Hinata,
Countless times have I stewed over how I would confess my feelings for you, and though I fear that I never will, I have finally managed to bring my thoughts into some coherent form that does not sound suspiciously like a mix of gibberish, barks, and growls.
We've been on the same team for almost a year now, and I've seen you grow so much. You were determined to change yourself, and I wanted from the start to help you realize that dream. You're so shy and you avoid conflict, but you have the gentlest eyes and touch. You're never rough or careless, and your actions, though they always yield to others, acknowledge the presence of others. The way you look, speak, and touch is like an affirmation that those around you are alive. And perhaps... that is why I love you so much.
We're of different species, Akamaru and I, but the Inuzuka family is greatly in tune with dogs, and we are more alike than different because we share the same spirit. I've envied my best friend for some time now, because it seems that he will always receive the attention from you that I crave. He is always the one to be beneath your affectionate touch as you stroke his head and cradle him in your lap, while I stand by and settle for your kind words, but what I want is to spend the rest of my days cradled in your arms as I rest on your lap while you pet my head lovingly, tenderly...
And what happens when a dog does not get attention from the one he considers to be his master? He seeks it. I am loud, outspoken, playful, and foolishly courageous because I want you to see me. I want my strength to be the focus of your admiration, and I want my heart to be the one you hold in your hand. I try so hard to establish myself as the designated leader of our little team because how else can this boy with his foolish heart hope to seek your attention? But more than that, there's him.... If I were more like him, perhaps you would notice me, too.... And so, the day that we fought and he defeated me, that day when you went to him and awarded him with your immediate attention, I learned two things. I needed to become stronger, so that, firstly, no one would ever defeat me and, secondly, I could protect the one I hope someday to call my master. I'm really hesitating to say the word, mistress, for obvious reasons. Reasons that induce nosebleeds, so thank goodness I'm writing this letter in my mind and not on paper....
Most people are disgusted by me. Strange, considering I do not have bugs nested ever so comfortably behind my eyelids unlike some Shinos who shall henceforth go unnamed, but not you. You're not disgusted by the fact that the scent of dog is forever a part of who I am. Then again, Bug Boy doesn't disgust you, either, so maybe I'm reaching pathetically for signs, but I am a desperate boy with a foolish heart and I am seeking your affections, so every little bit counts. And even if my canine tendencies truly bothered you, all you would have to do is say the word, and I would act as though I were some pedigree.
Akamaru teases me about it all the time, because he alone knows my truest feelings for you. To be honest, I feel much more like you in this field than you think. I'm kind of glad that you must think that I am only being me when I push you to give it your all on the missions, because I shake inside. It takes all of my resolve to speak when you look my way, whereas you are completely immobilized whenever he casts his glance at you, and I envy him in his little world of oblivion where the only thing he sees is his future as Hokage. I'm glad you only think I'm furious that someone is stealing the spotlight just because they're stealing it, but truthfully, I'm fighting a battle you don't even notice. I'm vying for your love in a duel you never even realized took place, which defeats the purpose because it's not like I can claim my prize afterward.
It seems that everyone else receives the full brunt of your attention except me, even the man you've feared for much of your childhood. Even he played a larger role than I ever could in your wishes to change yourself. He almost killed you, and yet you welcomed it, because he was helping you to reach into your true strength.
I'm such a fool. Perhaps this invisible fight that I've been fighting is all a lie to convince me that you will someday love me as I love you.
Had I been able to bring out the best in you, I would have been able to kill him for what he'd done, but upon further thought, I realize that all I have done was to hold you back. I discouraged you from facing Neji in the prelims, and I only pushed you when I thought you would reward me with kind words of gratitude afterward, and so I really don't deserve your kind words. After my loss to Naruto, I should have jumped out of that stretcher and stood there right beside him, cheering you on, but I didn't, because I couldn't... because I was too weak to move, whereas he defied death again and again against me, despite my superiority, and then he not only cheered you on, but he went on to avenge you. He even made the vow to avenge you that day, which was something the other genins talked about repeatedly. They thought it was foolish bravery, but there was still a lingering air of admiration for the one who challenged the Hyuuga.
And I am glad that you did not see him as he emerged triumphant from his battle with Neji. I am glad that I did not have to see your face light up, because I would not have been able to live with myself, and because I was fortunate then, I knew that I, too, had to make a vow, and I had to fulfill it.
I am weak, and it is my love for you that makes me desire strength. I will become stronger, because I need to make sure that when the time comes, there is no one who will be more deserving of your attention, of your voice, and of your touch than me.
