FUCHUI
-Careless, to be careless, the act of carelessness
Massao-na-Mizu
Disclaimer: The primary characters are in the ownership of Rumiko Takahashi, but the plot is mine
Very Important Notes: they're going to discuss what they will do now that Kagome is pregnant.
May not be a very happy ending for Sesshoumaru and Kagome. Do you remember the prologue? I had indicated that Kagome will fall out of love with Sesshoumaru and will fall in love with Naraku. Hm… I have yet to really read a Nar/Kag fic that they lived happily ever after. So maybe what I'll do is she will fall in love with Sesshoumaru again. What do you think?
OxOxOxOxO
And now I concede
On the night of this fifteenth song
Of melancholy, of melancholy
And in this next line
I'll say it all over again
That I love you, I love you.
I don't care what they say
I don't care what they do
'Cause tonight I'll leave my fears behind
'Cause tonight I'll be right at your side.
Lie down right next to me
Lie down right next to me
And I will never let go
Will never let go.
The clock on the TV says 8:39 pm
It's the same, it's the same
And in this next line
I'll say it all over again
That I love you, I love you.
I'll leave my fears behind
'Cause tonight I'll be right at your side.
Lie down right next to me
Lie down right next to me
And I will never let go
Will never let go.
But still I see the tears from your eyes
Maybe I'm just not the one for you...
-Broken Sonnet by Hale
OxOxOxOxO
Chapter 4 -The Broken Sonnet
What was wrong in their relationship? He now realized that he has yet to actually prod the origin of their problem. Of why Kagome—the only woman he has ever loved and the mother of his child—was leaving him, turning away and breaking the holds of their matrimony like this; after only a few years of being together.
Had she forgotten everything they have been through before this? Had she forgotten their sacrifices, the times they had suffered to get all of this, certainly… surely… she has not forgotten how she pleaded with her grandfather to permit her to marry after college? Without even trying to have a life first after many years of schooling, but go directly into marriage and motherhood instead. Had she forgotten being humiliated by Sesshoumaru's wicked step mother in front of hundreds of people, only for Sesshoumaru to shield her and intervene, telling everyone that she would be his wife?
It was unquestionable that these trials have not faded her memory… right?
I don't care what they say
I don't care what they do
'Cause tonight I'll leave my fears behind
'Cause tonight I'll be right at your side.
But as he walked towards her, walked towards the woman he loves with all his heart, he knew that she had set aside those years of pain, had set them aside to move on. She stood just right there, looking out of the window, where you could see a plane in the picturesque sky, fat white clouds and painted in the endless sky of blue. He remembered the times in College when she would quietly look at them and he would look at her. She would know that Sesshoumaru was looking and would give him a bright genuine smile, her beautiful cerulean eyes looking up at him saying, 'I love you…'
But those said eyes were now empty. Blank, devoid of emotion. As if totally indifferent of what was happening, as if the brightness, the happiness of the world no longer affected her. She was not a part of it; she was a bystander, a person watching a movie without really watching it, but just sitting there and waiting for it to finish… and withering away…
It hurt him, pained him to see her like this. Was he the cause of this? Is he truly the one to blame for Kagome's suddenly emptiness?
Yes, in the depths of his mind and heart, there was no one else to blame but entirely himself. He had hurt her too deeply that she had lost the love she once harbored only for him, lost the smile she only smiled for him… they were all lost.
As Sesshoumaru stood there, completely still as he looked at her with an expressionless face when he was truly crumbling inside, Kagome faced him, her eyes cold as blinked at him. She said nothing.
"Sesshoumaru, you're here," Sango nodded at him, for once, approvingly. He had anticipated her anger for leaving Kagome, for not even trying to resolve this and woo her best friend back. But there was not a trace of remorse. She was resigned to the fact that Sesshoumaru could no longer fight for Kagome. In her mind, she thinks that Sesshoumaru was only there due to his responsibilities and not for love… how bitterly wrong she was…
"I should leave both of you to discuss this. Kagome, why don't you lead Sesshoumaru to your dining room and offer him tea?" Sango encouraged them, grabbing her jacket and her keys then taking Rin's hand. "I'll even take Rin with me. Say bye to Mommy Rin!"
