Nothing Goes Right Does It?

"I can't believe this!" Scarlet kicked a broken BAT head. "This base is completely totaled! It'll take months to rebuild! What else can go wrong?"

She heard something behind her. "Who's there?" She spun around and tackled the person behind her. "You? What are you doing here?"

"OW! OWIE! OWIE!" Dr. Talbot squirmed in her grasp. "Let go of me you brute!"

"Not until you explain what you're doing here!" Scarlet told him. "Civilians aren't allowed here!"

"Yeah like I'm the only one who broke that rule today!" Dr. Talbot snapped.

"I'm gonna break your arm if you don't start giving me answers," Scarlet snapped. "Question number one! What's a veterinarian from the National Zoo doing at an abandoned army base?"

"I'll bet whoever attacked my animals are the same one who trashed your secret base," Dr. Talbot said.

Scarlet let him go. "I don't know anything about a secret base."

"So the Cobras blew up this place for target practice?" Dr. Talbot asked. "Look I don't give a flying fish about the military or your secrets. The only reason I'm here is to find out why someone stole DNA samples from my animals!"

"How do you know it was Cobra?" Scarlet asked.

"This was my first clue," Dr. Talbot held up a broken BAT part with a Cobra insignia. "Look maybe I can help you figure out what's going on here! I'm not just a vet you know? I've got a degree in biochemistry and genetics."

"Then we could definitely use your help," Roadblock said. The other Joes had landed.

"Roadblock? Where's Duke? And Snake Eyes?" Scarlet asked.

"Uh…" Roadblock gulped. "Shipwreck you wanna take this one?"

"Nice try," Shipwreck folded his arms. "But I'm not gonna be the one to get beaten up. You tell her they got captured!"

"WHAT?" Scarlet shouted. She started to throttle Shipwreck.

"Jinx and Bazooka too," Alpine said. "And worse…Hawk's been mutated into some kind of monster."

"You wanna run that by me again?" Scarlet looked at them.

"Why do I have the feeling I should have stayed home and drank my vodka with some cocoa in it?" Dr. Talbot winced.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"What the hell is going on?" Wet Suit fiddled with the radio. "I can't raise the base!"

"Something really bad is going down," Deep Six frowned. "I'd bet a week's pay on it. And you know I'm not a gambling man!"

"Ooohhh," Dial Tone moaned. "Why am I still so seasick?"

"I think it has something to do with that clams and squid concoction Torpedo made," Deep Six told him. "I told you not to eat that!"

BOOM!

"What the heck was that?" Torpedo shouted.

"I think it has something to do with that hovercraft coming towards us and those guys firing lasers on the beach," Deep Six looked through his binoculars. "It's Flint and the others."

"Not all of them," Wet Suit looked through them next. "Tunnel Rat is missing!"

"Ahoy!" Flint shouted. "Your radio's working?"

"Sort of," Dial Tone said. "I think we lost our satellite connection."

"We lost more than that," Beach Head grumbled as the Joes boarded the craft. "Cobra captured our launch facility."

"Where the heck did you get that hovercraft?" Dial Tone asked.

"It used to be our jeep," Beach Head said.

"Good thing these babies are made with interchangeable parts," Gung Ho said pointing his thumb back at the mainland. "Of course it doesn't hurt to have the proper motivation."

"Well at least we got away from Cobra," Beach Head said. "They didn't follow us when we hit the water. I wonder why?"

"Maybe they're afraid of water?" Gung Ho asked.

Flint saw a shadow pass underneath their craft. "Or something in it."

"RARRRR!" Something green leapt high into the air and boarded their vessel. It was wearing a Cobra uniform and it looked like it was related to the Creature of the Black Lagoon. Several other creatures leapt up as well and boarded.

"Get off the boat fist face!" Flint went to hit one of them only to have it grab his hand and give him some kind of electrical shock.

"Flint! Don't touch those things! They're like electric eels!" Dial Tone shouted.

"Really?" Flint moaned. "I never would have guessed!"

Gung Ho grabbed a barrel and threw it right at two of the creatures. The metal barrel caused the creatures to short circuit and fall back into the water. "Gung Ho you're a genius!" Beach Head shouted. "Get some metal between them and they'll short circuit each other!"

