It was such a lonely feeling castle sometimes, when all the children were asleep and silence echoed through the vaulted ceilings and into every room. Just sitting there in his office he would close his eyes, hearing only the breathing of Fawkes and the pictures on his wall, and feel as if he were the only one left here. All the stresses of the day would leave; he would no longer worry about the children that were slipping through his fingers, the ones he couldn't reach. Another year had started; so many more of the students open to anything that was promised to them. He could not help every one of them and it broke his heart knowing that he had failed them in that way.
There was suddenly a knock at his door, down below where the entrance was guarded, and Albus opened his eyes, sitting up and murmuring the ascent for the doors to open. So late, he couldn't imagine who it would be. Turning around to face the top of the staircase as the steps came to the top; he paused in everything, even breathing for that one moment. Draco Malfoy was not anyone he would have assumed would be walking through his door. A shiver rose up through his spine and his stomach lurched. Draco had passed his tests this summer, had become an adult in the wizarding community. The boy's father would definitely have given him the choice and Albus was afraid that this was one child he had failed.
"Draco, you should be in bed at this hour" He smiled in his friendly manner, eyes twinkling mischievously over those half-moon glasses of his and waved to a seat, "morning comes early for a student but sit down, I am here to talk to" He had always been here for them to talk to, his heart wrenched in despair-please let it not be too late- .
The boy, no… he wasn't a boy anymore, his shoulders had broadened and his features matured even over just the summer, the young man inclined his head, " I know, Professor Dumbledore, but I had to speak with you, as soon as possible" Draco sat down in the chair, watching his hands which were clasped in his lap, frowning softly.
"You seem worried about something, I do profess surprise, you have never admitted trust in my person before," It wasn't disapproval though; it was an observation, forgiveness if the child needed it.
"I am. I fear I will betray my father… and I do not know who else to go to" Finally, his head lifted, and Albus paused, one more time. Gone was the bitter, hateful expression this one had always carried. The ignorant hate and bigotry handed down from his father had dispersed completely. There was still darkness there, he was afraid there would always be darkness, but… there was hope and raw fear, "I have told him I will not join with him beside the Dark Lord, I don't want to join them, Professor."
Albus finally took in a breath, nodding sagely, "do not let any sort of fear tell you that you must, Draco. You will be protected here." Could it be this simple? This child just changing his mind so easily in just two months, after all he had done to try and give? He wanted to question it, but not now… not yet, "you will never be alone in your decision, no matter how dark the days ahead may seen"
He nodded at those words, looking relieved. He seriously thought that he would be turned away, so sure that his actions before now would make him be denied a chance to change, "thank you Professor. But, I also… I also want to help, when I graduate. I would fight as well"
"It's a horrible hour, Draco, when a man as young as yourself must sacrifice this much, and I can not tell him that he should not give anymore. But you will be welcomed in the ranks"
"No I won't. I know what people think of me…" Draco shook his head, it wasn't self-pity, or bitterness that drove those words, just honesty and acceptance, "but I wish to change these thoughts. I- I'm not perfect, but I do wish to do what I can"
"No one is perfect, child." Albus waved his wand, floating a glass of pumpkin juice over to the student, "And everyone has demons they have dealt with. I admire your strength for making this decision"
Brows rising, Draco took the cup with a self-depreciating grin. He took a sip before shaking his head and speaking, "I can't say I didn't have something change me before taking this step, Professor. I don't know what I would have chosen if…"
So there was an explanation, a gentle smile curled his lips and he leaned forwards, resting his chin on his folded fingers, "what changed your mind, child?"
"I met this girl…" The smile on his features was dazzling, one so pure that it was hard to look at, Dumbledore had never seen the boy smile this way, but it was the last words that he said that set the Headmaster's mind reeling, "I met this muggle girl…"
And so time passed…Harry was running, running like he had never before. They had split him off from Ron while they were doing a general sweep in the area that had been a rumored hotspot for Death Eater activity. There were innocent people nearby, and the only escape would lead him right through a crowd of defenseless muggles. They were catching up to him, and there were far too many for him to turn around and face. He had to make a decision now, he was panting and stumbling as he crossed through a deserted public square, they were so close he could hear their soft laughter and the rustle of their cloaks as they moved. He needed a second, one second to open up a doorway out of here, but if he stopped for that second, they would kill him.
All the smartest traveling guides always warned you about cutting through back alleys that led to places where shadows lurked. She had read those, but ignored them. The most interesting things could be found while exploring an abandoned alleyway, things the locals never told you about. And so she was there, standing in the corner of the square, bottle raised to her lips as she drank, a man stumbled from another alleyway, panting, pushing the glasses up his nose, mousy brown hair plastered with sweat to his forehead. He was being chased, she frowned and reached for the only weapon she had available, a slingshot. Rowan could hear the laughter of whomever was following him, but instead of looking to see who it was, she bent down and picked up a handful of pebbles.
"So much for staying out of trouble with the natives…" She muttered to herself as she straightened. They had him cornered, and they knew it. But they didn't see her as they drew their weapons… "Hold on." again, to herself as she noticed that all parties included this chase had wands.
