Chapter 4

Disclaimer- I don't own these characters

NOTE- Hey everyone. Really sorry for the long wait. But thanks for the reviews of the last chapter and I hope you enjoy this one- the next one will be coming soon, and as you will be able to tell, things between Ryan and Marissa are getting a little more heated. Thanks guys!

Ryan and Lindsay had been driving in awkward silence for about five minutes; the only sounds audible were from a mixed CD they were listening to. Both of them were trying to think of things to say, but nothing came to mind. Finally the silence became unbearable. "What CD is this?" Lindsay asked.

"It's a mix." Ryan paused. He wasn't sure whether he should continue or not, fearing the awkwardness the next sentence may bring. "Marissa made it for me."

"She did?" Lindsay tried to sound casual and neutral, but she felt like she was denying something, suppressing an unspoken truth that she had known for quite some time.

"Yeah," Ryan continued. "It was, about, my third day here. And, I was about to be sent to a group home. You know, the Cohens weren't sure if they could take care of me. Another teenager, it was a lot of responsibility, and I guess they had a lot to think about."

"I could imagine," said Lindsay.

Ryan smiled. "So, I decided I would run away." He laughed a little, recalling the memory. "Seth recommended that I stayed at one of Kirsten's model homes, so the three of us went there and set it up. I remember Marissa and I were talking about music, so she made me this CD. It's called 'The Model Home Mix.'"

Lindsay tried to think of something to say, but she couldn't. She just smiled. Ryan was afraid that he had hurt her, and he turned to her with a charming smile and asked if she liked it.

"Yeah," she nodded. "It's really nice." Ryan turned back to the road as "Hallelujah," by Jeff Buckley came on. He turned it off. He couldn't listen to that song now. It reminded him too much of her, overwhelmed him with uncontrollable feelings…

Lindsay thought that Ryan had sense how uncomfortable she was listening to the CD, and that he had turned it off for her. She felt reassured that she and Ryan were okay, and she sat back smiling, unaware of the silence that had once again fallen upon them.


"How cute is this dress, Coop?" Marissa and Summer were shopping in an expensive boutique where they normally bought their party attire. They had just found a rack full of beautiful dresses, and the one Summer was showing Marissa particularly stood out. It was white and strapless, and flowed down right above the knees. The back of the dress was low cut, and a silk lace came all the way up in an intricate pattern.

"Wow, It's beautiful." Marissa was in awe of its seamless perfection.

"Go try it on," Summer said.

"What? You found it. It's yours." Marissa really did love it, but she wanted to be fair. "Marissa. This is totally your dress. It's like, screaming your name. Now go try it on and I'll be there in a sec." Marissa didn't know what to say. "Thank you so much." Summer smiled and Marissa walked to the dressing rooms, holding the dress snuggly in her arms.

"Here, rip a piece off." Lindsay had just bought a big soft pretzel and was sharing it with Ryan as they walked through the mall. They had been laughing and having fun, and even holding hands occasionally. Ryan wasn't letting himself think of anything else.

"Oh!" Said Lindsay, pointing to the store that Summer and Marissa were in. "I heard that they had some really beautiful clothes in there. You don't mind if we look do you?" Ryan smiled. "No, that's what we're here for right?"

Summer was flipping through the rack when she saw Ryan and Lindsay come in. "Hey guys!" She shouted. "Hey," they said, making their way over to her. "What are you guys doing here?" Summer asked.

"Oh, we're looking for an outfit. For tomorrow."

"So are we!"

"We?" Lindsay asked.

"Yeah. Coop's in the dressing room. In fact, I'm supposed to meet her in there and see how she looks. Do you want to come? She'll be so surprised to see you."

"Well, I was going to look at the shoes. But Ryan, you go. I'm sure you're getting a little tired of watching me try things on. And maybe after we can all go out for lunch?" Lindsay smiled brightly. She was trying to convince herself that she was okay with Ryan and Marissa being friends-that there was nothing more between them.

"That sounds great!" Said Summer. "Come on Ryan, she's gonna totally flip when she sees you." Summer led Ryan to the dressing room. "Coop! Are you done yet?"

"Yeah Sum. Hold on." Marissa slowly opened the door.

"What do you think?" She asked, before she could lift her head. Ryan was speechless. She looked flawless, perfect. The dress hung on her body in all of the right places, and it made her glow. She saw him after she had asked, and didn't know what to say. She thought she wouldn't see him until the party.

All Ryan was able to muster out was a staggered, "Wow." Marissa smiled.

"Look who I found!" Summer exclaimed. "Shopping with Lindsay for the party tomorrow." Marissa quickly remembered. Right-Lindsay. "Anyway," Said Summer. "I'm going to find a pair of heels for you. You're totally getting this dress. You look gorgeous." Summer walked away, leaving Ryan and Marissa alone.

"You do." Ryan said.

"You think?" Marissa asked. "There's actually a strap in the back that I couldn't reach," Marissa said, fumbling with the lace in the back of the dress. Ryan stepped behind her and breathed in. He felt like he was going to fall over. Slowly he took the lace in his hand and began to follow the delicate pattern that was tied half way. The dress reminded Ryan of the one she had worn last year at her Debutante ball. He had gone over to her house and stood speechless, silently tying it up. Both of them thought of this moment as he started to tie it.

As he laced up the dress, his fingertip brushed her skin. It sent a chill up her spine. His faint touch echoed through her, awakening every part of her. For the brief moment that he stood behind her, they both felt like it had been eternity. Everything seemed to be going in slow motion. Neither of them wanted it to end. The slightest contact made them feel more for each other than they could ever feel for anyone else.

