Chapter Twenty Two

Two days later I spent the entirety of Jenny's nap retching into the toilet-the combination of stress and a failure to take care of myself properly had resulted in my catching Haley's bug, leaving us both empty stomached and constantly nauseous.

The nap on her next day I fell into a deep sleep.

Hours later my eyes slit open. The windows were wide open. The room was clean, the collected clutter had disappeared. Where had it gone?

He was sitting in a chair by the bed, watching me sleep. A napping Jenny was in his arms.

"Jake," I said sleepily. I opened my eyes wider.

"Peyton," he said. The twinkle in his eye gave away his illusion of somberness.

"Where did you go?"

"Away. I needed to clear my head. Nathan told me you were sick, and I was worried about you," he said.

"Haley is too, but we'll be fine. Please don't take Jenny away. I can't live without her," I said. I met his eyes carefully. "Or you."

"My mom said you changed your name. Why did you do that?" he asked.

"I was tired of hiding from the truth. I'm ready now, to live like we should and be really married. It's what I want," I promised.

"What happened between you and Lucas?" he asked.

"It doesn't matter anymore. Just leftover feelings. He has a talent for finding me when I was vulnerable," I said.

"So the whole time that you wouldn't kiss me, it was because of him?" he asked.

"Only because it would be even less fair to you otherwise," I said.

"Have you talked to him since?"

"Yes. He came here a few days ago. We sorted out our feelings, and I think we can really be friends again. I think being friends might actually work really well for us," I admitted. Slowly he moved from sitting on the chair to on the bed.

"What do you really want, Peyton?" he asked.

"I want life to fall back into place. I want you to hold me like you did when I came back from New York. I want my nausea to stop. I want you to want me, and I want your trust back," I said.

"I trust you. I just don't trust my trust," he said.

"Someday?" I asked.

"In about five minutes," he admitted, after a pause.

"I want you to know that during prom I was only thinking of you. I'd already given up on him. That evening, and what we did meant everything to me," I said. "And I've still never with Lucas."

"Good. Peyton Jagielski-it has a nice ring. I figured you'd stick with Sawyer," he said.

"I thought about hyphenating, but that only makes sense in the first generation. If Jenny's last name was Jagielski-Sawyer and she married a guy, say Fred James Scott their kids would be Jagielski-James-Sawyer Scott," I said. He looked at me strangely.

"Could we go back to the way things were?" I asked him.

"Do you really want to?" he asked in slight surprise. I thought about that.

"No. I want you to be who you were before your found out what a horrible person I can be and I want me to be me like before we got married. Remember how much fun we had?" I asked.

"We weren't ready," he said dully.

"Maybe we weren't. But we are now."

On his lap, Jenny stirred. Stretching out her mouth opened in a yawn that filled the silent room. She twisted around to look at the face belonging to the arms that held her.

"Daddy!" she cried in excitement.

"I was so mad at you when I got to mom and she said you had Jenny," he said ruefully.

"I had to. I was beginning to fear that coming back for your wife wasn't a big enough motive, so I figured that if your wife and daughter were a package deal my chances would increase," I said.

"Yeah," he said. He touched one of my curls and twirled it around his index finger. It wasn't much, but it was everything.

After dark the six of us gathered at the beach-Nathan, Haley, Luke, Brooke, Jake and I. Mouth was even allowed as an honourary member to our group.

We built a fire and sat around it, magically separating into couples grouped together. I sat in between Jake's legs, Haley and Nathan sat side by side, their arms around each other. Brooke was sitting in Mouth's lap, and Lucas was alone. We were silent, in a mix of mourning and joy. It was a wake in so many ways.

Brooke and Mouth were leaving for New York in the morning. Luke was going to university on scholarship to pursue his basketball dreams. Haley and Nathan were relocating to California. Jake and I would be hopelessly alone.

"Do you realize that at one time or another, all of you have kissed two of each other?" asked Mouth suddenly, breaking the silence. I glanced around at them as we all silently calculated.

"Hey, I haven't," said Haley.

"We kissed on the Auction night," said Lucas.

"Yeah, but that was platonic," she protested.

"Well if that's the rule of the night…" I said, laughing. Jake laughed behind me.

"What?"

"Oh, well I've kissed you, Nathan, Lucas, Jake and Brooke, technically," I said, cringing.

"Hey, all but me!" said Haley.

"Well, who knows…" said Brooke.

"Please do," said Lucas. I saw Brooke reach out and slap his arm.

"First of all you don't know me and second of all, you don't know me," my mind suddenly said to me. Memories flashed through my head.

"Guess who I went out with tonight? I'll tell you. Lucas."

"So how's the tutoring going? You're tutoring Nathan, right?"

"You submitted my sketches to Thud magazine!"

"You say a lot when you keep your mouth shut."

"And they liked them, didn't they?"

"Don't worry, I'll keep mine shut too."

"I know we don't exactly run with the same crowd but if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here."

"Back when I first met you, I was dating Nathan and he was a pretty bad guy. Who knew the two of you could switch places?"

"Nathan and I got married last night."

"Mostly being with you."

"Wedding usually start late, right?"

"Hey! Walking here!"

"I want to call a truce. A real one."

"Like you weren't aiming."

"I finally saw you clearly last night! They way you're treating your brother, and the way you're playing that girl!"

"You aren't on that list."

The last flash caused me to giggle. They stopped their conversation and looked oddly at me.

"Just strolling down memory lane," I said sappily.

"Remember the time I tried to draw flyers for open mic night?" asked Haley.

"Yeah. And when we played water balloons on the roof?"

I wouldn't give up my daughter or my husband for the world. But maybe this, being beloved in a circle of friends, would last just as long and be almost as good? Maybe my choices hadn't led me down the wrong path.

(Not the end.)