!TO THOSE THAT HAVE REVIEWED!
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The Power of a Storm
Chapter 3: Sorrow
(Outside Raven's Room)
He swallowed hard. A large lump rose in his throat, making his breathing hard. He could feel the sweat forming on his forehead. His heart was racing, and he had that same feeling in it, the same one he described to Cyborg. Each time his heart beat he could feel the lump in his throat rise. It felt like someone had put a clamp on his heart, and it was beating as hard as it could just to keep him alive. Butterflies were racing in his stomach, he had never felt so nervous before. It was almost enough to make him give up and walk away, to leave the door alone. Almost. The only thing that kept his feet rooted to that spot was the dream of what could be. Images of what things would be like after he confessed his feelings flooded his mind. Walking on the beach, holding hands, heading for a picnic as the sun set against the low hanging clouds. Raven actually smiling, being happy. All because of him. A new image flashed into his mind. The two of them standing alone, in a silent embrace, her head to his chest, his chin resting on her head. Eyes closed, arms wrapped around each other, savoring the moment, the love expressed between them. It's worth it. He swallowed hard. This is it, you can do it.
Slowly, inch by inch his hand rose, getting closer and closer to the door. After what seemed like an eternity, he finally knocked, softly. So softly that she wouldn't have heard it if she weren't on the other side of the door, pacing back and forth in front of it, waiting for him to show up.
Hearing the barely audible noise she stopped her pacing, and paused, thinking that she had imagined it. It came again, a little louder this time. She too swallowed hard, This is going to be rough on both of us.
The door slid open, revealing blackness inside. This was the second time Robin had seen the inside of her room and the first time he got a good look at it. As his eyes adjusted to the darker lighting, he looked around, seeing a dim glow light the room. Around the room in various places were candles, giving off the dim glow. Against the walls were shelves filled with many books, as well as many things he hadn't expected, including what looked like a stuffed bird. It resembled a raven almost, except that it had big, white saucers for eyes, and looked like something out of a Japanese cartoon.
Lightning flashed again, giving him a better view of the room. Off to the right, almost at the frame of the door, was the woman he had come to see. She was standing with her hood off. Her hands were crossed over her chest, and her cloak was slightly open, giving him a small view of her leotard. There was a blank, emotionless expression on her face, but her eyes revealed another story.
"Are you going to come in or just stand there?"
It took a minute for the words to register, and he felt his cheeks heat with embarrassment at his lack of focus. He moved inside and the door slammed shit. He was now alone with her, this was going to be it. He cleared his throat to speak.
"So… Raven. You said you had something you wanted to talk to me about?" He couldn't begin to hope to hide the nervousness and hope in his voice.
"Yes, and it's about…you. I've noticed that you've been acting a little strangely lately, coming to see me late at night. Taking me to get new books, doing nice things for me, things that no one does. Is there anything that you want to tell me, like why you're doing these things?"
He stood a while in silence. Thinking the answer, the whole truth running through his mind. It's because I think that you deserve someone to be kind to you, I think you deserve to have the things that make you happy. It's because no one else does these things, it's because of who you are. You're too beautiful of a person to be unhappy, to be alone. You deserve to be able to feel. I did it all because I felt sorry for you. Sorry for the sacrifice you had to make for us. You had to give up your emotions so that we'd be unharmed. You showed an immense amount of love for us and all we can do is ignore you. I did it because I think I'm in love with you.
"Raven… I…" He felt as though his tongue was trying to betray him, to deny to him what he so badly wanted to say.
(Starfire's Room)
She had long left the common room, heading for her room to be alone. This was tougher than she thought it was going to be. What I really need is something to impress him, I need to do something to really get his attention and win friend Robin's heart. She headed over to her closet, to see what she could find in there that would work. Opening the doors she saw her rack of costumes, and her small dresser next to her chest of things from Tameran. She decided to look into the chest first, to find the perfect gift for him. Down in the bottom, buried under some of her childhood mementos, she found the perfect thing, He is sure to love it!
