The Silmarillion For Dummies
A/N: In response to WannabeActress's review, you're right. The deer are carbon-based life forms. However, they were there. So were many other kinds of animals. The Valar were talking about THE carbon-based life forms; in other words, the Elves. Sorry for the confusion.
Chapter Two: Of Aule and Yavanna
One day, while Yavanna was tending her little garden in Valimar, Aule put down the clay he'd been molding and said, "Honey, I'm bored."
Yavanna, busy pruning the bushes, smiled. "That's nice, dear," she said off-handedly.
Aule gazed at the clay sitting in the grass in front of him. He noticed that it looked vaguely like a short, bulky Vala.
An idea began forming in his brain.
Why didn't he just make his own carbon-based life forms? He could teach them smithing, and take care of them, and he could use earth to make them!
He looked up at Yavanna. "Hey, have there been any sightings of the life forms yet?"
"Nope," Yavanna replied, clipping some wayward branches from a rosebush.
"Well, what if I made my own?" he asked. He then launched into a long explanation of what he would do with them, what he could accomplish. He decided he would only tell her, since she was his wife, and everyone else would probably scold him. He could just hear Ulmo - "What dost thou think thou art doing? How darest thou defy Illuvatar's will in such a blasphemous manner?" (Ulmo enjoyed using what Manwe called "fancy-speak".)
When he finished, he looked at Yavanna. She was calmly yanking weeds from the soil. "Well?" he asked.
"Hmmm?" she asked.
"Weren't you listening?" he demanded.
"What?" she said. She looked at him and grinned. "Oh, yes. Very nice, dear."
Aule sighed. As usual, she hadn't heard a word he'd said.
He went off into the mountains to make his own beings.
He had to think about how he was going to make them. They had to be strong and sturdy. They had to be tough and long-lasting. They had to be able to withstand Melkor and able to lift heavy objects so he wouldn't have to.
"I got it!" he cried triumphantly, snapping his fingers.
A couple days later, he had the first seven Dwarves standing in front of him. None of them were named Grouchy, Dopey, or Doc, the author can assure you. Those Dwarves don't exist in this world.
Just as Aule was putting the finishing touches on the last one, he heard Eru's voice. "What are you doing?" he roared.
"Ah, well - you see - I just - and then -"
"You got tired of waiting for the life forms?" asked Eru.
Aule nodded meekly.
"So you made your own?"
"So I made my own."
"You do know that these guys are pretty much statues, don't you? I mean, they won't move unless you tell them to, they won't think, they won't even sneeze without you telling them to."
"Why would I make them sneeze?" asked Aule, sounding very confused.
"I don't know," Eru said incredulously. "It was just an example!"
"Oh. They wouldn't even blink on their own?"
"Nope."
"What have I done?" gasped Aule in horror. "I made things that can't even blink! How could anyone live with such irritated eyes?" He grabbed a giant hammer and got ready to destroy the Dwarves, because it would be torturous for the Dwarves to not be able to blink, as no one had invented eye drops yet.
The Dwarves shrank back in fear, their eyes wide and terrified. Shocked, Aule dropped the hammer on his foot. After hopping around and shouting, "Ow!" for a few moments, he said, "Wait a minute! I thought you said they couldn't move on their own!"
"Idiot!" yelled Eru. "I made them come to life! But since it's not time for them to be around yet, I'm going to put them into a deep sleep until the Firstborn come."
"Firstborn?"
"You know, the carbon-based life forms!"
"Oh, those guys. Any chance you could tell me when they're gonna show up?"
"No. That's confidential material. Can't say."
Aule sighed. "Thanks, anyway."
"All righty, then. Bye!"
"Bye," Aule replied, sounding dismayed.
"Hey, Nienna does enough angst as it is. Don't add to it," Eru advised.
So Eru put them to sleep and Aule put them in a safe place. Then, Aule went back to Yavanna, who was planting a bunch of flowers. He told her about the Dwarves and his conversation with Eru.
