If you have recently entered a museum—whether it was to attend an art show or to escape from the police—you have noticed a painting called a triptych. A triptych has three panels, which something different painted on each of the panels. For instance, an artist I knew once—he went by the alias of Vanderof—illustrated for me a triptych. The first panel displayed a banana with the top half bitten off. The second had on it a packet of gum, with foil wrapped on all of the pieces. The final panel had a simple blue sphere on it with the word "monkey" displayed on it. The triptych was entitled The Things That None Will Have and I cannot look upon it without weeping, for I know that I will never have those things.

I say that to say this: there is a similar triptych out side the throne room of the King of Hyrule. This one was illustrated by a Mister Waldren; he was a close friend of the King's, until he was hung for treason. Waldren's certain triptych displayed a separate meaning that The Things That None Will Have. The first panel showed a beautiful woman wearing nothing but a table cloth. The second panel was drawn to resemble a pool of nice, cool water. The third panel has a simple blue sphere on it with the word "monkey" displayed on it. This triptych was entitled The Desires of A Ghastly Pale Drunken Hylian Boy. I must say that, after doing extensive research, Waldren's triptych is, what some would call, wrong. They desire a beautiful woman wearing nothing… period.

This was the same thought that was going through Renizo's mind as he examined Waldren's popular, yet false, triptych. Renizo had been waiting for sometime outside the throne room of King Amsterdam; several hours he had waited, hoping to speak to ruler of Hyrule. But instead, he found only boredom, and a terribly misinformed triptych.

Renizo worked as a traveling salesman, advertising such products as toilet bowl plungers and juicers, screwdrivers and fax machines, bath soaps and cans of spam. You name the objects that no one in Hyrule would be able to use, and Renizo would have it. He had made his fortune selling to drunks and mentally ill rabbits; the cans of spam were favorites among those two sorts of customers. However, that was not what he was here for.

Renizo had one item that was said to actually have a use, and that was none other than a tool called the Ocarina of Time. It was not so much a tool than it was an instrument. It resembled that of a flute, painted purple, and carved in a strange elven fashion. When certain tunes were played on it, it would illuminate an immense amount of power. The only trouble was, Renizo was unaware of how to perform music on the Ocarina. In fact, the only person who knew how to play the strange 'flute' was the woman who carved that very instrument, a Misses Savannah Waldren, wife to the disturbingly incorrect triptych artist. Yet, when her husband was hung for treason, Savannah went into a state of chronic depression, and passed away soon after. Through a long string of trades and purchases, the now useless Ocarina ended up in the hands of the infamous Renizo.

Not two days earlier, King Amsterdam sent a messenger to Renizo's home, saying that he was willing to pay a large sum for the Ocarina of Time. Being the salesman that he was, Renizo saw this as a great opportunity to get rid of something that he had no use for.

And now, here he was, standing outside of the throne room, waiting to be admitted in front of the great ruler of the land of Hyrule. It would not be long before those doors would open, and he would be face-to-face with his chance at infinite wealth. I must say, if I were given a chance like that, I would have been just as eager as Renizo was to go through with such an easy job. Everything would have went well, except…

Suddenly, there was a noise behind Renizo. He turned around, and before he knew it, his face was stinging from a cold hand making contact with his sensitive flesh. He collapsed, gasping for breath, the wind having been knocked out of him. A quick kick to the cranium took him into a state of unconsciousness—a word which here means "a state of not being conscious".

His attacker picked him up, slung him over his shoulder, and quickly strode down one of the kingdom's many marble hallways.

Shortly after, the throne room doors opened, and a royal guard stepped out, saying, "Mr. Renizo, his Majesty will see you now."

Let me clarify now: that statement was false. No one would be seeing Renizo for at least another day. Suffice to say, that guard was as false as, well, Waldren's triptych.