"Forgiveness is the answer to the child's dream of a miracle by which what is broken is made whole again, what is soiled is again made clean."

-Dag Hammarskjold

Vindicated

Hope dangles on a string

Like slow spinning redemption

Winding in and winding out

The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in

So mesmerizing, and so hypnotizing

I am captivated,

I am...

"Damn it, go the hell away!" She was emotionally drained and only wished to be left alone so she could stop thinking about what had happened today. It was too much to deal with in only a short day, "I'm exhausted, Squall ... if you want, we'll talk about this tomorrow but not now, I just want to sleep. It's been a long day, please ... just leave now." She made her way to the door to open it for him but he grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her against the wall.

Squall cursed aloud in rage, "Is there a fucking reason you run away all the time?" She only stared back defiantly at him, "Why can't you just face the music and deal with the situation now instead of later? Carpe diem, Rinoa, seize the fucking day already because I'm sick of waiting for an appointment with you!"

"Are you deaf?" Rinoa hissed at him, "I just told you that I wanted you to leave so I could rest. I don't feel like dealing with your stupid moods right now, I don't feel like dealing with you. You're going to go, Squall ... or I'll scream loud enough to wake the entire city ..." She ended with a threatening note and a glare to accompany it.

"Scream? You'll scream? Is that all, Rinoa?" Squall seethed vehemently, unmoving from his ominous position, "Aren't I the asshole that destroyed you? Aren't I the bastard who twisted your damned, precious soul into an unrecognizable contortion?" His voice rose in a violent crescendo of fury, "And all you'll fucking do is scream?!"

Rinoa choked back a rising sob and glowered back in an attempt to seem imposing but she remained silent. "Do you always scream when you're in trouble? When you're scared? Did you scream in the clinic? When they tore the fucking baby out of you?" As the words left his mouth, he realized the mistake.

Her eyes widened with an incandescent layer of tears. Through the windows of the soul, he could see hers shattering with a single gasp that escaped her lips. Squall witnessed her entire being die, her dignity, her pride, her privacy. "I ..." He began awkwardly but he only saw a flash of raven hair as she swiftly turned from him and fumbled with the handle of the doors leading to her balcony.

Vindicated

I am selfish

I am wrong

"What have I done?" Squall watched her shadowy figure to the balcony where she stood on the edge in the pouring rain. His horrified eyes only reflected a portion of the torrent whirling inside of him like an erupting windstorm. "Oh God, what have I done?"

She let the raindrops pour down her face ... perhaps in a vain attempt to hide her own tears. Rinoa grappled the chrome ramp and sucked in a rattling breath. She pressed her fingers against the cool, wet metal until her knuckles turned white and began to hurt. She ignored the pain ... everything was hurting now anyways, everything was broken.

Rinoa felt the drops sink in deeper than her jean jacket but made no move to go back in. Did you scream in the clinic? When they tore the fucking baby out of you? Is that all you did? Scream? One hand left the ramp and covered her mouth and she let out an anguished cry. It felt like something ripping her apart again.

She heard uncertain footsteps and took up arms before he even got close, "Don't touch me!" She heard him stop to respect her wishes for a moment. Rinoa swallowed back tears, sobs and weeps ... she couldn't do this in front of him. She couldn't do this in front of anyone.

Squall cautiously attempted to approach the crushed woman once more. He clumsily laid his hand on her shoulders and felt the shuddering of her entire body, "I'm sorry." He whispered softly as his other arm looped around her waist, "I'm sorry."

"I told you not to touch me!" She yelled and he stumbled backwards, narrowly dodging a second slap as she whirled around dangerously, "You arean asshole, a bastard, an idiot, a prick and every other derogative term in my extensive vocabulary that I seem to have misplaced at the moment." The tyrannous Rinoa paused to gasp in a short breath, "You're just like any other damn male in this godforsaken city!"

