..: Palu-li-lala-lulu :..

I am SO SORRY it took me forever to update! But I had an English project, Bio project, PE project, and Religion project that were all due last week. Sorry!

Thank you to psychobunny410, Sangofanatic, Pyromaniac, enigmagirl12727, and EE's Skysong for reviewing! Sangofanantic, I should've had Kurt punch him too. I keep forgetting stuff like that! PyroManiac, for my Shrek parody, Sam would be Shrek, Rahne would be Fiona, Bobby would be Donkey, and Lord Farquaad…I haven't exactly decided on a villain yet. It'd have to be one of the New Recruits, though (so either Ray or Roberto…or Jamie). I dunno. Any suggestions? Enigmagirl12727, I have no clue what's in the other 95 percent of Tortugian Punch. Probably 40 percent muscle/knuckle, 40 percent P.O.'d, 15 percent pent-up anger…something like that. I just did that cuz like how in Sunny D commercials it's always like "Unleash the power of the sun!" and then "contains5percentjuice" at the end. And I think Hawaiian Punch has 5 percent juice, too. EE's Skysong, cool! I wanna do The Princess Bride, too! Except it'd be LANCITTY…yes, I know, you hate it, but it's like my tribute to the Brotherhood. Ish. And I'm doing KURTTY now, and I'm planning on doing Moulin Rouge for KIOTR. And Redneck Shrek. And maybe Aladdin for a tribute to the New Recruits. And maybe Without a Paddle for a tribute for the Acolytes. Yep, a lot of ideas for parodies pop up in my head all the time. Like random rabid parody-bunnies. They exist, I tell ya! They exist!

Guess what? I got a flame! And you know what that means…

S'MORES FOR EVERYONE! Yep, all flames I get I give to Pyro to play with…as long as he makes s'mores. Anyone who reviews gets a s'more! But this was a quality flame, as far as flames go. Yep, I was told "fuck you", that I spew out crap, and to "step off, bitch", the first and last in capitals. Someone was mad! Also, FYI to any potential flamers, I obviously won't take any of them seriously. I mean, you're welcome to flame, but all you get out of it are virtual s'mores, courtesy of Pyro.

Anywayz, on to the ficcie!

DISCLAIMER: "I pinned myself, I'm a big boy!"


Inside a cave of the dreaded Isla de Muerta, the Cursed Pirates were dumping in all their treasure. Kitty just stood around and stared at the big treasure chest of Cortés.

Evan and Scott carried in a heavy-looking chest. "Ten years of hoarding swag," Evan said.

"And now we finally get to spend it!" Scott finished gleefully. They upended the chest to reveal…

Lots of dresses and parasols. How is it that out of all of the CJMs and Ray and Rob and Magneto, they were the only two who managed to snag a chest full of dresses and parasols instead of gold? But whatever.

"Once we're free of the curse," Evan said to Scott, "We'll be rich men, and you can buy some ruby quartz sunglasses that actually fit…and aren't made of wood."

"This one does splinter a lot," Scott admitted, rubbing his eyes under the faulty wooden ruby quartz sunglasses.

"Stop rubbing it!" Evan said. "Why do I sound like your mother or Jean or something?"

Ray walked by, giving them a weird look. "What are you looking at?" Evan snapped.

"Nothing…Mrs. Summers," Ray said. He then had to duck very quickly to avoid getting a very large nose piercing.

In a Boat…

Remy rowed while Kurt held the lantern. Ooh, look! A skeleton with an arrow through its back. Or, I guess what's now its spine and ribcage. COOL!

Kurt flinched. "Vhat code is Logan supposed to keep to if the vorst should happen?"

"Pirate's Code," Remy said. "Any homme who falls behind is left behind."

"No heroes amongst thieves," Kurt noted.

"For havin' such a bleak outlook on pirates, y're well on y' way to becomin' one," Remy said. "Sprung a homme from jail, commandeered a ship of de fleet, sailed wit' a buccaneer crew out of Tortuga." They both looked at the gold coins lining the bottom of the little river. "And y're completely obsessed wit' treasure."

