**A/N – As was noted before, my review thanks from the last part was outrageously long… so I'm going to keep it really short this time around with the exception of two…

Pixie88 – Oh my!  A crossover review!  I love crossover reviewers!  I'm very excited that you enjoyed 'What If I Can't?' in the General Hospital realm, and I'm ecstatic that you like this as well!  Please keep on reading and reviewing!  Familiar faces within different genres make me feel like I'm doing my job…:)

ABC – Yes!  You can find a good story on FF.net!  And I'm not just plugging the site that was kind enough to let me post, I'm being honest.  There are a lot of good writers that go unnoticed and VERY unappreciated…  So keep looking!  You'll find more, trust me!

And to everyone else that reviewed, I bow before you!  It was great to see such a wonderful response to my last post.  I appreciate every single review and read through them a couple of times.  In fact, if I've had a hard day, I go back and look at old ones to make me smile.  All of the support and praise makes the effort worthwhile and keeps me writing.  When I get frustrated and have the urge to quit everything I'm writing, it's all of you that keep me from doing such an insane thing.  Thank you and keep it up!!

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Stupid Wes!  Cordelia let out a large sigh as she walked down the hallway towards Angel's apartment.  Wes had made her go 'make good' with the cranky vampire while he and Spike explained some things to Gunn, Lorne and Fred about the vision.  He said that they were going to have to all work together if they were going to figure all of this stuff out and Cordelia and Angel should be on good terms in order for it to all work out correctly.  Pffft.  Cordelia huffed to herself.  It was a complete Wesley 'duh, speaking of the obvious' moment.  But the more she whined to herself, the more Cordelia realized how much things had changed.  Gunn and Fred weren't together…  Gunn was even a little weird and Fred was still a bit of a lost little girl despite the confidence that seemed to be growing in leaps and bounds. Wes was all serious Watcher-y again… Lorne seemed a little less light-hearted… and Angel… Well, what could she say about Angel that hadn't already been said in the past?  He was certainly broody.  Check.  He was also melodramatic-y.  Check.  Cordelia rolled her eyes.  It was like the man-pire had reverted to his serious, glowering, detached, no-life-in-him-whatsoever mode of old.  Check, check and check.  At least he hadn't gone back to the black on black motif.  A smug smile slipped over Cordelia's features for a second.  She'd been right – he looked good in colors.  And it gave her a little sense of pride to know that she'd been the one to dig him out of that depressing hole.  And out of the blood red, oh-so-Angelus depths.  Cordelia shook her head… way off subject.  The changes the gang went through… it all led back to one thing.  Conner.  It hurt that all of her memories of the little baby – and the young man – had been erased from everyone's minds as if they had meant nothing.  Granted, a lot of those memories were painful and she hadn't even been herself a lot of the time, but they were still there and needing to be worked through.  Especially since some of the actions spawned from everything brought her to this point.

"And this point is staring you right in the face, Cor," she told herself as she came face to face with Angel's apartment door.  With a steady breath, she put her hand on the doorknob and turned.  It was unlocked, surprisingly.  She'd expected Angel to go marinate in his outrage, locked in a dank, dark room where no interloper could possibly interrupt.  But she was no mere interloper.  She was Cordelia – hear her roar, goddamnit!  Grrrrrr, she said to herself as she walked further into the dark apartment.    

"Typical vampire," she muttered to herself as she looked around the living room.  It was done in his signature dark on dark.  Dark red walls, black leather and dark wood furniture, weapons decorating the walls and ancient tomes lining the bookshelves.

"Angel, I could have stood outside your door and predicted your décor," she shouted.  Cordelia waited a beat but was greeted with only silence.

"Martha 'the house goddess' Stewart would have a fit," she tried again.

