Keena sat in a cross-legged position on the bed in her quarters on board The Retaliator, slowly coming out of the meditation.
She was badly out of practice, and it wasn´t nearly as deep and refreshing as in her Padawan days. But as her eyes opened she felt more at peace than she had ever imagined feeling again. The absence of the knot deep inside her was strange; It had been her constant companion for so long it had come to feel like a natural part of her. But the relief was most welcome.
The room was sparse enough; a bed, a refresher, a locker, a desk and a simple painting on the wall. But it was the most comfortable place she´d stayed in for a long time, and would do perfectly for the journey back to Coruscant. The Retaliator, as well as the rest of Admiral Onasi´s ships, had taken significant damage in the battle two days earlier and would need repairs. Casualties, though, had been miraculously few.
She had been told all about it shortly after boarding the ship: How Carth Onasi had skillfully commanded his fleet in battle against an overwhelming force; about extraordinary feats of bravery and skill that had conspired with Bastila´s Battle Meditation to buy victory after Eskon had fallen; How the Sith had planted assassination droids on board The Retaliator, programmed to kill Bastila while she was deep in her trance; And how Yuthura, aided in no small part by Mission and Zaalbar, had dispatched them.
Maybe the Republic will prevail, after all. Keena thought while idly rubbing a sleeve of her Jedi robe between her fingers.
Juhani, who had a similar build to Keena´s, had given it to her yesterday. It had been a . . . strange moment. She had been hesitant to accept it, but relented to Juhani´s gentle demanding. She had thought she was off the hook, but Juhani had insisted on watching her put it on.
´´You wear it well,´´ the Cathar had said. ´´As a Jedi.´´
Keena had been . . . touched, and awkwardly thanked her.
She pulled her mind to the present, and pulled the robe tighter around herself. It did feel good to wear one, once more.
She let out a deep breath. Yes, it felt good to belong . . . or at least would be when she got over the awkwardness of the whole thing. The Jedi had been relieved and glad to see her free of the rage, and nothing but welcoming, but somehow there was still a part of Keena who had problems looking them in the eyes. Shortly after the battle she had agreed to let Yuthura and Bastila guide her into a healing trance, and later joined them and Juhani in a group meditation, but after that the Jedi had apparently decided to give her some space. Keena was grateful for that, but knew it wouldn´t last forever.
Right on cue Keena sensed two familar presences approach, and braced herself.
How do I handle this?
There was a knock on the door.
She took a deep breath. ´´Come in.´´
The door opened and Mission walked in. Keena could sense Zaalbar out in the hallway.
There were a few moments of silence. The teenager finally broke it.
´´Ah . . . hi.´´
´´Hi . . . Mission.´´
Aside from one brief glimpse in the docking bay Keena hadn´t seen Mission since their confrontation on top of the Verthandi Vigvöllur.
Oh sweet, tap-dancing Force; And I thought facing the Jedi was difficult.
´´I, ah, wanted to see how you are doing.´´ The Twi´lek trudged on.
´´I´m . . . doing better. Much better. Thanks for asking.´´
Mission opened her mouth to say something, but Keena cut her off.
´´Look, Mission . . . I´m really sorry. About lying to you, about using you to get to R . . . Tana.´´ She sighed. ´´And about using my powers on you on top of the hotel.´´ She thought for a moment. ´´Oh, and in the Sith shuttle. I, um, gave you a little nudge to tell me the whole story. That´s really all I can say: I´m sorry.´´
Mission shook her head and sighed. ´´Look; don´t worry about it. Four, count´em: four, of my friends are Jedi who have had issues with the Dark Side. They all go on about how hard it is to resist, and you pulled yourself back. And the way Tana tells it we´d all be dead if it hadn´t been for you. You saved our butts! And speaking of Tana . . . Well, she´s mostly been staying alone in the Ebon Hawk, working on HK. Nobody´s really seen much of her except Juhani . . . My point is: Even though I haven´t seen her much since you came back she looks better than I´ve ever seen her since she . . . found out. She´s been carrying this mountain on her shoulders, and you coming back has made it easier on her.´´
The Twi´lek crossed her arms and leaned back against a wall.
´´Sooo . . . what say we just forget about that whole thing?´´
Keena looked at her for a few seconds.
