..: The Best Pirate You've Ever Seen :..
Thank you to psychobunny410, PyroManiac, heartsyhawk, and Sangofanatic for reviewing! Psychobunny410, sorry about the French words thing! I'll put the translations at the end of each chappie from now on, okee? And the Kitty "like" thing…yeah, I was overdoing it on purpose. Why? Cuz I felt like it XD. PyroManiac, DUDE! I totally forgot about Rahne! Ehh…no worries, I made up for it in this chappie. Yes, Redneck Shrek would be for Shrek 1, or just plain ol' Shrek. Putting the X-Men in Scary Movie would be frickin hilarious! I've only seen Scary Movie 3, though…but it's cool! Make it a trilogy! Heartsyhawk, yeah, I TOTALLY thought they killed off Shang too! You should've seen me…I was just staring at the screen, bug-eyed, mouth wide open, just pointing at it and mouthing wordlessly. My first thought was "GASP! Heartsyhawk's PSYCHIC!" Then I thought, "It's a Disney movie! They wouldn't do something that depressing since Bambi…right? Right?" And then when he burst up out of the water, I was all, "Oh, he SO pulled an Aragorn!" (in LotR: tRotK, Aragorn gets rescued by his horsie too, after falling off a cliff. Sound familiar?) Yes, I love the Tortugian-chicks-slap-Jack scene, too! And then the Anamaria-slaps-Jack scene, too! But Tortuga won't be till the next chappie…sorry! If I put it in, it would've been WAY too long. But no worries, cuz you get 2 chappies today! Sangofanatic, I'm sure someone loves Ray…just not in this ficcie. In XM2, he'll get some love…after he shoves chopsticks in his nose, gets punched by a girl, cracks off joke after joke after joke, and then gets fireworks exploded right next to him. Poor dude.
Hey there! Sorry it took so long to update! After school dance classes started Monday, so…yeah. I now get home late Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Again. Everyone knows that Monkey Dude is Mastermind, right? I just call him Monkey Dude, cuz, admit it, he REALLY looks like a monkey. Oh yeah, about Pietro's speed-talk…putting in all those hyphens REALLY pissed me off, so he's gonna talk like a normal person now! Well, he'll still talk speed-esque, but just imagine, would ya?
Hey! I've finally decided on a movie for LANCITTY. How does The Princess Bride sound? If you don't like it…too bad, I'm gonna do it anyway! But it's a ways down on the waiting list. And then when I was half-asleep in Algebra class I got the SCARIEST idea for the FREAKIEST movie ever: The Lizzie McGuire Movie, starring Wanda! Why? Because she's just about as far from Lizzie as you can get. (Oh, BTW, I hate Hilary Duff, and anything affiliated with Hilary Duff. Why? She can't sing, she sure as hell can't dance, and she can't act. And she thinks she's all that.) Well, except for Rogue, but I've done ROMY enough. Plus, I've been wanting to put Wanda in a ficcie. Whaddya think? LANCITTY The Kitten Bride and TONDA (yes, TONDA…it totally fits the story) Mutant McGuire. Although I'm -eh- about the latter. And if I am accidentally biting off someone's idearr, I am SO SORRY! I keep doing this, I really don't mean to!
To anyone who's read X Mulan…in this chappie, there is the quote that you ALL missed! HINT: The person who said it in X Mulan (Chappie 7: The Avalanche Caused By Avalanche) is also in this chappie! But the same person doesn't say the line. Can ANYBODY find it? Jamie knows EXACTLY how to scare the crap out of that pimple-covered buck-toothed teen so that he'll give him free ice cream…show him a picture of Evan in his boxers! (Although, come to think of it, that would scare the crap out of just about everyone…except maybe Callisto.) GO LOOK FOR IT!
Okay, so since this took so long to update, you guys get TWO chappies today!
DISCLAIMER:
"Okay, let's take it from the T-O-P!"
"Uh, what's the T-O-P?"
"The top, Adam, the top."
Kurt woke up to find chickens pecking at the food around him. "Did someone get the number of the bus that hit me?" he said, then got up and stared out at the harbor, just now realizing that it was morning, and that Kitty was missing.
Kurt ran over to where Pietro, Toad, Beast, and some SJMs were looking at a map. "They've taken her," he said. "They've taken Kitty!"
Pietro didn't even glance up from his map. "Mr. Drake," he said. Remove this man." Bobby went to do so, but Kurt shook him off. "Ve have to hunt them down," he said. "Ve must save her."
"And where do you propose we start?" Beast said. "If you have any information concerning my daughter-who-is-really-not-my-daughter, please share it!"
Kurt blinked.
"That Remy LeBeau," Bobby piped up. "He talked about the Black Pearl."