Their moment was broken by Summer, who came back with a pair of heels. "Try these on." Marissa reluctantly walked over and took the shoes. She sat down on the bench next to the dressing room and began to buckle them, when Lindsay came in. "Marissa, hey," she said, obviously astounded by Marissa's beauty in the dress. "Hey Lindsay. Wow, those shoes are adorable!" Lindsay was holding a pair of wedges with a paisley design across them. "Thanks," Lindsay said. She knew no matter what she bought, she would never look as stunning as Marissa at the party. Ryan sensed how again, she felt inferior to Marissa. "Hey, honey. You're going to look beautiful," he said, leaning in to give her an unexpected kiss. Marissa's heart plummeted. Ryan noticed and didn't know what he had just done, but it had made Lindsay happy and that was what was important, right? His girlfriend. Lindsay was his girlfriend, not Marissa. He had made up his mind.

"Coop, Ryan and Lindsay are going to have lunch with us okay?"

"Sure," Marissa said quietly but as sweetly as possible. She just didn't understand. When he was lacing up her dress, didn't he feel the same intensity that she had? How could she just trick herself like that? How could all of the happiness that she had gathered since the night before come crashing down so quickly?

Ryan felt horrible. His heart was aching, both for Marissa and himself. He could feel the pain in her eyes, and it was like a dagger was stabbing him. He didn't want her to think that he was leading her on, or that the past few days-the little awkward romances between them-had meant nothing to him. They had meant so much, and he wished he could run away with her that second, just the two of them- and get away from everything, but he couldn't. He had an obligation and as much as it hurt, he had to stay with Lindsay.


Marissa sat at lunch, feeling like the fifth wheel. Summer had called Zack to meet up with them, and of course Ryan was with Lindsay. The more she sat there, the more hurt she felt. Ryan was acting as if he had never even dated Marissa, like he didn't even know her. He had his arm around Lindsay, and they sat coddling each other through the entire meal.

"Try mine. It's delicious," Lindsay told Ryan. "Marissa, you've hardly touched your food. Do you want to taste mine?"

"Oh, no thanks Lindsay."

Ryan had been noticing through the whole meal how uncomfortable and hurt Marissa seemed. He didn't know what to do. "Do you want some of mine?" Ryan asked. "No thanks," Marissa choked out the only words she could possibly stutter. She felt like she was on the verge of tears. Lindsay leaned over and put her hand on Ryan's chest. "Are you going to drive me home after lunch? Or…am I coming over to your place?" Ryan continued with his act. Throughout all of lunch he was trying to suppress anything that he felt for Marissa, acting as if he had those kinds of feelings for Lindsay. "I don't know. What do you want to do?" Lindsay giggled. She was so happy that Ryan was showing her that he only wanted to be with her that the words just came out. "I love you," She said, smiling. At that moment, Ryan and Marissa both froze. Ryan could feel Marissa's tearful eyes on him, waiting for his answer.

"I love you too."

Marissa felt the tears coming into her eyes uncontrollably. She had to leave before she made a fool of herself. "I'll be right back," she stuttered, quickly walking away. "Coop!" Summer shouted. "Where are you going?" Marissa reluctantly turned around. "Oh, just to the bathroom." It was evident that she had started to cry- the tears were blurring her eyes and one had stained her cheek. Ryan felt worse than ever. The last thing he ever wanted was to see Marissa cry. But the worst part was knowing that he was the reason why she was crying.


Ryan pulled into Marissa's driveway. It was eleven at night, but the lights were on inside and normally everyone in Newport was up at this hour. He had come over right after lunch, but she wasn't home.

Julie answered the door and gave Ryan a stiff glare. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to see Marissa."

"You two are still hanging out? After everything you put her through this summer?" Ryan didn't say anything. He didn't want to hear everything he had done to hurt Marissa right now- he already felt bad enough and he had come to make things right. "She's in her room, upstairs to the left." Reluctantly, Ryan muttered a "thanks" and walked upstairs to find Marissa.

Ryan knocked softly on Marissa's door, but he didn't hear a response. He knocked once more, an opened the door slowly to find Marissa sleeping on top of her covers. Immediately he was afraid she had passed out from drinking, and he ran over to her bedside, searching the covers for any sign of alcohol. He didn't find any, and felt reassured. Ryan took a moment to look at her lying there. She looked so innocent, like a doll. Her eyelids fluttered involuntarily and he could see her chest move with her breath. Reaching over, he put his hand on her forehead and stroked her hair. Marissa felt this and woke up.

"Hey," said Ryan sweetly.

Marissa smiled. "Hey. What are you doing here?" Ryan inhaled deeply. He wasn't sure what he was going to say. All he knew was that he needed to apologize. But there was so much more to it than that.

"Can I sit down?"

"Sure." Ryan sat on the edge of the bed. "Okay," he started. Marissa looked at him blankly. At this point, she had given up any hope of him returning the same feelings for her. Ryan began again. "I'm sorry. I, I'm, well…I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Everything." He paused and looked into her eyes. "I don't know how to do this." Marissa wanted to help him clear his mind. "Well, why don't you think about what you want to say, and-"

"No, not that. I mean, I just, I don't know how to do this." Marissa felt something come over her, but she knew better than to start questioning him. He lay back on the pillow next to her, and stared up at the ceiling.

"I don't love her." He had let it out, and he thought maybe the words could start to flow.

Marissa felt the feeling grow stronger, but she tried to squash it. It was the same feeling that had made her vulnerable to pain before. But it was undeniable. Ryan rolled over on his side, facing Marissa. "I…I," he began. Marissa's anticipation grew. She waited for the words.

"Can I stay here tonight? Just to sleep."

"Sure."

"Thanks."

Ryan closed his eyes, and Marissa looked at him. He looked uneasy. She knew he had more to say, but she was just happy to be in his presence.

He reached over and took her hand in his. They both smiled and fell asleep facing each other, connected through their touch, and happy to embrace it.