Posted: 1-10-05

Chapter 4

AN: I have never gotten a fic this far this fast. Seriously. I are having so much fun and the ideas are just not hiding from me! Maybe it's because I've played through this scenario many times in my head and finally decided to write it. Who knows? I know one thing, I don't own Inuyasha. I also didn't feel like using proper grammar on that third sentence. And I don't own these reviews, either. Well, in a way I do. And here's what I have to say about them:

medlii: Yeah, I thought long and hard about Miroku's reaction... And my mouth is doing much better, thank you! Although on Friday I have to get some teeth pulled... XP

Yun Fei: Yeah, I am being cruel... That's what getting braces does to me, I guess! Thick angst! I just love cliffies cause if makes you all come back . And you nailed the other question that inspired this fic (I mentioned one earlier, I think): "If Sango had to choose, would she pick Kohaku or Miroku?" After a long and grueling analysis (which you'll see some of here, and parts of it I sort of stole from Antigone, heh), I think I came up with a solution...

BaByXbOoX143: Yeah, Kohaku does get his memories back at one point, but it makes him want to kill Naraku. As for who she was talking to, well, just scroll down a little ways (or not, I don't know how the page looks, lol)! And thanks for reviewing!

Starzki: Yay!!! Thanks so much!

xxxroxyxxx: Yes it was! And here it is!

Oh yes. There might be a spoiler warning on this chapter. Or maybe I made this whole future up. Your pick.


"What should I do? H-he's right. There probably isn't any other way to get Kohaku back. I don't know what Naraku is thinking. This could so easily be a trick, and yet Houshi-sama seems sure of it. Why? Why is Naraku doing this? Is... Is he trying to test me? Naraku has been more cruel than usual lately, getting rid of Hakudoushi and Kagura like that. He has to be planning something. Does he want me to fall into grief so I can't fight? Or does he just want Houshi-sama out of the way? And what Kohaku said about Naraku not being able to guarantee his safety... That could mean a variety of things, right? I can't take it too lightly, though... Oh, somebody help me! How am I supposed to respond to this. This could very easily be a situation where I'll lose one or the other... I... I can't choose like this!

"Kohaku is the only brother I have. I'll never have another one. Still, he died. He should have died. Naraku's just using him. But maybe he's not lying. Maybe there really is a way to get him back. How can I not take this chance for my one and only brother?

"Heh, I suppose it's because of my other one and only. I suppose it would be possible for me to find someone else. There's probably another man out there that I can spend the rest of my days with. Would I be happy with that, though? Could I really ever forget Houshi-sama? I... I can't. I can't forget either of them... Kohaku and Houshi-sama. Which one is really the least irreplaceable? ...Neither of them. I... suppose that gives me my answer, doesn't it? I... I don't know how I'll explain it, but if I just let him go, I couldn't ever live with myself..."

"I-I'm so sorry," she said, raising her head at looking straight into his surprised eyes.

"What are you sorry for?" he asked, not fully grasping what she was getting at.

"Ko-Kohaku," she blubbered out, looking down at the ground, "I... You're my brother, and... nothing could change how important you are to me; nothing. I love you, and I always will." Tears still trickled down her cheeks as she raised her head to look at him again. "But, I... I just have to apologize to you, Kohaku. I can't let you kill him."

"Why?" he asked, feeling angry for some reason. "Ane-ue, don't you want me to be alive again? I mean, really be alive?"

"Yes," she said, her sobbing choking her words. "More than anything. And yet, more than anything, I also... I..." Her face lowered again and her bangs shaded her eyes. "Kohaku, I really don't know how to explain this to you."

Kohaku tried to think of what could possibly be causing her to choose this monk's life over what could possibly be his only chance for his. "I... I know that you've traveled together for a while, and I know that defeating Naraku is the most important thing right now. But we've really got enough people to take him down, I think, even without this monk. It... It shouldn't bother you."

Sango smiled a little, raising her head slightly but still not looking at anyone. "Oh, Kohaku, if only it were that simple. But..." Her words became caught in her throat as she found herself sobbing for a moment.

