As I can see, my words were not taken to be wise. You continue on in this story, hoping to find comfort. I must, once more, warn you that this legend does not know of any 'comfort' or 'satisfaction'. You will only be hurt. But, it is your choice as a human being—or Hylian—to read the tale; do so if you wish.
Mercy Be Upon You And I,
Feonicks Outreach
I left off at the part when the fairy, who went by the name of Navi, entered the drunken, unconscious, ghastly pale, Hylian boy's tree house. Navi was a tad bit of a smart arse, if I remember correctly, and was definitely not 'traveling-companion' material. However, I am sad to say, that Link became stuck with Navi for quite a long while.
"Zigaroonipoolace", buzzed Navi, which, in fairy dialect, probably translated to something along the lines of "Get out of bed, you miserable, drunken, unconscious, ghastly pale, Hylian boy!"
Link squirmed a bit, and Navi decided that it would probably be best to take a violent approach to waking up the young Hylian. In a flash, she charged, and flew straightinto Link's right eye. Now, as you can remember from the first chapter, I told you that drunken Hylians are some of the most dangerous beings on the planet, and should not be tampered with. However, I also said that there were certain kinds of species that could care less whether or not a Hylian disliked them or not; fairies were one of those species.
Now, if you have ever had a fairy charge straight into your eye, then you know what kind of pain Link was in. If you never have experienced this type of injury, then I should congratulate you, for the pain is so excruciating that you feel as if you are going to vomit your liver out.
At this point, Link rolled off of the bed he was laying on, fell onto the ground, and began scurrying around on the floor like a wild goose. Navi snickered, being the little devilish imp that she was, and then continued to shout instructions.
"Ribito", she shouted, which possibly meant "Hurry, Saria is waiting outside. She has a cool-looking sword for you. You better go out there before she leaves."
Quickly, Link jumped up, trying to ignore the terrible pain that he felt on the right side of his face. He dashed outside, missed the ladder leading to the ground, fell off of the tree house twelve feet from the ground, hit the ground face first, jumped up, ignored the pain that was now on both sides of his face, and found Saria, looking beautiful as ever, holding a box that held what Navi had described as a cool-looking sword.
"Hello, Link," said the beautiful Saria to the stubborn and still half-drunk Link. "I have a gift here from yours truly."
Link grinned childishly, despite the great pain that he felt right about now.
He opened up the box, and found… a cheap plastic-bladed sword with a wooden handle. In fact, the plastic blade was so cheap that it had already been bent to one side. It was terrible.
"This is terrible!" Link exclaimed, pushing aside Saria and running away with his cheap little plastic-bladed, wooden-handled sword; Navi followed closely behind him.
Saria watched them go, and then sighed as she dusted off the mud on her shoes that she had fallen in when Link pushed her. She walked over to a rock and sat down upon it's rough surface. She had tried to get something special for Link, and he had simply turned her down.
I should probably take the time to announce the obvious: Link was not the ladies' man. He could see the most gorgeous woman on the face of the planet, and he would treat her as if she was dirt. In fact, now that I think about it, he was nobody's man.
Oh, but Mido of the Kokiri Forest, now HE was a ladies' man. He could see the ugliest girl on the face of the planet, and treat her like the princess. Now, of course, he was a complete and total rude person to the men of Kokiri, but that's how life is.
At this very moment, Mido was walking up behind Saria, speaking comforting words of romance and glee.
"Oh, Saria," the charmer began. "Don't you worry. Link is not the man for you. If you were MY girl, I would treat you like you walked on water."
That was not entirely true, for, as you will later see, Mido was all talk, and no action. That's what Link hated about him. And it is also terrible to use the phrase "I would treat you like you walked on water" in a romantic setting. For, if you did, by chance, come upon someone who did walk on water, you would probably treat them as an outcast or a freak, not someone you cherish and admire.
I apologize, I am getting off-topic. Link…Link…Link….
Link was heading off towards the Great Deku Tree, the oldest talking tree in the Kokiri Forest, at this very moment; Navi was following closely behind. However, what happened next is so appalling that I must leave you with this as the second chapter's final paragraph. Excuse while I leave to vomit over the repulsive acts that Link will soon commit.
FEONICKS OUTREACH