Their three-year-old daughter scurried to her mother, her hands raising as Kagome offered her a fond motherly smile and kissed her. "Bye, bye Mommy." She said and turned towards Sesshoumaru, offering him a very bright smile.
Sesshoumaru was astonished when Rin smiled. She had inherited Kagome's wavy raven hair instead of Sesshoumaru's silver hair which was peculiar because his genes were strong, which is why no matter whom any Chimiesno wed, their children would always have their trademark silver-white hair and golden eyes.
What Rin did surprised everyone.
She scurried towards him, arms raised much like when she had approached Kagome. Sesshoumaru kneeled on his right knee to accept his child's embrace, silvery wisps of hair falling to frame his face, eyes softening to accept his child. "Bye, bye Daddy," she bade him then kissed his cheek.
It surprised him that she knew him. Perhaps Kagome had pointed to their child his photos. He entertained thoughts of Kagome saying, 'That's your daddy. But you won't get to see him because he's never here.' But then, he knew better than that and knowing Kagome, she would have only spoken words of praise as not to disappoint their daughter. He embraced his child back, closing his eyes to savor the moment.
"Take care Rin," he whispered to his first born, as she smiled at him, golden eyes, which she inherited from him, sparkling. She ran towards Sango who took her hand and they waited for Sango to close the door before Kagome moved and led him to the dining room.
The dining room of Kagome was nothing compared to the dining room in their mansion. It was round and small, and obviously only for 4 at the maximum, when she would have easily seated 20 in Chimiesno dining room.
When Kagome put the tea in front of him, she sat parallel to him and sipped her tea, long lashes fluttering as she lowered her eyes to look as she brought the cup to her lips.
"What would you want to do, Kagome?" he asked her as she put the cup down, his tone very business like, as if he was settling deal with his competitors. She momentarily winced at this but decided to ignore his tone instead.
She seemed to take this into consideration. "Raise the child of course," she told him, matter-of-factly. He nodded, of course.
"But how?"
She paused for a while before answering, sighing as she did so. "I must be honest to you, Sesshoumaru. I don't want to go back… to the life I led as you wife. I felt encaged, I felt… I felt as if I was slowly withering away." she was looking at him as she said this, her hands moving as she spoke, as if having a language of their own, translating her words. She put her hands down now and rested them on her lap; head lowered as if waiting for him to give his judgment and be off with her head.
Instead, he asked her softly, a tone she remembered so tenderly used before. Used to tell her, to whisper in her ear a promise, a secret, 'I love you, Kagome… May you never love anyone else as you have loved me and I the same.' Now that she thought about it, it was like a curse. She hadn't been happy with him, was it a curse for her never to be happy without him, still? "You've changed Kagome… once you have been kind, you have been full of warmth… you readily forgave and loved and trusted…" he stopped, unable to continue for there was a lump in his throat.
She smiled then, but the smile held no warmth. It held bitterness, of her loneliness. It portrayed every emotion she had felt when she was inside the mansion, a caged bird with only her child to keep her strong. "Yes, once I gave love because I received love. But in this time, at that… that…" she could not bring herself to call it 'our home'. "House, I have given but received nothing. You were not there to hold me, protect me, and reassure me that I am loved… You seemed not to have cared for me at all."
His eyes widened! He—he could not believe his ears! "You're mistaken Kagome! Everything I did, I did it for you. I believed that working hard would assure your happiness, that you will be waited on hand and foot, you will never hunger, and you will be given everything you've always wanted. Our daughter would have the best of everything; she would have the best education. I believed," he looked steely at her, "I truly believed that from all the people, YOU would understand."
