..: Cursed Jamie Multiples:..
Thank you to heartsyhawk, EE's Skysong, psychobunny410, enigmagirl2727, fudje, and PyroManiac (yup, noticed you changed your name) for reviewing! Yep, heartsyhawk, I have developed a thing for using Captain Remy LeBeau. He'll be back…again…in X Mulan 2! Well, technically, he won't, cuz he'll be General Remy. Fancy feathery helmet and all (yes, the same one the Old General Li used to wear). EE's Skysong, did I do it again? You're gonna do a Shrek parody? Aishk…I'm not psychically stealing these things, I swear! I have ESPN, not ESP. I was planning on starring the New Recruits (mainly Sam and Rahne…and Bobby), but if you've already been planning it, I won't do it. I have so many parody possibilities in my head, it isn't even funny anymore. Well, actually it is funny, but, yeah. Damn plotbunnies! And PyroManiac, yes, Redneck Shrek is definitely a parody. If I write it, it'd definitely be after X Mulan 2. Definitely! But XM2 won't be until after I finish MotC.
Guess what? I got Mulan 2! I gotta say, it's pretty good for a movie 2. Especially a Disney Movie 2. They always tend to flop…but Mulan 2 wasn't so bad. Still nowhere near as good as Mulan, but still not bad. The songs weren't as good as the ones in the original, either. And Shang…well, he's definitely not the Imposing Captain Figure Dude that he was in Mulan. In fact, Mushu actually plays multiple pranks on him (Pyro's gonna have fun with that! Remy, however, most likely won't). And Remy pulls an Aragorn! Do you know what I mean when I say that? I hope not, I made that up myself! But really, he does. I'm not saying any more, so I don't spoil it for you guys. But if you haven't seen it by the time I put up XM2, well, then, too bad! I will be parodying it as soon as this ficcie is fini.
DISCLAIMER: "What's Pepsidant?" "Go look it up in the dictionary!" "Actually, it's a toothpaste."
Remy pulled his sword out of the statue's hand and ran into the smithy. How do we know it's a smithy? Because the sign hanging over the door said CREED on it and had a picture of a hammer and anvil, which, as we all know, is the symbol for a blacksmith.
So he ran into the smithy and wandered around trying to find something to get those damn chains off, accidentally dropping one of his cards onto a nearby anvil.
I still don't get how he missed the passed out drunk (coughSABERTOOTHcough) (sneezeCATNIPOVERDOSEachoo) until the ball of yarn in said drunk's hand slipped and hit the floor. Remy wandered over to him and poked him. Nothing happened. Remy started to walk away, then whirled around and yelled, "Whoa!" Still nothing. Wow, Sabey must've really overdosed on that catnip.
Then Remy went back to looking for something to get those damn chains off. He tried using a hammer and anvil, but failed miserably. Poor dude. And then he saw the gears. And then he saw Joe the Donkey. And then he picked up a poker.
Poor Joe. So after he felt the poker, he ran – well, hoofed – and got the machine thingie working. Remy looped his chains over a gear and walked along with the machine, until…CLANK! And the chains broke. Too bad Remy didn't have any time to celebrate, cuz just at that moment Kurt decided to come back. Remy dove to hide.
Kurt came in and calmed Joe the Donkey down, took of his jacket, and saw Sabertooth in the exact same spot he had been. "Right vhere I left you," he said. Then he noticed the hammer. "Not vhere I left you," he said. And then he saw the card Remy had dropped. He reached toward it…
And a sword landed on his hand. Kurt turned to see Remy pointing his sword at him. Kurt started backing away. "You're the one the they're hunting," he said. "The pirate."
Remy kept Kurt at sword-point. "Y' seem familiar. "'as Remy t'reatened y' before?"
Kurt glared at him. "I make it a point of avoiding familiarity vith pirates," he said.
"Ah," Remy said. "Well, it would be a shame to put a mark on y' record. So if y'll excuse Remy…" And he turned to leave. Kurt, however, grabbed a sword and pointed it at Remy. "Do y' t'ink dis wise, garcon?" Remy said. "Crossin' blades wit' a pirate?"
