If Visser Three had a crazy wife
Visser Three comes back to the mother ship after visiting the Earth's Yeerk-pool and goes to his own quarters. As soon as he steps in through the door, he feels an impact in the back of his head.
Dang! Visser Three's angry wife hit her husband with a frying-pan.
"All right fur-butt! Where have you been all night? And why the hell do you come home on all fours!"
Visser Three claps his hands together and begs his wife: "Wife dear, don't hit me with that frying-pan anymore!" Bong! "And don't hit with the rolling-pin either!"
Wife shakes her frying-pan: "Start explaining!"
Visser crouches in fear: "I was visiting the Earth's Yeerk-pool and the Andalite-bandits attacked there! I wasn't able to leave earlier! And dear, of course I come home on all fours, my host is quadruped. In the name of everything that is sacred, DON'T HIT ME WITH THAT FRYING-PAN!"
Wife hangs the frying-pan in her right hand on her battle-belt: "All right, but I won't give up the rolling-pin."
Wife pulls a dracon beam-weapon with her right hand from her battle-belt, and Visser Three's eyes spread from horror: "Dear, what are you going to do?"
TSEEEW! Visser dodges: "Aah! Don't shoot!"
TSEEEW! Visser runs away and his wife follows shooting and waving her rolling-pin: "Come back, you slime ball, earworm, slug! I'm going to make fish food out of you and I'm going to go fishing!"
Visser keeps running:"Why do I have a wife, who likes fishing? Mother, father! Uncle! Aunt! Granny! Cousin! Little brother! Great-grandmother! Andalites! Anybody! Help me, my wife is having a fit of rage!"
Wife shouts:"Nobody is going to help you, they're too much afraid of me!"
Both of them run along the corridor out of sight.
Author Note: Lesson of the story: If you're a Yeerk, make sure that your wife isn't interested in fishing, and isn't (completely) psychopathic.
All readers please Review!
Kirjoittajan Muistio: Tarinan opetus: Jos olet yeerk, varmista, että Wifesi ei ole kiinnostunut kalastamisesta, eikä ole (täysin) psykopaattinen.
Kaikki lukijat, olkaa hyvä ja Arvostelkaa!
Postscript on Monday 27th of June 2005: I fixed the "text message language" that had bothered some of my readers. It was just the only way I knew how to get the woman's speech appear "unusual", because in the story's original Finnish version she spoke a weird dialect…
Jälkikirjoitus Maanantaina 27. kesäkuuta 2005: Korjasin "tekstiviesti kielen" joka oli vaivannut joitakin lukijoistani. Se oli vain ainoa tapa, jolla tiesin kuinka saada naisen puheen vaikuttamaan epätavalliselta, koska tarinan suomenkielisessä versiossa hän puhui erikoista murretta...