"Mentioned it is more what he did," Sam corrected.
"And you didn't say anything 'till NOW?" Kurt demanded, grabbing Bobby by the collar.
"Kurt…" Forge said warningly.
Kurt dropped Bobby. "I mean…" He cleared his throat. "Ask him vhere it is. Make a deal vith him. He could lead us to it!"
"No," Pietro said. "The pirates who invaded this fort left Gambit locked in his cell, ergo they are not his allies. Beast," Pietro said to Beast. "We will establish their most likely course and-"
Kurt slammed his hatchet down on Pietro's map. "Vell," he yelled. "If you're going to shoot down every idea I come up vith, I'll just go talk to Remy myself." With that, he turned tail (literally) and stomped off toward the prison.
A minute later, he came stomping back and grabbed his hatchet. "This is mine," he said defiantly and bamfed off to the prison.
In Prison…
Remy was picking away at the lock on his door with a bone. Then he heard Kurt opening the door to the prison (although that made no sense, since he could've just bamfed in).
Kurt came stomping in. "You," he said. "Gambit."
Remy looked up from where he was lying on the floor. "Oui," he said.
"You are familiar vith that ship. The Black Pearl," Kurt said.
"Remy's heard of it," Remy said.
"Vhere does it make berth?" Kurt asked. Now don't go getting that confused with birth. Birth is much more painful.
"Où does it make bert'?" Remy repeated. "Have y' not heard de stories?"
Kurt blinked.
Remy sighed and laid his back flat on the ground. "Captain Magneto and his crew of miscreants sailed from de dread Île de Morte."
"Spanish, Gambit," Forge said. "Not French."
"Isla de Muerta," Remy said. "It's an island dat can't be found except by dose qui already know où it is."
"The ship's real enough," Kurt said. "Therefore, it's anchorage must be a real place. Vhere is it?"
"Pourquoi ask Remy?" Remy said.
"Because you're a pirate," Kurt said.
"Et y' want to turn pirate y'self, is dat it?" Remy asked.
Kurt grabbed the bars. "Never," he said.
Remy gave him a Look.
"They took Miss Pryde," Kurt finally admitted.
"Oh, it is dat y've found y'self une fille!" Remy said, sitting up. "Remy see. Well, if y're intendin' to brave all, hasten to her rescue, et so win fair lady's heart, y'll have to do it alone, homme. Remy see no profit in it for Remy."
"I can get you out of here," Kurt said.
"How's dat?" Remy asked. "De key's run off to play fetch avec Rahne et Sam."
"I helped build these cells," Kurt said. "These are half-pin barrel hinges. Vith the right leverage and the proper application of strength-" He braced a bench against the cell. "The door vill lift free," he finished.
"What's y' name?" Remy asked.
"Kurt Vagner," Kurt said.
"Dat would be German, Remy suppose," Remy said.
"Vell," Kurt said. "I'm from Germany, but I vas adopted after being found in a river."
"Well, Monsieur Wagner," Remy said. "Remy's changed Remy's mind. If y' spring moi from dis cell, Remy swear on pain of deat', Remy will take y' to de Black Pearl et y'r jolie fille. D'accord?" He stuck out his hand through the cell.
Kurt shook it. "D'accord," he said.
"D'accord!" Remy repeated eagerly. "Get Remy out!"
Kurt used the bench to lift the door free. "Hurry," he said. "Someone vill have heard that."
"Not wit'out mes effects," Remy said, grabbing his effects.
Outside…
Remy and Kurt splashed through the water and hid under a bridge as SJMs ran aound. "Ve're gonna steal the ship?" Kurt asked. "That ship?" He nodded at the Dauntless.
"Commandeer," Remy said. "W're goin' to commandeer dat ship. Nautical term." He turned to Kurt. "One question about y'r business, homme, ou dere's not use goin'. Dis fille. How far are y' willin' to go to save her?"
"I'd die for her," Kurt said. Whoa. Talk about commitment.
"Oh, bon," Remy said, turning back to the ship. "No worries, den."
Ooh, Rowboats…
A few SJMs ran by some rowboats, looking like complete idiots. As soon as they were gone, the nearest boat grew legs and ran down to the shore. AUGH! It's alive! KILL IT! …Fine, no one listen to me.
Under The Harbor…
Remy and Kurt were strolling along the bottom of the harbor, holding the rowboat over their heads so they could breath. "This is either madness or brilliance," Kurt said.
"It's remarkable how often dose deux traits coincide," Remy said.
Then Kurt stepped into a weight and got his food stuck. Which is funny, considering he only ahs 2 toes and stands on the balls of his feet. He gave up trying to free his foot and kept walking.