"You threatened Miss Pryde," Kurt said.
"Juste un peu," Remy said, then lunged at Kurt. Now, I suck at describing action, and I suck even more at describing swordfighting, so just imagine it in your heads, will ya? So they fought a little, ending with Kurt slashing at Remy. "Y' know what y're doin'. Remy'll give y' dat. Excellent form. Mais 'ow's y' footwork? If Remy step here…" Remy stepped over to the right. Kurt stepped to the right as well, and lunged at him. Remy blocked. "Très bien," Remy said. "Et maintenant Remy step again." And Remy did, indeed, step again.
Kurt matched him every time, because, as we all know, Kurt has Mad Sword Skills. Remy, being the genius that he is, somehow managed to end up with his back to the door…without Kurt even realizing it. He jumped forward, and Kurt blocked it easily. "Ta," Remy said, and ran for the door.
Kurt, however, threw his sword at the door, so that it sank through the bolt and the door itself. Right next to Remy's face. Remy grabbed the handle and tried to yank it out…about five times. Obviously, it wasn't going to budge. "Dat is a wonderful trick," Remy said, turning back to Kurt. "Except, once again, y' are between Remy et Remy's way out. Et maintenant y' 'ave no weapon."
Kurt pulled a sword out of the fire. A sword with a red-hot tip. Joe the donkey made an uncomfortable braying noise and moved further away. Remy eyed the sword warily, then ran to the right of a pole. Kurt blocked his sword with a shower of sparks, Remy lunged to the other side of the pole, and the same thing happened. They fought a little, and Kurt started losing. Then Remy wrapped the end of his chain around Kurt's sword and twisted it out of his grip. Poor Kurt.
Remy ran around the center pole of the now-moving machine, somersaulting over one of the…um…spoke thingies sticking out. Kurt grabbed another sword from the center pole and jumped back into the fight.
Remy paused in the fight to stare briefly at the many swords. "Qui makes all o' dese?" he asked.
Kurt jumped up onto one of the spoke thingies and lunged from one side of it. "I do," he said. He then lunged at Remy from the other side of the pole. "And I practice with them," He ducked to the other side of the pole as Remy slashed at him. "Three hours a day!"
Kurt jumped down at Remy, who ran up onto one of the spoke thingies. "Y' need to find y'self une fille, homme," he said, then jumped off the spoke thingie and ran and grabbed a hammer hanging down from the rotating machine. Kurt lunged at him again, and they fought for a little before Remy stopped, blocking Kurt's sword over his head. "Ou," he said. "Perhaps de reason y' practice t'ree 'ours a day is dat y've found one et are ot'erwise incapable o' wooin' said strumpet," Remy mused out loud. "Y're not a eunuch, are y'?" he asked, looking down.
Kurt glared at Remy. Is it a bad time to mention that he somehow now has two swords? "I practice three hours a day so that vhen I meet a pirate, I can kill it!"
"Oh, so we pirates are 'its' maintenant?" Remy said, highly offended…even though he isn't even really a pirate.
Kurt slashed at Remy, who backed up…right onto a makeshift seesaw, or a wooden board with two wheels in the exact middle of it. Don't ask me what that was doing there (shifts eyes). Kurt ran up onto it, right after Remy, so that the wooden whatevers supporting one end broke. Remy backed up, and the other end slid off the stone ledge supporting the other. They fought some more, or tried to look like they were fighting, and tried not to fall off.
Then Kurt did some nifty little trick with his sword, getting Remy's chain tangled in it, and then stuck it in a wooden beam above them. Score…some number…for Kurt! Except then Remy stomped on a loose board, so that the other end flew up and smacked Kurt in the face, knocking him off the seesaw…thing and onto the ground. Ouch.
Meanwhile, Remy pulled himself up to the beam and used his entire body weight to try to pull that damn sword out, pressing his feet against the beam (yes, he is hanging upside down). Of course, what goes up must come down. And down Remy went.
But just as Remy fell, Kurt got up and climbed back onto the seesaw…thing. And of course, what comes down must go up. (Just kidding. Never mention that, it defies the laws of Physics.) And up Kurt flew. Of course, he could have teleported (or even jumped) to the ground, but instead decided to have a Flashy Swordfight on the rafters.
