Chapter Twenty-One

"I can't believe it's been a whole week," said Haley, almost to herself. I nodded in agreement.

"I'd think about filing a missing person's awareness form but then I'd have to explain the circumstances," I said. We both sat, cross legged on my bed. She held an unusually docile Jenny on her lap and casually tickled her feet every few minutes.

"I understand. I mean you did the same thing," she said gently. She sniffed the air-"Are you wearing perfume?"

"No. I've been calling and calling his cell but he just won't pick up. I mean he can't stay away forever. I've got our daughter and he loves her. And he can't just file for annulment now-we're both of age, both sound in mind and now it's consummated," I said, thinking of the evening a week previously. After two days, Brooke and Haley had given up on the phone and practically broken my door down in an effort to come in.

"He'll pick up. He's in love with you, remember? I mean Nathan forgave me," she said.

"Luke's his best friend," I moaned.

"He'll forgive you," she said confidently. "How are you doing anyway, taking care of her all alone?"

"Fine, actually. Now that school's over she's all I have responsibilities toward," I said.

"Hey," said a male voice from the door. I shut my eyes tightly.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I need to talk to you," he said.

"Haley?" I asked in resignation. She nodded and got up, walking silently and coldly past him. How had my relations effected the relations of the people around me?

"Look, I'm not going to kiss you. I'm not even going to touch you. I'm just going to sit right here," he said, sitting on my desk chair.

"What do you want?"

"I need to explain myself."

"Then do it already and get out," I said, glancing up at him from the sketch I was drawing. The same couple are pushing a stroller and the skank has disappeared-Or Maybe I Did, it reads.

"Peyton I think I fell in love with you for the first time almost two years ago. You were my half brother's girlfriend and for most of the time I'd known of you, you were just a cheerleader-just a beautiful blond cheerleader. Then I began to hear the music you listened to, see the things you could draw, saw you turn from Nathan. When you'd meet my eyes I felt like the luckiest guy ever. Then at that night at the party, Brooke was flirting with me. I can't say that I was never remotely attracted to Brooke, part of me was. But she was nothing to you. And then we kissed. But I went too far for you, I misread what you wanted. This was what made me sleep with Brooke and after I slept with her I couldn't just go back to you. I didn't want to be that guy. I turned into that guy when we went behind her back and I've never regretted many things more than breaking her heart so thoroughly. I thought we could be together then, but then your loyalty to Brooke shone through and I respect the hell out of that," he said.

"And then?" I asked. I had abandoned my drawing.

"After I had lost both of you, Brooke began to attract me again. Part of me thankfully forgot my love for you, only surfacing occasionally. When I was with Anna I liked her as well. But I never wanted you more than when I saw you walk down that aisle, the moment I knew you'd gone from me forever. But part of my problem is that seeing you with someone else drives me crazy, but that's not enough for you. You deserve someone who loves you for you completely and would never hurt you, ever. Someone like Jake. You deserve Jake and Jake deserves you. When I first met you I wasn't good enough for you. Then after a while, I thought I was good enough but now, once again, you're too good for me. And it's too late to go fall in love with Brooke again, so I guess for the time being I'm screwed. I guess what I wanted to say is that I really loved you, Pey, and part of me will love you forever," he said. Yet another tear escaped from my left eye.

"You were my first love, and I'll never forget that. But I love Jake now," I said bravely.

"I know. Which I'm going to accept, I promise you. I'm going to accept that and I'm going to make it up to both of you somehow, partially by never trying to seduce you again," he said. I managed a short laugh.

"Thank you Luke. But you have to go now," I said.

"I know. Thanks for hearing me out," he said, exiting. After a moment he doubled back.

"Sorry, Nate just asked me to give you this," he said, handing me an envelope. I slit it open as I left again, and a picture fluttered out-two wedding ring wearing hands. But sometimes they come back.

I wandered to the map on the wall, wondering where he'd gone. Savannah maybe, to visit his cousins? New York, to follow in my footsteps?

"He called," said Brooke tonelessly from the door. I spun around and stared.

"What?"

"He's fine. He's traveling, he says he needed to clear his head," she said.

"And he told you to tell me?" I said excitedly.

"No, he just expected the grapevine to do it's work. But why are you so worried? Yes, it will suck, and it will be hard to repair the damage but he is coming back to you," she said, assuring.

"How do you know that?" I asked, my voice small. She took my left hand and flipped it to display the ring.

"Because of this Peyton-he chose you and he's not backing down. He loves you too much," she said.

"Not anymore."

"Yes, maybe more than ever! I was looking at him just before you guys left-he wasn't looking as though he was furious, he looked hurt beyond all reason. Because you betrayed his love," she said.

"We got married because we had to," I reminded her.

"No, actually. He got married because he had to. You two married each other because he wanted to marry you more than anyone else in the world," she said.