"That is not true," Kurt protested as they climbed out of the boat. "I am not obsessed vith treasure."

"Not all treasure is silver and gold, homme," Remy said. Too true. Nowadays, it's dirty paper!

Remy and Kurt watched the pirates gathered in front of the big treasure chest of Cortés, where Magsy was making his lame speech. "Gentlemen, the time has come!" he shouted. All the Cursed Pirates cheered. "Our salvation is near!" More cheering. "Our torment is near an end!" Still more cheering.

"Kitty," Kurt whispered, having just noticed her. Even though she's the only one up there in a dress, AND the spotlight from a hole in the cave or something is RIGHT ON HER. But whatever.

"For ten years we've been tested and tried," Magsy continued, "And each one of you here has proved his mettle a hundred times over and a hundred times again!"

"Suffered, I have!" Scott said. Evan punched him.

"Punished, we were, the lot of us," Magsy continued…again. "Disproportionate to our crime! Here it is!" He kicked the top off the stone chest. "The cursed treasure of Cortés himself," he said, sending a little magnetic ripple through the coins. "Every last piece that went astray, we have returned. Save for this!" he finished, pointing at The Medallion (DMP) around Kitty's neck.

"Kitty!" Kurt lunged forward, but Remy held him back, knocking down some of the coins. Of course, Monkey Dude and his supreme primate sense noticed.

"Not yet!" he said. "We wait for de opportune moment."

"881 we found, but despaired of ever finding the last," Magsy rambled on. Remy got up and started walking away.

Kurt got up. "Vhen's that?" he asked. "Vhen it's of greatest profit to you?"

Remy turned around. "Can Remy ask y' somet'in'? Has Remy ever given y' reason not to trust moi? Do us a favor. Remy know it's difficult for y', but s'il vous plait stay here and try not to do anyt'in' stupid." He turned and walked away.

"And who among us has paid the blood sacrifice owed to the heathen gods?" Magsy thundered.

"Us!" the Cursed Pirates yelled.

"And whose blood must yet be paid?" Magsy asked.

"Hers!" the Cursed Pirates yelled, pointing at Kitty.

"You know," Kitty said. "Whenever you, like, point a finger at someone, there's, like, three fingers pointing back at you."

"SHUT UP!" the Cursed Pirates yelled back.

"Like, fine," Kitty said. "Like, don't gotta be so rude," she muttered.

Meanwhile, Remy wandered down to another rock closer to the Cursed Pirates. "You know what I'm going to do after the curse is lifted?" Magsy said. "Eat a whole bushel of apples," he said to Kitty.

"Won't that, like, make you sick?" Kitty asked.

Magsy rolled his eyes and shoved her so that she leaned over the treasure chest of Cortés and grabbed a knife. All the CJMs started chanting "ho" over and over. So did Scott. But Ray, Rob, and Evan stubbornly refused to. "Begun by blood," Magsy said. "By blood undone."

Kurt walked up to Remy and knocked him out with a paddle. "Sorry, Jack," he said. "I'm not gonna be your leverage."

Magsy ripped The Medallion (DMP) off her neck, put it in her hand, and slit her palm with the knife. "Like, that's it?" Kitty asked.

"Waste not," Magsy said. Kitty dropped The Medallion (DMP) into the chest, and all the CJMs stopped chanting. Scott, being the idiot that he was, kept chanting until Evan punched him to shut him up. And they all waited to see if the curse was gone. Meanwhile, Kurt ran down around a rock to get Kitty.

"Did it work?" Rob asked.

"I don't feel any different," Scott said.

"How do we tell?" Evan asked.

Magsy rolled his eyes, pulled out a pistol, and shot Evan. Evan stood still for a moment, then stared down at the hole in his chest. Right where his heart should be. What a shame he was cursed.

"You're not dead!" Rob said, sounding disappointed. Well, who wouldn't?

"No," Evan said. He pointed at Magsy. "He shot me!"

"It didn't work!" Scott said.

