Seventh Year, the train ride to Hogwarts. Sirius marveled as this information circulated over and over in his head. This was the last year of all he had ever truly known in life, and he wasn't all that sure how he felt about it. This final year signified the end of the Marauder Era and while he had griped about this school for the last six years, he was definitely going to miss it.
As he walked towards the Marauder's usual compartment with James and Peter the last six years played themselves out through his head. When his memories of Circe surfaced Sirius tried in vain to push them back down, just as he had been doing the entire summer. He wasn't ready to deal with her and the pain the thought of her brought him. He groaned as he thought about having to face her, and only wished that it wouldn't be for a while.
Sirius had even – albeit briefly – considered giving up his place on the Quidditch team, but when he voiced that decision to James received a glare so bad he didn't even have to wait for the lecture before deciding against it.
When they finally reached the compartment Sirius slid open the door.
"Moony! Been looking everywhere for you!" Sirius exclaimed as he finished opening the door to the compartment and took a seat.
"Smart man," said James as he took the seat nearest to the door while looking up and down the hallway in search of someone (probably Lily). "Thought you'd come and save us a seat than?" When Peter shut the door James glared at him. When Wormtail apologized, Sirius laughed loudly.
Sirius couldn't resist a jab at James, especially one about Lily. "Seriously Prongs, could you get any more desperate? Starring down the corridor for a glimpse at your dear flower-" A quick jab and a sharp pain cut Sirius off effectively when James hit him in the stomach, glaring at him all the while which just made Sirius want to laugh even more.
Playfully smacking James back, Sirius started a mock fight between himself as his best friend as Remus and Peter sat back watching. The compartment was filled with the sounds of playful punches and words like "prat", "sod" and "git" as Sirius and James began to include words into their attack. Sirius was about to say something utterly clever when they were interrupted by the opening of the compartment door.
Before Sirius even looked up he recognized who was coming in and his stomach hit the floor. When he finally lifted his eyes Sirius knew that he was staring at the four girls in the doorway with an expression that he was convinced was almost as stupid as James'.
The girls, Circe, Adriana, Lily, and Kelsey, all made their way into the compartment and while Adriana took the seat next to Remus, Kelsey, timidly sat down next to Peter, looking nervous as she smiled shyly at everyone.
The only two left without a seat were Lily and Circe. Sirius could feel Circe's gaze on him but he refused to get eye contact with her. So much for ignoring her completely, Sirius thought as he turned to stare out the window, not really seeing anything.
He felt everyone's eyes on him, and his suspicions were confirmed when he saw their reflections in the window. He knew he looked stubborn and stupid but at that moment he just didn't care. Circe's voice, a sound he hadn't heard in two months, startled him as she muttered "Bullocks!" and walked over, stopping when she stood directly in front of him.
"Mind scooting down a bit Potter?" Not even waiting for an answer Circe took a seat between him and Prongs, annoying Sirius immensely. Who the hell did she think she was?
James began to laugh, shooting a smirk at Sirius and at that moment Sirius really wanted to strangle him. Could no one else in this damn compartment see how awkward this was for him?
Sirius was about to say something, although he wasn't quite sure what he meant to say when Lily interrupted him. "They made you Head Boy?!" Lily exclaimed, blushing at how rude she was being. James frowned and looked disappointed as Remus seemed to have to struggle so that he wouldn't laugh. To Moony's credit, he didn't utter a sound.
"So it would seem," James said coolly, earning a shocked look from everyone in the compartment. James had never been 'cool' to Lily, and Sirius was floored.
Throughout his summer staying at the Potter's house Sirius had noticed a definite change in James. James had matured quite a bit, and had stopped being such a jerk to everyone and anyone. He was no longer cruel to anyone (with the obvious exception of Snape and his best friends to whom he was allowed to act like a prat towards). Sirius couldn't help but wonder if James was finally over Lily. He doubted that that was the case, but the idea gave him hope that he would one day be over Circe.
When the train started moving with a jerk Lily was sent soaring into James' lap which brought forth laughter from Adriana and a snicker from both Peter and Remus. Sirius wanted to laugh, but at that moment, seated next to Circe with his heart beating furiously in his chest and his stomach scrapping the floor, he couldn't.
Lily blushed furiously, as did James, and she slid off his lap, sitting next to him. Both Head Boy and Head Girl stared at the floor, looking awkward and nervous.
The train finally got into its usual groove and jerked no more. As things settled down Peter, Kelsey, and Lily all began to speak. Sirius continued to ignore Circe to the best of his ability, but it was proving to be harder than he had anticipated.
