Chapter 5
Disclaimer- If only I owned The OC…but I don't
A/N- Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't updated in awhile, computers can be quite an annoyance. In a way, this chapter seems like the end of the story, but don't worry, it's not! Believe me I'm having way too much fun writing it. And it looks like a trip to Hawaii to visit Jimmy will be coming up soon…hope you guys enjoy! Thanks! I'm also not sure if this format turned out right...we'll see, if it doesn't I'll go back and fx it. The sun beamed into Marissa's bedroom. On top of the covers, Ryan lay holding her in his arms, her body resting on his. They breathed in a synchronized motion, making faint waves each time they inhaled. Marissa's head was buried in him, and her lips lingered faintly on his chest. The light became increasingly bright inside the room, and Ryan's eyes fluttered open. Although at first alarmed by the position he was lying in, he quickly became content and comfortable, the way he felt in his sleep. Smiling to himself, he began to stroke her hair with his hands. Marissa sensed his touch and opened her eyes. She lifted her head to see him, and smiled sleepily.
"Good morning," he whispered.
"Good morning"
Marissa rolled over to lie next to Ryan. They curled in on their sides, his hands on her waist and hers on his shoulders. Ryan leaned in toward her, speaking intimately and quietly.
"Did you sleep well?"
Marissa smiled. "Wonderfully. What about you?"
"Same."
They didn't need to have a long withdrawn conversation. No words were necessary, just being in each other's presence was enough. Ryan took his hand off of her hip and caressed the small of her back. She moved her hands down his body, resting them on his heaving chest…
"Open the door Marissa."
Julie had been knocking on the door repeatedly, but neither Marissa nor Ryan heard the sound. It finally registered with hem, bringing them back to an unfortunate reality. Both grimaced at the sound of interruption, wanting to be only with each other and no one else.
"I'm getting dressed, mom."
"Okay, honey. Well, hurry up, because Lindsay's coming over and Cal wants to have a big family breakfast. He's even cooking. I should actually go check on him, make sure he hasn't burned down the entire kitchen."
Ryan winced at the mention of Lindsay's name. He immediately withdrew his hands from Marissa and let the cruel reality bury him in pain. He had completely forgotten about Lindsay and how even though he didn't want to be, he was still with her.
"Yeah, okay mom."
Marissa turned towards Ryan and saw the hesitation in his eyes. Everything that was building had completely fallen apart; all because of the reality that Lindsay was still Ryan's girlfriend. He opened his mouth and felt the pain of every word he spoke.
"I should go."
He looked at her, let their glances connect, knowing that they were sharing the same misery. Marissa couldn't think of anything to say. Instead she stared at him as he slowly left the room, both feeling more alone than ever before.
"You're not even dressed…"
Summer barged into Marissa's room to find her lying on her bed staring endlessly at the ceiling. She made a small attempt to bring her head forward, acknowledging her friend.
"Hey, Sum. Oh, yeah, I don't really feel like going."
"Coop, what happened?"
Marissa paused and fumbled with the edge of her pillow. She thought for a second of a concise pattern of words to express her thoughts, but none came to mind. She fell into hysterics, her entire body shaking. Summer sat down next to her and took her hand. "It's Ryan, isn't it?"
She let the words flow through her tears.
"He's still with her, and he's always going to be. No matter what happens, we'll never be together. I know it. I lost him."
"Sweetie. That's not true. He loves you. But you know Ryan-it takes him time to process his feelings. Just give him awhile."
"I don't…I don't think I can be around him, and not be with him. It just, hurts too much."
Summer looked at her sympathetically. She didn't know what to say, and thought that no words could console Marissa's broken heart. The best she could do was try to make light of the situation. Walking over to the closet, she pulled out the white dress that Marissa had tried on the other day in the mall.
"Okay, Coop. If you don't want to go…I just think this dress looks a hell of a lot batter on you than it does on this hanger. Please? We don't even have to go near Ryan."
Marissa smiled. "Well it is for charity."
Summer handed her the dress. "Here. Go get ready."
