Echoes of ancient voices can be heard inside Avernus Cathedral, long since barren of human life after the great fire that had once ravaged it. Kain liked to come here from time to time, exercising the freedom of solitude to let his troubled mind wander over the myriad eons of existence which he has lived.

It was also a good place to have lunch.

Kain bursts through the door and struts toward the altar upon the north side of the room. He carries a bar stool with a great sense of regalia, knowing full well that no mere mortal can sit upon its cushioned seat and partake in the glorious feast that is to come.

"Ahh... cheesy breadsticks..." Kain begins to salivate at the mere thought of this afternoon's appetizer.

Reaching the pedestal and setting down his stool, Kain reaches for the two cardboard boxes lying upon the altar. He opens the smaller of the two and extracts from its confines a cheese-covered stick of bread covered in garlic. The old vampire knows that the garlic isn't good for him and will give him terrible heartburn in the evening, but it seems that masochism grows within Kain with every passing year.

He takes a bite out of the cheese breadstick, his eyes open wide, and then he violently spits the cold morsel out upon the floor.

"No!"

Kain quickly opens the other box to find his worst fear confirmed: his pizza is cold as well.

"How can this be?"

Suddenly from out of the shadows comes the sound of talons on stone. A blue figure with torn wings and no jaw sulks out of the darkness and into the torchlight.

"What's the matter, Kain? Is your food cold?"

"Raziel," Kain's eyes widen with shock as he shakes his head. "What have you done?"

"Why, don't you see, Kain? I am having my revenge."

Kain looks down at the cold pizza and cheese-covered breadsticks and his eyes close in terror.

"Raziel, it doesn't have to be this way. If only you would trust me, there would be no need for this... this..." Kain waves his hand in front of his ruined lunch, "... this vapor-sucking business of yours! You ruined my lunch!"

"It's your fault, Kain. It was you who created me as your vampiric son and then threw my life away on a whim. Look at me Kain!" Raziel's eyes are ablaze with fury. "Do you see what you have turned me into?"

"A melodramatic evil Smurf who huffs pizza fumes?" Kain cries in exasperation. "Really Raziel, you didn't have to do this. I would have shared with you."

"But as you are so fond of reminding me, Kain," Raziel pulls down the cowl over his face," I hath no jaw!"

Thoroughly put off his lunch, Kain raises a taloned hand to eye level to block out the gruesome sight.

"That's right, Kain," the voice of the Elder God bellows throughout the cathedral. "Your once-faithful servant Raziel has no jaw. When you ordered him cast into the Abyss, you not only condemned him, you took away his dignity."

"Yeah, what he thed." No longer bound by his cowl, Raziel's loose tongue flops around as he talks.

"What is this?" Kain slams his fist down upon the altar. "Can't I just enjoy a little time off without everyone coming to destroy my lunch?"

"Why should we, when it is you who has single-handedly destroyed the whole of Nosgoth?" Rebuts the voice of the Elder God.

"Yeah, Kain," Raziel nods, his tongue flapping against his collarbone. "You're not the thenter of the univerth!"

A tentacle suddenly breaks through the floor of the cathedral and grabs a hold of Kain's box of pizza.

"Oh, no you don't!" Kain draws the Soul Reaver and charges after the tentacle. "Just who do you think you are?"

"I am the hub of the wheel," the voice of the Elder God's voice echoes out in content. "I am the cycle of life, death, and rebirth."

"You're a bloody thief!" Kain slashes at the tentacle with his sword but misses. He then turns to face Raziel. "What is wrong with you people? All I wanted was some peace, quiet, and a bit of lunch!"

"That jutht thuckth for you, puthy boy!" Raziel taunts Kain, his meaty tongue flopping about aimlessly in his half-mouth.

"Just one moment, Raziel," Kain steps forward toward Raziel. "Something isn't right…"

"Geth back, you monthter!" Raziel raises his talons in attack.

Before Raziel can strike him, Kain uses his telekinetic powers to raise Raziel into the air and hold him in paralysis. Unable to ward off his former master's approach, Raziel watches in silent horror as Kain rips the lifeless tongue from his half-mouth.

However, Raziel's horror pales in comparison to the terror that Kain now feels, holding the limp, cold object in his hand. Of all the hellish things he has witnessed, of all the cruel machinations of the twisted world he finds himself irrevocably tied to, this is the only thing that break Kain's spirit. For it is not a lifeless tongue that he has just ripped from his former vampiric lieutenant's half-mouth, but something of nightmarish atrocity.

"An anchovy?"

Free of the TK hold, Raziel plops down to the floor. When he stands back up, he gives a little shrug.

"I accidentally sucked it up with the heat from the pizza," Raziel sheepishly explains.

"That's just sick," Kain says, discarding the fish onto the floor.

"Hey, you're the one who ordered the pizza," Raziel's eyes blaze. "Just what do you expect with all of that garbage you put on it?"

"Hey, I have good taste, runt," Kain points his Soul Reaver at Raziel. "I always get the same thing: pepperoni, pineapple, anchovies, and calamari."

"CALAMARI?"

All of a sudden, a great earthquake erupts and chunks of the floor are blown away by a geyser of water from deep below them. Before the two can react, a wet pizza box with a half-eaten pizza escapes from the flow of water and lands in between Kain and Raziel.

"There goes lunch," Kain sighs.