"You have no where to go, Potter… what a disappointing Auror you are, not even able to live through your first unsupervised tour of duty,"
The voice was cold, malicious… and he knew they were right. He had run as far as he could go… so he spun around, brandishing his wand from his robes, jaw gritting, "It's not over yet."
The three Death Eaters, none of them he could recognize, spread out, facing him… all laughing at his words, "oh, but it is … You are ours"
Rowan rolled her eyes, shaking her head, " this is all too typical of a movie… the hero's last stand, its almost a shame to interrupt," Her words were more breathed than anything else as she took aim at the one in the middle, pulling the sling back as far as she could possibly get. And she released.
Harry started as one of the Death Eater's head snapped forwards, followed by the rest of the man's body. Something had hit him, but wha…? Every single one of the wizards turned towards the sound of the female voice, Harry frantically calling up a doorway as they did so.
"Hey! You creepy looking freaks in the black robes! Yes, you! Who came from the backwaters of Cult Ville, Utah. I don't think he wants to go with you!"
She cursed her stupidity as the two standing evil looking Wizards looked at her, well…if you're going to go out… she released another rock at them, cause that was the only attack she knew.
The door opened, Harry standing there with his back to it, watching the girl… she was across the square from him, how was he going to get her with him? He glanced around frantically, looking for something to use, anything. He wasn't going to leave her defenseless, he –couldn't- suddenly there were arms grabbing him from behind and he was being pulled through, kicking and screaming.
The black haired one, the one that was closest to her, raised his wand and the rock stopped midair, spinning around for a moment before crumbling into dust and dropping harmlessly to the ground, "Muggle, you do not understand what you have done."
The third one was getting up, glaring viciously as he rubbed the back of his head, looking ready to kill her on the spot, but even a wizard couldn't do that, could they?
"Actually, it's quite simple what I did. I let the guy you were chasing escape," as she had planned, with her words, they all turned towards the other guy was standing, and she took her cue and took off running down the alley she had come from, one that was hidden around the corner from the one they ran through. Or, at the very least, she tried to run. One stride, two strides… and the third, well the third never came as her world was enveloped in pain.
"Let me go! We have to go back there! There's a girl there! They'll kill her!" Harry screamed, and pulled away from the people holding him, he spun around, glaring at his fellow Auror's, Lupin being one of them. They frowned at that, looking at each other, and then back to his growling visage.
"Harry, are you sure?"
"Yes! Bloody Hell! Yes! I'm sure, there's a girl, and she's Muggle I think! She's the only reason I was able to call up the doorway! We have to go back!" he screamed, his scar was throbbing, and he stubbornly pushed his glasses up his nose.
Suddenly, Malfoy was there, grinning slightly, "Well, let's go back then… and see if we can clean Potter's imaginary rescuer off the walls, cause she's dead by now."
Harry knew this, but he had to go back. He just had to… So he danced impatiently from foot to foot as they opened the doorway again, and stepped into the square, wands at the ready.
But it was empty. And eerily silent, so much so that he doubted they had returned to the right place. Well, until he glanced around and saw the girl's backpack and water bottle laying forgotten in the corner she had been in last. He ran, there… hoping to find her lying there, unconscious. Anywhere around there, forgotten or assumed unimportant.
Even injured, cause they could cure an injury, easily. Just not missing, "please god…"
The square remained empty aside from the seven Aurors that had filed in after him; they had taken her, or killed her so effectively that she was never going to be found again. All because of him. Harry let out a groan and fell to his knees by her bag, face going into his hands.
He only looked up when he heard take in a sharp breath beside him. A surprised breath, an upset breath, "By Merlin… no, its not…"
With those words, Harry glanced up to the other man, frowning softly as Malfoy leapt on the pack, pulling it open as quickly as he could manage. He was rifling through her belongings, out came a camera, a guide book that read "Florence: An Escape to the Magical"
"Are you looking for this, Draco?" Lupin enquired softly, holding up a small black passport wallet, frowning a bit. No one could understand Malfoy's reaction; they were all looking at him as if he had lost his mind.
An Escape to the Magical… Harry couldn't get past that, it was so morbidly true, and he started laughing as Draco leapt around him to Lupin, snatching the wallet from the other man and frantically unzipping it. Here, a Passport.
It couldn't be. He had read about Muggle mass manufacturing, a thousand other girls could easily have the same backpack as her. He hadn't seen her in over a year, had not stopped wondering where she had gone, or even what her last name had been. And here he was, opening up some strange Muggle's identification, heart racing in a way that made his stomach sink quicker than he ever thought it could. Her last name was Blackwater, it was such a beautiful name; Rowan Blackwater.
The sky had turned black as his eyes slid over the document and he saw her picture, the ground seemed to disappear and all he could hear was someone laughing in the back of his mind. He closed his eyes willing this to all go away, willing himself to wake up out of this horrible nightmare. The laughter continued, it pulled him back to where they were… and his spine went rigid with anger, the sky shifted from black to red, and he screamed, "Potter!"
Draco launched himself at the other man, slamming his fist into Harry's jaw. He lost control then, not for any reason he could readily explain, he didn't even know what he was doing after that first punch.