Love (Me),
Inuzuka Kiba
Countless times have I stewed over how I would confess my feelings for you, and though I fear that I never will, I have finally managed to bring my thoughts into some coherent form that does not sound suspiciously like a mix of gibberish, barks, and growls.
We've been on the same team for almost a year now, and I've seen you grow so much. You were determined to change yourself, and I wanted from the start to help you realize that dream. You're so shy and you avoid conflict, but you have the gentlest eyes and touch. You're never rough or careless, and your actions, though they always yield to others, acknowledge the presence of others. The way you look, speak, and touch is like an affirmation that those around you are alive. And perhaps... that is why I love you so much.
We're of different species, Akamaru and I, but the Inuzuka family is greatly in tune with dogs, and we are more alike than different because we share the same spirit. I've envied my best friend for some time now, because it seems that he will always receive the attention from you that I crave. He is always the one to be beneath your affectionate touch as you stroke his head and cradle him in your lap, while I stand by and settle for your kind words, but what I want is to spend the rest of my days cradled in your arms as I rest on your lap while you pet my head lovingly, tenderly...
And what happens when a dog does not get attention from the one he considers to be his master? He seeks it. I am loud, outspoken, playful, and foolishly courageous because I want you to see me. I want my strength to be the focus of your admiration, and I want my heart to be the one you hold in your hand. I try so hard to establish myself as the designated leader of our little team because how else can this boy with his foolish heart hope to seek your attention? But more than that, there's him.... If I were more like him, perhaps you would notice me, too.... And so, the day that we fought and he defeated me, that day when you went to him and awarded him with your immediate attention, I learned two things. I needed to become stronger, so that, firstly, no one would ever defeat me and, secondly, I could protect the one I hope someday to call my master. I'm really hesitating to say the word, mistress, for obvious reasons. Reasons that induce nosebleeds, so thank goodness I'm writing this letter in my mind and not on paper....
Most people are disgusted by me. Strange, considering I do not have bugs nested ever so comfortably behind my eyelids unlike some Shinos who shall henceforth go unnamed, but not you. You're not disgusted by the fact that the scent of dog is forever a part of who I am. Then again, Bug Boy doesn't disgust you, either, so maybe I'm reaching pathetically for signs, but I am a desperate boy with a foolish heart and I am seeking your affections, so every little bit counts. And even if my canine tendencies truly bothered you, all you would have to do is say the word, and I would act as though I were some pedigree.
Akamaru teases me about it all the time, because he alone knows my truest feelings for you. To be honest, I feel much more like you in this field than you think. I'm kind of glad that you must think that I am only being me when I push you to give it your all on the missions, because I shake inside. It takes all of my resolve to speak when you look my way, whereas you are completely immobilized whenever he casts his glance at you, and I envy him in his little world of oblivion where the only thing he sees is his future as Hokage. I'm glad you only think I'm furious that someone is stealing the spotlight just because they're stealing it, but truthfully, I'm fighting a battle you don't even notice. I'm vying for your love in a duel you never even realized took place, which defeats the purpose because it's not like I can claim my prize afterward.
It seems that everyone else receives the full brunt of your attention except me, even the man you've feared for much of your childhood. Even he played a larger role than I ever could in your wishes to change yourself. He almost killed you, and yet you welcomed it, because he was helping you to reach into your true strength.
I'm such a fool. Perhaps this invisible fight that I've been fighting is all a lie to convince me that you will someday love me as I love you.
Had I been able to bring out the best in you, I would have been able to kill him for what he'd done, but upon further thought, I realize that all I have done was to hold you back. I discouraged you from facing Neji in the prelims, and I only pushed you when I thought you would reward me with kind words of gratitude afterward, and so I really don't deserve your kind words. After my loss to Naruto, I should have jumped out of that stretcher and stood there right beside him, cheering you on, but I didn't, because I couldn't... because I was too weak to move, whereas he defied death again and again against me, despite my superiority, and then he not only cheered you on, but he went on to avenge you. He even made the vow to avenge you that day, which was something the other genins talked about repeatedly. They thought it was foolish bravery, but there was still a lingering air of admiration for the one who challenged the Hyuuga.
And I am glad that you did not see him as he emerged triumphant from his battle with Neji. I am glad that I did not have to see your face light up, because I would not have been able to live with myself, and because I was fortunate then, I knew that I, too, had to make a vow, and I had to fulfill it.
I am weak, and it is my love for you that makes me desire strength. I will become stronger, because I need to make sure that when the time comes, there is no one who will be more deserving of your attention, of your voice, and of your touch than me.
Love (Me),
Inuzuka Kiba