Remy got up, ran back onto the seesaw…thing to see…no one. Obviously, he had missed Kurt going flying up into the rafters. But no matter, Remy realized that Kurt was up above somewhere. And he looked up just in time to see Kurt cut some barrels loose. They came tumbling down, landed on the other end of the seesaw…thing, and sent Remy flying up to join Kurt. Whee!
Except Remy climbed up onto a beam parallel to Kurt's. So Remy jumped over to Kurt's beam…just as Kurt jumped over to Remy's beam. Then they both jumped back to their original beams. Talk about pointless. So Remy jumped over to Kurt's beam, and Kurt STAYED PUT! Good Kurt. And then they fought some more. Only the risk had increased to not only getting cut apart, but also breaking their necks (or some other bone in their body) if they lost their balance. What fun!
Just as Remy lunged forward to possibly stab Kurt through, Kurt jumped to the other beam. So Remy, after teetering a bit, jumped over to the other beam to fight some more. Except Kurt managed to knock aside Remy's sword. Poor Remy. So Remy jumped down, followed by Kurt (even though I still don't get why he didn't just bamf down). So Remy ran for a bag of sand…and used it to blind Kurt. Only momentarily! Don't kill me! So while Kurt was busy trying to protect his eyes, Remy kicked his sword aside and pointed his pistol at him. How rude.
"You cheated," Kurt said, stating the obvious.
"Pirate," Remy replied, also stating the obvious. Then he heard the Jamie Multiples trying to break the door down. Of course, Kurt decided to be a brave idiot and blocked the back door. "Move," Remy said.
"No," Kurt said.
"Move, s'il vous plait," Remy said.
"No!" Kurt said. "I can't just step aside and let you escape."
"Y' could teleport aside," Remy suggested.
"That's the same thing!" Kurt pointed out.
Remy turned the safety off on his pistol. "Dis shot is not meant f' y'," he said.
Then he was knocked out by Sabertooth's ball of yarn and fell to the ground unconscious. Ouch. That's gonna bruise.
The Jamie Multiples finally broke the door down and ran in to point their guns at an obviously-unconscious-Remy. "Excellent-work, Mr.-Creed," Pietro said. "You've-assisted-in-the-capture-of-a-dangerous-fugitive."
The catnip still obviously had its effect on Sabey. "Just doing my civic duty, sir," he slurred.
Kurt rolled his eyes, but didn't say a word. Obviously, they hadn't seen his and Remy's Big Flashy Sword Match.
"Well, I-trust-you-will-always-remember-this-as-the-day-that-Captain-Remy-LeBeau-almost-escapted," Pietro said. "Take-him-away."
No duh.
Later, In Jail…
Caliban, Façade, and Scaleface were whistling and waving a bone at a dog that had the keys in its mouth. "Come here, boy," Scaleface cooed. "Want a nice juicy bone? Come here. Come on."
The dog stared at them with a you-gotta-be-kidding-me look on its face. Probably because said dog was, in fact, a girl.
Remy, in the next cell, rolled his eyes. "Y' can keep doin' dat forever, de dog is never goin' to' move," he said.
"Well, excussse usss if we haven't resssigned ourssselvesss to the gallowsss yet," Caliban said.
"I wonder why Callisto hasn't come to help us?" Façade said.
"Ah, ouai," Remy said. "She told Remy t' tell y' dat it's over between y' two. She only used y' as an excuse t' dump Evan."
Façade drooped visibly, then sighed and went back to luring the dog with the bone. Or trying to lure the dog.
In Kitty's Room…
Amara scooped come coals into a bed warmer and tucked it between Kitty's sheets. "There you go, Miss," she said, clearly hating her role as a (insert shudder here) servant. "It was a difficult day for you, I'm sure."
"Well, I, like, suspected Pietro would, like, propose," Kitty said. "But I, like, gotta admit I wasn't, like, entirely prepared for it."
"I meant you being threatened by that pirate," Amara said. "Idiot." Forge coughed, turning his arm into something that looked like a portable torture chamber. "I mean," Amara said. "Sounds terrifying."