"You should have told me about it before!" she said. "Now they won't appreciate nature, and they'll cut down my trees!" She sniffled.
"I did tell you!" he protested. "You never pay any attention to me! If you did, you would have heard about them before."
Yavanna sniffed. "Oh, well. In any case, they won't take care of my forests."
"When they come, they'll use whatever they need. This stuff is made for them, if you remember. That was the point of the interior decorating!"
Yavanna was still troubled, so she went to talk to Manwe.
"Is it true that the life forms will be able to do whatever they want with my creations?" she asked.
Manwe, who was at the time playing with a paddleball, said, "Yeah, I think so."
"Well that's not fair!" she protested.
Manwe shrugged.
"I mean, at least the animals can run away! The trees are going to be stuck where they are, and they're going to kill them all! They're murderers!" Angry and pouty, she went back home.
Eru then sent the Song to Manwe once more, and Manwe noticed something he didn't notice before.
He went to the Two Trees to see Yavanna.
"Eru told me that your stuff will be okay. There will be some life forms that will take care of them."
"Really?" she snuffled.
"Really," he confirmed, smacking the ball furiously with the paddle. "Did you know, we made something together, and they'll protect the forests for the most part."
"Rangers?" asked Yavanna hopefully.
Manwe shook his head. "Nope. Eagles."
"Eagles?" she repeated.
"Eagles."
"Then I'll make my trees really tall, so that the Eagles can live in them!"
"Sorry. Only Aule's trees will be tall enough," Manwe said, concentrating on the toy.
"You mean the mountains?" Yavanna asked.
"Yep."
"Ooh! Why is it always Aule?" she said. She stomped off in a huff and went to tell Aule about it.
"Nonetheless they'll have need of wood 1," he told her. He calmly went back to his smithing.
1: The last line said by Aule is actually in the book. It is (c) J.R.R. Tolkien, p. 46 of "The Silmarillion", Second Edition, published 2001 by Houghton Mifflin.
Reviewer Responses:
Unsung Heroine: Ah, I kinda liked Galadriel in the movie, but Book!Galadriel is better. And if I were Varda, I bet Manwe would get annoying. Thank you, and please breathe!
Kalayna: Aw! (blushes) That's sweet. There you go! (points up)
Keddi: We're not, dear. I've never read Discworld, actually, though I've heard about it. I was talking about a movie. Thanks!
Miss Piratess: Aw, but torture's fun!
BanbieBunny: Thank you! I'm glad you like it. And I hope you had fun at your workshop!
Malara: Well, I'm glad you do. Yes, I have the book and am reading it as I write the chapters, so that they're accurate. Thanks!
Nawyn: Don't you just love it when those historical and mythological characters talk like us? It's fun! I'm glad you like it. Thank you!
BloodRedSorrow: Thank you!
Nessa Ar-Feiniel: Oh, I don't think it's laughter. I'm massacring his characters... He'd probably kill me if he was alive. Thank you!
Voldie on Varsity Track: I'd still like to know why you chose your pen name. No, not Turin! I updated! And I'm sorry to say that Turin's chapter won't be here. It's not exactly G-rated material, and I'm very sorry about that. Please don't be angry!
Sakura117us: Oh, sorry for the mistake. I liked that anime, too. I'm delighted that you like it! The Elves are coming soon!
Yyunesprith: Everyone's capable of going crazy, my friend! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Silver Flame of the Phoenix: There you go! I'm glad you are enjoying it. I don't think I'm brave. (cowers at heights and blood) It's just that I noticed there were no parodies, and of course, I had to do one. Thank you!
anticipationnation: Something tells me it probably would have. Thanks!
WannabeActress: Thank you! My sister actually came up with Lorien's hat being on fire. I just added the ball... I'm glad you like it!
Thank you everyone. You have no idea how much I appreciate it.
