Some of us hover only waitin' for the other who was
Dying since they day they were born
Well, well, this is not that
I think that I'm throwing, but I'm thrown
And I thought I'd live forever, but now I'm not so sure
You try to tell me that I'm clever
But that won't take me anyhow, or anywhere with you
You said that I was naive and I thought that I was strong
I thought, "Hey, I can leave, I can leave
Oh but now I know that I was wrong, 'cause I missed you
Yeah, I miss you
-"Stay (I Missed You)" by Lisa Loeb
There was a lack of wetness coming from the sky.
I don't exactly know when I noticed it, or why I did, but somehow the small fact seeped into my brain like a virus, and I looked up from the beaten path that I had been staring at for hours, thinking about everything and nothing all at once. But everything and nothing didn't seem to matter anymore, considering that one special fact... The lack of wetness.
And one glance told me that I was right.
"Wow..." I sighed quietly, my step faltering. We were standing at the gate of something wonderful, something that could quite possibly be the most beautiful place in the entire world. And I mean, better looking than ANYTHING, including Home on the first day it was complete, when it was spick and span and shiny, better looking than any beach or pyrefly river or... anyplace, honestly. The air had a blue-like quality, the trees grew wild and crazy, and the path zig-zagged as far as the eye could see. But, there were crystals and butterflies everywhere I looked, and light passed through the trees in mysterious ways. It was amazing.
"Macalania Forest," Auron grunted. "About time we got here."
Everyone groaned at his comment, me included. "It doesn't matter when we got here, as long as we got here all in one piece," I said, trying to cheer everyone up. "Right?"
"True," Lulu nodded. "We're lucky we passed through the Thunder Plains with minor injuries."
"Except for Rikku over here," Wakka laughed, nudging me on the shoulder.
I smiled and shrugged him off, stepping a bit further into the trees. I don't really know what fascinated me so much about the forest, but something was drawing me in, and I couldn't help but go deeper inside. I was a few feet in before Yunie called out to me.
"Wait, Rikku! Don't go in any further."
I turned, confused. "How come?"
"I think we should stop for the night, just to rest up before we get too deep inside. I'm sure there are many dangers that we need to be prepared for, and it would be better if we were all rested when we faced them."
"Oh," I nodded. "That makes sense."
Hours passed as we set up camp, the boys setting up the tents and fetching wood, and the girls starting the fire and cooking. It was the very first time that I had slept outside of an inn since I joined the group, and although Tidus mentioned it, I didn't really think much about it. Now there were things to think about, like who would keep watch while the others were sleeping, who would help cook, where everyone would go for their private time to themselves.
Yunie was entertaining herself by practicing her black magic on the pile of wood in the middle of the campsite. "Fire.." she mumbled. "Come on, fire..."
Lulu stood back, smiling slightly. "Use more force, Yuna. You need to say it like you mean it."
"Fire," she said louder. "Fire." She waved her staff a bit, then moved her arms in ways that I couldn't even begin to understand. "It's not working..."
"Here, Yunie, listen," I said, getting up from my spot against a tree, where I was searching for something more interesting to eat than what we had in our supplies. "I know I don't really know the basics, but when Lulu says, "Say it like you mean it," you have to say it like you mean it. Like this..." I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and something mystical happened.
My hands started moving of their own accord, and I could feel a burning pressure building up inside my palms, just waiting to come out. First, my arms moved over my head, moving back and forth slightly.
"Fire..." I breathed out, and my hands crashed down in front of my face, my fingers snapping together.
I opened my eyes slightly, breaking myself out of my own spell, and to my surprise, the logs were burning, spreading warmth and making fun crackling noises. "Holy crap..." I choked out. "Lulu, tell me you did that."
She chuckled a bit as she stepped closer to the fire, "No, Rikku, I didn't. When did you learn black magic?"
"Uh... never? That was my first try," I said quietly, nervously looking around myself. Luckily, no one noticed my little trick but Lulu and Yunie, and for that I was glad. I mean, come on, if they knew I could cast spells, they would expect me to use them all the time to protect myself and stuff, and what would be the fun in that? It's much more fun to mix random objects together and throw them around. Blowing stuff up is always way more fun than splashing someone with water, or toasting them.
Although, I must admit, making fiends burn was starting to sound appealing.
"Amazing, Rikku!" Yunie exclaimed, clapping her hands together. "You're a natural."
"I'm sure if you were to practice, you would become very powerful. It would be a useful skill for you to gain," Lulu added.
"Uh huh. Yeah. Practice makes perfect and all that jazz," I said, smiling slightly, looking down at my fingers in awe. "Maybe I'll keep trying it."
"Good idea," Yunie said, as we all went back to work, the girls watching me more carefully from then on. And they weren't the only ones watching, either...
Later on, after everything was cooked and set up, we all sat around the fire, silently picking at our food. I wasn't even one bit hungry, and I could tell that no one else was either, but we still pretended for Yunie's sake, considering she made everything. The trees blew silently above us, and Kimahri sat away from us, against a tree, silently watching the path for any creatures that might want to kill us.
Finally, I had enough. Standing up, I threw my food into the fire, brushed the crumbs off my shorts, and said, "Hey... I think I'm going to go for a walk."