"Oh yeah," ty said. "Yeah, it was, like, terrifying."
"But the Commodore proposed," Amara said. "Fancy that. Now that's a smart match, Miss, if it's not too bold to say."
"It is, like, a smart match," Kitty agreed. "He's a fine man, he's what any woman would, like, dream of marrying."
"Well, that Kurt Wagner," Amara said. "He's a fine man, too." Hint, hint.
"That's, like, too bold," Kitty said.
"Well, begging your pardon, Miss," Amara said. "It wasn't my place." And she left, muttering about being cast as a servant, and that she better get a good role nest time. Don't worry, you will.
"I will?" Amara said.
"Yeah, you, Jubilee, and Tabby will be the princesses Su, Mei, and Ting Ting.
"Finally!" Amara said.
But you're related to Evan.
"You say that like it's a bad thing," Evan said.
Evan, your own aunt created a fanclub dedicated to hating you.
"You've got a point there," Evan admitted.
Amara shrugged. "The point is, I get to be a princess!"
Yeah, yeah. Now go away.
And Amara went away, leaving Kitty to ponder and fiddle with The Medallion (DMP). Then the candle next to her flickered out. Ooh, scary.
Meanwhile, At The Smithy…
Kurt was hammering away at a new sword, when he heard something and looked out a little window at the deserted street where a cat was running away down an alley. Of course, he didn't realize that when you see animals heading for the hills, SO SHOULD YOU!
A Ship, A Scary Ship…
…Was pulling into the dock. Ho-hum, I wonder what it's planning to do…
At The Fort…
Beast and Pietro were wondering around the fort. "Has my daughter given you an answer yet?" Beast asked Pietro.
"No," Pietro said.
"Well, she's had a very trying day," Beast said, and changed the subject. Talk about tact. "Ghastly wether, don't you t hink?"
"Bleak," Pietro said. "Very-bleak."
There was s thud in the distance, and Beast stopped. "What was that?"
"Cannon-fire!" Pietro yelled, tackling Beast. "Return-fire!"
In Jail…
Remy heard the cannon fire. "Remy know dose guns," he said, and looked out of his little window at the ship firing away. At the fort, Pietro was bellowing something about calling men to arms. "It's do Pearl."
"The Black Pearl?" Caliban said. "I've heard ssstoriesss. She'sss been preying on shipsss and sssettlementsss for almossst ten yearsss. Never leavesss any sssurvivorsss."
"No survivors?" Remy repeated. "Den où do de stories come from, Remy wonder?"
Caliban wisssely shut up.
And Here Come The Cursed Pirates…
It was chaos. The cannons on the Black Pearl were firing away merrily while sailors ran around, trying to save things/themselves. Ooh, I think someone just got blown up!
Oh yeah, it was also mayhem in the streets. People ran around wildly, trying to get somewhere. Cannons were blowing things up everywhere. A stunt Jamie Multiple got thrown into a stand. Painfully. Ouch. And a little toddler wandered around crying. Poor little dude. Then a wooden tower thingie fell, almost on him. Luckily, his mommy (or some kind lady) scooped him up and ran for it.
And then The Cursed Pirates came ashore. I would like to point out now just how difficult it is for a group as large of them to spill out of boats onto slippery watery ground and run up to the settlement, trying not to bun anyone with a torch, or stab someone through with a sword, and still roar and look all menacing. Not the easiest task in the world.
Evan and Scott got off the boats and paused while Scott adjusted his wooden ruby quartz sunglasses that were taped in the middle like Harry Potter. Sorry, couldn't resist.
So they ran into the settlement wreaking havoc, committing homicides, typical pirate stuff. One Cursed Jamie Multiple was having the time of his life lighting hand-held bombs and throwing them through windows.
Kurt ran from the smithy, grabbing a sword, hatchet, and a knife. The Cursed Jamie Multiple bombing things ran right by him, and he threw the hatchet right into his back so that he fell over dead. Then Kurt ran into the fray, grabbing the hatchet from the "dead" Jamie Multiple.
