The Depth of A Grave
Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming
Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights
Oh, how I long for the deep sleep dreaming
The goddess of imaginary light
Squall's eyes were peacefully closed, an arm as his pillow. His breathing was near predictable when the kitten pounced onto the bed. It stalked up to its master like a hunter would to his prey. His back arched inwards, his tail flickered … time stood still and he leaped onto Squall's head. The sleeping man woke with a startle and instinctively flung the cat off him, "Sweet angry Jesus!" He cried out in surprise.
His heart slowly resumed beating normally and he was silent for a moment, paying no heed to the kitten's complaints. He rubbed the back of his neck and thought back to his serene nap. It had calmed him; there wasn't much of a doubt. Maybe it was his dreams … he growled in annoyance. She even was with him when he slept. His entire being now revolved around her.
In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me
"Rinoa Heartilly … I've once heard that women are the most mysterious creatures that God put on this earth but then again, I don't believe in God. And she's way beyond mysterious." He thought, scratching his chin thoughtfully, "She was easy to fall in love with … susceptibly too easy. And according to my know-it-all sister, she's the only one who's capable of loving me … because I'm so unlovable."
He sighed and stared at the meowing kitten that hopped onto the bed once more. It seemed very angry at its proprietor for having thrown him off before. Squall ignored the meows but rubbed it behind the ears. It grew quiet and began to purr. "And maybe Ellone was right … but that doesn't matter … I'm going to bury Rinoa Heartilly forever. I have to forget her."
I linger in the doorwayOf alarm clock screaming
Monsters calling my name
Let me stay
Where the wind will whisper to me
Where the raindrops
As they're falling tell a story
"You know that's not possible, Squall … you know that, why is it so hard to accept that?" An inner voice tauntingly cried out, "Because it would be the dent in your armor, your weakness, your curse. It would tell you that you aren't as strong as you pretend to be. You're a feeble man … such a pathetic fool." The voice was right. "The grave is too deep to drop her in … Heartilly, in a coffin, cold, dead … her porcelain skin, frozen to the touch, her chocolate eyes void of life, her lips distant to your kisses, her hand unable to be reached for … can you handle that picture? Would you dig that grave, Squall?" He shuddered.
"She's too precious to me …"
If you need to leave the world you live inLay your head down and stay a while
Though you may not remember dreaming
Something waits for you to breath againSquall took a calming breath and heaved himself off the bed. He went into the living room and searched the pockets of his jacket that he had carelessly thrown onto the couch. His fingers touched the straight edges of a business card and he pulled it out and stared at it. He fell back onto the sofa and reached for the phone on the end table. Without the slightest bit of hesitation, he picked up the receiver and dialed the number according to the card. It rung twice before being answered by the reception, "Hello, may I speak to Quistis Trepe? This is Squall Leonhart, she apparently has big plans for me …"
He was digging a grave but he would not reveal the name on the tombstone.
RINOA HAD FINALLY been able to reach Nick, her newest handyman, in the late afternoon. After pleasantly chatting about unimportant things, she politely requested his presence at The Syndicate headquarters, as they had pressing business to attend. The zealous young one had immediately accepted and he showed up twenty minutes later. After surviving Irvine's cross-examination, Nicholas proceeded to Rinoa's office.
"Hey, I'm here." He greeted and strolled to her messy desk, "What's it you need to know?" Rinoa looked up at him. She concluded that he wasn't handsome; he was boyishly cute with his short silver hair, spiked up near the forehead. His gray eyes had only watched over nineteen summers and his clothes screamed out teenager. His voice still had a naïve pitch.
"Not my type of guy …" She thought and smiled subconsciously, "I think I only have one type of man." Rinoa snapped herself back to reality, "Hi, I just wanted to talk to you about the time at the top of the parking lot … near the DeGracia casinos." She paused, allowing him to recollect his memory, "DeGracia knew we were there …" She noticed how unsurprised he seemed to be.
"Oh … really?" Such an amateur. His acting skills needed touching-up; either that or he had been born without the gift of lying. Rinoa said nothing and nodded her head, "Well, I'm sorry. Did it … affect the mission in any way?"