(Beastboy's Room)
Beastboy woke up and yawned, then rolled over and found he had been sleeping on the floor. Sleepily he got up and stretched. He started heading for his door, but decided it might be better to go back to sleep. He crawled back to his bed and looked at the digital clock on his pile of laundry. It read 10:00 pm. He closed his eyes and slept.
(Raven's Room)
She hadn't said anything, she was waiting for him. It was up to him to either confirm or deny what she dreaded.
"I…" The words just wouldn't come. Breathe deep Robin, breathe deep. You can do this, you have to.
"It's because…" he started again, "…because I just… I just think that…" You're doing it, keep it up. Don't stop now. "I just think that you…deserve it. You deserve to have someone to do these nice things for you, you deserve to be happy. You deserve to have someone worry about you, and show that they care." The words just started tumbling out, Raven wondered if he even knew that he had said them.
"You're just special Raven, and I think that someone ought to recognize this, and let you know that, that there is someone out there that cares about you. I want to be this someone. I wanted to show you that I care what happens to you, that I want to make you happy. I want the best for you, I want… I want…you. I want to be with you. I want to share our lives" It was all coming out now. He spoke rapidly, barely pausing to breathe. "I want to share our sorrows, our joys, I want to share myself, and I want to you to share yourself. I want to know about your past, to understand you, to have you confide in me. I want to be able to confide in you, to be able to seek you for advice. I want you to love me…"
Silence. He hung his head down, forcing himself to say so much, to confess it exhausted him.
Raven was dumbstruck. She had been expecting a stupid crush or something, but this something she hadn't expected. It sounds like he…he…
(Starfire's Room)
She had figured it out, she'd go to his room, and leave a note on his door telling him where to find the gift. She proceeded to get changed into something more appropriate for what she had planned. Instead of her costume she donned a red dress, and put on a lighter green tanktop over the top of it. She had pulled her hair back into a ponytail that came off the back of her head and hung down, swaying as she moved her head. No make-up though, as she could not understand why someone would want to cover up their real face. She looked at her reflection in the mirror she had, and was satisfied. She picked up the note and the gift and headed for Robin's room.
(Raven's Room)
…He loves me. She finished the thought, but refused to believe it. It was too much for her. She was shocked.
"Is… is that all true Robin?"
"…Yeah. It's true." His head was still hung down, so he could not see her face. He was blushing too hard to let her see him. If he had seen her face and the look in her eyes, he wouldn't have been embarrassed.
"Robin… I'm…" Now she was the one struggling to say the words that she wanted to say. Her tongue was now committing mutiny. "I… am so sorry." He looked up, and eyebrow cocked, her words confused him.
"I'm so sorry that I have to tell you this, but..." She bit her lip, pausing briefly. "I don't feel the same. I mean you're a great guy and all, but I just can't. Even if I did feel the same, it wouldn't work. You know my emotions are dangerous. I don't feel the same, and I can't. I'm really sorry Robin, I am. But it just can't happen. I can't let it. No matter how much I want someone, someone like you, someone to love and cherish me. I just can't allow myself to shed those feelings. I can't allow myself the pain. I can't. I just can't do it. I don't, and can't love you. Not now, not ever."
It was as if someone had slapped him in the face and then dumped ice water on his head. The shock was incredible. He couldn't believe it. After all the grief he had over this, after all the courage it took to speak up, this is his reward? No. This can't be true. She's lying. She has to be. She's lying. It's not true.
"Please Raven, tell me it's not true. Tell me it's a joke."
She sighed long and hard. "…I can't."
Rage built up inside him. His disbelief had turned to anger. He tried to control it, but it was just too much for him, the fact that the only thing he had really wanted, the only woman he had ever loved, had denied him, it made him too angry to suppress.