All the CJMs started yelling at Magsy, who turned to Kitty. "You, maid! Your mother, what was her name? Was your mother Raven Darkholme?"

"Like, no," Kitty said defiantly.

"Where's her child that sailed from Germany however many years ago? The child in whose veins flows the blood of Raven Darkholme?" Kitty didn't say anything, and that defiant look on her face was really starting to piss him off, so he backhanded her. Temper, temper. Kitty went rolling down to the bottom of the little rock. Oh, come on. And here I thought she was tough. Oh, and The Medallion (DMP) went rolling down next to her.

"You two!" Ray yelled to Evan and Scott, who now had "oh-shit" looks on their faces. "You brought us the wrong person!"

"No!" Evan said. "She had The Medallion (DMP). She's the right age."

"Did Evan just play some cheesy B-rated dramatic music?" Rob asked a CJM, who nodded solemnly.

"She said her name was Wagner!" Scott put in. "I think she lied to us."

"No kidding, loser," Evan said.

Kurt popped up out of the water, swam over to Kitty, woke her up, and motioned for them to leave. Of course, Kitty had to be all spiteful and take The Medallion (DMP) with her.

"You brought us here for nothing!" One very P.O.'d CJM yelled. "I could've been terrorizing the pimple-covered buck-toothed teen down at Coldstone's!"

"You do know that Coldstone's wouldn't exist right now, right?" Rob asked.

"Yeah, but it's right down the street," the CJM said. "And you're supposed to be saying your line." He rolled his eyes. "Idiot."

"Who's to blame?" Rob demanded to Magsy, ignoring the CJM. "Every decision you've made has led us from bad to worse. First, there was Asteroid M-"

"One," Magsy said. "You weren't even there for Asteroid M. Two, you're starting on the wrong rant."

"Right," Rob said, then started on his rant. "It was you who sent Mystique to the depths! Although she could've just turned into a fish or something," he added.

"And it's you who brought us here in the first place," Ray said.

"Hey! This is my rant," Rob said.

"Yeah, but I'm the Bo'sun," Ray said.

Magsy magnetically drew his sword. "If any coward here dare challenge me, let him speak!"

Ray backed down. "Jeez, Ray, what happened to your spine?" Jamie said.

"Man, shut up!" Ray said.

"Raymond Whatever-Your-Middle-Name-Is Crisp!" Ororo said. "Watch your language!" Jamie grinned and stuck his ice cream-covered tongue out at Ray.

"I say we cut her throat and spill all her blood, just in case!" Rob said.

"Yeah!" all the Cursed Pirates agreed.

"Like, talk about violent," Kitty muttered as she and Kurt crept off.

Magsy finally noticed Monkey Dude screeching his monkey head off and pointing at the exit. He looked down the rock…and The Medallion (DMP) was gone! GASP! "The Medallion (DMP)! She's taken it!"

"First Evan, now Magsy," Rob said sadly.

"Get after her, you feckless pack of ingrates!" Magsy yelled at the pirates. And they all ran.

"No oars!" one CJM yelled.

"Where's the oars!" another CJM yelled.

"The oars have gone missing!" a third CJM yelled, pointing out the painfully obvious.

"Find them!" Ray yelled back.

Remy went strolling down toward the Cursed Pirates, carrying an oar in his hand. It took them a minute to notice him, but they did eventually. "You!" Evan said. "You're supposed to be dead!"

"Remy's not?" Remy said, looking down at himself. "Oh." He turned around to walk the other way, only to find it blocked by more P.O.'d CJMs. He turned back around to see pistols pointed at him. Lots of pistols. "Palulay," Remy said, made a face, and tried again. "Palu-li-lala-lulu." Scott and Evan exchanged is-he-on-crack looks. Remy kept trying. "Parlili. Parsnip, parsley, partner, partner."

"Parley?" Scott suggested.

"Dat's de one!" Remy exclaimed. "Parley!"

"Parley?" Evan repeated, glaring at Scott. "Damn to the depths whatever man that thought up parley!"

"Dat would be de French," Remy said. "Latin based, of course. Inventors of mayonnaise."

