The Price

Cleveland, Ohio. There was nothing Buffy could say about it. She'd lived in California for so much of her life that anything new just left her misplaced. She didn't miss the Hellmouth that was Sunnydale, not exactly. Her Slayer side kept insisting that a Hellmouth was a Hellmouth, no matter where it was geographically placed. The rest of he couldn't be appeased so easily. Everything was different now. The world had been forever changed, the balance was forever lost. Something was brewing. If there was one thing Buffy had learned it was that once you stopped one apocalypse another came along to take its place.

At Giles' insistence, Faith had briefly recapped the activity that had taken place during Buffy's absence. It all sounded fairly routine to her, but after defeating The Master, the Mayor, Glory, The First, dying three times, and loads of other creatures – most things were just mundane to her. Faith and the rest of the Scoobies had done a very good job, teaching the new Slayers. Kennedy had pretty much assumed the role of Major Payne and Faith's right hand.

Xander focused his energies into building Slayer Central; anything to keep his mind off of Anya. Angel's donation had been enough to get the building up and running. It was good for Xander to have something to do. He, and everyone else, seemed to remain distant from her. Not that she could blame them. This situation made her wig and she knew what was going on; why she was back. And it wasn't exactly like Buffy was Miss Social Butterfly, but things were…off.

Spike was still the same, except that he wasn't. He was distancing himself from her, and surprisingly, that's what bothered her the most. He hadn't spoken to her since they'd left L.A. He'd gone cold. When she had realized for the first time that she and Spike were back, and in the same room, the reaction had bee immediate, second nature…go to Spike. At the time, he'd responded in kind, holding onto her as tightly as she did to him, but now he barely acknowledged her presence. What changed?

"They're waiting for you."

The idea was so simple and so considerate that she nearly missed it completely. They were giving her space. They remembered how she had reacted when they brought her back two years ago, and were waiting for her to make the first move. She needed to show them that she was OK. At that instant, she wanted to run out and tell her friends that she was OK, that being back was her choice, but she couldn't make her legs move. She knew why. If she went out there, she'd be telling her friends half-truths. They deserved more from her than that, they deserved the whole truth.

Spike stood outside her room He could hear her little sighs, the thundering of her heartbeat, and the rush of her blood as it surged through her veins. She really was alive. Part of him couldn't believe that she was back. Guilt. It ripped through him like a dagger. Bother of her most recent partings had been at his hand - once because he hadn't been strong enough to reach her, and once because he hadn't been strong enough to let her go. The whole thing seemed a bit ironic. The part that bothered him the most was her sudden immortality. She came back and the first thing she'd done was come into his arms. Not Angels. She chose to come back. Why?

"Bugger this," he muttered to himself as he pushed open the door.

"It's about time you came by," Buffy said without looking up. She could have heard his thoughts a mile away.

"Thought I'd give you some time alone, collect your thoughts," Spike said.

"You and everyone else," Buffy replied. It was only then that she turned to face him. Her face fell instantly as she took in his face. He looked miserable.

"Why?" Spike barely managed to get the word out.

Buffy looked down. She knew this was coming, part of her was glad to get it over with; the other was screaming curses at the imposing vampire.

"Why'd you do it, pet?" Spike asked his voice stronger.

"I had to. There weren't exactly a lot of options. I made a choice, that simple," Buffy said.

"S'not that simple. You know it; I know it. Tell the truth, luv," Spike said.

"Do you remember what I told you when you decided to turn all E.T. on me?" Buffy asked.

Spike nodded his head, remembering all to well what she had said.

"Then why are you asking? You know exactly why I came back, Spike. It's kind of funny, if I would have known you'd be this happy to see me, I'd've stayed dead!" Buffy was shocked at the venom her voice held, but she was more than a little irritated. "Of all the people here, I thought you'd be the one to understand my decision. You…know me best, more so than any other person."

"I just don't understand. You could have been happy, in heaven with your mum. Why would you give all of that up? You told me how much this was hell to you, so why would you come back here? It doesn't make much sense, pet," Spike said.

"Well, I'm not exactly known for being Sensible Buffy. You can't blame yourself for this. It was my choice to come back," Buffy said.

"You still haven't told me why. There's a reason dancing in those green eyes of yours. I've been around too many soddin' years to not notice," Spike said.

"Why do you have to blame yourself about this? Why can't you just accept me being back and move on," Buffy asked.

Spike watched the doubt dance in her sparkling orbs. There was so much uncertainty in her eyes. He'd seen it while they'd been in L.A., but didn't want to upset her by brining it up in front of everyone. But now, even alone, she wouldn't tell him. She wouldn't open up to him. Every time he felt like he was inching closer to Buffy, the true Buffy, she threw up another wall. It was like Ft. Knox, on over drive. He wanted to help Buffy. Eternity was quite an experience, especially if you spend it alone.

