I am back and updating TQFTL!! (Spiffy abbreviation, is it not?) Well... I was in a pretty random mood, so this is probably the most senseless chapter to date... but I still like it! Anyway... enjoy!
--------------------------
Zelos: So before, you thought you were the man...
Lloyd: I thought I was cool.
Zelos: Lloyd, I just gained a new respect for you.
Lloyd: And that's supposed to make me happy?
Zelos: Yep. Take pride in the fact that thanks to you, people like me shine even more!
Lloyd: Oh, that's a compliment!
Zelos: Huh?
Lloyd: 'Cause Sheena said you were a complete moron!
--------------------------
Disclaimer: I own..............the plot of this story! As for the characters, setting, etc... not so much. That's aaaaall Namco's.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Quest for True LoveChapter VI: You Idiot! – Heimdall
Zelos and Sheena were making their way through the Ymir Forest... not an easy task as it is, but a certain distracting someone had a tendency to make some challenges even more difficult. "Zelos, will you hurry it up!" Sheena shouted, finding herself turning around to catch sight of the wandering Chosen for about the umpteenth time since they entered the forest.
For a completely unknown reason, Zelos was giggling to himself as he took in each detail of the forest's nature. He suddenly began speaking, though not in his usual voice; he was speaking in a foreign accent of some kind, "Now, suppose I am in the jungle!" he exclaimed joyfully in his phoney accent. Sheena found herself unable to grasp exactly what was going through the Chosen's mind... and yet, she could not help but watch as she was intrigued. Did Zelos have some kind of strange allergic reaction to the Ymir Forest's plant's pollen, or something? "Suppose I am the jungle," he repeated before adding a rather disturbing statement, "Suppose I am pregnant in the jungle!"
"What!?" Sheena shrieked, absolutely oblivious as to what the hell point he was making. The screeches of several birds were heard after Sheena's outburst, as well as the flapping of their wings as they flew away... far away.
Zelos calmly waved his hand, silencing Sheena as he continued his lecture, "Now... suppose that I am Rh positive, but my baby is Rh negative. Now, this is not good!" he persisted, never losing the unnatural accent, "Because I am in the jungle! There are no doctors in the jungle!"
"Zelos, for the love of... cut this out! I have no clue what you're talking about!" Sheena demanded, but to no avail; Zelos simply continued his tangent, and insisted that 'his baby' would be doomed. The heat of frustration was growing inside of Sheena's body, and she could hold it in no more. "Snap out of it!!" she ordered again, only this time she assured his response by giving him a swift slap across the face.
"Aah! My precious face!!" Zelos whined, holding his hand up to the red mark left across his left cheek.
Without being fazed by the Chosen's complaints, Sheena simply stared at him, still lost in confusion, "What was that all about?"
Gently stroking his precious visage, Zelos found the strength to explain, "Oh... well, I had this biology teacher at the Imperial Research Academy who talked in an accent like that, and also said 'suppose', and once put herself in the situation of being pregnant in the jungle with some blood issues. I guess being in this forest brought back memories of the jungle!" he said with a laugh, "Yep... you know, she once gave another situation where it would be bad to be in the jungle--"
Sheena sighed agitatedly, "Save it for later," she said, raising her hand to silence Zelos.
"Your loss," insisted Zelos, prancing ahead of Sheena towards the hidden, elven village. The summoner swiftly caught up with Zelos and they actually travelling together again... not in separate directions, not getting lost, not goofing off; just moving in the correct direction. Talk about relief for Sheena, eh?
At long last, they had reached the entrance to Heimdall, which was guarded by two elves who were currently absorbed in an intense game of checkers. Paying no heed to the unfocussed lookouts, Sheena and Zelos let themselves into the village. "Hold on!" one of the guards shouted suddenly, springing up from his seat on the ground.
The second guard's eyes widened in horror as the checkers board was overturned. "Dude!!" he exclaimed, "You completely ruined our game!"