"What are you doing here, Cordelia?" a voice broke out in the dark apartment.  Cordelia inwardly chided herself for jumping slightly at his voice.  Turning towards the source, she put her hands up to her hips in a defensive position.  She knew that he knew she was slightly afraid of being there.  Angel of before, she knew.  This new Angel, the Angel that worked for Wolfram & Hart, she didn't know anymore.  The dark doorway framed an equally dark vampire.  He stood, leaning against the doorjamb watching her.  One of her fine eyebrows arched up.

"I see we've gotten in touch with our inner repressed depression yet again," she said.  Angel stood up straight, an annoyed look crossing his face.

"Cordelia, I'm not in the mood for one of your rants on my choice of furnishings, my choice of clothing or my choice of anything," he said.  Cordelia just looked at him.

"You're not in the mood?  How 'bout me, buster?  I didn't want to give the first one… which you didn't even listen to anyways!  But frankly, your choices as of late have been fairly rant-inducing," she said.  The vampire crossed the room and sat down, picking up one of his numerous dusty tomes and opened it.

"Cordelia, are you just going to stand there and sulk?" he asked, not even looking up.  Cordelia just watched him for a second.  Then she huffed and sat down in the chair across from him.

"You think I'd rather be here, trying to make nice with a perpetually morose creature of the night, than off sitting in some remote tropical location getting my tan lines back and sipping mai-tai's till I see double?" Cordelia asked, crossing her arms and her legs as she stared at the top of Angel's bent head.  "If you think that, then you're mistaken, bub…"  This time, the vampire did look up – his face serious and betraying no emotion.

"Then go, Cordelia… I've never asked you to stay…" he said, his dark eyes locking with her.  The way he said it… the detached, doctor-like tone pissed her off to no end.  But rather than yell, she just stood up. 

"No, you didn't, did you?" she asked softy.  "But I did anyway… and you know why?"  Angel sighed as he closed the book and set it aside.

"Because you believe in the good fight," he said simply.  Cordelia's eyes widened.

"Is that what this is all about?  Is that why you've joined Wolfram & Hart?" she asked more to herself.  Angel let out a little laugh.

"Because I believe in the good fight?" he asked, incredulous.  Cordelia shook her head as she looked closer at him.

"No… because you don't," she said back.  Angel watched her, his eyes narrowing at her careful examination.   Uncomfortable, and all of a sudden angry, he stood up.

"Are you asking me if I've given up?" he asked with a frown.  "Because I haven't.  I've been the damned PTB's good little pet vampire… helping those helpless… what more could they – or you, for that matter – ask?"  There was silence.  Angel felt the urge to smash something as the silence stretched out and she continued to watch him.  Finally, she sat forward and leaned her elbows on her knees.

"Have you heard the saying 'sins of the heart', Angel?" she asked, her eyes locked on his.  Angel turned away from her.

"You forget, I don't have one… well, not a working one, anyways," he said.  Cordelia shook her head as she stood up and crossed to him.

"It doesn't matter, Angel," she said as she laid a hand on his arm.  "The issue here isn't whether or not you stopped fighting… or helping the helpless.  What I want to know is when did you stop fighting for the Powers?"  Angel looked down at her hand and then up at her.  There was concern in her gaze, and sadness.  He shook her arm off.

"When the Powers stopped caring what happened… who got caught in the crossfire," he spit out.  Cordelia stood up straight.

"Angel…" she started.  Angel cut her off with an angry glare.

"No!  Don't try to defend them!  I've been nothing less than their loyal servant…" as soon as the words were out of his mouth, he pointed at her when she opened her mouth.  "And you bring up Darla or anything about the color beige and I'll throw you out that window!  I should have known then that there isn't anything better than this.  It was what Wolfram & Hart was trying to tell me…  The fight is endless.  Only the people I love get hurt and…"  Cordelia waited for him to finish, but he didn't.  She let out a heavy sigh when she realized that the angry spout of information had been closed off.  She'd been lucky to get this much out of oh-so-talkative Angel.

"It was Conner, wasn't it?" she asked.  "When Conner came back… nothing was right after that.  I though it was Wes that had caused all the tense stuff… but it was you.  You weren't right after that."