He let her vent, thinking it quite unwise to interrupt her ranting, "Yeah ... I did scream. I've been screaming non-stop since I was fifteen years old, Squall! I screamed when my mother died, I screamed when I ditched you but never have I screamed louder than when I voluntarily lost what I thought would be the most important thing in our lives! I've screamed my entire fucking life so why break the habit?" Tears coursed in silent rivers down her cheeks, fed by the strong current of the rain against her face, "I'll scream while you finish the job you started so long ago ... I hope I drown in this, I don't want anyone to save me from you."

I am right

I swear I'm right

Swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed

But I am cleaning up so well

I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

"Rinoa ..." He whispered her name with such sorrow, with such bittersweet melancholy. His dark brown eyebrows furrowed as his eyes closed to avoid her piercing accusatory ones, "I ... I don't want to hurt you anymore." The rain was pounding on him like the weight of a murder.

There was a breathless incredulity to her tone, "You ... you don't want to hurt me?! Gee, Squall, that's comforting ... really it is because ever since I've been with you, I've been getting these vibes that you were waiting for the opportune moment to trip me onto my ass. Little do you know that you hadn't even need try to succeed, Goddamnit, are all men fucking blind like you? Or was it some kind of frickin' game to you? What was it, please?" Her voice was quavering as more tears mixed in with the pouring rain, "Just tell me so I can justify whether this is all my fault or if you really are a damn asshole!"

Her arms fell limply to her sides as if announcing defeat. Rinoa couldn't help the tormented moan that escaped her lips. She summoned her remaining strength to bring a hand to her face in a vain attempt to hide this ultimate moment of weakness. She refused to look at him, a mute figure that she had only dreamt of for the past few months.

Rinoa had no will left to fuel her for a fight when she felt his hands grip her shoulders, gently this time. Her head leaned against his chest and she loathed the feeling of safety it provided. Squall cupped her chin with his hand and made her face look up to him, "I wasn't blind, but it wasn't a game. I guess I'm just a damned asshole."

Slowly, he bent down towards her. It was like an oncoming train in a dark tunnel, Rinoa saw it, she heard it but she would not move. His lips met her trembling ones with unmatchable perfection. Drowning, drowning, drowning ... she watched his eyes close and his eyelashes catch the raindrops.

Squall tasted the tears he was responsible for. He was soaked to the bone but it didn't matter right now as his arms wrapped around her waist to draw her closer to him. His kiss enraptured her and her eyes closed as her lips parted, granting him permission to make the kiss more intimate.

So clear

Like the diamond in your ring

Cut to mirror your intention

Oversized and overwhelmed

The shine of which has caught my eye

And rendered me so isolated, so motivated

I am certain now that I am...

Their lips separated as softly as they had embraced each other. Squall kissed the tip of her nose, her closed eyes and her forehead, feeling only the coldness of the rain and her bitter sorrow. "I didn't mean to do this. I'm sorry."

He felt her head slowly lean onto his chest, "Sorry doesn't mean much to me anymore." Rinoa whispered softly, "Nothing does."

Squall swallowed hard and attempted to warm her deadly cold body, "Let's go inside. We're going to catch something." He guided her back to her door and held it open for her as she wearily took cover from the storm.

He looked back to see a flash of lightning and hear the menacing rumble of thunder from Zeus' throat. Squall followed Rinoa back in and stared at her back. She was taking off her jean jacket, weighted by the rain. Rinoa tossed it on the already dirty couch and brushed a few wet strands from her face.

Unable to contain his need anymore, he looped his arms around her awkwardly and held her for a moment before she broke the moment by releasing herself from his grip, not violently but with unmatchable grace. She turned around, her eyes still brimming with tears locked deeply into his azure ones, with all the courage she possessed, with all the will to die, she quavered, "Squall, I don't need you."

Squall blinked back surprise but then he smiled mournfully and murmured weakly, "Ok, but ... I need you." He took her hands in his and pulled her close again. His lips caressed hers again, she did not object since fresh tears had broken anew.