The darkness receded after a long time. Her body still ached with a pain she couldn't identify, it was all over and it was even in her mind. She had never felt like this before, it was lingering memory of pain, yet her whole being flinched just to think about it. Blinking, Rowan lifted her head, glancing around the small room she was in. Her hands and feet were bound behind her, but try as she might, she could not feel the texture of the ropes, it was if something invisible held her there, something she couldn't fight or escape from. With that thought, panic hit her, causing her mind to go blank with fear and her breathing to accelerate. She was alone here; she was left here and forgotten; at the mercy of creatures far more powerful than her. There was nothing she could do.
"Yes… fear is a wise choice" something said from the shadows, a man… or something close enough to it to be called a reincarnate of evil as well, "squirm you worthless little worm, scream for me. Beg me to show you mercy…"
She could faint, she knew that if she stopped fighting for control she could relapse into that darkness again and maybe that creature would be gone. She could also scream and beg it, ask to just die now. She could do everything it wanted and expected her to do or,
"Bite me you slimy dumb-fuck" she bit out, spitting at the creature, her jaw setting, glaring at it right back.
It looked furious, affronted and downright evil. 'So this is why pride is a sin' she thought idly as it pulled out its wand. What a pretty wand, kinda looked like the same one that boy was carrying, if her memory served her right. The arc of his swing was almost tantalizing to watch, and for once he sounded human, "Crucio!"
Rowan wished she could say that the pain was mind numbing. If it were numbing at all, it would definitely be a gracious mercy. But it wasn't, it fried every circuit in her brain, maybe her scream and swear that it hurt so much she was about to puke up blood. It burnt with heat and cold at the same time, gouged every part of her skin and then flayed her alive. She did not black out as quickly as last time, it must have been the creature keeping her awake much longer than she could have physically had managed.
But darkness finally came.
"He's bloody insane, Albus!" Harry yelled, scowling at his ex-headmaster through a black eye, his lip was split, and with the words it started bleeding again, "he attacked me! I refuse to work with him. He's always been evil, he did not change."
Albus' eyes darkened and he stood up, looming both physically and mentally over the young man, it was the first time Harry had ever felt that anger and power turned against him. It caused him to shrink back and sit in his chair, "Draco is not evil, Mr. Potter. He was distraught. If it was Ron that was taken, and in the same circumstances, just with Draco, what would you have done?"
"She was a muggle" Harry said stubbornly, crossing his arms over his chest.
"All the more reason for him to be upset. She had no defense, where Ronald would have had some sort of fighting chance. Does her lack of magic make her expendable to you?"
He turned his head away, shaking it fiercely, "that's not what I meant… I wanted more than any body else to get back there, I didn't even want to leave her, but they pulled me out. She stood up for me, not knowing the danger she was in, and Death Eaters have her now, because of me"
"What did you mean then, Harry?"
"I meant, that just moments before, Draco was expecting to find her strewn across the entire square in pieces, he didn't care at all. Then as soon as he realizes it's real, he actually cares. Or pretends to"
Albus sighed and sat down, rubbing his temples as he watched the boy, "He is no more evil than you or me Harry. He pretends not to care, when he really actually does, because unlike you, he gave up everything in his world to stand beside us against Voldemort"
"So he attacked me because she was a muggle and he cares about all of them?"
Albus shook his head, laughing softly, "No… him more than any of us realizes that they might need our protection in these things, but they are his equals in other ways."
Harry snorted, one brow raising skeptically, " Draco Malfoy has an equal in his mind?"
"Just think of it like this, Harry.." the older wizard said softly, leaning forwards, his voice pitching lower, " That girl, this Rowan Blackthorn, she knew what she was doing when she bought you time. She knows about wizards and the war. She might not know who you are, but she did have an idea as to what was in store for her"
"How?" Harry had gone white, feeling sicker by the moment. Someone had knowingly put herself into that much danger, knowing they didn't have a chance? Was it really that noble of an act, or did she act before she thought like he did so many times himself?
A curious smile, one that was laced with grief and a heartbreaking sort of hope crossed the face of the wizard, his words even softer again, "Draco knows her. She is the reason he is here on our side, most likely. She was the first Muggle he ever really met, and I dare say I think that she may have been his soul mate. If such a thing exists"
"An escape to the magical" he murmured brokenly, moving to stand and walk slowly from the office.
It was darkness all around her again. Soothing, painless darkness, she was something more or less than alive, floating here surrounded by this safety net from the outside. Everything else was so far away she couldn't even remember what she was hiding from, she was just here and it was way over there.
Suddenly she couldn't breath and she was cold, so much colder than darkness was before. Surrounded now by water that was pulling her down, the pain was a haunting memory again. She needed to swim, but her hands were still bound by that invisible force. And so she was going to sink like this. Would it be such a bad way to die? Apparently it would be denied her in any case; before Rowan could just take in a breath of water and finish it quicker, she was yanked roughly out of the water and deposited to shiver on the floor. She coughed roughly several times, having to blink at the bright light before she could make out the form of a man in front of her. Yes, it was a man this time, tall… blond hair cruel eyes. Her heard leapt for a moment, it was him! It was Draco. But then the man sneered at her, kicking her over with the tip of his shoe, and she could see the difference. The lack of innocence in him, a darkness that shouldn't belong in something so beautiful, the tracks of age showing in his eyes if not anywhere else.
"The Dark Lord will no longer waste his time on you, Muggle filth." he spat at her, watching her with those cruel eyes, as if he didn't think her worth his time.