"Oh I really don't feel well…" Dial Tone moaned. Suddenly a Cobra creature popped up in front of him and he threw up on him. The creature leapt away screaming.

"That'll work too," Beach Head winced.

Flint managed to recover and hit another Cobra monster hard so it was knocked out on the boat. "You know now would be a good time to retreat!"

"Let's get out of here!" Gung Ho said revving up the engine. "We got some planes stashed on the target island!"

"The target island where we hit it with the marshmallow fluff?" Flint asked.

"Oh I think I'm gonna be sick again…" Dial Tone moaned.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

At the captured Joe Base in Brazil…

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SLEPT WITH HIM!" Destro roared at the Baroness. "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?"

"It wasn't easy after the fifth time but…" The Baroness yawned.

"AGGHHHHHH!" Destro grabbed a computer nearby and trashed it.

"Oh are you upset?" The Baroness grinned.

"UPSET? UPSET! UPSET?" Destro shouted as he threw what was left of the computer into a wall. "I'm a bit miffed, yes!"

"Good!" The Baroness snapped. "What goes around comes around and you've had this coming for a long time!"

"You tell him Girlfriend!" Slice called out.

"Testify!" Slash said.

"SHUT UP!" Destro shouted.

"What is taking so long Mindbender?" Cobra Commander snapped as he walked into the Brazil Launch Base with the Cobra scientist. "I need more venom to make more troopers!"

"We lost too many BATS in Antarctica," Mindbender said. "I need more lab workers."

"FACE IT DESTRO YOU'LL NEVER BE HALF THE MAN MAXY IS!" The Baroness screamed.

"MAXY? MAXY?" Destro screamed. "TECHNICALLY HE'S NOT EVEN A REAL MAN AT ALL! HE'S A GENETIC MONSTROSITY!"

"Oh he is man enough where it counts Destro," The Baroness purred. "Trust me on this!"

"Not to mention I need those two out of my lab," Mindbender groaned. "Even the BATS can't help but watch them!"

"You conniving, selfish wench!" Destro shouted. "Everything we've been through was a fake wasn't it!"

"No, only the parts where we went to bed," The Baroness said. "But with Maximus, I don't have to!"

"AHHHHHGGGGHHHH!" Destro ripped out another control panel and stomped on it.

"It is rather mesmerizing isn't it?" Cobra Commander said to Mindbender. "Wait a minute…DESTRO! STOP DESTROYING OUR EQUIPMENT! YOU'RE DELAYING MY CONQUEST OF THE WORLD!"

"Well it seems that Venomous Maximus has conquered the Baroness' heart," Slice said.

"How romantic!" Slash grinned.

"I believe I am going to be violently ill…" Cobra Commander groaned.

"Yo! What's all the racket here?" Maximus strode in wearing a black and gold armored uniform with a long black cape.

"DIE!" Destro lunged at Maximus. Maximus simply grabbed him and threw him headfirst into a wall. "Ow…"

"What's his problem?" Maximus asked.

"That would take a chalkboard and several hours to explain," The Baroness purred as she sided up to him.

"Venomous Maximus I command you to assist Mindbender!" Cobra Commander snapped.

"Yo! Shaddap Chrome Dome!" Maximus sneered as he shoved Cobra Commander and Mindbender aside. "I command my army, my way! I assist no one! So shove it!"

"You…" Cobra Commander tried to use the Fangblade on him only to have it knocked out of his hands. "Uh oh…"

"Yeah uh oh," Maximus growled as he shoved Cobra Commander. "From now on I'm running this joint? Got it?"

"You can't do this to…Urk!" Maximus grabbed Cobra Commander by the lapel. "Okay technically you can do this…"

"After Cobra has dealt with GI Joe! I will deal with you!" Maximus sneered as he dropped him. He stormed away.

"Wait Maxy!" The Baroness cooed as she chased after him. "Oh Maxy!"

"He's too powerful!" Mindbender snapped. "I warned you this would happen! But did you listen to me? Nooooooo!"

"Quiet! We'll use your monstrosity to destroy GI Joe and then Venomous Maximus will face my wrath!" Cobra Commander said.

"Not if I get my hands on him first!" Destro snarled as he picked himself up.

Next: More trouble and more madness. So what else is new?