Chapter 2:

So I thought. I left the Opera for a time, knowing I couldn't stay.

After perhaps two months, (I lost track of time,) I began to regret what I had done. Christine's desperate screaming was too much to bear anymore. I'd wounded her; broken the one I'd loved so deeply. For that I could never begin to forgive myself ever again. I truly was a monster.

I had to go back. I had to see her again, no matter what the price was… I had to at least try to tell her.

That night, I went back to her dressing room to find it exactly as it had always been. Christine sat on the other side of the room combing out her hair idly. She was pale, looking sickly, and I knew it was my doing. At that moment, I very nearly turned away and left without speaking to her, but she glanced in the two-way mirror and then I knew I couldn't.

"E- Erik?" she asked quietly, seeming scared, startled by me. She looked almost as if she would faint.

"Christine," I began, "Don't be frightened… please don't be frightened of me…"

"Why have you come back?" she asked, and she ran to the door for help, but on her own, she stopped, turned back around and sat in front of the mirror, "What do you want from me?" she asked in the same sad, quiet voice.

"I… I couldn't tell you myself, Christine…," I said. I truly didn't know what I wanted. No.. another lie. I wanted her to love me again. I wanted her to forget what I'd done and let me be her Angel of Music once more, "I wanted you to know how dear you are to me, and that I truly am…"

She waited for me to finish what I had to say, but when I didn't, she asked, "Truly are what? An evil angel? Or a monster of a man?" she asked him.

"I am a monster," I said, "And I am… God, words do not exist, Christine, to tell you what I have to say, and no music could ever express it either… I will leave you in peace. I hope that your career will keep going the way we wanted." With that I turned to leave, my face disappearing from the mirror before her.

Somehow, my feet lead me to the cemetery until I stood in front of her father's grave where I'd seen her so many times, and where I longed to see her once more with her cloak tight around her. I heard footsteps behind me and I didn't have to turn to know who was there. I didn't move and let the police grab me by the arms. I must repent my sins. No punishment could be great enough for what I had done to Christine.

When I was beginning to savor the thought of my death, when the thought of my release from this foul body and even fouler face seemed like sanctuary, I heard that voice that I thought I'd heard for the last time, "No, officer," she said calmly, "This is not he," she told the policemen who held me. They let me go and they dipped their head in apology, and they left.

Christine stared at me a moment, and I at her. Neither of us spoke for the longest time and the snow falling made it seem even more quiet.

"Why, Christine?" I asked her after I felt I had the courage to speak.

"I… I was wrong," she said and a tear fell down her face, "You gave me everything, and I betrayed you. I wasn't worthy of your love, Erik. Raoul, God rest him, would never have given me what you did, and I… I need my Angel again."

"You were worthy, Christine," I told her, "You are perfection. Your Angel will always answer you." I couldn't believe I said it. It would have been more fitting if I'd thrown myself at her feet and begged her… and yet here was my little Christine Daae wanting me once more. How it hurt! To see her so sad, thinking it was she who was wrong…

She reached her hand out to touch my face then, as I stood there in disbelief. Her light, thin, delicate fingers touched my mask and slowly moved down to touch my chin, and then the other side, and gently touched the bare skin. How cold she was. I put my hand gently over hers and I smiled. I couldn't believe her. No earthly woman had this capacity to forgive. It was she who was my angel, and not I hers.

"Please, Erik… Say you will return to me. Say that you will guide me until my dying day," she said as she looked into my eyes.

"No, Christine," I told her, looking at the ground, "The truth must be said. I am a monster, and a murderer. Let me beg you, from the deepest reaches of my heart, say that you loathe me. How could you… want me back?"

She stood there and her mouth hung open very slightly and a tear formed in her eye, "You are right to be angry with me… I am not worthy of your greatness," she said and the tear fell down her cheek slowly.

I reached my gloved hand out to her face and took it from her chin, "No, Christine. It is I who am not worthy. I will be your Angel of Music once again if that is what your which of me. I thought a few moments ago I would die for you, my beautiful Christine…"

She gave a smiled and then she did what I never thought she would. She stepped closer to me, ever so slowly, yet not hesitatingly, and she put her arms around me in a gentle embrace, silently begging me to hold her as well. I did as she asked, and I was glad that she couldn't see when a tear fell down my own face under the mask. Then she killed me. She gently pulled the mask partway off my face and her warm, soft lips met mine in a true, loving kiss.

As she pulled away from me and met my eyes I sobbed against her as she still held me…

How that kiss hurt, and yet how long after that I remembered it. That night she returned to the Opera and every night after, I came to her dressing room, just to speak with her. Sometimes she would invite me in to sit with her by her fire and how I loved it when she would rest her head against my shoulder and let me put my arm round her.

Never did we feel anything more than love, but love we had and I didn't know who to ever show her how grateful I was for it. All that matter was now, she truly was my Christine…