"Alone?" Yunie asked, concern filling her face. No one else really seemed like they were paying any attention, including Auron, who was picking at his food across the fire from me. A small glance up from behind his glasses told me otherwise, though.
"I'll be fine... I'll bring my claw, okay?" I said reassuringly, and she nodded.
I turned away from them, and started down a different path than the one we took, knowing that I would somehow find my way back. I've always been good at directions, since I've had to navigate my way around Bikinal Island. But then again, it's desert, and in the desert, the landscape changes every five seconds. Which means a simple forest should be a piece of cake, right? Right.
I walked down the path for what seemed like hours, although it could have been ten minutes and never noticed the difference, when I finally saw what I was looking for. A small path veering off to the left, and a clearing beyond it.
Exactly the place where I could clear my head...
The clearing was relatively small, just a meadow with a small stream passing through. But it was enough, because the grass was short, the rocks under the water were glowing, and there was a patch of sky directly above, where the stars were winking at me. I plopped myself on top of a boulder and stared off in the distance.
"I miss you..." I whispered before I could catch myself, my voice barely audible.
I looked around, checking to make sure that no one was around, and said it again. "I miss you... I miss you..." Louder and louder, I kept repeating myself. "I miss the way you smiled at me when I was being silly... I miss the way that you would laugh when I was serious..." I could feel myself starting to tear up, but I had to keep going, or else I wouldn't be able to make it through the next few days. I just had to get everything out, once and for all, even if he couldn't hear me. "I miss flinging you out of a window with a pink dishtowel... And I miss dancing with you along an empty path... And I miss the way that you used to look at me..."
The sparkles of light from the stream were getting blurry inside of my eyes, from the tears clouding everything up. I sat for a second, pausing after the last thing I said, and then started speaking again. This time though, I wasn't feeling peaceful. "And I hate the way you look at me now... And I hate the way that you make me feel guilty... And I hate the fact that if I never met you, I wouldn't be in this predicament..." At this point, I could feel myself starting to scream, but I knew that I was far enough away from camp to get away with it. So, instead of holding myself back, I just jumped up on top of the boulder I was formerly sitting on, and just let go.
"And I hate the way you speak to me these days... And I hate the fact that you still haven't figured out that I have to protect you! You, you, you. How could you not understand that? Who else would I do this for? Who else would I be this misrable for? Why else would I be throwing myself in front of Seymour, going "Take me, take me!" if it wasn't for YOU? I just hate that you're so damn dense!"
Tears were streaking down my cheeks, and I swiped them away angerly, jumping down from the boulder and taking my place next to the stream, screaming out into the sky. And I was screaming louder than I've ever screamed before, my voice cracking under the strain.
"And I hate you, hate you, hate you... Hate... Hate..." Down to my knees... "H..Hate... Hate..." Head in my hands... "Hate you..."
"And I absolutely, positively, hate the fact that I'm in love with you, you big, stupid, idiotic, meanie. I love you, and I HATE that. I love you, love you, love you..."
"And I know thatyou'll never, ever love me again, after what I've done..."
"Who said that I ever stopped?"
My head turned so fast that I was sure I got whiplash, and there he was, Sir Auron the Almighty, in all of his glory, standing a few feet behind me. His glasses were off and his collar had disappeared, but I could see every part of his face, every part that he had kept hidden, and I knew that he meant it to be that way. I wiped the tears from my face quickly, and turned back around.
"What are you doing here? I thought you were back at camp..."
"That's not important," he said, as he stepped closer to me, his boots making soft whispers on the grass underneath them.
I stood up slowly, still facing the stream. "And how much did you hear?"
"Enough," he said quietly, finally closing the gap between us, his arms reaching around my stomach. I leaned back into him without even thinking, and his arms squeezed tighter.
For once in my life, I didn't know what to say. So, I kept quiet, staring out at the stream, refusing to look at his face. I was being cowardly, and I knew it, but I couldn't make myself look at him.
"You know what, princess?" he whispered into my ear.
"What?" I whispered back, breathing deeply, feeling the smell of it take over my senses.
"I miss your schemes, your smile, your laugh..." he chuckled. "... How you stole me back... I miss every single little bit of you. I miss the way that you can make anyone happy, without even trying. And I need that... I need you. I need your light, your cheerfulness, your love... Because I love you just as much, if not more, than you love me."
Tears were falling down my cheeks again as he turned my body around, holding my chin between his hands. He made me face him, look him straight in the eye, and I knew I could never resist. "Me?" I squeeked out.
"Yes, you," he smiled, before his face became serious again. "And you are going to have to protect yourself before you protect me, princess, understand? None of this sacrificing yourself for me. I can take care of myself, and I will take care of you, I promise. Seymour won't lay a finger on you without having to hear from me."
I smiled slightly through my tears, running my fingers over his face again. "I'll try... But I can't help it! I just have this compulsion to protect you."
"Funny... I have the same problem..." he whispered before his lips came down to meet mine.
AN: Enjoy guys. This chapter took a bit of time to make right... Sure, they're a bit fluffy... well, not really, but kinda. But come on, she's still gotta face Seymour, right? Haha, that's a few chapters away too... Hoo boy, that'll be some good fun to write. By the way, I love all of you. You make me smile and make me laugh and your reviews are so awesome. So have a lovely weekend, you deserve it!
