AN - I realized thanks to wyredsisters that my dates are a little off.  I know in the first chapter I said a year earlier she would have been okay with Ron's love.  I've already confused myself thinking about this.  So anyways, I'll just clarify.  After the Department of Mysteries incident was when she became sure that nothing was going to happen between her and Ron.  So it's about a year later.  The sisters pointed it out to me that it should be around 6th year.  Well think of it this way.  She figured things out not DIRECTLY after the DoM thing, so arounfd the end of 5th year.  So it's a little over a year later.  Thus the beginning of 7th year.  Okay, nuff said.

*~*Chapter Four*~*

Dear Diary,

                After my last entry I fell asleep.  Well, to tell the truth, I cried myself to sleep.  I am so scared of screwing things up.  I'm afraid that if I do get involved with Ron, I'll screw up my own future.  I'm scared if I don't, he won't want to be friends with me anymore.  Or something like that.

Why do I have to analyze everything like this?  Why can't I just...just live in the moment, like Ron said he does?  I know he's lying.  Well, at least, he doesn't do it all the time.  It took him forever to decide to try out for the Quidditch team, and that was only with Harry's help.  Crap, now that I've found a flaw in his theory, my mind is never going to let that go.

                I just want to live.  I don't want to be scared anymore... I don't want to cry when I think of losing Ron, and I don't want to cry when I think of hurting him.

                Something is seriously wrong with me...

                I'm sitting in the library, and I don't know why, but I feel like crying again.  Wait, I do know why.  Because I'm a scogglebug.  Okay, I know, not a real word.  I couldn't find the word I want so I just made one up.

                Imagine that, know-it-all Hermione Granger couldn't find a word to use.

                Pah.  I'm not that much a know-it-all.  I mean, hell, I can't even figure out myself.

                I'm going to pause in my writing for a moment, Ron just entered the library............

.......................................

.......................................

                I am back.  Fifteen minutes later!  Amazing all the stuff that can happen in ten minutes.  All the snogging.  Yes, snogging.  Something happened when Ron came in the library.  Something inside of me...woke up.

                My heart.

Here's what happened:

Ron: *walks in*

Me: *grabs diary, heads for the stacks*

Ron: *follows me*

Me: *walking faster*

Ron: *catching up*

Me: *running*

Ron:  *catches up to me...damn him for being in shape!*

Me:  Okay, I give.  You caught me.

Ron:  You make it sound like you're a fugitive...

Me:  Well I feel like one.

Ron:  I'm sorry.  I didn't know I made you feel that.  *whispers*  I just wanted to talk to you...

Me:  No, I'm sorry...  I guess I can't be angry if you just want to talk.

Ron:  *sigh* Look, Hermione, I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to make things go all wonky by telling you how I felt... I guess I thought maybe if I told you I'd have a chance.  But I understand if you just want to be friends.  I just...  after that kiss I thought maybe things had changed.  I thought maybe you felt for me too.  But I guess not.  I didn't mean to hurt you.  I do love you, and I would never do anything to hurt you or make you upset.  I love you.

...And THAT, Diary, is where my heart opened my eyes.  I didn't understand what happened at first, but now I do.  I heard once that love is knowledge.  You don't have to question things, you just know.  And I knew, Diary.  I knew in that moment that I loved him too.

....

Me:  Ron...  Ron you didn't hurt me.  I've just been a little confused.  I guess if I hadn't been so sure before that we were just friends, this wouldn't have been so crazy.  But I see it now.  I see what's going on.  I am just scared to love you, because life's a wanker and I was scared that if we got involved I would be cursing you to death.  I don't know why... *whisper* I was just terrified...terrified of nothing...

Ron:  Hermione, life is a bitch.  But being involved with you wouldn't condemn me to death.  If anything, you have been my savior.  Since I fell in love with you I've been a better man.  I know it sounds cheesy, like those chick books my mum reads sometimes.  But it's true, corny but true.  You make my world brighter, even with You-Know-Who out there.

And *commence snogging*

So that's pretty much it Diary.  I couldn't stop snogging him!  It was like magnetic lips!  Like those Muggle teddy bears!

We ended up snogging for about five minutes.  Just plain kissing.  And it was wonderful.  We walked back to our Common Room holding hands.  I think the total words spoken was somewhere around seven.  Well, maybe a little more than that.  But for the most part our lips were occupied otherwise. 

We didn't bother explaining to Harry what went on.  I'm sure Ron will fill in the details for him later.  Harry just saw us when we walked in and smiled.

So now me and Ron are sitting here.  Harry didn't want to butt in on us and be a goosegog so he just told a porkie about research and slipped off into the abyss.  Ron can't see what I'm writing, but he knows it's about him.

He keeps asking what horrible rumors I'm writing about him now.  That's a laugh and a half.

I love him.  But I have a sinking feeling.  Like maybe I shouldn't just rush into this.  But I can't let that get me down, right?  Live in the moment, Hermione, live in the soddin' moment!

I'm a freakin' worrywart.  Need to stop that!

Uh-oh.  Feel a nervy spaz coming on.  Got to cram it, brain, before I stab you violently with a cotton swab to silence you!  Stupid brain!

I feel like a loon right now.

Well, Ron is asleep now, after me writing all that babble down.  He's got his head on my lap and is sound asleep.  So cute...

I suppose I should follow suit and just nap.  I'm rather exhausted from all the crying and worrying and fretting and snogging I've been doing.

I am in love, and happy now, but why am I still confused?  I figured it all out.  I swear, I'm chronicly confused.

xoxox

Hermione

AN-Okay, I love making her babble because it's like me.  Not that I'm trying to make her like me.  But I think that deep down every teenage girl is just a babbling loon when boys are on the mind.