"FINE RAVEN! FINE!" His rage had exploded out of him. It was beyond his control. "HAVE IT YOUR WAY! HAVE IT YOUR WAY YET AGAIN! I WON'T BOTHER YOU ANYMORE! GO BACK TO YOUR BOOKS, GO BACK TO YOUR SELFISH WAYS! GO AHEAD AND BURY YOUR EMOTIONS, DON'T CARE! I WON'T EITHER! YOU SAY THAT YOU WANT SOMEONE TO CARE FOR YOU RAVEN! BUT YOU DENY THE ONE GUY THAT DOES! YOU'RE SELFISH! YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME! YOU'RE NOT EVEN HUMAN! YOU'RE JUST A HEARTLESS BITCH!"
Silence. He had crossed the line. Calling her inhuman hit a tender spot in her. She never let on about her half-demon heritage, a constant source of her misery, the source of her curse. He stood with his shoulders hunched, breathing hard. He hadn't meant to yell, but her reaction just infuriated him. He looked at her eyes, and all his anger faded away in an instant. Tears had begun to well up in her eyes, and were leaking down her face. Various objects in her room started getting a black aura around them.
"Raven no, I'm sorry. Please no, I… I didn't mean it, I just…"
"Go." She interrupted him with that one word. All her regret, all her guilt, all her sorrow, and all her anger had been packed into that one word. The sharpness of her word cut into him, Robin never knew that one word could hurt so much.
"Raven…please…"
"GO!" Things started flying off the shelves, heading for him. A book came from the right, aimed at his ribs, while the raven doll came from the left, going for his head. He ducked low to avoid the two objects, but more were coming his way.
"GO! …Just…go" There was no more anger in her voice, only fatigue. The objects heading for him stopped and crashed to the ground. She hung her head down and turned away, pulling her hood over her as she did. She had withdrawn from him, from this whole thing, in a physical and mental manner. The tears fell silently from her face, and she said not one word. She just stood transfixed to the spot.
"Raven… no…I…" He moved towards her, only to be stopped by a magic barrier. There was no use. She started to glide away from him, leaving the barrier behind. The barrier grew in size and started pushing him towards the door. Robin struggled against it, but it was no use. He couldn't get to her. Not now, not after what he had said. He turned slowly towards the door, defeated and started to leave.
He paused at the door, and turned his head slightly. "You know Raven, you can express your emotions." His voice too conveyed fatigue, fatigue and pain. "You just have to accept them. I see you smile here and there, showing some happiness, and nothing would blow up. Your denial of your feelings is what is dangerous, not the feelings themselves." He waited to see if she would respond, but not a sound came from her. He left, letting the door close behind him. He walked to his room, never once looking back. As he came around the corner to his room, a tear slipped down his cheek. He stopped and leaned against the wall, and let himself slump to the floor. He buried his head in his knees. This can't be real…it must be a bad dream. She wouldn't, couldn't do that. Not to a friend. I can't believe I did that. He sat in silence, letting the tears fall, waiting for the bad dream to end, beating himself up while he waited.
(?)
Starfire had hidden herself where Robin could not see her, but she could see him when he came for his gift. She waited for him to arrive, to take the gift and get the surprise that came with it. She looked at the clock on the wall that read 10:15. Where is he?
(Raven's Room)
She continued to cry, not caring what broke, or what happened. It broke her heart to do that to him, to break his heart. She couldn't even tell him the other reason she couldn't be with him, her secret. Guilt, Regret, and Sorrow. These were the only things she could feel now. She cried herself to exhaustion, and finally falling asleep, not noticing that nothing in her room had moved since Robin left.
(Outside Robin's Room)
He had finally dragged himself up, and slowly moved toward his room. He rested his head against the door, and punched in the code to open it. He trudged inside, not noticing the note that had been taped to the door.