"Is this why you've been all avoidy? Honestly, it's really starting to piss me off. I need someone who understands what I'm going through, and right now that person is you. You had an encounter with the Powers, they gave you a choice, and this is the one you made…why?"

"Oh no, Buffy. You're not just changing the tables like that. I'm not going to just sing like a canary while you get off with evasion, not this vampire," Spike said.

"God, Spike. You are so, infuriating. Everything has to be so damn complicated with you, you can't just let things be simple."

"That's because things aren't simple, pet. Things left simple about two years ago," Spike said in a lower tone. He had to do something to make her understand. This isn't just something you can skirt around, bury for later use…it had to be dealt with, soon. "You know just as well as I do that the Powers are no better than the bloody Council of Wankers, they won't do anything with out a price."

"What was your price, Spike?" Buffy challenged.

Spike lowered his head. There was no way he could answer her, not now. Too many things needed to be said and done. He'd tell her, but not now.

"That's great. You walk in here acting righteous, and then when it's your turn to fess up you turn into Mr. Silent. How dare you," Buffy said. She couldn't hide her anger anymore. Tears began to travel down her cheeks, fire blazing in her eyes.

When Spike faced her once again, he visibly flinched at the look on her face. The pain that was etched into her normally smooth features cut him through. He knew what she expected from him, she'd made that crystal clear in L.A. He was supposed to be her rock, her support. She had trusted him to take care of her, to look out for her, but most of all to understand her. He'd let her down again, he could see it playing in her eyes. His strong Slayer was on the verge of breaking completely. It was too much for him.

"Come here, pet," Spike whispered.

Buffy stiffened, her eyes narrowing on his. Now that he was ready she was just supposed to go to him? That seemed great, just peachy. Where had he been earlier? There was no way she was just going to crumble, fall into his embrace just because he said so, she was strong. He'd been so quick to let her be alone earlier, why stop now. She was the Slayer, always alone…that was the package. No matter how many other Slayers were now called, no matter how many friends she had, no matter how much her sister meant to her, she was still alone. What a fool she'd been, coming back here, because she didn't want to be alone. Didn't make a difference, she was still alone, but it was worse here because there were people all around her. Always alone.

He watched the debate rage inside her. He could hear her pulse accelerate as she fought with herself. She was so strong, the strength poured off of her in waves, yet her eyes betrayed the weakness she felt within herself. A blind man, even worse, Harris could see it, if he looked. Buffy was the leader, the pillar of strength. She'd figure this out on her own, fight her own demons…alone.

"Fine," Spike growled. He stood up and crossed the room to the door in long strides. With one last glance over his shoulder, he left the Slayer alone to her thoughts.

Buffy winced as the door shut. The tidal wave of tears that erupted from her eyes was unstoppable. The last thing she wanted was to be alone, but she always was, and nothing she could do would change that. He was supposed to understand. "Stupid vampire," she muttered. Buffy sat on her bed and cried for hours, not moving. Only when she could no longer sit up right did she lie down on the bed, only to cry herself into a fitful sleep.

Outside, Spike listened as she cried. Every ounce of his existence wanted to burst through that door and hold her close. Wipe away her tears and whisper reassurances to her. Stubbornly, he sat outside and listened. Each cry making him feel worse. "It's her fault. She didn't want my help. I offered her comfort, she turned me down. Can't help if she won't let me." He couldn't convince himself though. He was too much of a ponce to admit that he'd pushed too far, asked too much. He wasn't exactly shouting his reasons from the rooftops, who was he to ask her to do the same? It crept up on him before he could do anything to stop it; sleep. He collapsed into a heap on the floor in front of her door, silently sleeping away the hours.

"Should we wake him?" Willow whispered.

"I don't see why not. I want to know why he's sleeping on the floor outside of Buffy's room," Xander said.

"Waking him would be mean, don't you think?" Dawn asked.

"This is Spike," Xander said.

"And he saved the world," Dawn countered.

Xander opened his mouth to argue, but closed it quickly. Dawn was right; Spike did save the world. Buffy had been right about him all along, they had just been to dumb to see it sooner. He had changed, even before the soul…the soul just helped make the change stick.

"So, do we wake him?" Willow asked again.

"Don't bother, I'm awake. You lot are so loud, it's amazin' anyone gets any shut eye around here," Spike grumbled.

"Don't be grumpy. What are you doing sleeping outside Buffy's room?" Dawn asked.

"I just woke up, bit. Can you wait a few moments to start the inquisition?" Spike asked.

"Inquiring minds want to know," Dawn said with a smirk.

"Right. Slayer and I were having a little talk, I left," Spike said.

"So, that puts you sleeping at her door because…" Xander said.

"Fell asleep here, I guess. I don't remember," Spike said.

"What did you do to Buffy?" Xander accused.