Rinoa remained silent for a moment and chose her words carefully, "Well, not per say … however, it's … interesting that DeGracia had the knowledge of my presence on the top floor of a nearly abandoned multi-story parking lot … unless … unless he had the information before hand." She studied him carefully and saw his uneasiness, "Then again, who the hell cares? I just thought I'd mention it. Anyways, have you ever heard of 'Black Dragon' … some guy named Viktor Lynch runs it. Very small, puny … ugly, though I am a bit biased. Well, the asshole's getting on my nerves.""So … shall I take care of him for you?" Nick asked, his confidence back in full boost.
"No. See, he's got a tendency to mix Quistis and I up. Not only is it insulting for me, but Trepe may take advantage of that. Since I'd probably be ripped apart if the tip of my toes graze her territory, I was wondering if you'd be a good little telegram boy and deliver this ultra important message to my good friend, Quisty and request an immediate response." Rinoa took an envelope from a random pile of papers and handed it to Nick.
She got up from her chair and leaned on the side of her desk, "So … how does five hundred dollars sound? It's just a message …" She smirked seductively as a manner of persuasion, "Because frankly, I could always mail it …" Rinoa remarked how cocky she was getting with employees … it was as if she was expecting him to roll on the floor, tongue dragging, to do her work.
"You don't know her address …" Nick sneered and advanced towards her, "Because five hundred bucks to a fifty cent stamp seems to look like a difficult choice for you." So he was a little brighter than she had judged him to be. A bump in the path that could be smoothened, she was still the better negotiator.
"Take it or leave it, buddy." She offered and tucked a strand of free hair behind her ear, "It just so happens to be convenient to use your services at this moment. Convenience or not, the message will eventually reach her whether through your hands, or the post office's. What do you say?"
"Rebuttal bargain, five hundred dollars and …" His sentence was left hanging as his lips bent down towards her. She felt his soft lips press against her own. They were Nick's lips, not Squall's. Should she still take the plunge? No, Nick's kiss wasn't matching, it left her unsatisfied and stirred her hunger for Squall's lips even more. It was all wrong.
Rinoa pushed him back, "I can't comply with that request." She answered curtly.
"Why not?" Nick questioned, almost playfully."It would simply be unethical and erroneous." She responded, deathly serious, "You're just a boy." The words had come out more harshly than she had anticipated. A bitter feeling of regret settled in the pit of her stomach.
He pulled away offended and in slight shock, "I'm what?" He questioned boldly and took a few steps back, "What … did you say?" She averted his eyes, not wanting to repeat her statement for he had very well heard.
"I'm sorry." She apologized quickly, "But I can't do this. I can't give you a reason, you just have to accept it the way it is." Rinoa took a deep breath and continued on as if nothing was, "$700 and that's final." Her eyes still did not meet his.
Nick remained silent, still surprised and hurt by her blunt refusal. He cleared his throat uncomfortably and began a confident stride towards the door, "Done. Same means of payment." He replied shortly and turned the knob of the door.
"And don't read the message." She instructed sternly, "I trust you, Nick." The lie rolled off her tongue with such ease that it scared her. Even if he did read the message, it isn't as if he would understand a word of it. She would even be surprised if Quistis understood its meaning, she would probably have to dial up some specialist to figure it out.
Nick shut the door a little harder than he should have, leaving Rinoa to herself. A wry smile formed at her lips and she was on the verge of chuckling, "Good job, Rinoa … good job." She congratulated herself, "You're just a boy … woo, that'll go in the 'Year's Greatest Quotes' along with "Bobble heads make me dizzy." …" Rinoa gave herself a mental pat on the back and sighed, "What other stupid things can I throw into the course of the day?"
SQUALL ENTERED THE church with quiet footsteps that still echoed throughout the religious building. He strode to the confessional box, entered it and sat on the tiny stool provided, "Forgive me father for I have sinned, it has been a decade since my last confession." He spoke up gruffly.