Marissa thanked her, and lifted her head a bit higher as she went to get dressed.
The ballroom was brightly lit, with large hexagonal tables spanning the entire floor. Marissa and summer took their seats near the entrance, which seemed to be an unpopular area among everyone else. People continued to file in, and Marissa continued to look for Ryan. She knew that she had told Summer that she didn't want to see him. But still, it was impossible for her not to check for him. Finally, he walked in, Lindsay pulling him into the party by the hand. Her face was jubilant and heavy with blush, while he wore a much less excited and melancholy look. Marissa's heart skipped a beat when she saw him, and she instantly became saddened to see him with Lindsay, who was dragging him over to where they were sitting.
"Marissa! Summer! Hey, you guys were easy to find!"
Lindsay let go of Ryan's hand and took a seat next to Summer. Marissa's gaze was still holding on to Ryan, desperately wanting even a glimpse of eyes contact to keep inside of her. He looked up at her, and for a moment, a flutter of hope filled her heart. His eyes however were quickly diverted to the table as he pulled out his chair and sat down next to Lindsay. This will be a great night, Marissa thought.
"Wow you guys. You look gorgeous."
Summer new she would have to handle the conversation for the night. "Thanks Lindsay, so do you."
"Please. I wish I had half the looks as you guys. And Marissa, I still can't get over that dress, it's absolutely stunning."
"Thanks, Lindsay."
Ryan looked up at Marissa. Now it was him who was trying desperately to make some kind of contact. He wanted to apologize so badly, to leave the party that moment with her alone. But she kept her eyes away from him. He tried so hard to get her to look at him, knowing that she saw him looking at her.
"Oh, Marissa. How funny was breakfast this morning. Those pancakes tasted like rocks. I felt so bad. I just didn't have the heart to say anything." Lindsay laughed at her comment, and Marissa returned a polite smile.
"Yeah, Cal's not much of a cook. Would you excuse me a second?" She got up and walked briskly away, arms crossed and head straight in front of her.
Ryan couldn't take it anymore.
"Wait," he said, turning to Lindsay.
"Yeah?"
"I, I can't do this."
"What are you talking about?"
Ryan turned his head towards Marissa, who was still evident among the faced in the crowd. He didn't need to say anything- Lindsay already knew what he was doing.
"Oh."
"I'm sorry. I just…"
"You love her. I understand."
"Thank you."
"Go get her. She looks lonely."
Ryan smiled and got up, walking quickly to the other side of the room. He placed his hand softly on Marissa's shoulder, who was waiting for the bartender to make her drink. She turned around, saw him, and quickly turned back again.
"Marissa, please."
"Please what, Ryan?"
"I'm so sorry. I know how much I've hurt you."
She didn't bother to turn around and let him see the pain in her eyes. Taking her drink, she thanked the bartender and walked away toward the back entrance. Ryan pulled gently on her arm.
"Get off of me Ryan."
He let go, but didn't cease to follow her outside of the ballroom. She walked down the wide steps and saw him standing on the threshold of the door.
"Why are you following me?"
"Because I need you, Marissa."
"Yeah, and then you'll leave and go running back to Lindsay." Marissa walked towards the bench where she stood the year before when she had found out about her dad's business investments. Ryan walked down the steps to her.
"No, Marissa…" He touched her back and she turned to see him, the tears filling her eyes. "I don't ever want to run from you."
"Then why did you keep leaving me?"
"I was scared. I didn't know what to do."
"Scared of what?"
He took her hand in his. "Of this. I forgot how much I could feel for someone, and it scared me."
"Well, it doesn't matter now, does it? Because, I mean, you're with Lindsay."
"No, no- I ended it."
"Then why is she here with you?"
"I did it just now."
"You did?"
She smiled, and he smiled back, now taking her other hand in his as well.
"Marissa, I want to make this, us, work. No matter what."
"It sounds less romantic when you're not about to throw up on the top of a ferris wheel."
They laughed and let their foreheads touch.
"Wait," Ryan whispered.
"I love you."
