By the way this is an AU story…Monica and Chandler are still in the apt , but both have their children…someone pointed that out.

Monica picked up the box of china as the plates came sailing through the open box. Most of them were broken.

"Chandler!" she screamed. "My china , my beautiful china." she sobbed. "What happened to it Bing?" she said threateningly.

"Well a very funny thing actually. When Rachel's sister came over and we were putting the china away after their catfight, I picked up the box and the bottom fell right out of the carton. " he started to laugh.

Monica picked up a knife and started to circle Chandler like a great white shark. "Bing, I've used it before and I am not afraid to use it again." she said menacingly.

He mockingly said, "Oh you are beginning to circle me like you are a fierce predator. That makes me so hot baby."

"Bing it is no laughing matter. Your mother is coming for dinner and I wanted to use our wedding china." she moaned.

Chandler went to the cupboard and started to pull out plates . "See we are not that strapped for plates. We've got plenty of them."

At that moment, Phoebe entered the room . Tonight Mike was playing at a new club uptown and she was alone. But she did remember to bring her guitar.

"Hey guys, is Mom here yet?" she said.

"Nope but she is on the way." said Chandler. "Are you going to entertain us tonight Pheebs?"

"Yes I am , I have been working on a few new songs . They are in honor of your mother. One is titled My Man Stole My Manolo Bialoks and He Looks Better in them Than Me….and the other is Kissing My Sons Wife's Brother." Phoebe said proudly.

"Kill me , kill me now." said Chandler as he sank in the chair. He didn't want to be reminded of the weird life his mother lead. Even though Judy was mean and put down Monica, she was at least a normal mom.

"Hey Pheebs, put down the guitar and help me in the kitchen." Monica ordered.

"I would , but I really don't want to , I 'm a guest." Phoebe said.

At that moment, Ross and Rachel came into the apartment. "Is she here yet?" said Rachel excitedly. Ross was unsure of how he felt about Chandler's mother. She had always given him mixed messages. She would run her perfectly manicured fingers up and down his pants and once she even kissed him. It was very strange because Nora never went for Joey, only him.

"Not yet Rach and if I were you, I would hold onto my husband while she is around."Chandler said. "My mother has a serious Mrs. Robinson complex and she loves to pretend that Ross is Dustin Hoffman."

"The woman has taste I must say that." Ross agreed smugly.

"Yeah right , when do we eat?" said Joey as he came in and opened the refrigerator. "I haven't ate in an hour." He pulled a cold chicken leg out and began removing the skin and throwing the meat in the garbage. "Now if she really had taste , she would be after a classy guy like me." he smiled as the skin was stuck in his teeth.

"That's right Joe, she would pick you who reads comic books over a guy who has a Phd." Ross scorned.

"You had better forget about that mister, remember that you are married now , if she touches you , I would take her down." Rachel said.

"Rachel that is hot." said Ross. "Would you like to …" he said seductively.

" No one is going anywhere. Joey take that skin out of your mouth ,and why do you encourage him? You know he wants to see two women fighting most of the time."Monica said.

"Wouldn't we all." smiled Chandler. Monica looked over at him and gave him a dirty look. "Joey that is just plain wrong." he said . When she turned her head back, he mouthed , "yeah baby."

At that moment, Nora waltzed into her son and his wife's apartment. Her hair had been freshly done and she wore a Chanel suit . In her hand she carried a rather large handbag.

"Chandler darling ." she purred. She walked over to her son and kissed him on the cheek.

"Hi Mom." Chandler said. "Good flight.?' he asked casually.

"Are they ever ?" she moaned. "Now where is Monica?" she said as Monica ran from the kitchen.

"Hello Mother Bing ," she sang out with her arms out.

"Nora, darling." she purred. "I am not a Mother Bing, I am Nora . God I don't even look like I would have two grandchildren. Where are the little darlings anyway?" she said.

"They are in bed." Monica said .

"Anyway I have brought the new proofs on my book . I wouldn't mind some feedback before the public sees it." Nora took the copies of her manuscript and handed one to Chandler and one to Rachel.

"New York Passion. I like the title. What is it like Sex and the City?" asked Rachel as she eyed the cover.

Chandler read the description out loud.."Six sexy singles lovin and lustin in the Big Apple."

"Its just a little novel I finished on my last book tour. It is about a group of six people who get involved in all sorts of romances and relationships who live in New York." said Nora. "I value your opinion Chandler and Rachel you once told me how you loved my books. So that is why I gave one to you. I'd actually like you all to read them." she smiled.

"Well my reading material is usually on a higher level, but I could make an exception." smiled Ross as he flirted with Nora.

"You might want to pay attention to Ronald, I kind of used a lot of your qualities in his character." Nora said huskily.

"I have only read the Shining and Little Women , but I know there will be sexy stuff in it, so I 'll read it too."said Joey eagerly grabbing the manuscript.

"And you should notice Johnny ." said Nora. "These characters were out of my imagination, but not out of my consciousness."

" I sincerely hope Dad isn't in this book." said Chandler as he started to page through it. "Marsha looked at Robert's manly chest as she kissed it tenderly. He kissed her as his mustache tickled her face." he said then he reread it. "Holy shit, this is Monica and that big tree." he yelled.

"Johnny took Raquel in his arms after he saw Ronald and Candace making love under the tropical skies." Rachel read. "What! this is Barbados!"

"Mother did you put us in your book?" asked Chandler point blank.

"Cool I have always wanted to be a romantic heroine. " said Phoebe.

"You must understand son , I put some of your qualities and personalities in my characters." Nora tried to explain.

"Ronald , sexy paleontologist , in love with one woman , but in lust with many." Ross read as he saw the character description. "Wow, I'm sexy."

"Now I know this is a fictional book. Mother, that's called libel." screamed Chandler. "He's not any of those things."

"The character is named Ronald dear, not Ross. There is also a Marsha, Penny, Raquel, and Johnny." explained Nora.

"Who did you model after me?" Chandler said disgusted.

"Chester, the man who is in search of his sexuality , fighting a line between homo and heterosexuality." read Ross. "Sounds accurate to me."

"Oh God Mother!" Chandler sat down and held his temple. "I am having a stroke , it is definitely a stroke."

Nora stood up and walked to the door. "I have a dinner with my publisher and can't stay. I was anxious for you all to read the manuscript and tell me what you think of it. I 'll stop by in a few days and we can discuss it. My editor is convinced it is a best seller." she smiled "Bye all."