´´Yes . . . let´s.´´ Mission´s little speech had the same strange effect that every kind and helpful word from the Jedi did: They made her slightly uncomfortable, but were ultimately touching.
With that issue put to rest Mission smiled. ´´Anyway, the other reason I wanted to talk to you was: I think Bastila, Yuthura and Juhani are going to drag you into a Jedi group therapy session soon. I asked Bastila if they were going to pounce on you, hold you down and make you recite the Jedi code 100 times in a row . . .´´
Keena found herself chuckling at the picture the girl painted. An honest chuckle, born of mirth rather than bitterness. That was another welcome change.
´´She said no, but all the same I think maybe you´d like some social interaction first. Me, Zaalbar and Kel are going to play Pazaak in his room later on. I made Big Z promise not to break any more tables if . . . when . . . he loses,´´ the Wookie growled something out in the hallway. ´´. . . and thought maybe you´d wanna join us.´´
Keena sat wordlessly for a little while, before finding her voice.
´´Uhh . . . I . . . yes. Just . . . just let me know when you get started.´´
Mission beamed. ´´Will do!´´
She started walking out, but stopped in the doorway. She hesitated for a few moments before turning around and facing Keena, with a serious expression on her face.
´´I´d still like to be your friend Keena. If, uh . . . if you don´t mind.´´
´´I´d . . . ah.´´ Keena cleared her throat, a disguised attempt to keep her voice normal. ´´I´d like that.´´
They looked at each other wordlessly for a little longer, before Mission´s face split into the familiar smile.
´´Okay, enough sappyness! C´mon Big Z, let´s give the rookies a few more scares.´´
The teenager bounded down the hallway, with the Wookie in tow.
A soft smile slowly spread across Keena´s face. She briefly reflected on the last four years, spent in lonely misery.
Yes, I would like that.
With the two gone, she now sensed another presence approach. During the last two days, which she had mostly spent in this very room, Keena had sensed the Jedi keeping a mental eye on her. She didn´t mind; They hadn´t tried to disguise their observations and she knew they were acting out of concern for her. One mind had been noticeably absent, though.
The presence stopped outside of the door. Both of them were fully aware of each other and there was no need for announcements.
Keena used the Force to open the door, still sitting on the bed.
´´Come in.´´
Revan entered and, at Keena´s beckoning, sat down on the chair.
´´Hey.´´
´´Hello, Keena. I´m sorry I haven´t been around sooner. I needed some . . . I needed some quiet time after the tomb. Time to think.´´
´´Same here. Don´t worry about it.´´
Revan´s soft gaze appraised her for a few seconds.
´´How are you doing?´´ she asked in a low, careful voice.
Keena hesitated for a few moments before replying, considering her answer.
´´I´m . . . ahh . . . I still have things to work through. Realising the truth about my state was a big step, but there is still a ways to go. All this anger, and doubt, and . . . self-loathing; it just doesn´t vanish immediately. But I´m going to make it, I think. I certainly never imagined feeling so much peace ever again.´´
´´Well, that´s . . . I´m glad to hear that. Very glad.´´ Revan smiled, then caught Keena absent mindedly rubbing the recent scar on her cheek. ´´You know, the medical staff on this ship are exceedingly competent. They could fix that easily.´´
Keena shook her head. ´´No, I´ll let it stay. It´s not really disfiguring, is it?´´
´´No. No it´s not. Just gives your face a certain character.´´
Keena nodded. ´´Yeah. And it makes a fine reminder I think. I really think Yuthura is onto something about her Sith tattoos. There is no point in denying the past. And . . . and the battle between me and Eskon was very much a reality.´´
´´You did the right thing, Keena.´´ Revan whispered. ´´You were defending yourself and countless innocent lives.´´
´´I know. I´m just . . . I´m just sad for him. He didn´t deserve to fall.´´
They sat in silence for a little while.
´´On your trip to Brim, did Mission tell you about Ajunta Pall?´´
Keena looked up, not understanding. Of course she had heard about the ancient Sith Lord.