He dragged his feet to his bed, slowly shuffling his way, and flopped down on his stomach. He closed his eyes and tried to drift off to sleep, but it would not come. He was haunted by his thoughts. Over and over he went over the scene with Raven, trying to figure out what he did wrong. I must have given her the wrong impression somewhere. No matter how many times he tried, he could not find a reason why it would be his fault. He couldn't figure out what he did to make her deny him. He got back up, and removed his clothes. He didn't have the strength to take a shower so he merely pulled on some boxers to sleep in, removed his mask, and flopped back down on the bed. His alarm clock read midnight. Still he could not sleep. He had been tossing and turning for what to him was an eternity. All he could think about was Raven. He kept telling himself that it was over. He would have to move on. There was nothing left to do, but his heart would still ache. It ached in sorrow, and longing. He couldn't help it, he was still in love. It was immature of him to expect that the pain would go away simply because he wanted it to, or that he simply could stop loving her, but he tried to believe it nonetheless. He finally sat up, his mind racked with frustration.
"I CAN'T TAKE THIS!" His sudden outburst surprised him, it was as if his body was acting on its own. He listened to find out if anyone had woken up. All was still silent. He felt better having let some of the pain out in his scream, but his heart still felt like it had been torn in half. Robin got up and headed to his bathroom.
He paused in front of the mirror and gazed at his reflection, shocked at the miserable state of himself. His eyes, no longer hidden by the mask were bright red, barely any white visible. The area around them was swollen and puffy looking and was also a bright red. There were lines of red flesh where the tears had fallen. His whole face felt like it had been sunburned, his skin felt tight and it burned in many places. It looked like his face had had a war with the sun, and lost terribly. He splashed water on his face, to sooth the sting and burn where his tears had fallen.
Robin again looked at his reflection, it still looked like hell. Anger rose in him. It's not fair. It's not fair! It's not fair! IT'S! NOT! FAIR! Angry at what had happened, that he couldn't control his feelings, that all of his misery was her fault, he lashed out at his reflection. He punched the mirror as hard as he could, sending deep cracks all through the mirror.
"I HATE YOU! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO FEEL THIS WAY? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? IT'S JUST A GIRL! WHY ARE YOU SO WEAK? WHY DO YOU CARE SO DAMN MUCH?"
He hated himself, he hated what he saw. The cracks in the mirror only made it worse. Now he could see several Robins, each more pathetic looking than the last. He threw his toothbrush, his comb, his gel bottle, anything that he could grab, all in an attempt to destroy the men he saw in the mirror. He picked up a plunger, and held it ready to strike the mirror one final blow, to shatter his cursed reflection, but hesitated. He saw bits and pieces of himself, saw the expression on his face. Disgust hit him in sickening waves. He let out a sigh, and relaxed his muscles. His arms fell down to his sides, his neck collapsed and his head hung low. The plunger fell from his hand and landed on the floor with a clang. He looked up slowly to see the mess he had caused.
Bottles were broken, the mirror was a spider web, giving bits and pieces of his reflection. The pieces were barely big enough to show the color of his skin. His gel was all over the sink, bits of glass from the bottles had gotten all over the floor, down the sink drain, everywhere. It looked horrible, but the mess still couldn't compare to the way he felt inside.
Robin fell to the floor, into the horrible mess he had created. He lay there curled up in a fetal position, not thinking, not moving. He was simply there. He existed. All his energy had left him, he had nothing left in him. He was a shell of his former self, incapable of action. Finally, exhaustion overtook him, and he slept, right there in the bathroom, lying in his own personal hell that his feelings had made for himself. The clock next to the bed gave a beep. It now read 1:00 am.
Outside the thunder roared. The sound resonated and intensified as it echoed. As the echoes spread the thunder roared again. Windows rattle violently, threatening to break. The sky sounded as though it was being torn apart, ripped into pieces and it was screaming its outrage.
You all should know the drill, hit the little blue button. And thanks for reading. I really appreciate it.