"God, Cordelia," he said in a deathly quiet, monotone voice as he rubbed a hand over his face.  Cordelia looked at him in question.

"What?  It's true, isn't it?  It actually explains a lot," she said as she turned away from him to look out the window.  Before she knew it, strong arms gripped hers and turned her around.

"Cordelia, the fact that you think it was just Conner shows that nothing was explained," he said angrily.  Cordelia winced as the grip on her arms tightened slightly.  A spark flashed in her eye as she brought her hands up between them and laid them on his chest.

"You'd better let me go, Broody Boy, or I'm going to…" she started, trailing off as she turned her palms toward her slowly to look at them.  Cordelia felt the new wave of tears bubbling inside of her chest as she looked at her useless non-demon hands.  Angel's grip loosened on her as he watched the anger on her face crumble to despair.  Anger had brought her heated blood to the surface and almost scalded Angel's hands where they touched her.  But the sudden wave of anguish and confusion was like feeling someone pale.

"Cordy?" he asked softly, worried at the look on her face.

"Oh, God," she rasped out, eyes still locked on her hands.  It took her a moment to realize what her brain was telling her, but once she did she let out a soft, painful cry as she collapsed into Angel's embrace.

"It's all my fault," she whispered so quietly that without his vampire hearing Angel wouldn't have heard it.  Concern and panic were warring with each other in Angel's chest as he picked her up and sat down with her on the couch.

"Cordelia… what's your fault?" he asked her, stroking the back of her head.  Cordelia's eyes were unseeing as she leaned and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Oh, God… all of it… if I hadn't been so stupid…" she said.

"Cordelia…" Angel said, but she kept on talking as if he weren't there.

"It was all a test.  I should have said no… I was supposed to say no… but I didn't and I'm being punished for it.  This is my punishment…" she said.  Angel frowned.  What would she be punished for?  He was about to ask, but she kept on talking.

"My punishment is to live through this mess as a human, without the visions, without anything so that I can't do anything about it!  And I can't, can I?  It's impossible for me to fix this now…" she rambled on, bringing a hand to her forehead in weary frustration.  Suddenly, she sat up and gripped Angel's shirt, looking him straight in the eye.

"I can't change this!  I'm here, but I can't change you being here or the rest of the gang being here.  I can't bring Conner back… I can't undo Jasmine…  My selfishness has caused all of this.  I've hurt you, I've hurt Wes, I've hurt Conner… I've hurt everyone.  The damned Powers That Be.  They knew what would happen, but they didn't stop me.  Because I chose to be a higher power, Jasmine was allowed to be free.  If I'd said no, if I'd fought it, I could have come back, found you, healed Conner… but instead I got wrapped up in my usefulness, my own pride…And now, I can't do a thing to change it, or fix it," Cordelia ended on a weak voice.  The grip she had on Angel's shirt loosened and she leaned into him.  Angel was silent as he wrapped his arms around her and held her close.  She was talking about the time when they'd both disappeared, that much he knew.

"You didn't cause anything, Cordelia," he replied softly.  It took a second, but the brunette looked up at him, her eyes watery with unshed tears and her face a picture of confusion.

"How do you know?" she asked.  Suddenly she unwrapped herself from Angel and stood up.  Angry Cordelia was back and she was pacing back and forth in front of him.  He watched as she thought something over.

"What are you doing?" he asked, honestly curious as to what was going through her head.  She waved a hand at him.

"Quiet!  I'm thinking!" she said tartly as she continued to wear a path into his floor.  Angel stood up in her path and grasped her shoulders lightly.

"Cordelia…" he tried again, but she shook free.

"No, Angel.  Don't try to reason things out.  Don't try to make me not feel guilty.  Give us mere mortals a hand hold on some of the brooding vibes, okay?  You can't have a monopoly on 'em all, Scrooge.  I just need to think…" she said, a hand going to her hip and her free hand going up to tap a fingernail against her teeth.  After a moment she clapped her hands together and hopped happily.

