Everybody's Losing it

"I WANT SGT. SNUFFLES!" Beach Head raged. The four Joes had retreated to the jungle in the aftermath of the vicious Cobra attack.

It took Flint, Gung Ho and Tunnel Rat to keep him in one place. "WE GOTTA GO BACK FOR THE SEARGEANT!" Beach Head screamed.

"We didn't have time!" Tunnel Rat said. "We were getting our butts kicked by those Cobra Creeps when our weapons froze up!"

"Good thing we had plenty of grenades," Gung Ho grinned.

"Yeah but we still couldn't stop the snakes from taking over our base and getting their slimy scales on the HALO device," Flint sighed. "Is it me or were they even more vicious than usual?"

"Yeah and I don't mean those creepy clawed guys," Gung Ho said. "I don't what was driving them to fight like that but it can't be good."

"We have to move out and report back to headquarters," Flint said.

"But we can't leave a man behind!" Beach Head shouted.

"All right! All right! If it will make you feel any better Beach, I will go back and get the bear…"

"His name is Sgt. Snuffles!" Beach Head snapped.

"Fine I'll get the Sgt. Snuffles while the rest of you get back to headquarters!" Tunnel Rat rolled his eyes.

"Are you sure you wanna do this?" Flint asked.

"Anything is better than hanging around Beach Head when he's going through teddy bear withdrawal!" Tunnel Rat went off. "Don't worry, I'll be fine!"

"All right! Stay strong Sgt. Snuffles, we'll come back for you…" Beach Head said.

"Okay Beach Head we are definitely making you see the shrink when we get back," Flint groaned.

"Who do you think made him this way in the first place?" Gung Ho asked.

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"Another example of creative writing in the movie?" Avalanche asked Hawk.

"Yeah, like we were gonna tell people that we sent a man out to recover a teddy bear," Hawk sighed. "Meanwhile things were getting bad to worse. Especially for me."

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"What do you mean the Joes trashed the entire base?" Cobra Commander screamed at the console. On the monitor were Slice and Dice and a very ruined GI Joe base.

"Exactly what it means sir," Slice gulped. "But we've already got our BATS and finest technicians on the case!"

"Hey what does this red wire do?" Someone shouted off camera. "YEOWWWWWW!"

"Don't worry Commander," Slash said. "We will put together a working launcher within a day or so."

"Okay that didn't work…" A very wobbly voice moaned. "Let's try the blue wire. OWWWWW! Okay…The red wire….OH MOMMY THAT HURTS!"

"You idiot!" Another voice shouted. "It's the green wire. YEOOOOWWWWWWWWWW! Okay…Maybe we should try the blue wire again…"

"Or maybe a little more," Slash sighed. "But we will have it fully operational."

"OWWWWWWWW! Red wire! OWWWW! Blue wire! OWWWW! Oh it's the yellow wire! OWWWWW! Red wire? OWWWWWWW!"

"Eventually…" Slash sighed.

"But we still need the access command codes," Slice said.

"Don't worry," Cobra Commander waved. "I've already got someone to take care of that. Don't I General Hawk?" He looked over to where Hawk was held prisoner. "OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!"

On top of Hawk licking his face was Gary. "NO GARY! BAD GARY! BAD!" Cobra Commander shouted as he tried to pull him off. "DOWN BOY! DOWN!"

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"IT'S NOT THAT FUNNY!" Hawk screamed at the laughing Misfits.

"Oh come on Hawk!" Roadblock snickered. "You gotta admit the worst thing Cobra threatening you with is an oversexed mutated moron is pretty funny!"

"Well it isn't!" Hawk snapped.

"I have a question!" Blob raised his hand. "What about that Kamakura guy? Is he real or did the writers make him up too?"

"Actually there is someone named Kamakura and he did become Snake Eye's pupil," Roadblock said. "But that happened five years after the events you saw in the movie and he's a lot more intense than the film version."

"Translation: He's not an egotistical bumbling apprentice," Wavedancer said.

"And he wasn't thrilled when he learned where his namesake came from," Hawk said.

"You knew about him?" Toad asked Wavedancer. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"You never asked," Wavedancer said.

"So where's he been?" Avalanche asked.

"Overseas mostly, doing undercover work for GI Joe," Wavedancer said. "Those goons Slash and Slice have been over there too. That's why you haven't seen much of them. But knowing our luck you probably will in the future."

"So all that Kamakura stuff with the sword and everything in the movie is fake?" Dragonfly asked.

"Yup, the writers made that up," Roadblock said. "Well most of it. They put in the ninja thing and the sword stuff to make what happened sound a lot more exciting."

"So what part did happen?" Quicksilver asked.

"Well…" Hawk scratched his head. "Jinx and Snake Eyes were training someone at the time…"

"Who?" Toad asked.

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"The way of the ninja is misdirection, silence and stealth…" Jinx told her sparring partner. "Not exactly your strong point!"

"I'm getting better," Bazooka said. The pile of rubble behind him implied otherwise.

"YOU BLEW A HOLE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HANGAR!" Jinx pointed to a huge hole. "YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO USE A BAZOOKA! NINJAS DON'T USE BAZOOKAS!"

"Why?" Bazooka asked.

"Because one, they didn't have bazookas in feudal Japan," Jinx explained. "Two, they're heavy and hard to hide. And three a ninja's greatest asset is stealth! Kind of hard to do that if you have a weapon you can hear three miles away when you use it!"

"But they're fun to use…." Bazooka whined.

"Snake Eyes…" Jinx moaned.

The silent black garbed ninja was currently banging his head against the wall. Next to him was another hole. "I said I was sorry…" Bazooka apologized. "But I missed you this timedidn't I?"

Snake Eyes stopped banging his head and glared at Bazooka. "Okay I think I'll go take a walk now…" Bazooka gulped. He backed away with his bazooka by his side.

"Okay Snake, you can put down the sword..." Jinx sighed. "NO YOU CAN'T COMMIT SEPPUKU! YOU'RE NOT GETTING OUT OF THIS THAT EASILY!"

"I don't care what they say, I still like my bazooka,"Bazooka walked down to the hallways of the Joe Base. "Aw nuts I lost my communicator." He looked at his wrist. "I'd better get a new one."

As he turned the corner near Hawk's office he saw a very unwelcome visitor pop out. "Prepare to die Joe!" Storm Shadow hissed.

"Uh oh…" Bazooka gulped. "This is bad."

Yes! This fic now is a hundred percent more filled with Bazooka goodness! Okay the ninja quotient is down a little. But come on, how can you not love a fic with our favorite bubble gum blowing Bazooka? Next: Bazooka and Stormshadow face off with a little help from Snake Eyes!