´´While on Korriban I had reason to enter his tomb. I met his spirit there.´´
´´You met Ajunta Pall?´´
´´Yes. But not like you´d think. The ages had slowly cooled his anger, extinguished his hate. All that was left was a sad apparition, kept from crossing over by self-made chains of guilt and self-loathing. It was easy really; I don´t think it ever even occurred to him that he could let go.´´
´´What was easy?´´
Revan´s eyes to on a slightly faraway look, accompanied by a strange little smile. ´´I showed him the way into the Light. All I had to do was convince him that he could let go, that he would be welcomed by the Light Side of the Force even after so much and such a long time. I felt him join his old masters. It was . . . it was a . . . euphoric feeling.´´
Keena just sat and stared. She couldn´t think of a reply to that.
´´My point is,´´ Revan said. ´´That there is hope for everyone, even in death. I think maybe that is the ultimate strength of the Light Side over the Dark Side. That given enough time those in the grip of darkness will realise they hold the key to their own freedom. I don´t think we should give up on Eskon, considering how good he was. Not if Ajunta Pall can return from the shadows.´´
´´Good point.´´ Keena shook her head with a small smile. ´´You know, you really are something: Redeeming one of the original Dark Jedi.´´
´´And what about you? Carrying around so much anger, pain and confusion . . . for four whole years . . . without falling? I would call that really something, too.´´
´´Heh. Humble, as always.´´
´´Of course. None shall ever be able to match my unparalleled humility!´´ Revan said with a smirk.
The two shared a laugh.
´´I completely forgot,´´ Keena said, ´´How are you doing, Re . . . Tana?´´
Revan´s face grew more serious again, although it wasn´t the oppressively haunted look Keena had seen before.
´´That you came back; That some of my sins could be salvaged, has done so much for me. It doesn´t come close to making up for the things I´m responsible for . . . sometimes I´ve felt Juhani is the only thing keeping me going. But it has made me feel a little better.´´ She reached out and took Keena´s hand into both of hers. ´´And that means a lot to me, Keena. More than I think you can ever imagine.´´
Keena thought for a few seconds. ´´Have you forgiven Malak, Tana?´´
´´Yes. Yes I have.´´
´´And do you forgive me for trying to kill you?´´
´´Yes, Keena!´´ Revan said empathically. ´´I´ve never had any anger for you!´´
Keena met her eyes and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. ´´Then don´t you think you can portion some of that limitless forgiveness out to yourself?´´
The room was once again bathed in silence, as Revan seemed to contemplate her words.
Finally: ´´Maybe.´´
´´You should at the very least try. Can you promise me that?´´
´´Yes, alright. I promise to try.´´
´´That´s good.´´ Because in my experience; when you try something, you usually succeed.
´´And you can call me Revan.´´
´´Well . . . Revan, I suppose I should tell you: I´ve had some time to think . . . and I´ve come up with a different theory. On why you fell. You could always tolerate the aura of death and grief much better than me . . . but I think the guilt may have proved too much for you. Guilt at every fallen soldier and Jedi under your command. I think eventually it . . . just broke you. And on that subject; I just realised there is something I´ve forgotten.´´ Revan looked at her curiously. ´´If it makes any difference I suppose I should make it official so there is no doubt: I forgive you.´´
Revan stared at her blankly for a while, before a tear ran down her cheek. ´´Well that . . . that makes all the difference in the world.´´
They got up then, and hugged.
´´Thank you, Keena.´´
Eventually Keena broke off the embrace. Reluctantly. It felt like another knot she hadn´t been aware of had been loosened.
´´Ah, to quote that little, blue brat: Enough sappyness.´´
Revan laughed through the tears. ´´Yeah.´´
Keena stepped back and ran her eyes over the small space that had been most of her world for two days.
´´You know, I think I´ve been cooped up here quite long enough. I´ll be joining Mission, Zaalbar and Kel in a Paazak game later on. Care to join us?´´
´´Sure.´´ Revan wiped her eyes. ´´I´m just going to meet up with Juhani and the others first. See you.´´
Keena looked her in the eyes. I think things will work out. I think we´ll both be okay.
´´See you . . . my friend.´´
Author´s note: Well, that´s a wrap! I hope the ending has lived up to everyone´s expectations. Please let me know what you think.
It´s really been fun writing this little story, and even more fun getting such a great reaction from you all. Special thanks to Snackfiend and my beta, Holli, a.k.a. Jiaguin. Couldn´t have done it without you :) .