She should be afraid of him, her body still shuddered at the fact that he could easily use that spell on her and put her back into that pain again. But she wasn't, perhaps she was already loosing her control on reality, because all she wanted to ask him was if he was related to Draco.
"Tell me why you helped the whelp, Potter" He was like a fallen angel, she thought idly, with the golden glow of whatever light source he was using. Someone who'd lost his faith so long ago. He pointed his wand at her, "tell me and I will kill you quicker than you deserve."
"Because…" It was hard to remember how to talk for some reason, her mind felt as jittery as her limbs did, but she managed to continue, "that's what decent people do. Help those who need help"
His lip curled in a disgusted manner, "Spare me your blather… so righteous, so self-justified. No one is going to help you now… a sad thought for you: that perhaps you are the last decent human being left on this planet. Crucio"
It was only a jolt of pain; it caused her so much pain in that brief second that she couldn't even scream she just jerked and fell into the fetal position. She was there longer than the spell lasted, it was so hard now… to remember who she was, what she was talking about. She was crying, and somewhere she felt as if she shouldn't do that in front of him but she didn't know why.
"But you are telling me the truth… That is the most disgusting thing of all, how absolutely idiotic you and your ideals are. And your good deed will get you no joy" he was waving his wand again; mouth opening to form that horrible word again, and she had to stop it. She just had to stop it any way she could. She didn't know how she could, so she merely said the first thing that came to mind.
"Malfoy…"
He jerked back as if slapped, his cruel eyes widening in surprise. His wand halted its painfully beautiful curve, and he watched her in shocked silence for just a moment, "How do you know my name? Tell me! Now!"
She was suddenly jerked up into the
air, so she was hanging suspended right in front of his face, she
blinked, how did she know his name? The words came again, "Because
I know your son, Draco. "
"Liar!" He screamed at her,
slapping her. Real pain. Physical pain that came from the outside and
not the inside. Pain that should anger her, it really should. But
this was a relief. It proved that the world existed beyond the shady
memory of the pain in her soul, "He is not –my- son any longer!"
"I taught him that we aren't all victims," she said softly, in a confused manner… before she was suddenly dropped to the hard floor. The pain was sharp; it tugged on something she couldn't quite grasp. She remembered, but it seemed to be out of her reach. Or perhaps she wasn't even reaching; perhaps she was just paralyzed inside.
His eyes flashed at that as he lowered the wand down to rest gently in the middle of her forehead, teeth bared in a silent snarl, "Then you will show him that you were wrong! Crucio!"
Was she really screaming? Or did she just think she was?
He didn't know why he was so concerned about it, really. Perhaps he was just trying to get his mind off other things, pull himself out of that dark hole he had been in for the last two days. It was just infuriating him further. No one had the morning paper. No matter where he looked in the entire compound, there wasn't anything. Yesterday's was in a neat stack on the coffee table, but he had already read that this morning. Had thought it was today's till he looked at the date. Draco Malfoy wanted to read the paper and Draco Malfoy always got what he wanted.
He was storming towards the kitchen when Ronald Weasley caught up to him, frowning softly, "Draco… Albus wants to talk to you in his office, now"
"Does he know where all the morning papers have gone?" Draco bit off, stopping and glaring at the ginger haired man.
Ron gave him a curious look before shaking his head slowly and shrugging at the same time, "I dunno mate, but I'm sure he could get one for you if you wanted…"
"Bloody hell," Draco snarled and stalked off in the other direction again, towards where he was being waited for.
"Draco… please, take a seat" Albus was sitting there, holding a folded up newspaper in his hand, watching him with a worried expression.
His eyes lit up when he saw the paper, "Finally, the news… I've been looking for it everywhere." But he sat down, waiting for Albus to speak. When the older wizard didn't, he frowned softly and looked up from where the paper was folded in the other man's hands to him, "what is it?"
Another cautious expression, before Albus unfolded the paper and laid it out on the desk for him to read the head line.
"MUGGLE DROPPED OFF AT ST MUNGOS!" Draco snorted softly, but the subtitle underneath it gave him pause "It is believed that she was tortured by Death Eaters, in relation to the muggle-napping that took place only two days ago, in Florence"
He went chalk white and read the rest of the article, which didn't have much more information than that, other than the fact that the Muggle papers were considering her disappearance in relation to terrorists and her father, a millionaire from the United States was offering a considerable amount for her safe return.
"Rowan… they let her go," He
looked up to Albus and stood suddenly, "I need to go there, I need
to see her"
The other man winced and stood as well, "Draco, if
they let her go… she will not be who she was. She will not be whole
any longer."
He closed his eyes, taking in a shaky breath… he nodded carefully at that, "I know, but she's alive. And I'm the only one she knows, please. I need to see her."
"This is why it's called an Unforgivable curse" the nurse said softly, shaking her head, "She will probably never be able to go home"
Draco's heart fell at those words and he would have lashed out at the lady, if he hadn't seen Rowan first. He crossed the room quickly to where she lay on a bed; eyes clenched shut, head turned to one side. She didn't look injured, pale maybe, just a bruise in the shape of a hand on one of her cheeks. She didn't look tortured, "Why is she being restrained?"