Vindicated

I am selfish

I am wrong

I am right

I swear I'm right

Swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed

But I am cleaning up so well

I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

She pushed away from his kiss, "Stop it." It was a hoarse whisper, a beg, a plea, "Don't do this to me again, stop it." Rinoa closed her eyes to shelter her from his sapphire ones that she could let herself drown in. She felt his fingertips lightly brush away the two coursing rivers of tears from her cheeks.

"I love you." Squall admitted softly, hesitantly.

"No you don't." She answered curtly, her eyes snapping open, shooting daggers of accusation, "Shut up, you don't even know what those words mean ..." Her voice quavered and broke with a fresh wave of tears slowly tracing pain down her flushed cheeks.

"Please, Rinoa ... I'm sorry." He uttered, refusing to close his eyes so she could see right to his intentions. Squall Leonhart could not tell a lie tonight nor could he deny the truth.

"Leave me alone." Rinoa gasped a short breath, trying to pull away, "Please, just go away. You're not sorry, you're not sorry at all. You don't even know half of what you should be sorry for, Squall Leonhart!" Her voice rose in a quavering crescendo, "Your pointless apologies won't bring back our ... my ..." Her trembling fingers closed onto his leather jacket for support.

"I know, Rinoa, I'm aware of that." Squall confessed through clenched teeth as he grabbed her by the waist, softly pulling her from him, "But when did you try to talk things out? When did you tell me, 'Squall, we need to sit down and chat.' You never gave me a chance, Rinoa! You never told me anything!"

"Because you weren't listening!" Rinoa yelled, as if for the first time she was learning to channel her pain outwards, "You never listened, Squall! I was always talking to a goddamn wall! And I hate you for it! This isn't something you can make up to me ... just ... get out of my face!"

It was like a punch to the gut, knocking the wind out of him. Squall just stared at her, his mouth loosely open. The moment stretched into an eternity and stuck to both of them. Rinoa had clamped her lips tightly together to avoid saying anything else but she could do nothing about her endless tears.

So turn up the corners of your lips

Part them and feel my fingertips

Trace the moment, fall forever

Squall brokenheartedly let go of her frail body, "Is that all you want?"

There was a pause and she shook her head, whimpering, "Just go away."

"Rinoa, answer me." He ordered sternly, trying to catch her eyes without luck.

"Hey, do me a favor and bite me!" She snapped, still far from in the mood to discuss anything more with Squall Leonhart. For once, ironically, he listened. He swiftly caressed her cheek with the palm of his hand and softly, gently bit down onto her lower lip, reeling in for a kiss. His fingertips brushed stray locks of hair behind her ears and grazed her moist cheeks.

She gripped the collar of his jacket and whimpered against his mouth. Rinoa tasted the blood from his cut lip, he was real and that was enough to yield tears from her closed eyes. Squall pulled apart but didn't let go. Her eyes remained closed, her hands still locked onto his collar, he whispered as her eyes fluttered open, "Just one more time. One night since answers seem to be so hard to give."

Rinoa's last wall of resolve crumbled and drained her strength. This was just too hard. Maybe that is why, that night, she fell into his arms so easily. She didn't resist when he kissed her cheek, her mouth ... she didn't oppose his body pressed against hers. Instead, she relished in it, devouring his lips as if they were a foreign delicacy that she had been craving for years. The tears stopped.

She pulled his jacket off from his shoulders and pushed it down his arms to let it fall to the floor almost noiselessly. Squall wrapped his arms around her waist to pull her closer. They broke apart, gasping softly for air. Rinoa's hands were placed onto his chest as she guided him towards the room.

Defense is paper-thin

Just one touch and I'd be in

Too deep now to ever swim against the current

They stood inches apart; she waited while he pulled off his boots and socks. If she had noticed earlier, she would have reprimanded him but it seemed like a very insignificant detail at the moment. As the second boot accompanied by a sock hit the floor, Squall resumed kissing her eagerly and they stumbled backwards a bit. Rinoa wrapped her arms around his middle and felt for the end of his shirt. When the fabric brimmed her fingertips, she pulled it over his head, breaking from his lips for a split-second.