The priest's face was shielded by his hand but Squall already knew who it was. Upon hearing the voice, Kiros' hand dropped and he glared at the young man, "Squall, what is it that you're doing here?"
"Confessing my sins, father." Squall answered in a cynical manner that made Kiros shake with rage, "I wish to cleanse my soul of my sins if death should so happen to embrace me in the weeks that follow."
The priest rolled his eyes skeptically, deciding to play along, "Right, goes on, my child."Squall began a hearty list of wrong-doings, "I refused to honor my father and my mother, I ran away from home and made my sister cry, I committed adultery and I liked it, I mortally wounded people for business opportunities, I killed a drug-dealer because he refused to pay his debts to me, I robbed an entire bank of money, I escaped jail before my sentence was done, I dealt with thugs, I committed adultery and thought my partner was someone else … I liked that too, then I-"
"For the love of God, STOP!" Kiros snapped hysterically, "Say as many 'Hail Mary's and 'Glory Be's as you want, never will you be forgiven such crimes, my child. Your lack of belief and the way you make a mockery out of religion are your greatest sins!"
"Kiros, I'll cut the shit but lose the priest act." Squall offered, "I need your help. It's nothing illegal so don't flip out on me. I just need you to find Ellone. She came to see me today and she made a hasty exit so I wasn't able to get her phone number or any other means of communication with her."
The father groaned in annoyance, "And that gives you the right to snap your fingers at me and make of me your messenger boy? No, Squall Leonhart … if you've hurt your sister to the point where you don't think she'll be taking contact with you again, I will not be the monkey in the middle. You want to know what you'll do? You're going to go see your father and you will sustain a pleasant conversation with him … then you will ask of Ellone … is that clear?"
"No!" Squall hissed angrily, "I have no father, I never have! Kiros, you're the closest damn thing I have to a freaking parental unit, will you please help me out here?"
"The man that owns the tool shop near the city library will be more than willing to help you." Kiros informed lightly, knowing how futile his attempts were becoming.
"The man at the tool shop is a big, fat moron! Why are you sending me to seek council from a dumbass, hmm? Why?" Squall bit back with irrepressible irritation, "Or is this some charitable act that the bible has labeled as 'a good deed'?"
"Please refrain from insulting the Holy Scriptures and do as I say." Kiros shut the confessional window and Squall knew he wouldn't answer to him anymore. He stepped back into the heart of the church and walked down the aisle of pews.
Turning on his heel he faced the altar and stared at the immense cross hung on the wall. It loomed over him as if to pronounce its greater power. The Son of God watched over him with an accusing eye. "Both you and your father are assholes!" Squall yelled and pointed at the symbol of reverence. Then he finally headed for the large, double oak doors.
As he left the church he heard a faint, "Amen."NICHOLAS' BROW FURROWED as he read the all-important message that was to be delivered. It didn't make any sense. Rinoa must have been on heavy drugs to think up of such a random message to be sent to her enemy. He read it over and over again and it didn't fit. Was Quistis her ally or her enemy? The message was almost friendly … discussing of filthy plans of murder that had already been executed. Could it really be this simple?
If you could please find time to drown the important evidence in the river. Can a corpse sink fairly well? I hope so and you're welcome to stay. I must be off. Someone is requesting my presence. Enjoy the region.
It was her signature, there at the bottom, without a doubt. The last line suggested that Quistis was visiting town for a short while. How did this make any sense? He reluctantly got out of his car, still ignorant to the true message.
Nick re-sealed the envelope, got out of his car, walked up the stairs to Trepe's condominium and hesitantly rang the doorbell. She should be home; she didn't often displace herself to check up in the office. The door opened and there she stood, a dazzling blonde with striking green eyes. She had let her hair down so it fell inches under her shoulders.
"How can I help you?" The semi-goddess asked icily. She didn't like to waste her time with weird salesmen, though this one was quite cute.
"A message from Rinoa Heartilly." Nicholas replied cockily as though he was already anticipating her reaction. He held up the envelope to her.