"She keeps on trying to scratch her own eyes out," the nurse said sadly again, bowing her head, "Sometimes it sounds as if she's talking perfectly well, but suddenly she'll start screaming and attempting to do herself harm. This is all we can do"
"Rowan…" she
shifted a bit, but she didn't respond. Her eyes remained closed,
head facing away from him, so he gently placed a hand on her
forehead; it was so cool, "Nurse, she needs more blankets she's
nearly freezing." The lady gave him an offended look before turning
and storming off, leaving her alone with him, "Rowan, look at me.
I'm here to take you with me."
"I can't… they can't
see anything Draco" she said softly, shivering a bit as he traced
his hand over her eyebrows.
She knew him, she remembered him.
That was enough for now, surely it was enough, "Then keep your eyes
closed and we'll leave. I've got somewhere safe for you"
"Rowan, you have to promise me you wont try and hurt yourself… there's a blindfold over your eyes, so you can not see anything, but I wont untie you until you promise me that you wont hurt yourself"
She didn't respond to him, had merely remained catatonic the whole trip back here, into the safe house and up to the room he had prepared for her. Him, personally all by himself, he wouldn't allow anyone else to touch anything, but it wasn't done in a style that was completely his taste, it had warmer colours, a couple pictures on the wall, plush carpeting, everything he thought she'd want in a room to be comforted in. It was so much healthier than the blank, safe walls of the hospital in his opinion. Not that she could see the colours yet, but he wanted her to, wanted her to open her eyes at some point.
He lay her down on the bed, carefully moving to take her shoes and jacket off. These tasks could so easily be done by magic, but he had to touch her, he had to allow her to feel him.
They said that people who could not see could feel things far more intensely than those who could; they could smell, taste and hear with higher accuracy as well. So where he had made everything visually pleasing, he had also made things feel the softest and warmest and above all else: everything smelled like him because it had been handled solely by his hands.
Still, she didn't respond. He had tucked her into the bed, laying her on her back with her hands bound down by her waist. She was so pale, her lips parted every so gently, showing him her teeth. Not because she meant to show them to him, but because that was how they had been this whole time; she seemed so far away from him right in that room.
"Rowan… please luv, come back."
Harry stood there and watched the other man sit on the edge of the bed for what seemed like an eternity. There were no windows in this room, windows were too much of a security hazard, but he could hear the clocks downstairs chiming away the hours. He was hidden behind his invisibility cloak in the far corner of the room just watching what he had always considered his arch nemesis bow his head over the woman who had saved his life. It was a strange twist of fate, really. Almost amusing in a morbid sense; people who you think are your enemies because of conflicting ideals turn out to be your saviors in the end. It wasn't Draco who saved him though, it was this girl. This Rowan who was lying unresponsive on a bed that looked to be made from a muggle fairytale, if only there were laces and frills on it. Eight chimes now. They had been here nearly the whole day now but Harry could not leave. Not as long as Draco was in the room to see the door open unbidden or hear the pop of teleportation. Not as long as she remains impassive to the very man she had doomed herself to saving. So the boy who lived once more remained there contemplating the difference between justified and preconditioned hate.
Twelve bells. It was a twelve hour clock that was chiming out the time in her ears, down below her in the distant darkness. Her world would have to remain in darkness now, they had seen to that. They had to be kept from seeing. It would be so much easier if she were merely allowed to remove any temptation of sight from her body. Since she couldn't do that, she must remain in here, this cold lonesome prison she had imposed on her own mind. It wasn't hard, the pain still lingered in every part of her being, so she merely had to stop fighting and withdraw from that delicate realm of control. Everyone was safe when she was here. The only problem was that there was a part of her mind that didn't like this sort of prison; the part of her mind that was latching onto the sounds of the chiming and pulling her back towards the warmth and sensations. The sounds of breathing came to her next. Her breathing was more felt than anything else, and then there was someone else, right near her. It sounded pained, if something as simple as a breath could sound pained, and deep as if the breather next to her were sleeping. She was about to think more on that, about to grasp just who it was who was near her when she heard another breath, it was further than the first one but closer than the chimes were, near silent and on edge, as if anticipating something. She wished so hard that she could open her eyes, it pained her and she wanted to see who was there more intensely than she had ever wanted anything else. The curiosity burned inside her head and she nearly did. Nearly gave into that dangerous urge. Suddenly her mind froze and her breath caught, heart nearly leaping straight out her throat. It wasn't her who wanted to see this. No, it was them; they were there, digging at her mind, trying to weasel their way into controlling what she did. It was him who was right beside her, she could smell him now; recognize everything about him that she could feel. He was waiting for her, he had found her. And she wanted him, she wanted to hold him, touch him…. her hands twitched… kill him.
"Draco!"
He jumped; his whole body stiffening at the sudden disruption to the silent air in the room. Had he fallen asleep while watching her? Was it a dream that woke him or someone else? That voice didn't sound like hers, and she still lay still, not moving or making a noise. One hand went out to brush along her forehead and he frowned deeply, she wasn't even breathing anymore.
"Lumos!" his wand was out, and it was shedding a fierce light through out the dark room. When had the lights gone out, he had cast them to fade with the sun, to replace the lack of a window. Surely it wasn't night already, he had only been here moments, hadn't he?