"I didn't do a bloody thing, boy. This is a nice way to be woken up, 'why are you here, oh by the way, what did you do to Buffy'," Spike paused, "What's wrong with Buffy?"

"She's gone," Dawn said.

"Gone?" Spike asked.

"We thought you might know where she went," Dawn said, "Plus, you're the most likely to find her."

"Right," Spike stood up and forced the grogginess from his eyes.


Buffy wandered the cemetery mindlessly. This wasn't exactly where she had planned on going, but it seemed to be some what of a sanctuary to her. Ironic, really. A cemetery being a sanctuary. She had to go somewhere to clear her head, get her thoughts into a semblance of order. Spike's sudden need for information had caught her off guard, even though she'd been expecting it. This shouldn't be hard; Spike was just supposed to accept what she told him. That wasn't true, and she couldn't make herself believe that. Spike knew her too well to accept some half cocked explanation from her. He could tell there was something bubbling under the surface, hell he could probably smell the lie on her. It should be comforting to tell someone, him, but somehow it wasn't. Spirit Giles had brought some scary truths to her attention, and Buffy wasn't ready to deal with those realities quite yet. It was enough to be back and yet not back. Going back meant going to Sunnydale, familiar, not Cleveland. One Hellmouth was not the same as the next. This place had unfamiliar cemeteries, new beasties, and no Bronze. Everything she had ever known was stripped away from her. Cleveland made her feel more alone than any other place she could think of.

She was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't notices the distinctive tingle on the back of her neck when a vampire was near, nor did she hear the snap of the twigs on the ground as the vampire closed in on her. Only when the vampire grasped her shoulders did she finally notice that telltale feeling. Her muscles instantly tensed under the grip of the imposing vampire. She quickly grasped his hand and flipped him over her shoulder. She used the momentum to take her with him, and landed straddling the vampire, stake ready.

"If that's how you want to do this, fine by me, luv," Spike said.

"What are you doing here, Spike?" Buffy asked, annoyed.

"Kiddies sent me to find you. Said you went all Houdini and left. Bit's worried about you," Spike said. He reached inside his duster and pulled out a cigarette.

"Well, I'm fine," Buffy said as she stood up, "You can go tell them."

"Jus' like that?"

"Yes. I came out here to clear my head. Having blond vampire out here with me isn't going to help with the clearing," Buffy said.

"Bloody amazin'. You're so caught up in Buffy the God, that you won't take help. You run hot and cold faster than anything. When we first came back, you came into my arms; it meant the world to me. Then, last night, you kicked me out," Spike said with a raised voice. He couldn't keep the irritation from seeping out.

"I run hot and cold?" Buffy asked incredulously, "You didn't want to 'comfort' me until you were ready. Last night I kicked you out, yeah, but you kicked me out before we even left L.A. God, Spike. Sometimes you are such an idiot. I figured that you would know how hard it was for me to seek comfort…you of all people should know that. Weak Buffy doesn't make guest appearances in this reality very often. You want to know why I came back, fine. I came back because I was scared not to."

Spike took a long drag from his cigarette. Hoping the heat would make him combust where he stood. This was not what he had expected. He wasn't prepared to deal with this response from Buffy. He missed the fight, punch it out Buffy. "Scared?"

Buffy sighed, "Yes, scared. When I came back and I saw you I was sure that everything would be alright, that I'd made the right choice. Then, you went all avoidy on me and I began to question myself. Maybe I should have just stayed dead, left the world for good for once. Too late for that now."

"Don't say that. Don't say you'd be better off dead, please, luv. I'm a ponce, I know that. I didn't know how to react to all of this. I'm new to this whole life after death from saving the world thing. Hell, you're the expert at the death gig. I just follow along, trying not to bugger it up too much," Spike said.

"That's me. Death expert, Buffy in for duty. This isn't easy, I don't think I expected it to be, but it's just so different. I don't know how to deal with this," Buffy said.

"This what?" Spike asked softly.

"Eternity."

Spike hazarded a step closer to Buffy. She still had a stake, and was in a mood to use it. When she didn't go defensive, Spike closed the remainder of the distance between them. "There's no secret, pet. No rule book to follow. Jus' do what you can, each day."

Buffy blinked up at him. There was reassurance in his eyes. Without saying it, he told her volumes. She knew that whatever eternity offered, he'd be there with her. With a mind of their own, her arms snaked around his waist. Feeling relief flood her body as his arms pulled her closer to him. She buried her face into his chest, shielding herself from the world. If only for a moment, here in Spike's arms, she could feel peace. A peace no other dimension, no heaven, no hell could offer her.


Faeries Twilight - They were both in limbo, but they didn't know anything about the other. I hope this chapter shows that a bit. There's a reason for all of this, but that's the plot of the story...you'll just have to wait.

Please review.