Things weren't going so well at the fort, either. They were getting bombed badly. One Jamie Multiple went flying through the air, screaming like an idiot. Whee! Pietro was yelling out orders. "Sight-the-muzzle-flash! I-need-a-full-strike-fore-and-aft!" Beast came walking up to him. "Beast, barricade-yourself-in-my-office." Another cannonball slammed into the fort, and Beast instinctively shielded himself from the flying debris. "That's-an-order!" Pietro yelled.
At Beast's House…
Kitty looked out her window and saw all the mayhem. Then several pirates (led by Evan and Scott) ran through the gates and up to the house. Kitty ran downstairs just as they knocked. Rob, being an idiot, went to answer it. "Like, don't!" Kitty yelled.
Too late. Rob opened the door to see Evan, Scott, and a few Cursed Jamie Multiples. "Dude! Wassup!" Evan said, then shot him point-blank.
EMOO and LLAMA came running over. "Oh my Rob, he killed Rob!" LLAMA said.
"He's committed homicide!" EMOO yelled. They then began beating Evan senseless with their skateboards of DOOM.
"But-" Evan began, and was whacked by a skateboard of DOOM. "I-" WHAM. "He-" THUD. "It-" CRACK. Evan grinned at them stupidly, showing a number of missing teeth. Not to mention the black eye, broken nose, and several scratches, cuts, gashes, and bruises all over him. "Mommy can I have a cream puff?" he asked. EMOO broke her skateboard of DOOM on his head. "Get the number of the elephant that sat on me," Evan said hazily, and fell flat on his face.
You do realize that everyone who dies in my parodies are later resurrected, right?
"Really?" LLAMA said.
Really really.
"Even JOTT?" EMOO asked.
Even JOTT. I need to reuse them for torture.
"Oh."
Rob jumped back up, freshly resurrected. "Glad that's over," he said, and wandered offstage. EMOO and LLAMA left to go get EMOO a new skateboard of DOOM. Evan was Divine Intervention'dly (henceforth known as DI'dly cuz I'm a lazy person like that) healed, only because he was in this scene. And the pirates spilled in. And Kitty attempted to muffle a scream. Badly.
Scott and Evan walked in and saw Kitty. "Up there!" Scott said. Kitty turned and ran upstairs, locking the door behind her. She turned to run…and ran straight into Amara, scaring the crap out of both of them. "Kitty, they've come to kidnap you!" Amara said.
"What?" Kitty said.
"You're the Governor's daughter," Amara said.
"In here!" Evan's voice yelled outside, and then the doorknob started rattling.
"Listen," Kitty said. "They haven't, like, seen you. Hide, and the first chance you get, like, run to the fort." And she turned and ran the other way, distracting Evan and Scott. They ran after her…and Evan got smacked in the face by her bed warmer. Amara ran down the stairs and out the door, off to the fort.
Scott grabbed the bed warmer's pole. "Gotcha!" he said. Then Kitty opened the bed warmer, spilling hot coals all over Scott. Kitty ran down the stairs, Evan hot on her heels. Scott jumped over the stairs, landing right in front of her. Oops. Trapped. She saw a Cursed Jamie Multiple come walking out with an armful of gold jewelry…then they all watched said Cursed Jamie Multiple get taken out by a cannonball. Kitty ran by while they were distracted, just missing getting crushed by a falling chandelier. She ran into the dining room, holding the doors together with a candelabra. Then she saw the crossed swords on a decoration and went to pull one out. Unfortunately for her, it wouldn't budge. Stupidly forgetting that she could've just phased it out, she looked around for somewhere to hide…
Evan and Scott burst through the doors. "We know you're here, popped," Evan called out.
"Poppet," Scott repeated stupidly.
"Come out and we promise we won't hurt you," Evan said.
"Eh?" Scott said.
Evan gave him a Look. "We will find you, poppet," he continued. "You've got something of ours, and it calls to us." He saw the flipped corner of the carpet, and then the oversized cupboard beyond it. "The gold calls to us," he said.
"Gold," Scott repeated stupidly…again.
Kitty looked down at The Medallion (DMP) around her neck, then back through the crack in the oversized cupboard…just in time to see the light through the crack disappear and be replaced by Evan's face. "Hello, poppet. Can I stop saying poppet now?"