"Dude," Guard #1 mocked, looking back at his partner in crime... er... security, "Who cares?! There are intruders!!"
"So?"
"So..." Guard #1 growled, his right eyebrow twitching slightly, "They are humans!!"
Guard #2 seemed rather perplexed to say the least, "That doesn't matter if they're pretty humans."
Sheena blushed.
The second guard looked at Sheena, confused once again, "Huh? Oh, I wasn't referring to you! I was talking to your handsome friend over there!" the elf winked in Zelos' general direction.
Zelos was horrified.
"Get a hold of yourself, man!" Guard #1 shouted, bitch-slapping his partner across the face, "Prettiness has nothing to do with anything if we're talking about humans!" he persisted, once again putting the emphasis on the word 'humans'.
"What are you talking about, dude?" Guard #2 questioned, "The only reason that humans were banned was because Mithos was such a fugmo!" Sirens were alarmed; elves scurried from place to place; uninvented police squad cars were released. My God, someone in Heimdall mentioned Mithos! Guard #2 suddenly realized what he said, and so, he gulped, "Uh oh..." And with that, Guard #2 dashed out into the Ymir Forest, followed by a mob of angry elves that were raising clubs made of sacred wood in the air, along with flaming torches and pitchforks! Wait... forget about the pitchforks... um... spears! Yeah! They were waving spears around!
The serene village was... well... once again serene as the commotion vanished into the depths of the jungle. "That was rather uncalled for," Sheena stated aloud, staring blankly towards Ymir Forest.
"Tell me about it!" Zelos whined, still stuck on the fact that a male had called him handsome in a suggestive manner, "A guy came on to meee! Ewww... I feel so dirty!" the Chosen/homophobe griped, "Need... cleanliness..." he then proceeded to jump into the river running through Heimdall. Sheena cautiously approached the water body and looked down as Zelos' popped up from beneath the water's surface. "All better!" he exclaimed with a wide grin.
Sheena could simply shake her head, "This has got to be the most random thing that I have ever experienced."
Zelos climbed out of the river and spurted water out of his mouth like a fountain. He then shook his legs one at a time, trying to get all of the water out, "Ah, man. Now I'm all wet!" he complained, wringing out his oh-so-beautiful red hair.
"I wonder why," Sheena murmured with a roll of her eyes.
"Hmph. No need to get all sarcastic on me," pouted Zelos, "Come on. Let's go find some chicks!" he suggested, returning to his womanizing persona as he walked across the bridge—still sopping wet, mind you. Sheena followed him without comment, since this entire journey was all about 'finding chicks', as Zelos put it. "Why hello, lovely lady!" Zelos greeted an elf from behind.
The woman turned around, and as soon as she noticed that it was a human who had come onto her, she began backing up against the sheets that were hanging from her clothes like, "What do you think you are doing!?" she screamed.
"Whoa, whoa, relax!" Zelos assured, "I'm just greeting you, is all!"
The elven girl glared at him, "Yeah, sure... suggestively!"
"Oh, please," the Chosen rested his hand against the sheets... which, quite frankly, was not a good idea, because he fell over, pulling the freshly cleaned bedding down with him, "Aah!!"
This, naturally, only strengthened the elf's anger, "My sheets! I had just cleaned those, and now they're all wet and muddy!" The woman placed her hands firmly on her hips as she stared down at Zelos, "Clean them."
"But I..."
"Clean them!!" she yelled, quickly picking up the sheets and whipping the fallen Chosen with them. Zelos yelped, scrambling to his feet and accepting the dirty laundry with any more objections. The elf cackled evilly for no apparent reason as Zelos and Sheena made their way to the ol' watering hole where they would clean up the mess that Zelos made.
Sheena dunked the sheets into the water as the chore-handicapped Chosen let his eyes wander about the village area. "Honestly, Zelos!" Sheena scolded, scrubbing out the mud stains, "You need to think before you act, or else-- What are you doing??"