"Sango?" Miroku asked, seeming very calm although concerned. Kohaku still wore an expression of complete confusion.

"Kohaku," she finally managed to say, "Houshi-sama... I... W-what I mean is... Oh, Kohaku, I promised him! I told him I would stay with him after this. I-I said I'd have his children. I...." The sobs were beginning to return in full force and her voice sank down to a mere whisper. "I love him."

Kohaku stared at her in shock for a moment. "What? You can't be serious, Ane-ue..."

Sango had now completely dissolved into her crying, her hands covering her face as her shoulders shook.

Miroku stayed where he was, still looking at her with the same concern, although there was a slight bit of surprise on his face.

Kohaku looked at the ground and blinked a few times, then he finally looked at his sister, then to the monk, and back to her again. "I... I don't understand. Why didn't I know about this?"

"I'm so sorry!" she sobbed, not seeming to be able to say anything else.

Kohaku took a few steps backwards, then finally turned and ran off into the forest. He only turned his head back for a brief moment as the trees began to swallow his form, seeing that neither of them had moved.

He wasn't sure how long he ran, but after a while he finally ran out of steam and collapsed against a tree trunk, panting heavily.

"How?" he thought, putting one hand to his forehead. "I... I don't believe it! There's no way that Ane-ue would promise that to any man! Why would she say something like that?"

Kohaku pulled his knees up against his chest and rested his head on them, still trying to catch his breath. "If it was really true, wouldn't she have told me earlier? I was with them for a few days and I knew nothing about it! Was she purposely keeping it a secret from me? Why would she do that, though? Ane-ue always told me everything, even when I didn't want to hear it. That's not the sort of thing someone would forget about, either. How could she have just gotten engaged to someone and not told me? Did she just want her friend to live so he could help stop Naraku?"

He wrapped his arms around his legs, a few hot tears beginning to roll down his cheeks. "No, that can't be it," he told himself. "She wouldn't have been crying so much if it had. He even told her to let me kill him and she still said no. She wasn't lying. Ane-ue's never lied to anyone in her entire life."

This last internal comment make Kohaku raise his face a little, his heart beat finally back to normal. "How long have I been apart from her, anyway? Even I've lost track of the days. After spending my entire life with her, we're truly apart for the first time. How could she have changed so much in only a few months? Is it because of father and the others? Or does it have to do with Inuyasha and everyone else? Maybe it's because of me... There are times that I don't remember anything about after I died. How many more terrible things have I done that have hurt her?"

He turned his head to the side a little, now seeming completely lost in thought. "I guess I won't ever understand it," he finally told himself. "Things are happening to her that I don't know about. Maybe this is all for the best. After all, I want Ane-ue to be happy even if it means that I'll be sad. The monk obviously cares about her too; I realize that now. That's why he made me promise those things. I still can't figure it out, but I'm probably just too young. If I live long enough, I might understand this one day."

Kohaku suddenly sat upright. "Oh no." he murmured, looking from side to side in worry. "What'll Naraku to when he finds out that I didn't kill him? Is there no way for me to live now? I'm afraid to find out. And I don't want to know what part of my safety he can't guarantee me anymore."

He stood up and scanned the area, trying to decide what the best way to go would be. "I can't go back to Ane-ue. We would only hurt each other again. I could try running away, but Naraku always finds me. I guess there's no point in hiding from him. The longer I wait, the worse things will probably be." Kohaku lowered his head and slowly began walking away from the forest, waiting for either something sent by Naraku to pick him up or for his eventual arrival at the castle. Either way, he knew he had to go back.


AN: I try to place myself into a character when I write thoughts or dialogue, try to feel what they're feeling. So does it mean that I may have been going over board that when I was writing the part where Sango's trying to explain things to Kohaku, I found my eyes tearing up and myself mouthing the words with the same inflection that I hear her using? Yeah, I thought it was... Although, Kohaku's semi-defiance was easy for me since my sister got married a few months ago (and I was not in a good mood). Anyway, review and I'll get the next chapter done as soon as I can!