The t-shirt was disposed of and went to join the boots and socks. She moaned against his mouth and indulged in the rough feel of his hands that slipped underneath her shirt and tugged it upwards and off her head. His lips grazed her neck as he let the shirt drop near his own. Squall trailed butterfly kisses to her now bare shoulders.

Rinoa sighed and let him push her gently onto her bed. They tumbled softly onto it together and let the sealed passion escape, let the soothing flames of desire enrapture and satisfy them.

La distance est à l'amour ce que le vent est au feu: il éteint les petits et fait pétillé les grands.

So let me slip away

So let me slip away

So let me slip away

So let me slip against the current

White. Like an angel's gown, the color of purity. It wasn't like the gray, marble buildings of Deling city, it wasn't the crimson of the blood-painted streets, it wasn't the gold, the green, the greed. It wasn't anything she had known before. But she liked it. A certain comfort in the unfamiliarity, it was a peculiar feeling to her.

It was so white; she had the impression of bathing in forgiving light. Was that the comfort in it all? Mercy. God have mercy. Let me lay in his arms for a while longer. Don't take him away just yet. Let me linger here, let me escape the rampant chaos, just let me live here a little longer. Let me pretend the past never happened.

But she wasn't in his arms anymore. She was alone. Alone in this white, forgiving light that wasn't threatening but so lonely. Limbo? False purgatory nearer to Hell than Heaven? Another dream, right? Great ... one, two, three ... wake up. Wake up ... wake up! Futile. Morpheus had compiled this one himself and she would have to bear it. He had worked so painstakingly hard on this nightmare ... scrupulously carving its fangs, claws, it's black feathered wings. His work would not be wasted.

"Hi mommy."

Rinoa turned on her heel and faced a porcelain doll, her cheeks flushed with pink that contrasted with the sapphires, gems that were taken for eyes. Locks of ebony fell onto her forehead, cascading down to her shoulders. A perfectly shaped nose, more like her fathers but lips like her mother's. Tiny hands that were hidden behind her back. Seven years old, fit to be a princess.

Don't speak to figments of your imagination it's a step further into your insanity. "Are you sad, mommy?" The half-angelic face tilted to the side and frowned, "Why are you crying, mommy? Why are you so sad?" The little girl took a hesitant step towards her mother, "Don't cry, everything will be alright ... for you."

"Are you crying because you hurt me, mommy?" Arielle leaned forward, a look of questioning, of confusion on her small face that was pretty enough to be considered a masterpiece, "You know, I wanted to do so many things. I wanted to be like all the other kids, I wanted to build sandcastles, I wanted to play tag, I wanted to cry, I wanted to laugh, I wanted you to kiss me good-night and tell me you loved me ... I wanted to live, mommy, didn't you know?"

"And it hurt. It hurt so much." Her azure eyes brimmed over with dread, with pain, "They ripped me apart and the hurt just didn't go away, mommy, it wouldn't stop. And you didn't say anything, you never said anything to stop them from hurting me." A trickle of blood slid like a tear down the side of her face. Blood, it was seeping onto her clothes, from her arms, legs, everywhere, streams of blood.

"Why didn't you try to stop them, mommy? Why didn't you tell them that they were hurting me? Didn't you love me? I thought I was supposed to be special, wasn't I good enough? That hurt more than anything, mommy, why didn't you protect me? You didn't love me."

For the first time, Rinoa managed to sob, "No, that's not it."

"You didn't love me. If you had, you would've helped me. I was so scared, and sad ... sad that you didn't care. Why, mommy? Why did you have me if you didn't want me? Why did you have to make me hurt so badly?" The stains of her blood specked the white surroundings, it drenched her clothes, and her face was contorted now into something unrecognizable, her limbs didn't look attached anymore.

A shrill shriek pierced Rinoa's soul, "WHY DIDN'T YOU DO ANYTHING?!"

Rinoa could only mirror that shriek with her horrified scream as she bolted to a sitting position in her bed, sobbing and shaking uncontrollably, "Woah, woah, woah!" Squall woke with a start and grabbed her waist, "What's wrong? What is it?"

