Chapter Twenty
As Jenny screamed we awake I looked sideways at her and wondered how she could scream as she normally did. As the day progressed I wondered how she could bring herself to eat, to laugh or even smile. I wondered how her mind could not flick, a thousand times, to where on Earth her father was and what he was thinking. I wondered how she could look curious and surprised when the phone rang-many, many time from three numbers-L Scott, N and H Scott and from B Davis. All I wanted was a single call from one number-J Jagielski, the one number that didn't call.
Eventually the constant calls forced me to pull the phone cord out of the wall. I turned on my cell-but besides Jake, Luke, Brooke, Nathan and Haley my cell number was known to few. They quickly changed their calls to my cell. They didn't take hints.
"Mommy I want go out," demanded Jenny eventually. I glanced at her in slight annoyance before an idea flickered through my head.
"Okay Jenny," I said. She, in her Osh Kosh overalls, was dressed appropriately. I, in my pajamas, was not. I quickly changed into jeans and a t-shirt and tied back my hair, not wanting it to look worse than it had to. I lifted her into her stroller and gave her a bottle of water and some crackers as we departed.
The walk to city hall was a long one, but I needed not to drive to make myself seem less pathetic, though this logic did not make much sense outside of my head.
"Hello, I'd like to file for a name change," I said to the woman manning the desk. She smiled at Jenny.
"Fill this out, pay with cash or charge. One hundred fifty," she said shortly. I took a seat and stared at the sheet of paper in front of me.
Current name. Desired name, age, marital situation, occupation, residence… I filled out the questions in a daze. Jenny had thankfully fallen asleep.
I saved the box for Desired Name for last. Slowly, painstakingly, I wrote. Peyton Jagielski it stated in my hand. I handed the paper to the woman and walked out with Jenny, proud of my accomplishment.
My phone rang. I glanced at the name on the display and grinned suddenly-Jagielski, what I'd been hoping for.
"Hello?" I said eagerly into the phone.
"Peyton dear, is everything all right?" asked a calm female voice. Lisa. Of course.
"Why yes, everything's fine," I said.
"Where are you?"
"Just outside city hall. I just officially became Peyton Jagielski," I said.
"Well that's lovely but I was wondering what happened between you and Jake? He came soon after you did and sounded surprised when we told him you'd been and gone," she said.
"We had a fight. Actually I haven't heard from him since then, have you?"
"No, no one has. But I know he often goes out with Lucas when he's upset," she said helpfully. I laughed wearily.
"Thanks, I'll try that," I said.
"You do that. Call me if you need anything," she said.
"I'll do that-by Lisa," I said, hanging up the phone. Try Lucas. Right.
As we arrived home I carefully placed Jenny back in her crib and watched her sleep for a moment. She was so perfect. Her blonde curls had grown almost to her shoulders, her rosebud mouth was so tiny while she slept, opposed to how huge it grew when she screamed. Her long eyelashes fanned out on her cheeks.
She was so beautiful, so completely lovable, always optimistic and cheerful yet stubborn and persistent. I loved her completely. Even if by some miracle I found I could live without Jake, I knew I couldn't without Jenny. Sometimes I wondered how there was anything, anywhere, that could live for a moment without Jenny. It was so hard to believe that a year ago, I'd been her babysitter and I was now her mother.
