Time For Cobra To Get It's Butt Kicked

"Then the Joes decided to go track down Cobra and fight the climatic battle," Roadblock added. "We had enough of them treating people like cattle."

"Oh yeah, that's when Cobra got their butts kicked in a huge way!" Toad nodded. "We saw the movie. That's kind of how it happened right?"

"Well sort of. You remember that really complicated big battle scene at the end of the movie?" Hawk said.

"Yeah," Avalanche said. "What about it?"

"The real battle…Wasn't so complicated," Hawk admitted.

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"SGT. SNUFFLES!" Beach Head screamed.

Cobra soldiers and BATs were flying everywhere as Beach Head decked them. He had single handedly cleared a path through them into the temple. "Hey Beach! Save some for the rest of us!" Duke shouted as he shot a downed Cobra venomized soldier with a paintball antidote.

"I dunno," Roadblock shot another unconscious trooper and watched him change back. "It's kind of like shooting fish in a barrel."

"But it's not fun," Bazooka sighed as he casually shot two more unconscious mutated soldiers. "Where's the challenge?"

"Yeah maybe telling him that they were probably torturing Sgt. Snuffles was a bad idea," Alpine agreed.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON OUT THERE?" Cobra Commander screamed from inside the fortress.

"The Joes are attacking!" Mindbender shouted. "They've breached the walls!"

"Well do something then!" Cobra Commander snapped. "Send out the BATS! Send out our venomized troops!"

"We did!" Mindbender pointed to the screen. "But they're…"

BOOM!

"Not holding them off…" Mindbender groaned.

"What's worse, it seems that the Joes have created an antidote to our venimization process!" Destro called out.

"WHAT?" Cobra Commander screamed. "AND YOU CALL YOURSELF A GENIUS? MINDBENDER YOU SAID THIS PROCESS WAS PERMANENT!"

"I said it was probably permanent!" Mindbender shouted. "Based on the results on some of my early…"

"Shove it!" Cobra Commander snapped as he started to throttle Mindbender. "I'm sick and tired of your excuses!"

"Commander I think right now our focus should be on defending our base instead of strangling Mindbender," Destro stopped him.

BOOM!

"Perhaps you're right," Cobra Commander muttered as he let Mindbender go.

"Stand by for primary launch sequence!" Destro pushed several buttons on the control panel. "On my mark! We have eleven minutes until launch! At the very least we can hit Cleveland!"

BOOM!

"YO JOE!" The Joes stormed in and started to fight. Fortunately they didn't have much to do thanks to a certain ranger.

"AAHHHHH!" Beach Head tore into the Cobra troopers with relative ease.

"Never mess between Beach Head and his bear," Roadblock blinked. "He's really kicking Cobra derrière!"

"This is so humiliating…" Cobra Commander moaned as Duke, Roadblock and Scarlet made their way up to the control tower while Beach Head did his one man army thing down below.

"How do you think we feel?" Duke snapped at him. "Now where's Hawk?"

Suddenly Duke was grabbed from behind. "Oh there he is…" Duke gulped.

"Venomous Maximus! For the Glory of Cobra we need you!" Cobra Commander shouted.

"Aw shaddap!" Maximus snapped as he threw Duke into him. "I don't need a wuss like you!"

"You can't do this!" Cobra Commander pushed Duke off him.

"Yeah I think I just did," Maximus huffed.

"I control the Fang…" Cobra Commander pointed his staff at Maximus who broke it with one hand. "Blade?"

"Now I'm the one who's gonna control you!" Maximus shouted.

Meanwhile outside the base, two planes flew overhead and unloaded the antidote from above, changing several troopers back to their normal forms. "A rainforest?" One trooper blinked. "In Siberia?"

"Something tells me we ain't in Nebraska no more," Another one said.

Meanwhile at the launch tube. Slash and Slice had tied up Tunnel Rat to the launch tube. "Poor poor Mr. Rat…" Slash chuckled.

"It hurts just to look…" Slice snickered.

"Here's a little friend to keep you company," Slash stuffed Sgt. Snuffles into Tunnel Rat's shirt.

"Ha ha," Tunnel Rat said dryly. "Very funny! You won't be laughing when the Joes kick your butts!"

"Oh we are so scared…" Slice grinned.

"You should be…" Jinx appeared with her sword drawn.

"One GI Joe against the both of us?" Both Slash and Slice asked.