Her face was turning blue, mouth tightly clamped closed, a pained expression on whatever features of hers not blocked out by the blind fold, "Rowan! Oh gods, Rowan… don't!"
He shouldn't have brought her away from the hospital, he couldn't care for her like this, and now he was going to watch her die of her own doing. He quickly unbound her arms, moving to pull her closer to him moving to attempt to open her mouth, he would FORCE her to breathe if he must, and he would not let her die.
Then the strangest thing happened; she opened her mouth in a bitter sort of smile, her hands moving up his arms, hands wrapping themselves around his neck. Suddenly she pushed off the bed with more force than he thought her legs were able to, sending them both crashing to the floor. She was trying to kill him. She was strangling him, his wand had gone flying the moment they hit the floor, his hands moving to her forearms, trying to pull them away, but he couldn't. Suddenly he couldn't breathe, either.
He didn't want to hurt her; he couldn't hurt her after everything she'd already been through. He couldn't use his wand then, for the only thing he could think of at this moment would probably damage her mind further. Draco seemed to be unable to physically remove her from his neck, so all Harry could think of doing beyond all that, in this small realm of time, was tackling her in the form of Muggle-style Rugby players. Harry wasn't good at emergency situations, not thinking in them anyways. He usually just acted with his heart and hoped to whatever was watching over him that it would be enough to get him through. A bad habit some times, most times. Perhaps every time he utilized this habit he was an idiot, but he was still alive to this point; so it must work on some level. When his weight hit her body, she was surprised, letting go of Draco in shock as Harry's weight carried her off of him, screaming in a voice that definitely was not her own. She attempted to hit him, but he quickly grabbed a wrist with each of his hands, straddling her thighs to keep her from kicking him and holding her there as she screamed and thrashed.
The light was disjointed in the room, still coming only from his wand which lay on the ground, pointed at the wall. So it was in shadows and half lights that Draco saw Harry pinning Rowan to the ground, his invisibility cloak draping over the two of them disjointedly, making them seem as specters in a horrible nightmare. He coughed a couple times, rolling to his feet, one hand moving to his throat as he watched her quiet once she was restrained. "Potter… Get off of her"
"She's dangerous Malfoy; she just tried to kill you"
"She doesn't know what she's doing, get off!"
"That's the problem, Draco! She doesn't know what she's doing; she probably doesn't even know who you are anymore"
If Rowan hadn't been there, starting to sob brokenly, Draco would have attacked Harry right then and there, would have killed the other man, perhaps. But she was there, and she was crying; she was already broken. Perhaps Harry saw that on Draco's face then, or maybe it was her crying that affected him as well; but whatever the case, the other man stood up, letting go of her and stepping to the side as he rushed to scoop her into his arms. There was no more strength in her body or tension waiting to strike at him, she merely curled into him, face burying into his shoulder and arms wrapping around his chest.
"Now, Leave us alone, Harry" His words were commanding, but no longer harsh or loud. He couldn't yell anymore, fearing that it would upset her even further; he merely buried his head into her hair, rocking the two of them back and forth. He wasn't even aware of whether or not the other man left the room after that, the only sounds he could hear were her pained sobs and half-murmured words.
"I don't think that it's safe for her nor anyone coming in and out of this house to keep her here. She needs to return to St. Mungos where she can undergo treatment, under the care of healers that are skilled in dealing with her." He said finally, looking over at Dumbledore, a regrettable expression on his face. He had thought long and hard about this over the last couple hours. Had tried to sleep some after leaving Rowan's room, but merely stared at his ceiling in the darkness. He had merely waited for the morning and walked half asleep into his former headmaster's office, scratching idly at the stubble growing on his jaw.
The older man sighed and leaned back in his chair, half moon glasses perched on the very end of his nose, looking somewhat mournfully down at his breakfast and tea, " And why do you feel so strongly about that, now?"
"She's unpredictable and completely unable to grasp reality. Already Rowan has demonstrated violent tendencies and I think that with the right, or wrong in this case, stimuli, that she could do serious damage"
"And you don't think being around the only familiar person in this wizarding world of ours will help calm her, and perhaps lead her down the path to healing? Besides, as you said yourself, she is just a muggle, what harm could she seriously do? We could restrain her easily" The argument he was making on the girls behalf, he was sure the other man had gone through it so many times over the last hours in his head, it was one last chance at devils advocate. One part of him new she should go back, the other hoped that she could stay. But it wasn't his decision to make, now was it?
A sigh and a dark, haunted expression, "Rowan has already demonstrated that being with the person she cares about the most is the biggest aggressor, Albus. And even as a muggle, she can hurt herself, unless she's watched or bound constantly. She shouldn't have to live her life tied to a bed… and we can't afford the manpower to watch her. Besides, she can have visitors at St. Mungos"
"After just one day, you make such a harsh judgment. Is that entirely fair?"
"No. I don't think
so. But it's a concern to me, you must understand that. She's
given so much, it's hard to try and convince you and myself to put
her back in an unfriendly place. But what else can I do?"
