RATING: PG
SUMMARY: It started out as nothing but translating maps to get them off the island, but when Shannon realizes that she is falling for Sayid, will her past come between them?
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters from Lost and am not making a profit. If they were mine, then there would be more Shayid moments.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: From the chapter on there will be references to things from the show, especially Hearts and Minds, anything that wasn't stated in that show, is made up by me.
Thank you everyone, I have never seen such wonderful reviews before and I greatly appreciate it. You are definitely making me want to get the next chapter out faster. theblondeone07, thank you, I hope that you will be happy with Sayid's reaction. Sayidrocks, thanks again for reviewing. I planned for this chapter to be slightly different but after I read your review it came out much faster than anything I've ever written. I hope that you enjoy it. Thank you so much MariAmber, I was concerned about them not being in character and I hope that you continue to think I'm doing a good job. Thanks Alison, you will find out soon how Sayid is feeling. Mrs. Chipmunk, thanks, I don't want them to be over either, you'll just have to wait and see what happens. Thank you, artistgirl727, fluff is always the most fun to write, but I had to do something to make it a little angsty. Thanks again to all the reviewers and readers, I can't say enough how much it means to me.
Chapter Five Feeling UnwantedIt had been two days since she had talked with Sayid. She hadn't seen him around so she assumed that he was simply avoiding her. Not that she had exactly been looking for him either. She was afraid to see the look in his eyes; the disgust that she knew would be there. Still it was odd that she didn't see him at all, but she guessed that since he had been a soldier that he was capable of staying hidden.
Since leaving the area where they had picnicked, she had asked herself how did everything go wrong so quickly? She knew that she what she had done was wrong and stupid, she regretted it more than anything, but deep down she thought Sayid would find a way to move past it or maybe that had just been wishful thinking. Why would he want someone like her? He could so obviously do better. He deserved better than a girl who stole money from her stepbrother and then had sex with him.
She had spent hours staring at the shoes that he had given her for translating and had flipped through the magazine as well, sadly it wasn't as much fun without him pretending to look over her shoulder. A month was as long as she had known him and still it broke her heart this much to now not have him here. She laughed bitterly at the fact that she had caused her broken heart. If she hadn't been so stupid then she never would have had to share it with Sayid. The fact that if she hadn't been in Australia she wouldn't have been on the plane, which meant that she never would have meet Sayid, never crossed her mind.
She had tried earlier to be productive. She had tried to help out, but everything she did made her think of Sayid, so she had retreated back to her tent. How had he made it through all the walls she had built around her heart so easily? Everywhere she looked on the island, she thought she saw him, but he was never really there. It was driving her crazy. Sayid didn't seem like the type of person who would hide from her. For a second she wondered if Sayid had gone after Boone, but after seeing his reaction to what he had done to Sawyer she doubted that was the case, not that she would have minded.
She thought about Sawyer for a second, wondering why she couldn't have fallen in love with him. She would have known how to deal with him, she had dealt with men similar for far too long. If she had told Sawyer he wouldn't care at all. But as Shannon closed her eyes and pictured Sayid, she knew why she hadn't fallen for Sawyer. He didn't look at her the way Sayid did, he didn't listen to her when she rambled or talked about missing home, he didn't brush her hair out of her face and most importantly, he didn't look at her or treat her as if she was the most important person in the world. This was not helping her to mend her broken heart.
All of these feelings were pretty new to Shannon; she had never had her heart broken like this before. Sure her father had broken it by ignoring her and by always siding with her stepmother, but this was different. She didn't know how to explain it, just that it hurt and she didn't like it. This was why she had never fallen in love before, it all hurt too much. The last time she had let someone in, it had ended when he had pushed her down a flight of stairs. But again this was different, no broken bones no sign that she was hurt at all.
She was annoyed with herself and decided that she needed to paint her nails something that would remind her of home, something to take her mind off this mess. She took a blanket and moved away from her tent, where she thought she would be alone. She opened up the nail polish, but then noticed her hands were shaking too much. She closed it back up and set it down. She would try again in a little while.
Shannon's eyes started burning as she once again thought about Sayid. She was so furious with herself and with him for not having the decency to at least call her a whore to her face and tell her that he was done with her. A few tears fell down her face.
She heard some voices in the woods and looked around first for a weapon. Then she realized that it was just Kate and Sawyer. She wondered momentary where Jack was since he always seemed to be the one with Kate. She decided to listen to their conversation, hoping to find out some good gossip to take her mind off Sayid. She could only make out snippets of their conversation and it drove her crazy. What good was it if you only heard a little bit of it?
She laid down and closed her eyes, hoping that maybe she could fall asleep and rest for the first time since she had told Sayid everything. She heard Kate mention Sayid and her eyes popped open. Kate already had two men, why was she worrying about Sayid? Shannon tried to push the jealousy she was feeling away as she listened harder. She could hear Sawyer telling her not to worry. Why would she need to worry? She then heard that Hurley had gone out to the woods and Jack, Charlie and her Sayid had gone too.
Shannon breathed a sign of relief maybe that was why she hadn't seen him for two days maybe it wasn't about her. But then she realized that he wasn't back yet, when it seemed from listening to Kate that they should have been back last night. What if something had happened to him? Of if he had decided to find another part of the island to live at where he wouldn't have to deal with her?
Everything suddenly felt too overwhelming. Having bared everything to Sayid and getting nothing in response and now learning that he was somewhere in the crazy jungle was too much. She could handle him breaking it off with her, even though it hurt like hell, but the thought of never seeing him again at all was too much.
Shannon pulled her knees to her chest, the way she used to when she was little. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself, as if to hold herself together. She finally allowed all her pent up tears to fall. She tried to cry quietly, she didn't want anyone to hear her and ask what was wrong. Sharing her past with Sayid was one thing; she wasn't ready to tell anyone else. Luckily for her, she was a pro at crying so that no one knew what she was doing. She could remember many nights where she had cried herself to sleep and no one had known. She cried now, for the possibility of no relationship with Sayid, the possibility that he was lost in the jungle but most of all she cried for herself.
She felt something warm slip around her shoulders. She had been caught. She was afraid to look up, afraid to see who had seen her so weak. Taking a deep breath, she looked up.
Her eyes widened in surprise. "Sayid," was all she could say.
He knelt down besides her and gently wrapped his arms around her pulling her towards him. She didn't know why he was there, nor did she care at the moment. She allowed him to pull her to his chest and comfort her.
She started crying again as he whispered in her ear, "I love you."
TBC…