"Actually…" Jinx grinned as Snake Eyes appeared.

"Uh oh…" Both gulped. The ninjas went into a furious battle.

"Uh excuse me!" Tunnel Rat called out. "Joe tied up to a weapon about to explode here! Hello? Could somebody give me a hand here?"

Meanwhile the Joes tried vainly to attack Maximus who laughed. "You think you can beat me? Ha! Soon I'll conquer both Cobra and GI Joe! And best of all I'll score with Destro's girl every night! Or until I get bored with her and get something better."

"WHAT?" Both Destro and the Baroness shouted.

"Score with…my girl?" Destro snarled.

"Something better…" The Baroness growled. "NOBODY USES THE BARONESS! NOBODY!" She raced to Maximus and gave him a good kick in the breadbasket.

"YEOWWW!" Maximus doubled over.

"EAT ANTIDOTE!" Destro grabbed one of the antidote paintball guns from Duke and started to shoot at Maximus.

"BYE BYE BOZO!" The Baroness grabbed another paintball gun from Scarlet and started to fire at him at the same time.

"Here," Roadblock handed Cobra Commander an antidote gun as well.

"DIE! DIE! DIE!" Cobra Commander shot at Maximus. "Hey! This isn't a real gun!"

"Agghgghhh!" Maximus reverted back to General Hawk.

"Note to self," Cobra Commander grumbled. "Never mutate General Hawk into an ultimate soldier again!"

"Man nobody is gonna believe this," Roadblock shook his head. "Who'd have thought Cobra would help us?"

"We didn't! We helped ourselves!" Destro snapped. "It doesn't matter anyway! The HALO will launch right about…" He looked at the control panel only to see Gary nibbling on the wires. "OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!"

"GARY! NO! DON'T EAT THE WIRES!" Cobra Commander screamed.

"YEEEP!" Gary screamed as he got shocked.

"Launch cancelled…" The Computer intoned.

"Thank goodness," Duke sighed. "Disaster was averted!"

"WHERE'S SGT.SNUFFLES!" Beach Head ran in screaming.

"On the other hand…" Duke winced as Beach Head tackled Destro and Cobra Commander and started to pummel them.

"WHERE IS SGT. SNUFFLES? GIVE ME SGT. SNUFFLES!" Beach Head punched Destro and Cobra Commander and threw them against each other.

"WHO THE HELL IS SGT. SNUFFLES?" Cobra Commander screamed.

"You don't wanna know…" Hawk moaned. "Duke what happened?"

"You went away for a while but you're back now," Duke explained.

"Oh my god…" Hawk moaned. "I just remembered what I did as Venomous Maximus! I need a shower! Several showers!"

"Did anyone find a teddy bear in a little camouflage suit?" Roadblock called out. "Answers to the name Sgt. Snuffles!"

"You gotta be kidding!" Cobra Commander shouted. "What kind of stupid…?"

"DON'T CALL SGT. SNUFFLES STUPID!" Beach Head shouted.

"FOR GOD'S SAKE SOMEONE GIVE HIM THE DAMN BEAR!" Destro screamed.

"You mean this bear?" Tunnel Rat walked in with the ninjas.

"SGT. SNUFFLES!" Beach Head dropped the two Cobras and ran to his bear.

"RUN! RUN!" Cobra Commander screamed as the Cobra High Command fled, knocking down any Joes in their way. Mindbender and the Baroness followed them. "RUN AWAY FROM THESE NUTS!"

"They're getting away!" Roadblock shouted.

BOOM!

"What the…?" Duke looked outside through the window. "BAZOOKA! YOU BLEW UP THE HALO!"

"Duke…" Hawk sighed. "I don't feel very well…"

"It's good to have you back sir," Duke said.

"It's good to be back," Hawk sighed. He winced as another explosion was heard from outside. "I think…"

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"So that's how the battle really went down?" Toad asked. "That was different than what we saw. But I get why you changed stuff around."

"Like anyone would admit our secret weapon was an insane Ranger with a teddy bear fixation," Roadblock groaned.

"Or a hyperactive mutated sloth man…" Hawk moaned.

"But there's one thing I don't get…" Blob said.

"One thing?" Dragonfly asked.

"What was that business with the kids?" Blob asked. "That little tiger baby for example."

"Well that's not the end of the story," Hawk said. "You see…"