She thrashed against his embrace, "No, no, no!" Her face moist from a tirade of unstoppable tears, "Don't touch me, I think I'm going to be sick!" A lump had risen to her throat and threatened to move onwards but it never did. It just remained, providing her with a choking feeling.

"Rinoa!" Squall held down her fists that she had been beating him with for the past thirty seconds, "That's enough, stop, breathe ..."

So let me slip away

So let me slip away

So let me slip away

So let me slip away

She remained still, concentrating on the rhythmic beating of his heart in his chest, unlike her frenzied pulsations that wouldn't regulate. Rinoa stopped trying to fight, she tried to breathe but the gasps of air caught in her throat and broke out with the incessant sobs that hiccupped through her entire body.

How long did they stay like that? Time had no meaning anymore. "Calm down ... shh ..." Here she was, being solaced by a man she had fallen in love with, by a man she had shot down, by her daughter's father. From employee, to lover, to enemy, to standing ground. Did she love him? Eternally.

"I want to die, let me, please let me." She whimpered softly, trembling in his arms.

Vindicated

I am selfish

I am wrong

I am right

I swear I'm right

Swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed

But I am cleaning up so well

I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

"No, what's wrong with you? Jesus ..." Squall appeased her balled fists and interlaced their fingers, "I'm here, Rinoa, I'm right here." He whispered and kissed her temple, "Everything's going to be fine, everything is ok now, everything will be good, ok?"

"Nothing can ever be alright again. Not for me."

Slight hope

Dangles on a string

Like slow spinning redemption...


Author's Pointless Rambles: I hope you all realize that writing this chapter damn well killed me. This piece of garbage is so corny, I could put it in the microwave for two and a half minutes and I'd get a nice, buttery snack. Yes, I know that possibly a great majority of you enjoyed it, and as much as I am a hopeless romantic myself, I just think that this chapter is so ... so ... here, let me demonstrate ... BAHAHAHAHAHAAA, WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS THAT? HAHAHAHA!!! There, that's what it is. An accursed joke.

First off, I completely RUINED the characters I had been building up for CHAPTERS on end. Face it, Squall and Rinoa are SO not supposed to act like that. But whatever, right? They're together, happy, satisfied and NO, no, this is not the end. I'm not letting them off so easily, that would be sacrilege and as a writer, I would deserve a hanging. Anyway, I had to bring them together in SOME way. Needless be it the LEAST creative way possible. The only worthy part of this chapter was Rinoa's hauntingly morbid dream.

I just feel so disappointed with this chapter because I had sworn to myself that if I decided to piece their lives, I would do it in a realistic and worthwhile way. If people enjoyed it, I'm not saying you're idiots, farthest thing from it actually. I'm just not particularly satisfied with this, if you thought it was the greatest thing since Harlequin, then by all means - review.

I don't want any reviews stating, "I totally agree with you." Frankly, I don't CARE if you agree with me, I KNOW how distastefully sappy this chapter is, last thing I need is for someone to try and gain my appreciation by AGREEING. It won't work unless you have a justified reason. I'm in QUITE the foul mood.

The song 'Vindicated' belongs to Dashboard Confessional. And yeah, the quote in French, I've no idea who said it but I'm not taking credit for it. The reason I left it in French is because it loses its power when translated. So for people who are linguistically challenged, here's the dismal translation, "Wind is to fire as distance is to love, it kills the sparks but feeds the bonfires." Plus, maybe a French quote will label me as an intellectually heightened writer. Ha-ha, what a laugh - I'm on a roll with the funnies today.

I created an FF8 Fanfiction/paraphenalia forum and I hope some of you would be interested to join.  Just be a happy poster and do what you will, I hope the interest will be great enough for people to join: ff8fanfiction . proboards37 . com/index . cgi

There are NO SPACES in the actual URL, if you are unsure, check out my profile and the actual link is posted there.  I can't seem to post links in the chapters for some obscure reason.