Albus
absently picked up his tea cup, taking a gentle sip out of it before
answering. His expression was grave, serious and completely candid,
"You shouldn't talk to me about it, Draco. You should spend more
time talking it over with yourself. You feel helpless now, powerless
to help her and that's not normally your element. You love her or
you would have if this hadn't happened-"
"I –do- love her, Albus" Draco interrupted, spitting the words out, eyes flashing, standing up stiffly, "more than I could have ever imagined. There's nothing else but her"
"Then let me finish and sit down." Arched brows, he stayed silent till the younger man slowly lowered himself back into the chair, looking very sullen, "as I was saying. You love her, but you haven't spent enough time with her to really fully love her as you could have. You care for her a lot, but you are unsure how to go forward with this. You think that you are giving up on her, and thus you are edgy about people questioning how much you care for her safety. The fact is, Mr. Malfoy, that love is hard. Even in the best of times, with the most perfect conditions. It is work, and it is sacrifice and making hard decisions for the person you would die for. Dying for the person you love is quite easy in comparison to living for them."
Silence now, the young man watching the ground still sullenly, but there was a glint of what, the older wizard hoped, was understanding in those eyes. His eloquently curved lips were set in a frown, blonde hair unkempt and falling into his eyes. On the pale skin of Draco's neck, there were bruises from his recent attack. None of this was on his mind though, he looked confused, hurt and so vulnerable, "what are you saying I should do, then?"
He answered with a shake
of his head, though the other didn't see it. After a moment of
consideration, his words came out carefully, "I can't make this
decision for you. I must merely try to make your options clear for
you. You can send her back to St. Mungo's now. No one would blame
you for this. Many people have loved ones affected as such, and under
the healer's care, still more of them have failed to be able to
care for those people, even with the best attempt. You could continue
visiting her there and hope that she improves. Or you could keep her
here, find out what her problems are and try to talk through them
with her, maybe get one of the Auror's who come from Muggle-born
families to help you out. See if you can get her to improve. If she
worsens, then you can still take her back to St. Mungos. Or, because
she is signed out under your care, you can return her to her home and
have her family take care of her."
"You speak of her as if
she isn't a sentient being, and merely my pet" Draco muttered
bitterly, looking up to Dumbledore.
"Not your pet. But your charge; her care is up to you now, Draco. That is merely what I'm saying."
A painful look, his breath coming out in a shuddering sigh, "she was so strong before this. She told me so ardently that she wouldn't be a victim. Look at her now. I feel so hopeless"
"Nothing is hopeless, remember that
if nothing else. She may not recover to her entire self, but there is
always room for improvement. Even the Healers from the hospital said
that she was amazingly coherent when she is coherent, for someone as
injured as she is. There's just that other part in her that we need
to deal with. One step at a time though."
"You think I should
keep her here"
Dumbledore shrugged, taking another sip of his
tea, eyes twinkling some what sadly still, "What do –you- think?"
Harry got off his rounds, bidding farewell to Ron as he went off to spend the rest of the evening with Hermione. The two of them were painfully cute sometimes. 'Bout bloody time as well, they had been toying with this stupid infatuation with each other for years now. Danger and uncertainty does that to you though, makes you realize what you're missing by being afraid of taking chances. So they were an item and though they were still a trio of friends, he wasn't always included in their activities. Depressing sometimes, he supposed, but he was happy for the two of them. Really, he was.
"Potter, I've been meaning to talk to you" That aristocratic drawl never really changed when he became an Auror, still had the tone of being above anything he saw, and clearly thinking that the person he was speaking to was lower than dirt.
It was that tone that rubbed Harry the wrong way, really. He didn't think anyone was better than anyone else, and clearly Draco had admitted that by turning to this side. Turning over? He had never been a Death Eater. Son of a Death Eater, perhaps, but never one himself; not everyone can be painted by the same brush. With a sigh, Harry turned around to face his arch nemesis, the both of them standing nearly the same height and build, eye to eye, "What do you want, Malfoy?"
A cold smirk, a dangerous flash behind those hard eyes, but the other man clearly took pains to control any sort of harsh retribution, saying very deliberately, "Why were you there, last night? I admit you saved my hide, but why were you there, in her room?"
"I was curious…" Harry said helplessly, shrugging a bit. He was a tad surprised at Draco's words. He had never come anywhere near close to admitting that he needed help, let alone thanking someone for helping him. And this was the closest to either of those that he was ever going to get, he was sure of that.
"So you just came to stare at the freak? At the amazing broken muggle who saved your life and couldn't be put back together again?" Draco snipped harshly, bringing Harry right back into reality and realization as to whom he was talking to.
His own eyes flashed at that, and he returned Malfoy's glare quite evenly, "She's not a freak. I don't think that, and neither do you. I wanted to see how she was, if she'd gotten any better around you."
The other man looked taken aback at that admission, blinking dumbly for several long moments. He had silenced Draco, the boy with a tongue to flay anyone alive. If it had been any other situation but that, he would rejoice, but it was this situation and he could merely stand there waiting for a response, "As you can tell, she didn't."
"She responded better to you than she had to any of the healers, Draco. That's got to mean something, surely"
"What would you know!" Was the screamed response, making Harry tense for an attack. An attack that never came and for some reason, that made his heart break. His rival who had always had so much fire in him looked as if he was collapsing from the inside… giving up. He should be happy about this. He had defeated the Prince of Slytherin, everything he and his friends had ever despised. But all that petty rivalry made him sick to his stomach. He had hated someone he had never bothered to get to know, had only assumed the worst, and the man had proven in the last couple years that nearly everything Harry, Ron and Hermione had thought of him was wrong. He was on their side, and he needed help.