Her thin, lightly penciled eyebrow shot up as she snatched the paper and ripped it open. At first she didn't seem to understand which pique Nick's curiosity even more, "What the hell is she on? Acid?" Her eyes continued moving back and forth across the paper. Something seemed to click and she began to chuckle softly, "Right … ok, message delivered … bye."She was about to shut the door in his face but Nick stopped her, "Wait! She wants a response."
"Listen, kid …" Quistis waved the message around, "I don't have this much time on my hands so I'll just be dropping her a line, ok? You can go run more errands for her, little boy … or were you expecting a tip?" She didn't wait his response; she slammed the door, leaving him glaring at no one in particular.
It was the second time he had been called a little boy that day.QUISTIS RE-READ THE message to make sure she had deduced the right meaning. She took a highlighter and outlined every fourth word. Those words alone spelt out 'please drown in a well and stay off my region.' There was no mistaken it, this was the intended significance.
She picked up the nearest phone in her living room and made herself comfortable on the couch. Strangely enough, she had 'The Syndicate' on speed dial so it wasn't long before she had Heartilly on the line, "Hello?"
"Very witty … you keep on getting creative, Rin." Quistis complimented, glancing at the highlighted message.
RINOA FROZE IN her office chair, unsure of how to reply to such a direct confrontation. Without taking too much time to think she replied quickly, "Thank you, now did you fully understand the meaning of my note or do I need to explain it to you a second time?" She faked a motherly voice as if she was speaking to a child.
"No, no, you made it clear enough. It's fine." Quistis answered, "Now, I'm curious to know how you can be so sure that we were on your precious territory."
"You were at my storehouse, Quisty, it's kind of hard to miss. Blond, Barbie-like … silicone in the chest, nothing in the head … who else?" Rinoa replied, trying to keep the annoyance out of her voice, "I know you're probably just curious as to what I keep in there but if you're so bent on knowing, I can satisfy your curiosity." There was a threatening edge to her voice and she twisted and knotted the phone cord in an attempt to calm her nerves.
"Woo, getting a little ahead of ourselves, aren't we?" Quistis questioned nonchalantly, "For your information, I'm not the least bit curious of what you keep in that garage however, if it might be your artillery then … yes, I would like to know."
Rinoa whisked Irvine away who was desperately trying to get her to sign some papers, "Oh, no problem. But then I'd have to take the immense pleasure and drown you myself. Anyways, I just wanted to make sure you received and comprehended the message and since you have well, then everything is fine." And she couldn't help adding, "I'm sorry … was I speaking too fast for you?"Quistis' jaw clenched and she managed to reply, "No, more like too slow but I guess that's not your fault. I understand and don't worry, eighteen thousand children each year are born with down syndrome."
"Actually it's four thousand." Rinoa corrected smartly, "And you should make fun of kids who are different, I'm very disappointed in you." She began chiding innocently, "I mean, I've never made fun of your intellectual capacities in school. Even though it was hilarious that you couldn't read aloud in ninth grade. Remember, it's pronounced or-ga-ni-sm not orgasm."
"You're feeling pretty damn clever today, aren't you?" Quistis snapped back, "Speaking of mental inability, your boyfriend there … I think his name is Squall or something? Does he suffer from autism? He shows symptoms … very aloof, doesn't like being cuddled …"
Rinoa's blood froze in her veins and her grip on the cord tightened, "Well that's funny, he didn't show those symptoms with me so I really can't help you there, Quistis … maybe he just doesn't like you very much." She glared at Irvine and he scuttled out of the room in fear, papers and pen in hand. He would come back later. "I mean, taking a dislike to you isn't very hard. One look might have been all he needed."Quistis snickered, "I'm sure. But we're going on a tangent. I won't step on your precious territory anymore but I can't help ask a favor in return."
Rinoa clicked her tongue, "How about I promise not to blow your fucking head off?" She was getting vicious and she couldn't do anything to hold her tongue. Rinoa knew she was exposing a large weakness of temper but all rationality had been thrown out the window."I think your threats are a little far-fetched. You know you could never meet up to them." Quistis was gaining the upper hand in the conversation. Her head was cool and free of migraines. "I was thinking along the lines of knowing what DeGracia is to you."