Forge shrugged. "You should know your lines."
Evan rolled his eyes and opened the oversized cupboard doors. "Parley!" Kitty said.
Evan stopped. "What?" he said.
"I, like, invoke the right of parley," Kitty said. "According to the Code of the Brethren, like, set down by the pirates, like, Morgan and Bartholomew, you have to, like, take me to your Captain."
"I know the Code," Evan said.
"If an adversary, like, demands parley, you can do them no harm until the parley is, like, complete," Kitty said.
"To blazes with the Code!" Scott said.
"She wants to be taken to the captain, idiot," Evan snapped at him. "And she'll go without a fuss," he said to Kitty. "We must honor the Code."
"Okay, that was, like, a totally freaky look you just, like, gave me right then," Kitty said.
Back In the Streets…
Yep. Still mayhem. Kurt was swordfighting with a Cursed Jamie Multiple, and losing. The Cursed Jamie Multiple was holding him totally defenseless. "Say goodbye!" he said.
Then a cannonball blew up the chain holding the sign above them. Kurt ducked, and the sign flew into the Cursed Jamie Multiple, sending him flying through the glass window into the burning building behind him. "Goodbye," Kurt said, and turned back to the mayhem, hatchet held high. Then he saw Kitty being taken away by Evan and Scott.
"Kurt!" Kitty called.
"Come on!" Evan snapped at her.
"Kitty!" Kurt yelled, about to go after her. Then he stopped when he saw the same Cursed Jamie Multiple that had been bombing things earlier…the very same Cursed Jamie Multiple that he had personally killed…what's going on here? The Cursed Jamie Multiple grinned down at the fizzing bomb right at Kurt's feet. And then it fizzed out. Kurt gave him a "nice try" look, then a "ooh I'm seeing stars" look as another Cursed Jamie Multiple ran by and hit him on the head, knocking him out. Ouch.
Back In Jail…
Remy, watching through his little window, saw a cannonball headed towards them, and dived out of the way.
He really needn't have bothered. It slammed through Caliban, Façade, and Scaleface's cell, making a nice big hole that Remy couldn't get to. Façade and Scaleface climbed out. "My sssympathiesss, friend," Caliban said. "You've absssolutely no luck at all." Then he climbed out too. May I now point out that the moon is now partially uncovered?
Remy picked up the bone and started waving it and whistling at the dog. "Come on, doggy," Remy said. "It's just y' et moi mainenant. It's just y' et ol' Remy. Come on. Come get de bone." Maybe the dog felt sorry for him…or maybe the dog was just hungry. Either way, it started walking over to him…slowly. "Dat's a good boy," Remy said. "Come on. A bit closer. Dat's it, doggy. Come on, y' filt'y, slimy, mangy cur."
Then a door slammed open, and the dog ran away. "Non non non!" Remy yelled. "Remy didn' mean it…merde."
A soldier fell down the stairs, obviously dead, and in walked Rob and a Cursed Jamie Multiples. Okay, from now on, Cursed Jamie Multiples are CJMs. Soldier Jamie Multiples are SJMs. And Tortugan Jamie Multiples are TJMs. It's just too much to write out. Yes, I'm reusing Rob cuz he had a tiny role, and this one talks later. "This ain't the armory!" the CJM said. Rob saw Remy in his little cell. "Well, well, well," Rob said. "Look what we have here. Captain Remy LeBeau." And he spat at Remy.
"Last time I saw you," the CJM said. "You were all alone on a godforsaken island, shrinking into the distance."
"His fortunes haven't improved much," Rob said.
"Worry about y' own fortunes, hommes," Remy said. "De deepest circle of hell is reserved fo' betrayers et mutineers."
Rob grabbed Remy's throat through the bars. And through the moonlight. "So dere is a curse," Remy said, looking down at the rotting bones. "Dat's interestin'."
"You know nothing of hell," Rob said, and let go of Remy's throat. Then he and the CJM left.
Remy looked at the bone he had been using to call the dog earlier, then back at where the CJMs had been a few moments ago. "Dat's very interestin'," he said.