He raised one hand to rest on Draco's shoulder, half expecting to be hit for the contact. But he wasn't, the other man looking up to him tiredly, desperately, as if begging with all the pride that he could muster. Harry shook his head, "Listen mate, perhaps I don't know exactly what I'm talking about, but I've picked some things up. You got her out of her shell; she had a bad turn of it, yes. But for that time she was out of her shell she was feeling and responding to what was around her. That is a good thing, sure she tried to kill you, but there's got to be a reason for it and the fact is, after she realized what was happening, she turned to you. That means that you are her rock, you're her turning point. You are all she has."
Draco raised his hand, frowning at Harry. He looked as if he were about to remove the hand on his shoulder, but he merely lay his on top, sighing softly, "And what if I'm not enough?"
Right now… genius, his mind said darkly, he's looking to you for something uplifting yet practical. What are you going to tell him? How can you assure him that he'll be enough, how would you know? Give him false hope? You wouldn't be doing him any good, you just had to open your big mouth and give your input. Try to help out, oh the bleeding heart of Harry Potter, ever the hero and martyr. Harry frowned and shrugged, his expression open, not listening to the demons inside his mind for that brief moment, "Everything takes time, if you try to do it all at once and all by yourself, you'll stretch yourself to thin and you'll both suffer. Do it bit by bit, and accept help, if she'll respond to that. You don't have to fight all your battles alone, y'know"
"After all the things we'd been through, Potter. You would offer me help?" Astonishment, perhaps even gratitude; or was that too much to hope for in one sitting with a former enemy?
"We're on the same team, Draco.
Yeah, I would help if you would let me. Perhaps you could even call
me by my first name?"
"And why would I do a thing like that?"
there it was, that spark behind his eyes as he shrugged off Harry's
hand, letting his own fall back to his side, a tiny smirk playing
across his lips.
Harry spluttered for a moment, "Accept my help?"
The other man laughed and shook his head, "No, Potter, use your first name. Old habits die hard, you know. For a man so seemingly perceptive about some things..." a sarcastic drawl in his voice, "You are quite a smeg-head sometimes." Oh, well then, perhaps Harry hadn't been wrong about –quite- so many things.
"Bloody hell, Malfoy" but the tone was good natured, and for once in a long time the two of them were able to laugh, even if it was a bit awkward, it was a genuine laugh.
It was safe now, she didn't need to worry so much about keeping her eyes closed, Draco had put something over her eyes that she couldn't remove even if she wanted to. It kept her in complete darkness; it kept them in complete darkness. And that was what was important. She must never forget control though, when she lost it, they seemed to gain it from her and make her do horrible things. Make it seem as if it was her who wanted to do those things, sometimes it was not clear what she wanted and what they wanted. They seemed to use her desires against her, mold and push them towards what they wanted, what she didn't want. It was so hard to fight sometimes. But she had to fight; she couldn't remember why, exactly, that part of her had been chased away so long ago. Had it actually been a long time? An eternity, a lifetime, or merely weeks; perhaps even just days? She hadn't seen Draco in so long, she couldn't quite remember him clearly, just a general fuzzy feeling and vague outline of his features, as if she would recognize him if she saw him, but she couldn't picture him completely when she couldn't see him. She remembered all the things before the incident, all the things but what was inside her. She knew what she was, that she loved Draco… but she didn't know who she was, or why she loved him. It was so hard, as if she were merely a cup with cracks and holes that leaked things when she shouldn't.
She slowly stood up from the bed, running her hands along the sheets as she pulled them back. Her toes scrunched into the soft plush carpeting. She just stood there enjoying the sensations of the things around her. The bed had been big, in the four-poster style, metal that felt cool and smooth to her touch. There were warm curves to it though, not the stylish asymmetrical lines that she had expected Draco to pick. Nothing she felt reminded her of his taste. This worried her for a long while as she stood there enjoying it, feeling at home in these furnishings. These weren't what she remembered to be what he would choose. Was she wrong? Did she somehow remember him wrongly, so horribly wrongly that she couldn't even feel his touch anywhere in this room he had been in not too long ago?
Then she realized. This was all done purposely, solely for her sake, in a style that he assumed she must like. She did like this, as alien as it all felt to her, she liked it. It seemed comforting to her, the things she could feel beneath her fingers, it reminded her of what she felt. Perhaps she wasn't so hopeless after all.
Suddenly she felt so light, with bubbles of joy forming rainbows beneath her eyelids. She laughed and spun in a circle with her arms outstretched, fingers splayed out as far as they could manage. She was Rowan and a man who loved her knew her, and was telling her who she was. For now, that was good enough.
Laughter. He could hear laughter through the door as he paused before it. Not maniacal laughter, but pure joyful laughter. The type a sane person has. From a person who has something to live for, something to work for, something to be happy about. How could he have taken such a wondrous sound for granted? He smiled and just paused there, listening to her. He couldn't give up on her, not now or ever, because she still had the ability to laugh like that.
Things weren't so hopeless after all.