"Why would DeGracia be anything to me except a rival for the top? No, see Quistis, he's just like you … a meaningless, powerless, inferior asswipe who will be crushed and disposed of in the most unceremonious of ways." Rinoa replied sharply, considering stabbing something with her pen.
"I think there's some link between Rinoa Heartilly and Mr. DeGracia. And you asked why? Well, he seems to contain so much anger and hatred towards you. Now, naturally, since he's got more territory and men than you do, I would have predicted your downfall a long time ago. But each time I try to do one little, measly thing to your precious Syndicate, he stops me with the reason that it's not necessary. What's the bargain between you and him? Did you fuck the old man or something?"
Rinoa was speechless. She stared at her papers, a mixed jumble of words that meant nothing to her at this moment, "There is no bargain, I didn't screw him … that's your job." Her tone held one of finality, "He's your ally, not mine. Maybe he just can't stand the thought of you getting hurt or failing miserably. Either or, I have work to do. It was nice talking to you. Call back anytime you feel like chatting … remember, I'm your friend before anything else." The last words stung with sarcasm and Quistis put down the receiver lightly.
True, she hated Rinoa Heartilly with an unmatchable passion but there are certain things you can't do to a human being. Quistis knew how much she had made Rinoa suffer worse pains than death, humiliation.
Julia Heartilly Caraway's funeral was intricately carried out. After the priest delivered the sermon, the crowd dissipated, leaving bouquets of red roses and a solitary figure leaning over the freshly buried grave. Quistis saw the raven-haired teen drop a rose on the tombstone. Now was the moment to crush her … she was weak.
She had vowed to make Rinoa Heartilly pay for humiliating her in front of the entire cafeteria last week and now was the opportune moment to make a lasting impression. Quistis casually strode near the only person in the dark cemetery, "So, how're you?"
The young girl wasn't crying but it was an effort to hide her pain, "How the hell do you think I am, my mother just died … unless you're too stupid to figure that out." Her eyes shone defiantly, almost in an attempt to prove her something … she was stronger.
"Cancer, huh?" Quistis questioned, watching the sky cloud. Big drops of rain began to fall from the gray heavens, "Too bad it couldn't have happened fifteen years earlier. It would have saved me a big pain in the ass. Maybe if she hadn't been such a slut singing in bars, your father would have been saved from eternal damnation."
Rinoa stumbled backwards as Quistis gave her a rough push, "What are you doing here? Go the fuck away, don't you have anything better to do?" There was a quaver in her voice, salty tears streamed down from her hurt eyes and mixed with the rain. "Please, just leave me alone …"
Quistis snickered nastily and crossed her arms over her chest, "You beg now? If only I could get this on tape … you'd be the laughing stock of the school by Monday." She felt an immense pleasure at the tears that fell from her face and the sobs that got caught in her throat. This was massacre, this was gold. "Tell me, Heartilly, how deep is your mother's grave?" Her hand slapped the girl's wet cheeks and left a red mark, "Can she hear you crying … begging … screaming?"
"Fuck off, FUCK OFF!" Rinoa yelled back, her fist clenched, "FUCK OFF!"
Quistis looked at the grave and shook her head, "You hear that, Mrs. Caraway?" Her eyes darted back to the grieving girl, "You should really learn some manners, Rinoa … that isn't the way to treat someone who's come to pay her respects to your goddamn, filthy, whore for a mother. But don't worry … I won't judge you for it. Remember, I'm your friend before anything else."
She walked away slowly through the rain, leaving behind a broken girl, cold … alone … desperate. To the girl, the depth of a grave didn't seem so frightening anymore … a grave wasn't as deep as the dark, endless pit she was about to let herself fall in.
Additional Disclaimer: I do not own the song 'Imaginary'. It is sung by Evanescence … yeah, I do like that band a lot, actually. God bless her vocals, damn do I wanna sing like her.
