was like a big sister, but the way she treated me and Asuka was like a mother. She tried to fill in what we had lacked our entire childhoods and I love her because of that. Though she never quite succeeded, she did try, and her best did help us. I don't know what Asuka thought but at times Misato helped me through tough times. And again I pushed her away. Is it because I can't handle someone caring for me? No, it's because I don't know how to handle someone caring for me. I owe her a lot.

Rei. Did I truly know her? I doubt it. Whenever I thought I had gotten past one layer, she had another that kept me from knowing the truth. Even Rei didn't truly comprehend what she was until the end, and I can't say I did either. But she was a sister, there's no denying that. Most would consider her a freak. I consider her a person that was denied a life. Was I the only one kind to her? Maybe. I'm sure I was the only one that wanted her to be happy. But then again, that's probably because I didn't know happiness and felt she deserved it more than me.

My mother. Yui Ikari. I always heard stories about her, how she was kind and gentle and full of life. I never understood what she saw in my father. But then again it would take an extraordinary person to love a person like my father. She was someone I didn't know because I never had a chance to. All I remember was a smile and that might indeed be one of my happiest memories. It is a sad thing, that. Why did I lose her when I was so young? She cared for me. That's all I know. But at least she did care.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

My name is Asuka Langley Soryu. But you should know that. I've been on the news before, hailed as a child prodigy and genius. Then again, that was mostly in Germany. Other people would probably know me as a pilot of an Evangelion. That was my pride and joy. People paid attention to me because of my skills and because they needed me. What am I saying? It's as if I actually need their attention. I don't. I can live with myself. I have all the talents I need. I'm the best at everything and anything. Until baka Shinji beat me. But that didn't matter either. I still had everything and he didn't. I wasn't a freak like Wondergirl and I was certainly more popular than Shinji. I had a right to be. My looks, my skill, my grace. I was already a stunning beauty at the age of fourteen. And yet it wasn't enough.

At NERV they didn't care about beauty or looks. They cared about your sync rate. I had the highest out of all the pilots and it stayed that way. For a while. Then out of the blue Shinji beats me and he becomes their favorite. I could have beaten him again but then he did something I had thought impossible. A sync rate of 400%? Even I couldn't beat that. And he nearly died doing that. I would have given my life to be the top but if someone else beat that I wouldn't be around to beat them. It was so frustrating. My life wasn't supposed to be this way. I was supposed to be the best at everything, someone everyone admired and envied. And now this boy comes into the spotlight and steals my glory?

That's all he was. Just a boy. Then why did I care about him? Something about him kept drawing my attention. He was different from all the other boys I had known in my life. He didn't try to win my favor, he didn't even try to draw my attention. And yet I kept paying him attention. I insulted him true, but I should even have done that if he wasn't worth my time. Does that mean he was worth my time? No. He can't be. No one except Kaji is worthy of my attention! But he's dead. No, Kaji isn't dead!

Who am I kidding? I have nothing to live for. EVA was my life, and I don't have EVA anymore. But do I have something to live for? Who cares for me? Only Misato and Shinji. I think they cared for me. But I don't need them. Or do I? I don't know anymore.

Shinji. He was just another pilot, but better. He never complained about anything and didn't ever respond to my prods and insults. I really don't understand him. Why didn't he respond? It's not like he had any reason to put up with me. He had to have been after something, so I kept him away. I don't know what was up with him. Did he like toying with me? Baiting me? No, I did that to him. He didn't really do that to me. So what was he? An enigma. I could never understand his frame of mind. How could something so weak still be so powerful? It was another thing I never fully understood and because of that I hated him. But he and I are actually alike.

Why are we alike? Oh I don't know. I've heard rumors about his past, a negligent father, a deceased mother. Kind of like my family. But I overcame those problems while that baka just let it consume him. He never rose up to meet any challenge unless someone told him to. It's just too pathetic to think about. And yet I do, I spend so much time trying to figure him out it isn't even funny. It isn't like he deserves to have me think about him. But why won't my thoughts leave him alone? What keeps drawing my attention to him? Oh how I hate him for that. And sadly enough he might actually be the best of the three stooges. Just shows that the post-Impact generation is lacking in high quality males. I really want to splatter him or something.

Misato. She's okay, I guess. I don't have anything against her, wait, scratch that. That would be lying in the extreme. Here's what I dislike about here. The excessive amounts of bear she drinks, her seducing Kaji, and her mothering both me and Shinji. I don't need it and I doubt the baka deserves it. Heck, I'm pretty sure most of the men at NERV spend more time ogling her than doing their job. She has no modesty and doesn't seem to know how to display her beauty in the most proper way, unlike me. There are certain rules you have to follow when trying to get a man's attention and she doesn't use any of them. But then again, it's not like the rules worked for me.