Naturally, Zelos was paying no attention to Sheena, because he had caught sight of a lovely young elf-woman sitting alone on a bench! Perhaps this is what Sheena meant by 'think before you act'... "Greetings, my beauteous hunny!"
The woman looked up from the book that she was reading and gaped in utter shock that an outsider had the nerve to hit on her. The situation seemed completely familiar, and yet Zelos did not feel the need to back down. "Are you... You fool! You shouldn't do that here!" she warned, not wanting to inflict any physical pain on Zelos, thinking that just maybe he was innocent and did not realize that humans were frowned upon in Heimdall.
"Oh, have a little fun!" Zelos persisted.
Frantically looking for some escape from Zelos' advances, the elf glanced about and caught sight of Sheena, "You... you can't be coming onto me, you have a girlfriend right over there, do you not??"
"Huh?" Zelos turned towards where the elf-girl was looking, and from what he saw, there was no possible girlfriend there; just Sheena. Unless... "Ha! Are you serious? That violent banshee's not my girlfriend!" a sly smirk crossed the Chosen's face as he held his hand up to his chin and scratched it in consideration, "She's just my sex toy."
Both Sheena and the elven girl were completely taken aback by Zelos' rather blunt and unnecessary response. "Zelos!!" Sheena shrieked, "Watch your vulgarity!"
"What I'm only being honemmmph!!" Zelos' final word was muffled when Sheena threw the soaking sheets over his head.
"The sheets are clean! Let's get going!" Sheena tightened the bedding around him, "I-I'm sorry for the trouble," she apologized quickly to elf before dragging Zelos off towards the first woman he had hit on. When the reached the elf's home, Sheena pulled the sheets off of Zelos and handed them to the woman, "Sorry about Zelos' actions; he doesn't think before he acts. I can assure you that he won't be causing anymore trouble in Heimdall." Without awaiting a reply from the elf, Sheena once again dragged Zelos away, only this time it was towards the village's entrance... and Zelos was able to scream his objections.
"Sheeeeenaaaa! That didn't seem like a needed reaction..." he moaned.
Sheena sighed, "Zelos, elves aren't going to accept you as a romantic interest. There's too much conflict between races."
"Are you kidding me?!" Zelos held his thumb and index finger about a millimetre apart, "I was this close to getting one of them to marry me!"
"You idiot!!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Heh, heh... I'm very amused by this chapter. But that may just be me and my – once again – random mood. Well, here are the answers to reviews:
To jellybeanz225 – Good to know you enjoyed the chapter! (takes note to make Kratos and Zelos use 'Cross Thrust') That shall crack me up for a very long time...
To Justin T. Melanson – Heh, yeah. I'm not too good at hiding future plots, am I? But then again, this is mostly about the humour, right? Glad you like it!
To Chosen One 2 Rise – I gotta stick to the game close, dude. Well... truth be told, I normally didn't, so this fic is a breakthrough for me! XD
To Crystal Tears (or whatever you may be now. XD) – I'm not sure if it's that I update too slowly, or that you change your penname too much! (laughs at her own comment because she is pathetic) And yay for the story Good Times!
To Zelda's Fox 38 – Damn straight Zelos the shizzle!
To potter29vo – Hmm... not sure if the lack of criticism is good because I'm writing well, or bad because I have no guidelines to improve with... (smiles) Works either way! Yeah, Zelos and Igaguri both seem pretty light-hearted in personality.
To Cerse Liminara – Aww... you're so mean to Zelos! XD Always laughing at his pain/death/more pain...
To Luv2Game – Now the mystery is... where are they going next?? Mwahahaha! I did not mention it in this chapter! (laughs maniacally once again, then chokes on air) Aah! Dying! o.o
To kairistwin – Glad you like it; and here's some more!
Until next time... fare thee well! Oh, and for people who like my Sheelos stories, I am indeed working on an alternate-sequel to Someone to Trust; a happy one!