On The Docks…
Rahne (in dog form) noticed a floating barrel traveling awfully quickly past the docks. Being a dog, she knew something was afoot and started barking.
However, since she was a dog, all that happened was that Ray the Harbormaster (NOT Ray the Bo'sun) gave her a Scooby Snack to shut her up. Mmm…cheesy Shaggy…(1)
Aboard the Dauntless…
Remy and Kurt climbed up the bow of the ship and snuck down the stairs with their pistol/sword out. Well, Reym strolled down the stairs while Kurt crept down them like he was in some cheesy spy movie.
"Everyone stay calm," Remy called out to the SJMs…plus Toad. "We are takin' over de ship."
Kurt jumped down next to Remy and pointed his sword at them. "Aye!" he yelled. "Avast!"
Well, it was no surprise that they all started laughing. Remy gave Kurt a y'-got-to-be-kiddin'-Remy look, who in turn gave Remy a vhat-did-I-do look.
"This ship can't be crewed by two men, yo," Toad said.
Remy walked up to Toad. "Fils," he said. "I'm Captain Remy LeBeau." He pointed his pistol at Toad…and charged it up.
"He used First Person!" Kurt gasped. "He's serious!"
Toad looked scared.
At The Interceptor…
SailorJMs were loading stuff onto the Interceptor, preparing it for its journey to who-knows-where, when Rob the High-Ranked Officer noticed something out on the harbor. "Commodore," he said.
Pietro turned to see Toad and several SJMs in a lifeboat, rowing back to the docks. He whipped out his spyglass to get a better view.
"They took the Dauntless, yo!" Toad yelled at him. Pietro looked over to see Remy gesturing at Kurt, who was tugging on a rope.
"Rash, Wagner," Pietro said. "Too rash. That is without doubt the worst pirate I've ever seen." How lame, he's reusing his lines!
Onboard The Dauntless…
Kurt came running up the stairs to join Remy, who was striking a cool pose with his pistol over his shoulder behind his neck. "Here they come," kurt said. Remy turned to see the Interceptor approaching and grinned.
The Interceptor pulled up to the Dauntless and sailorJMs immediately started throwing hooks over the edge of the Dauntless. Everyone climbed on. "Search every cabin, every hull, down to the bilges," Pietro ordered.
As soon as all the SailorJMs and SJMs were all onboard the Dauntless, Remy and Kurt grabbed two ropes and swung onto the Interceptor. Then Remy took a hatchet and cut off all the ropes connecting the Interceptor and the Dauntless. They immediately started sailing away, the bard connecting the two falling off both and landing in the water with a splash.
Pietro heard the splash and turned around. "Sailors," he yelled. "Back to the Interceptor!"
One unfortunate SailorJM tried to swing onto the Interceptor, but instead ended up doing a flip and landing in the harbor. Poor dude.
"Merci, Commodore, for getting' us ready to make way," Remy called from were he was steering the Interceptor out of the bay. "We'd have had a hard of it by ourselves."
Several SJMs ran to the edge of the ship and started firing. On the Interceptor, Kurt ducked – very unnecessarily, I might add. These SJMs have no aim.
"Set up topsails and clear up this mess," Pietro ordered, walking off to the stern of the Dauntless.
Rob the High-Ranked Officer followed him. "With the wind, we won't catch them," he said.
"I don't need to catch them," Pietro snapped. "Just get them in range of the long nines."
"Hands, come about!" Rob yelled at the SJMs. "Run out the guns! We're gonna gire on our own ship?" he added to Pietro.
"I'd rather see her at the bottom of the ocean than in the hands of a pirate," Pietro said. "Especially a Cajun pirate," he added with a shudder. Rob just looked at him strangely.
"Commodore," one of the SialorJMs said. "He's disabled the rudder chains, sir."
Back On The Lifeboat…
Toad turned around to see the Dauntless headed right at them. "Abandon ship!" he yelled, and hopped out of the ship, closely followed by the rest of the SJMs. And then the Dauntless killed the little boat.
Back On The Dauntless…
Pietro just rolled his eyes. "That's got to be the best pirate I've ever seen," Rob said.
That ticked Pietro off. "So it would seem," he said.
(1) These really exist! I dunno what they are for small-medium dogs, but for medium-large dogs (like my lovely Labrador Retrievers), there's beef-flavored Scooby, cheese-flavored Shaggy, chicken-flavored Scooby dog tags, and bacon-flavored Mystery Machines!
Avec – with
D'accord – agreed; okay
Deux – two
Et – and
Fils – son
Île de Morte – island of death
Jolie – cute
Merci – thank you
Mes – my (plural)
Moi – me
Monsieur – Mr.
Où – where
Oui – yes
Pourquoi – why
Qui – who
Une fille – a girl
To the next chapter!