What am I saying? Nothing ever worked out just the way I wanted them to. I'm only human after all, but I strived to be more. And in doing so I ended up with nothing. When the only people you are familiar with and that know you are Misato and Shinji, well, that's pathetic. So I guess I'm pathetic too. But I'm stronger than both of them. Or am I? I once learned that the one with the greatest strength never show their strength unless they must. Shinji's strong in a way, but he never shows it. Does that mean he's stronger than me? Then what does that make me? I was always the best at everything and suddenly this idiot comes out of nowhere and beats me. I don't like him. I hate him. And yet I don't.

I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Asuka refused to look at Shinji, the same boy that had been choking her not so long ago. She gazed over the sea of LCL and did her best to ignore the big head floating there. There were a few other people around, all of them those that had returned. Now Asuka was just looking out to see if she could be the first to spot the other returnees, and trying to beat Shinji at it. It was always a competition with the two, though Shinji didn't think of it that way.

The young man walked over to Asuka and sat down next to her. Asuka wanted to push him away but found that she didn't have the strength.

"You hate me," Shinji said to her.

Asuka opened her mouth to agree but found that nothing came out. It was as if she couldn't find it in herself to agree to such a statement. She had every reason to hate him, for taking all the attention away from him, for making her feel insignificant, for hurting her. But wait, every injury Shinji had inflicted upon her she had returned with far greater tenacity. No, she couldn't hate him.

"Asuka? Why won't you speak to me?"

It was too much. Asuka broke down into tears and cried. Shinji felt a stab of guilt at perhaps causing this and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Whatever I said to hurt you, I'm sorry."

"No, I can't cry," Asuka muttered, "I won't cry. I promised I wouldn't cry."

"You don't have to cry," said Shinji, "It doesn't matter anymore. NERV is dead. EVA is dead. We're free."

Asuka turned to him and screamed. "I don't want to be free! I want things to return to the way before with EVA!"

"Do you really want all the pain and suffering?" Shinji asked, "I guess you were always stronger than me."

Shaking her head, Asuka tried to come to terms with herself. She knew that there was no going back, no matter what she wished. Being in instrumentality had given her some insight about other people, including Shinji. She felt a little guilt but still blamed Shinji for all of her problems. It wasn't fair that everyone considered him such a big hero. Hadn't she done her part too? And now, after Shinji had helped destroy Instrumentality and allowing humanity to return to earth, the survivors considered him an even bigger hero.

"Just leave me alone, Shinji," Asuka said and looked away. "I don't need you."

Shinji started to stand but stopped. He turned over to Asuka and looked at her back.

"I know what you went through," said Shinji, "I experienced the lives of everyone else in the world, including yours. I also remember a lot of it, and I don't buy your excuse. You might also say the experience changed me a lot. But I just want you to know this, Asuka. You don't want to be alone, and I'm here to help you if you need it."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Shinji put the box down and looked at his apartment. It was the same one he had lived in with Misato for so long. Thoughts of his former guardian brought back a wave of sadness. Misato had died before Instrumentality and thus her soul had already left before the rest of humanity was joined. The population was slowly returning and the Japanese government was being reestablished. The government officials had made contact with survivors in many other nations and it was assumed that the human race had lost one third of its remaining population, another devastating blow. However, Shinji's actions had given humanity a chance to recover.

To thank him and to apologize for launching the attack upon NERV, the Japanese government had given him the apartment and a large sum of money so he wouldn't need to worry about survival or anything. Order was slowly being restored but martial law was still in force.

Shinji walked out to the balcony and looked down upon the city. The Japanese government had ordered the reconstruction of Tokyo 3, naming it Tokyo 4. He then looked up into the sky and saw the two moons of earth. NERV Headquarters and what remains there were of the NERV workers were in the new red moon. It was very close to the earth but astronomers had already assured the population that it would pose no harm to Earth. However, it was still a sight to see.

There was a knock on his door and Shinji walked over. He opened it and there stood Asuka holding a box with more beside her.

"Hi. I was just wondering if I could stay here."

Shinji smiled and took the box from her. He then helped her carry in the rest of her stuff and unpack it. They worked silently and quickly though Asuka stole glances at him several times. Shinji's movements were quick and efficient, unlike his old unsure ways. Now it was as if Shinji had found a purpose. And who knows? Maybe she would too.

End of Prologue

I am not going to rewrite what Shinji and Asuka go through for the next few years. Instead we're going to jump about three years ahead and go from there. The thing is, I'm tired of writing of their emotional development right after Third Impact. If you really need something to fill in the gap, consider this a continuation of Recrudesce of Evangelion. And as to that fic, well, consider it to be dead for a while to come. And, uh, how old is Mari, Toji's younger sister?

Z98