Kagome had raised her head quickly, but did not look at him; she refused to look him in the eyes, her own eyes having a watery texture to them made from fighting hard not to shed tears. There was a look of determination; there was a feel of determination in her. She was resolved for she has already made her decision. She would leave him.
"Then you should have also understood," she said quietly, her voice slightly quivering as she fought hard not to sob. "That I needed nothing but you. That I would have surrendered every thing just to be with you, that I have let those years pass, waiting for your return, into my arms. But you never came," she shook her head in her conviction of what she said. "You never came."
He should have known she was expecting him. He knew that Kagome would sacrifice everything but he didn't want her to sacrifice anything. He wanted her to be happy, very happy.
"I apologize for failing you then, Kagome," he said cordially, as if Kagome was a mere acquaintance or a business dealer he had ditched a meeting with. "I apologize for wanting everything for you." He said with his voice hardening.
He should have stood then, should have made a grand walk out from this scene like a movie. And the crew with the director would be applauding for their very touching scene. But he did not. Instead, he walked to her, lowering himself to embrace her. To feel her warmth for the very last time, if she intended to separate from him. He wanted at least to remember, remember that once, he had fallen in love.
He would want to remember that once upon a time, in a prestigious university, he had met a woman that would forever change his life. A woman who has captivated his very soul and had given him the gift of love. He would want to remember the warmth of her smile, her the sparkle of her cerulean blue eyes, her sweet voice, her kindness, her caring compassion for everything and the way they had made love. But most of all, he wanted to remember her embrace.
Because in her embrace, he had found Heaven, and he knew that he was truly blessed that he didn't have to die to find it in his angel.
He would want to remember that he had fallen from the favor of God when he had let go of his hold of her and was swallowed by hell.
Goodbye, Kagome…Goodbye…
I'll leave my fears behind
'Cause tonight I'll be right at your side.
OxOxOxOxO
As he embraced her, Kagome could not help but cry. She could not hold back her shaking, but at she held back the sobs. She cried quietly, as he embraced her. As cliché as it sounded, she had wanted to spend forever with him.
She wanted to be 80 years old, with Rin showing her her grandchildren, smiling as she held her grandchildren in her arms and knowing they would grow into wonderful people. And then she would turn to Sesshoumaru and she would say, "We have raised a beautiful child because we raised her with love… do you still love me?"
And Sesshoumaru would hold her hand wrinkled hands in his, his old golden eyes boring into hers, "No matter how old you are, how ugly you might become, I will still love you. No matter where you go, I will follow you and love you."
"I'm sorry I destroyed our dreams," she whimpered to Sesshoumaru, holding him tighter.
"Maybe this is for the best, Kagome. Maybe we have to let go and find different paths again. Let us just say that we had fallen deeply in love once upon a time, but it was not meant to be so you had fallen out of it…" he comforted her, even though it stabbed her heart when he had practically said it was only her who had lost the affection, the love. "Maybe…"
She closed her eyes as she heard him swallow before he spoke.
"Maybe I'm just not the one for you…" he whispered so softly, releasing her from his tight embrace. And now, he had finally decided to leave. He left quietly, walking slowly, so painfully slow that every step he took, as part of Kagome's heart broke and withered into nothing. He paused a the door to look at her.
And for the first time ever, Kagome saw hurt in Sesshoumaru's golden eyes.
But still I see the tears from your eyes
Maybe I'm just not the one for you...
Goodbye, Sesshoumaru… Goodbye…
End of Chapter 4
OxOxOxOxO
I bolded the word has because it is in Present Perfect tense which means that Sesshoumaru is still in love with Kagome
The dialogue of Kagome and Sesshoumaru in paragraphs 26-30 was inspired by Jude Devoraux's novel, Remembrance
Before You Flame Me Or Review Or Close This Window: this is just a pace. A pace of their acceptance. Remember that there will be more opportunities to come because Kagome is pregnant. I sincerely hope that you take this into consideration before you flame me… and I really hope you don't but because I'm separating them, I can understand if you do.