"Black?" Circe whispered her voice uncertain, as she stared at the side of his face. He stiffened in his seat and did not respond. "I know you can hear me … could you just … could we just talk for a second? Please?" Her voice tore at his insides and Sirius had struggle with himself to not turn to her and smile. The last two months as well as all the hurt she had caused him obviously meant nothing to his broken and bruised heart as he knew then that he still loved her.
The knowledge that he had learned nothing from all the pain was the last straw. He jumped up out of his seat, glad to no longer have the pressure of her side against his, and let himself explode. "Sod off will you? Just leave me the bloody hell alone!" Ignoring the shocked looks and silence of everyone else in the compartment he turned abruptly and got out of there as fast as he could. Sirius paused for a second in the hallway, trying to decide which way to go, before deciding on going left. Left seemed like a good direction to him then.
He hadn't got ten feet down the corridor when he heard Circe's voice again, calling out his name as she rushed to catch up to him. He felt his features harden and his step faltered but Sirius began to walk faster.Circe grabbed his arm to keep him from walking any farther.
"What the hell do you want Bloom?" He asked, angry with her.
Sirius saw the shine of tears in her eyes as she blinked several times to hold them back. "I just wanted to talk to you-"
Sirius rudely cut her off and ripped his arm from her grip. "I have nothing nice to say to you." He began to walk away.
"Sirius, would you just listen for a second?" Sirius stopped stiff, but did not turn around. When she didn't speak he turned his head slightly so that he could see her over his shoulder and growled his words out, "Say what you've got to say and hurry it up. I don't want to have anything to do with you."
His words hurt her and he knew it. He stiffened even more at the sight of her eyes wet with the tears she refused to let fall. "I broke up with Seamus." Her whispered words just fueled his anger and his face flushed while his fists clenched. He was furious with her and heartbroken at the same time. How could Circe think that nothing had changed after two months?
"I couldn't care less whether you and Malloy are together or not." Sirius said as he began to walk away. He muttered quietly to himself words that he wasn't sure he would ever believe, "And I couldn't care less about you."
Circe's next words were a harsh whisper; he could hear tears clogging her throat. "But you said you loved me." Sirius clenched his fists even harder and his knuckles went white and he stopped walking. She had played her final card and it had stopped him dead in his tracks.
Sirius turned around to see tears streaming down her face, making her eyes shine. He swallowed hard and fought to keep his voice down, not wanting to draw the attention of other students. "I've said a lot of things."
His words brought forth Circe's anger and she walked forward until she stood directly in front of him. He didn't move as she jabbed her finger into his chest to emphasize each word she spat at him. "How dare you? I know that you meant it when you said you loved me, and I know that I hurt you, but you know what Black? You hurt me too. I worshipped you and Lupin and Potter for years and the minute I gave up on you had to have what you couldn't get. And now that you can have me you don't want me any more. You're pathetic."
"You played me Circe!" He glared at her as her words hit close to home. He was livid that she had managed to turn everything around on him again. She was the one who should feel guilty, not him. She had been horrible to him for a year and here she stood making him feel like a total jerk. It wasn't right. "You played me the same time you played Malloy. I hope you enjoyed yourself-"
She cut him off. "I never played you!"
"You let me think-"
"Think what? Think that you meant something to me? Because you did Black. You still do. I was confused! I didn't know what to think about you. I had no idea why you were going after me and between you and Seamus I had no idea what to do. I'm not used to being the girl people chase, Black. And now that I am trying to make it right and give you a chance you don't want me anymore. Why do you only want me when you can't have me?"
Sirius froze for a moment, allowing her words to register with him. She was wrong, very wrong, but he wasn't sure yet if he wanted her to know that. Of course he still wanted her, still loved her. He was now convinced that he always would, but that wasn't the point. The point was that he had bared his soul to her, the first girl he had ever loved, and she had stomped all over it for the last year.
He wasn't sure if he could get over that just yet. He didn't know if he could forgive her.
Circe didn't speak either while he stared at her, the tears still pouring down her face. His heart twisted because she was crying but his mind berated him for being a fool. For all his experience with women, Sirius didn't have any knowledge of women that would help him now.
"Speak." Circe breathed the word, dragging Sirius from his trance. "Say something. Please."
Sirius didn't speak, he couldn't. He didn't know what to say. So instead of speaking he did the only thing he really knew how to do when talking with girls. Sirius leaned forward and kissed Circe.
A/N: More to come soon, at least I hope. I am really going to try to update more frequently as this story is almost done. Hope you liked this chapter, and please review. I like reviews … :)