And now the moon is covered again.
On the Black Pearl…
All the CJMs were rowing back to the Black Pearl, Kitty among them. Magneto watched as the CJMs came back onboard. Then he just about collapsed as Monkey Dude climbed onto his shoulder. "Just because you're my monkey doesn't mean you have tosit on my shoulder!" he yelled.
"Sorry," Monkey Dude said, not sounding sorry at all.
Evan dragged Kitty towards Magneto, but Ray (yes, I'm reusing him cuz Bo'sun talks later, if I'm correct) stopped them. "I didn't know we was taking on captives," he said.
"She's invoked the right of parley with Captain Magneto,"Evan said.
Kitty stepped forward. "I'm, like, here to-"
Ray bitch-slapped her. How rude. "You'll speak when spoken to," he said.
Magneto grabbed Ray's arm. "And you will not lay a hand on those under the protection of parley."
"Aye, sir," Ray said.
"My apologies, miss," Magneto said to Kitty.
"Like, Captain Magneto," Kitty said. "I'm, like, here to, like, negotiate the, like, cessation of, like, hostilities against, like, Port Royal."
"There were a lot of 'like's in there," Magneto said. "We're naught but humble Acolyte Pirates. What is it you want?"
"I, like, want you to, like, leave and, like, never come back," Kitty said.
"I'm, like, disinclined to, like, acquiesce to, like, your request," Magneto countered. "Means 'no.'"
"Like, fine," Kitty said, walking over to the edge of the ship and holding The Medallion (DMP) over the water. "I'll, like, drop it."
"My holds are bursting with swag," Magneto said. "That bit of shine matters to us? Why?"
"It's, like, what you've been searching for. I, like, recognize this ship. I saw it, like, eight years ago on the crossing from England."
"Did you, now?" Magneto said.
"Like, fine," Kitty said. "I suppose if it's, like, worthless, there's no point in me, like, keeping it." And The Medallion (DMP) inched down a little on its chain.
"No!" Magneto said, all the CJMs…plus Monkey Dude, Evan, Scott, Ray, and Rob…automatically jerking forward. Kitty smirked at them. "Fine," Magneto said, walking towards Kitty, who bundled up The Medallion (DMP) and its chain. "You have a name, missy?"
"Kitty…Wagner," Kitty said. "I'm a maid in the Governor's household."
Magneto turned back to the CJMs. "Miss Turner," he said.
"Mystique," Evan said.
Magneto turned back to Kitty. "How does a maid own a trinket such as that?" he asked. "Family heirloom, perhaps?"
"I didn't, like, steal it, if that's what you, like, mean," Kitty said. (coughLIARcough)
"Very well, hand it over," Magneto said, holding out his hand. "We'll put your town to our rudder and ne'er return." Kitty dropped it into his hand, and he gave it to Monkey Dude, who scampered off to…somewhere.
"Our bargain?" Kitty said. Magneto turned and walked away, and Ray started shouting out orders. "Still the guns and stow 'em, signal the men, set the flags and make good to clear port!"
"Like, wait!" Kitty yelled, running after Magneto. "You have to, like, take me to shore! According to the Code of the Order of the Brethren-"
Magneto turned around. "First, your return to shore was not part of our agreement. So I must do nothing. And second, you must a pirate for the Code to apply, and your not. And thirdly, the Code is more what you'd call guidelines than actual rules. Welcome aboard the Black Pearl, Miss Wagner!"
Whew! That was longer than usual. To anyone that's curious, a bo'sun (what Ray is – except in the movie they just used that as the dude's name) is also known as a boatswain, who is the person in charge of rigging, anchors, cables, etc, etc, etc. Yeah. Something tells me I'm gonna be reusing people a lot. Oh well. Next time: Kurt wakes up, Kurt and Pietro get into an argument, Kurt goes to Remy for help, Kurt frees Remy, Kurt learns how to breathe underwater using only a rowboat, Kurt gets a hands-on lesson in commandeering, Pietro looks like an idiot, and that'll be it. If I go further, I'd have to include Tortuga, and then it would take me WEEKS to update. Wait, it already has. Well, it would take me even longer. Review, please!