"I like mayonnaise!" Scott said.(1)

At The Interceptor

Kitty and Kurt rowed up to it (although I bet Kurt did all the rowing), having taken the oars with them, and climbed aboard. "Like, not more pirates," Kitty said when she saw the TJMs.

Logan stepped forward. "Welcome aboard, Half-Pint," he said.

"Mr. Logan?" Kitty said, looking surprised.

"Hey, Elf, where's Gumbo?" Logan asked Kurt.

"Gumbo?" Kitty demanded. "Like, as in Gambit?"

"He fell behind," Kurt said to Logan, and led Kitty below.

All of the TJMs looked pretty sad. So did Sabey. So did Logan. "He was my drinking partner!" he said.

Rogue rolled her eyes. "He's still alive, ya idiots!" she snapped.

"De Nile's not just a river in Egypt, Stripes," Logan said. "But keep to the Code!" he yelled to the rest of the TJMs.

"Weigh anchor!" Rogue screeched. "Hoist the sails! Make quick, divvies! What's a divvy?" she asked Logan, who shrugged.

Back In The Cave…

The CJMs parted to let Magsy through. Remy leaned comfortably on the oar. "How on earth did you get off that island?" Magsy asked.

"When y' marooned me on dat godforsaken spit of land, y' forgot one very important t'ing, homme. I'm Remy LeBeau."

"He used First Person!" Scott gasped. Evan punched him. This seems to be a tradition now, no?

Magsy ignored Scott. "Well, I won't be making that mistake again," he said to Remy. "Acolytes, you all remember Captain Remy LeBeau?"

"Aye," all the CJMs said.

"Kill him," Magsy commanded, turning and walking away.

All the Cursed Pirates pulled out their pistols and aimed them at Remy.

"Scott, you're supposed to be shooting him," Forge said to Scott, who was holding his pistol over his head, as if to throw it.

"Oh," Scott said.

Evan rolled his eyes. "Idiot."

"De fille's blood didn't work, did it?" Remy asked Magsy.

Magsy stopped. "Hold your fire!" he yelled.

All the Cursed Pirates resentfully put their pistols down. "You know whose blood we need," Magsy said.

"Remy know whose blood you need," Remy said.

The Interceptor

Was sailing away. Actually, it was long gone. In the cabin, Kitty was trying to bandage her hand. "Like, what sort of a man trades a man's life for, like, a ship?" she said.

"Pirate," Kurt said, and noticed that Kitty was making absolutely no headway in bandaging her hand. "Here. Let me," he said, and started wrapping her hand. "You said you gave Magsy my name as yours. Vhy?"

"Like, I don't know," Kitty said. Then she gasped and jerked her hand away.

"Sorry," Kurt said. "Fuzzy hands."

"No," Kitty said. "I mean, yeah, they are, but, like…" she trailed off as Kurt finished wrapping her hand. "Like, don't stop."

They both leaned forward, and SO would've had made out in a totally fluffy, romantic moment right then…if Kitty hadn't ruined it by pulling out The Medallion (DMP). "It's, like, yours," she said, giving it to him.

"I thought I'd lost it the day they rescued me," Kurt said. "It vas a gift from my mother. She sent it to me." He looked back up at Kitty. "Vhy did you take it?"

"Because I was afraid that you were, like, a pirate," Kitty said. "It would've been awful."

"It vasn't your blood they needed," Kurt said. "It vas my mother's blood. My blood." He curled his hand into a fist around The Medallion (DMP). "The blood of a pirate."

"Kurt, I'm, like, so sorry," Kitty said. "Please forgive me." Kurt slammed his hand down on the table, and Kitty turned and left.


(1) In the gag reel, Johnny Depp says the line about the French and mayonnaise, and Lee Arenberg (the actor who plays Pintel) says, "I like mayonnaise!" Except I had Scott say it cuz in this ficcie, his IQ seems to have dropped quite a bit.

Yeah, short chappie, I know. Sowwies! But the next chappie's up anyway. So go ahead and click the little arrow. You know you want to! ;D