"I've got it!" she said.

"Got what?" Angel asked, a confused frown on his face.

"The answer, dummy!" she said as she started her pacing again.  "You did it, so why can't I?  It will be a little bit different, of course, but if I beg enough, they can probably do it.  I mean, the PTB can't be that spiteful… can they?"  Angel frowned again.

"What are you talking about?  What did I do?" he asked.  Cordelia turned to face him.

"You messed with the timeline… you erased Conner from everyone's memories.  Hell, you did it before that with the whole Buffy boinking day…  If the PTB can do that for you, then they can certainly do it for me…" she said.  Angel shook his head.

"No, Cordelia," he said.  Cordelia whirled on him angrily.

"Oh, so you can erase what you want from people, but I can't?  Even when I'm trying to fix things?!  What gives you that right and not me?" she asked. 

"Cordelia, when I erased the day with Buffy, I sacrificed my happiness – being human – to the PTB.  When I erased Conner from everyone's memory, it wasn't through the Powers…" he said.  Cordelia's eyes widened.

"What?" she asked.  "What do you mean 'it wasn't through the Powers'?"  Angel let out an unneeded breath and sat down.

"Wolfram & Hart were the ones that arranged for Conner's new life and for the memory thing," he said.  Cordelia's jaw dropped and she was silent as Angel's words absorbed into her brain.

"Oh my God," she finally moaned.  "Angel!  How could you do that?!  What if… oh God… what if there's something else going on?  What if they didn't really make them forget?  What if they're planning something and you stupidly gave them what they wanted?"  The agitated woman's pace quickened as the worry seeped into her.

"Cordelia, no one remembers.  That's what I wanted, and that's what I got.  I'm happy that Conner has a good life and that his part in everyone's pain isn't remembered," Angel said, looking at the floor.  Cordelia stopped in front of him.

"What about me?" she asked, causing Angel to look up at her.  "And you?"  Angel shook his head.

"It doesn't matter," he said.  Cordelia's eyes narrowed as he looked down again.

"Bullshit 'it doesn't matter'.  You can't even look at me now, can you?  It may not have been me with Conner, but every time you look at the real me, you still see it, don't you?" she asked.

"Cordelia…" he started.

"No Angel!  You get pissed off because I went to someone else first… I went to Wes.  But at the same time you can still see that thing that was masquerading as me and you can barely look at me," she said.

"Cordelia, stop interrupting me!" he said.  "If you'd let me answer you'd know that no, I don't see what happened before when I look at you.  You think it's disgust, Cordy, but it's not.  It's anger and guilt… directed towards me not you.  I should have known that it wasn't you… or at least that something was off.  How could I have thought I loved you and been fooled so easily?" he asked, standing up and going to the window.  Cordelia's heart pounded as all the feelings she had for him rushed to the surface and begged to be shouted out.  But she held firm.  The words 'thought I loved you' was suitable enough cold water on that fire.  It didn't escape her notice that he's crossed the entire room, as far from her as he could get, after he'd said that.

"Fine," Cordelia said softly.  "You want to take blame, go ahead.  Who am I to stop you?  But we were all fooled.  We all made decisions that were wrong and we were all preyed upon…"  Angel turned to look at her.

"What?" he asked.  Cordelia shrugged.

"It's true.  I was preyed upon by both the Powers and by Jasmine through my weaknesses.  Wolfram & Hart found all of yours and exploited them.  You wanted a better life for Conner.  They gave it to you.  Wes wanted some purpose and self-worth – to prove himself.  They gave it to him.  Gunn wanted to be more than just brawn to AI. They gave it to him.  Fred wanted to do what she loved in a setting that befitted her.  They gave it to her.  And Lorne… well, who really knows what Lorne wants in his crazy brain, but what Wolfram & Hart gave him… he's not complaining…" she explained.  "We all let our guard down at the worst possible times.  We should have been more wary, but instead we let the weaknesses become powerful.  And here we all are…"  Angel was silent as he thought over her words.  Finally, he nodded, agreeing with her.

