People who are more easily triggered by this type of content should avoid reading this.

(TW): Explicit description of Self-mutilation, SH, Suicide attempts, Depressing content

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to J.K. Rowling.


The bright moon was floating above Hogwarts while the skies were still dark, the moonlight shone through the glass windows of the gryffindor dorms. Harry laid still in his bed, his covers pulled up to his neck with his green eyes puffy and swollen. The tear streaks remained on his upper cheeks as he had been walking down from the astronomy tower barely a moments ago where he had spent the night placing new cuts on his forearm, glamouring at the crimson stream that had formed on his wrists. Harry had spaced out and by the time his consciousness returned he could see the sun rising over the horizon. He took one last glance at his forearm, smiled to himself, satisfied at the pool of blood surrounding him. He quickly bandaged himself up, Harry felt sorry for stealing bundles of bandages from Madame Pomfrey but he couldn't possible ask her for help, she had enough on her hands with students getting injured left and right and on top of that he had seen her almost every week because of his damn quidditch injuries. He was glad that she still hadn't found out about his cuts, she would make a huge fuss about it and surely she wouldn't keep it a secret, it would spread to the staff then from the staff to the students then soon enough it would be the front page of the Daily Prophet, "Harry Potter the mental freak". His breaths came in short gasps and he started hyperventilating. "Maybe I'll die here." He thought to himself. Harry sat there shaking like a little leaf, his head felt heavy yet his mind was running. His panic attacks were never that bad until Sirius's death, "Sirius" even thinking about him hurt. His panic attacks started getting worse and without thinking Harry found himself leaning against the railings. Harry jumped back, shocked at what he had just almost done. "I must be mental" he muttered under his breath. He took some deep breaths and sat back down near the wall clenching his blade in his fist as if he was holding on for dear life. The cool surface of the razor made him come back to his senses, Harry stood up very slowly, dizzy but still fine, and shoved his blade and bandages back in his pockets. He stumbled around looking for his cloak but then realized that he forgot to bring his cloak along with him, he mentally swore at himself for being so idiotic. He was lucky to have not ran into Filch or Ms. Norris that night, how much fun Flich would have if he caught him roaming around the halls at night. Harry shuffled back into his bed and shut his eyes, he tried to sleep but it was always that same nightmare. "Cedric…CEDRIC! NO STOP- PLEASE!" Harry twisted around in his covers, his forehead covered in sweat. There was a blast of green light and Cedric was dead at his feet then there was a high pitched laughter and Harry turned around to see Sirius inches away from the veil, "Nice one, James!" Sirius chuckled. "SIRIUS!" Harry tried to reach out but he couldn't move, he seemed to be frozen. Sirius is hit by a green light and falls back into the veil. "SIRIUS! SIRIUS!" Now he was screaming at the top of his lungs sobbing hysterically and that seemed to have awoken Ron. "Harry?" He called out giving his friend a little nudge. "You alright there mate?" No answer. "Harry? HARRY." He gave his friend a hard nudge with his elbows and the pain woke Harry up. He was still crying and Ron looked worried, he wiped his friend's eyes with his hands and sat down next to him. "Nightmares?" Harry simply nodded, he couldn't form any words in his mouth, his throat was dry from him shouting and he was humiliated. Ron had woken up just to comfort him even over the summers, and Harry felt like a burden, more then the Dursleys said he already was, a burden to his friends and everyone else that cared for him. He didn't deserve their sympathy, they were too kind for their own good. Tears formed in his eyes again and Ron seemed to have noticed and slightly pulled him into a awkward but comforting hug. They stayed like this for a few minutes until Harry seemed to have fallen back asleep and Ron decided to go back up to his bed. "Harry. Harry! HARRY!" Ron pulled open the curtains and shook his friend. "Merlins beard Ron, what's wrong?!" Harry said as he pulled out his wand. Ron was concerned about his friends reaction but continued on, "You're going to be late for class mate" He said still shaking him. Harry tossed his covers up and turned around, "Tell Professor McGonagall that I'm ill." He muttered while shaking his head. "You should really go see Madame Pomfrey, Harry. You have been looking a bit sickly ever since you came to the burrow." Ron told him, concern for his friend written all over his face. "No, it's fine, Ron. I just don't feel like it ok." Ron seemed to have gave in "Alright then, mate. See you at the Great Hall for lunch?" "Of course." Harry replied not really promising anything. Ron smiled and left. Harry, with nothing left to do, headed up towards the Astronomy Tower, he sat down on the stone floor and this familiar place gave him so much comfort. Harry pulled up his sleeve, 5 new cuts, One for Cedric, Sirius, two for lying to Ron and Professor McGonagall, and the last one for being a burden. Harry looked down at ground, there was a lot of height between the grass and him. Without thinking Harry was already over the railings, his knuckles white from holding onto the banisters with such force. He leapt over the railings again and fell on the stone floor, his hands were shaking and he felt another panic attack wash over him. He could barely breathe and each breath came in with a sharp sting in his lungs. Harry looked down at the grass longingly, there was nothing to live for anymore, anyone who came close to him would die, and he was only being a pain and a burden to his loved ones. With no other thought, Harry jumped.