A/N: Gah! Sorry it's been a while... I always seem to open like that, don't I? Well, people are definitely out to get me: I got falsely reported again... (Eat More Cookies! was not script! It was a song/poem!) Yes, it got taken off: I'm planning to post it on my deviantART account.
Anyway, I'm ready to kick this in the bucket now. Not that I don't like this fanfic: I've actually grown very attached to it. But I didn't know how to end it: now I have the basic answer. Now that I've said all I wanted, here's the disclaimer!
Disclaimer: ShimaGenki doesn't own anything anybody else does, and if you report her one more time before giving fair warning that she should correct it, she'll hunt you down and peel your skin.
Onto the fanfic!
Ungraced Heart
Chapter 3
A couple of weeks had gone by since I'd become an angel. Yes, an angel. It felt odd to say it, but there was no denying it. Kratos hadn't been able to remove the Exphere from my hand yet, and Mithos' had made me a member of Cruxis by using my Exphere. It wasn't that it bothered me much, it was what happened before-hand. Whatever had possessed me to do such a thing?
My palm cradled my chin as my elbow rested against the windowsill. It was raining again, but this time lighter and calmer. I wondered what Lloyd was doing. Probably the usual, out with Colette. By all means, it was okay. I guess... but sometimes I wished that Lloyd would think about me like that: maybe not in the terms of love, but in my importance. Wasn't it fair that his best friend be just important as his girlfriend? Wasn't it fair that maybe I need someone to lean on, that I need someone to look to? Sure, maybe it was being a little selfish, but I thought friends came first. Wasn't that what he said? My thoughts suddenly turned back a couple years ago, way before we went on our big journey...
We were panting behind the schoolhouse walls. Lloyd, at the age of fourteen, was suppressing a laugh. I was smiling, but I was so out of breath, no other sound could be pronounced except my heaving breathing. "I think we lost them..." my teammate whispered.
"Yeah..." I finally breathed out, and I was soon able to breathe and talk. "Those girls sure are nasty when you get them mad..." I heard Lloyd chuckle. "What? I was serious!"
"It's just..." He slid down against the wall until he sat, and I copied. "it's funny... how to guys start liking girls then?"
"Beats me..." I shrugged. I had just turned ten, how should I know? "I thought guys your age started liking girls anyway."
It was his turn to shrug. "I'm just not a dating type of guy. But hey..." He got more of my attention, if possible. "Just remember, if I ever do start drooling over a girl, you and any other more friends we'll make will always come first. Right?"
"Right!" I smiled. "And same goes for you." He returned the smile with a selfless grin.
That selfless grin. The image burned in my mind. Maybe hormones were some disease that everyone had, and they scrambled your brains so badly that you forgot your promises. Okay, Lloyd never promised, but it was sort of implied that he meant what he said. And not that he didn't keep his word! It was just... I felt dead last sometimes: he never made that much time for me as he did Colette. Oh well, what could I say? He did almost lose her several times. And now that I thought about it, I was almost lost to the same fate.
Maybe Lloyd did care more than I thought. I'd never know unless I asked, which I never intended to confront personally. I could only sit back and smile, hoping that he might catch the hint of sadness glowing in my eye, or the tears that I sometimes held back. In fact, I had almost broken down the other day in the middle of class during some random art project Raine assigned: but I smiled and held up my head.
But inside, everything still felt hopeless. It felt like I had no purpose to stay here. If I died tomorrow, what more would happen besides pain and a few shedded tears? Everyone had someone else to lean on, and I was just a nobody. Lloyd had made me a somebody, but now Colette was his new inspiration, his life. Perhaps, I was like a puppy: loveable, cuddly, cute, and playful... but it didn't hurt too emotionally if I ran out onto the street and got run over by some random wagon. Not traumatizing, anyway.
Yeah, I was a puppy. A puppy who played during the day, but cried quietly in the night...
"Is he going be okay?" My eyes shifted from Genis staring out the window to Kratos, who was sitting with me at the table.
"Your brother should be okay." I couldn't tell what he was thinking: his eyes were unreadable.
"But, he's been staring out that window everyday for hours..." I thoughtfully ran my fingers through my hair before I felt someone take my wrist.
"Not to say he wasn't hurt at all. He has emotional and a few physical scars that might never heal completely, but will come to heal soon."
"Of course, that's logical after something like this."
"I believe, perhaps, Genis still has some issues with Lloyd. But my son's too naive to see that he's spending more time with his lover than with his best friend..." I cocked my head.
"But, they see each other everyday during school."
"Raine, I do not believe that they can converse or play during class."
"But..." I begged to differ. Genis was probably overexaggerating the situation. Colette was going to a different school now, which didn't allow Lloyd to see her like he did Genis. Although Colette was higher on the list of people to see than my brother, Colette was not seen everyday as he was.
"Genis doesn't understand what it means to have a lover. Once he reaches that standpoint, he might be able to appreciate the time spent together with them." Was that what it was? Did Genis need a lover? "He needs to learn to give them some space, to give them their time."
"For it being over 4,000 years since you were his age, you understand his situation pretty well."
"Just because I have been here for a long time does not mean that I forget what it means to be loved or want to be loved." He was silent as he rose from the table and walked to the door. "I will see you later then."
"Of course." But the door had already been shut by this time, and I looked back to Genis. He looked ready to cry. I got up and quietly walked to his side. I tapped his shoulder and asked, "Hey, you want to draw with me or something?" He shook his head silently. "Want to read a book with me?" Again, he shook his head no. "Well, what about we just go outside and soak ourselves in the rain? You could use the shower." Finally, he started to laugh weakly.
"Raine, that's a stupid idea!"
"At least you replied."
"How about we pull out those art supplies and start drawing like your first suggestion?"
"All right, drawing it is." I smiled, and he weakly grinned back. As long as he was still laughing, I could keep going. If I ever lost him, if I ever lost someone like him again, I think that I may take my own life.
A/N: GAH! It's short, it's crappy... it's DONE! Genis is important and he doesn't know it! n.n;
The first part, Genis' POV, is my own thought. Yeah, I feel selfish, but I really don't say anything. I occasionally hint it, but it's kinda in vain... :shrugs: oh well. And yeah, I do feel worthless. That wasn't an extra tossed in.
As for the second part, Raine's POV, it was sort of my second POV. Even as I wrote this, new thoughts came. Not only was it selfish, but I really don't know what it's like to have a boyfriend/lover. I know what it means to like someone, but that's a different feeling. I think. ...that's right, I have no right to talk. n.n;;
Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it!. :bows and sneak off:
