AN - In this chapter, when Hermione is talking, for the most part she'll be sad, so try to imagine her like, pausing to take deep breaths and crying.

*~*Chapter 9*~*

Dear Diary,

                That son of a bitch.  Wait, I can't say that... I actually like his mum.  She's no bitch.  He's the bitch!  He still hasn't apologized!  In fact he's been avoiding me since our fight on the front steps!  *growl*

                Well I have nothing else to right about, I'm going to pause here and go take a walk or something to try to clear my mind.

xoxox

Hermione

***

Dear Diary,

                I'm back.  Well, I went for my walk.    Did no good.  I did come across something interesting...  I don't know if I can write it...it hurts too much.  It's been two days and it's still hard to write this.  But I need to.

                Anyway, I turned the corner to head down to the Pitch for a walk around it, and I...

                I found Amanda Courtier and Ron snogging the life out of each other.  Amanda was up against the wall, and Ron was...he was leaning into her, pressed up all against her and her hands were all over him and they were going at like wild dogs and I couldn't take my eyes off them!  After a few moments I sort of squeaked, because I was in shock, and they slowly stopped.

                Ron's eyes went really wide as he saw me.  He started to say stuff, but I don't know what it was.  I wasn't listening.  I was frozen.  I came to life when he touched me... He said something and put tried to hold my hand but I pulled it away and punched him.  Punched him right in the gob, harder than I punched Malfoy in third year.  I'm proud of this, too.

               After punching him I just ran.  I ran until I didn't know where I was.  I just sort of... stopped.  I was running and then I came to a halt.  I started to choke on my own horrendously loud sobs, and I grabbed something next to me.  As I collapsed someone caught me.  I wasn't quite sure then.  But they held me tight and let me cry my heart out on their shirt.  I cried for what seemed like hours on end.

                They hugged me, shushed me gently, and told me it would be okay.  After some time, when the tears were minimal and I was just sort of hiccupping from the crying, I looked up.  Malfoy caught me, Malfoy comforted me.  And then, when I was finally recovering enough to survive for the time being, Malfoy kissed me.

                Yes, well, I sort of kissed him too.  I looked in his eyes, shocked that it was him of all people to be there for me, and in that moment we both leaned in.  It was a good kiss, but still.  It was Malfoy.  I don't know what possessed me to kiss him, but I did.  And to tell the truth, now that I'm right in the brain again, I still want to do it again.  We snogged for an hour give or take, and then I realized I was kissing Malfoy and bolted.  He didn't try to chase me, which I am terribly grateful for.

                Ron was smart too, he avoided me.  Until yesterday!  I came into the common room to do some homework, and right in the middle of the room he approached me and said 'I am so sorry, Hermione, can we please talk?" and I in return screamed "No!" and smacked him.

                I understand that I am being somewhat of a hypocrite having kissed Malfoy, but I have the firm belief that what I did is understandable because I was unaware of what I was doing thanks to the grief that Ronald Q. Weasley has caused me.

                Anywho, back to what I was saying.  When I smacked him, the whole room got quiet and turned to watch us.  So here's what happened:

Ron:  Hermione, please!  Let me at least talk to you about what happened!  *scandalized whispers among the Gryffindors*

Me: Ronald, there is nothing to talk about!  You kissed her and that's it!  Hell, you were kissing her like you've NEVER kissed me!  And I'm your soddin' GIRLFRIEND!  I never want to talk to you again, RONALD!  I don't care what your excuses are, you can take them and shove 'em up yer arse for all I bloody care! *with that last statement I prodded him very roughly in the chest with my finger*

Ron:  Please, Hermione, I love you­−

Me: YOU LOVE ME?  I'm sorry, but I didn't know that LOVE was defined as snogging the brains out of other girls!  I didn't know that LOVE was defined as being an ignorant wanker and ignoring the feelings of your, and I use this term in the past tense, GIRLFRIEND.  Ron, you don't LOVE me.  You don't know what love even means!  All you care about is getting farther and farther with a girl, and you'll do whatever it takes, too!  I'll bet Amanda's not the only one, either!  You're a man-whore Ronald, and you'll always be one.  You're a sad, pathetic, worthless DOG... no, you're lower than that!  I know dogs who are ten times more man than you, you feeble-minded pussy-whipped WORM!

Me: *storms off to the sound of clapping*

                Lavender and Parvati came up to our dorm after allowing me some crying time, and informed me that Ron is now being punished for his deeds.  The entire house is treating him like the bacteria in the shit of dogs.  Lav's words, not mine.

                Right now my mind is in shambles.  I feel so broken...  I felt so strongly that Ron was the right one.  That he would never hurt me.  But now I'm wondering about every time he wasn't with me, who he's kissed, and if he's even really a virgin like he told me.  Add my hot and wonderful yet kiss with Draco, and you've got one extremely messed up Hermione's brain.

                Oh, Diary, what am I going to do?  WHY did Draco come to my aid?  Why did Ron cheat on me?  Why ME?

                I need chocolate.  I'm going to get the girls and we're going to Hogsmeade.  To hell with the rules, Harry should be more than willing to aid us in our escape.  I'm thinking a raid of the Honeydukes basement.  I'll leave money.  Or maybe I won't.  But I'll be damned if I don't get some chocolate soon.

                It will be the band-aid for my shattered beaten broken heart.

xoxox...where are the hugs and kisses when you really need them

Hermione