"You're probably right.  But you are wrong about one thing," he said, his brown eyes conveying his seriousness.  "It wasn't just Conner, Cordy.  It was you, too.  They offered to give you the best doctors, the best medical care – the best researchers – to make you better.  I couldn't pass that up either."  This time, Cordelia's eyes went to the ground.  The area where her heart was warmed considerably at his words.  It made her feel a little better – but she knew it was selfish.  And she knew what being selfish had gotten her before.  That thought sobered her quickly.

"Thank you," she said.  Angel looked like he wanted to say more, but didn't know what or how to say it.  And before he could speak up there was a knock on his apartment door.  Angel and Cordelia both looked at each other.

"Are we okay?" she asked him.  It took a second for him to answer, because if he'd answered truthfully, it would have led to more questions.  So he lied instead.

"Yeah."  Cordelia smiled at him before she went to open the door.  When she did, a green head peeked in.

"Hello lovies… Anyone missing extremities?" Lorne's sing-song voice asked, and didn't wait for an answer.  "No?  Good.  Cuz us bunch have had a pow-wow and our resident brain has come up with a theory…"  The green demon led a weary bunch into Angel's apartment, Wesley bringing up the rear.  The Englishman cleared his throat and pushed his glasses up a little.  When he looked to Cordelia, she gave him a reassuring smile… and he returned it.

"Well, as theories go… this one isn't sound… but then again," he said.  "We've gone on less…"

"Damn.  I've heard this already.  Do I really have to stay and listen again?  I want to go to bed.  It's gone long past calling my name…" Gunn whined.  Cordelia smiled.

"Maybe we'll come up with something that you haven't heard, Gunn," she said.  The black man rolled his eyes and glared at her.

"You think I care, at this exact moment, whether or not you fools solve world peace while I'm sleeping?" he asked.  Cordelia let out a chuckle.

"You will when we get the prize and the money to go with it," she shot back to him.  He smiled at her.  Wes cleared his throat again, calling attention to himself.

"If you're quite finished," he said.  Cordelia rolled her eyes this time and nodded.  "Good.  Then after extensive amounts of research into both the book and to Spike's vision, I may have come up with a brief, unsubstantiated revelation."  Fred plopped down into a nearby chair as Cordelia leaned against the couch.

"By all means, Wise One… continue," she said.  Wes cleared his throat again as he looked to Cordelia, and then briefly to Angel.

"I believe that in connection to the child in Spike's vision our memories have been tampered with…" he said.  Fred sat up straight in her chair, her eyes wide as Gunn let out an explicative.  Angel and Cordy looked between themselves quickly as Lorne also let out what surely must have been an explicative in his dimension's language.

"Wes man, you said nothing of that sort in our discussion… you told us about ancient Celtic monks, which makes sense since there were robes in the vision.  But memory tampering?" Gunn cried.

"Yeah, baldykins is right.  As theories go, that one is certainly brief and unsubstantiated… not to mention completely out of some crazy weird left field…" Lorne added.  Wes looked around the room until his eyes fell on Cordelia again.  She was watching him with a serious expression – the only one that seemed to be giving his theory any merit.

"Wes… please tell us how you came up with this," she prompted in a calm, collected voice.  It was then that Wes realized she knew more than she had told him.                    

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A/N – I really hope that you enjoyed this part… I really enjoyed writing it, even though it took me forever.  I hope it explains a little of Cordelia's actions and a little of her reasoning for some things.  If it doesn't let me know and I'll try to expound further somewhere.  Otherwise, I'm sure it raises more questions – and that's the point, since this isn't over yet – so don't be afraid to ask them!!  I love to see what my readers' minds come up with as they go through…