Chapter 3

Memory

Remus Lupin remembered that memory as if it were yesterday. He chuckled a bit as he thought about the Marauder initiation they gave Harry as a baby. But thinking about James, Lily, and Sirius caused a great painful pang in his heart. He never showed his emotions to others for the sake of having to look strong.

Peter, who was a traitor, was considered dead. James and Lily had been gone for years. And now Sirius was taken away just barely a few hours ago. Remus couldn't bear the agony filled his chest… it was too heavy… too painful. Sometimes he just wanted to end his misery. He wanted to die. Wanted, no, needed to be reunited with his beloved friends. His beloved Marauders.

That's right!

He could end it all now with a swish of his wand. It was so easy; all he had to do was summon up all the courage to do it. Yes… just with one flick of the wand, he could be able to feel no more pain… he would be with James and Sirius.

His wand trembled in his hand. Why wasn't he able to do it? This was the perfect time, why couldn't he move…?

"Professor?"

Remus whipped his head around and came face to face with… James? No, it wasn't James.

"Harry," Remus looked at James's son, his wand was still trembling in his hand. Harry had just come out of Dumbledore's office. His eyes were red and his face was tear-streaked; but he had an expression of utter defiance. As if he were determined to cry no more. "Are you feeling a little better?"

Harry didn't answer. His fists were clenched so tightly that his knuckles turned white. He let out a small whimper and he bit his lip, trying not to cry. And he shook his head so that his hair fell over his eyes.

"I don't think— I can stand it—" Harry gritted his teeth. "First Mum and Dad— then Sirius—" he paused and looked away, "THEY'RE ALL DYING BECAUSE OF ME! Because of me…" he broke off into sobs. "Who am I going to lose next? That's all I keep thinking about. Who am I going to lose next…?"

Remus felt his heart break in two. This was the reason why he was unable to take his own life. Harry was the reason.

Remus took a step forward but Harry flinched.

"Am I going to lose you next, Professor?" Harry looked at him, trembling. "I didn't like the way you were holding that wand…"

Remus's eyebrows drew together as he looked at Harry painfully. "Oh, Harry. I didn't mean—"

"Were you going to leave me too?" Harry whispered softly, his face was pale. "If I didn't come out here in time, would've I accidentally run into your dead body?"

"No, I—"

"Would've I lost both you and Sirius in one day!" Harry shouted. "I don't have my parents, I don't have my godfather— I only have you—"

"Harry—"

"Why do you want to leave me!"

Remus took a hold of both Harry's shoulders and pulled him close, even though the younger boy resisted stubbornly. "I'm sorry…" he whispered as he held the boy in a tight hug. "I was being selfish…"

"I hate them for leaving— I hate— I hate you for trying to leave—" Harry was delirious from the tears. "I don't ever want to see any of you…. Mum… Dad… Sirius— Why'd they leave me…"

Remus couldn't say anything to console Harry. No words could ever soothe the boy's pain. No words could soothe his own pain. Instead, he just held Harry tighter and let him cry.

When Harry ran out of tears he stopped trembling for a bit, "You won't leave me?" he murmured sleepily.

Remus gently stroked the boy's jet black hair, "No," he said softly. "I would never." They stayed like that for a while until two students came outside and said that Madam Pomfrey insisted Harry stay in the hospital wing. Harry glanced over his shoulder at Remus ever so often as he reluctantly went off with the students.

Alone and anguished, Remus looked around at the familiar surroundings of Hogwarts. He recalled his Marauder memories and felt a lump in his throat. He was sure to cry...

A warm wind swept across the courtyard, making the grass sway and the waters of the lake ripple. He could've sworn that he heard the ghostly laughter of his dead friends echoing all around him.

James, Lily, Sirius…

"In your memory," Remus whispered. "I will take care of Harry."

The wind died down as a familiar eerie whisper filled his ears… Do you swear, Moony?

Remus smiled to himself as he glanced over his shoulder at the patch of shade underneath the beech tree…

The voice came again, Do you swear?

"Yes…" he whispered hoarsely. With one last look at his surroundings, he said in a loud clear voice:

"I solemnly swear."