Disclaimer; Not mine.
Not the characters and not the plot. I'm just the twisted bitch
that thought to combine them.
Author; Well, me! obviously.
(Abremaline)
Rating; M (mature) for sexual
references.
Summary; slash hp/dm (Parody) (crossover fic)
The cast of Hogwarts perform an alcoholic version of 'Moonstruck'.
Author's Note; When Calmardaa and I start these weird
conversations, why don't the other people in the chat room stop us?
They must know by know what's going to happen. I blame them for
this fic.
Moonshine at Hogwarts
In Napoli where drink is King, when boy meets boy, here's what they say
When the moon hits your eye like a big-a pizza pie
You're
too drunk
When the world seems to shine cos you've had too much
wine
You're too drunk
Bells'll ring ting-a-ling-a-ling,
ting-a-ling-a-ling
And you'll sing "get me drunka"
Hearts'll
play tippi-tippi-tay, tippi-tippi-tay
Like a gay tarantella (lucky
fella)
When the stars make you drool just-a like pasta
fazool
You're too Drunk
When you dance down the street with a
cloud at your feet, you're in strife
When you walk in a dream but
you know you're not dreamin', signore
'scusa me, but you see, back
in old Napoli, that's called drunk
Draco looked around trying
to find the source of the voice, in the end just spoke to the air.
"That is the worst parody ever! The word 'drunk' doesn't even
fit the tune."
The voice replied echoing throughout the
streets "Well lyrics were stupid to begin with, doesn't leave a
whole lot you can do really."
The blonde raised an eyebrow,
then shrugged "You're probably right, but still, that's not even
trying."
The voice simply poked his tongue out at the boy,
then rolled its eyes at it's own stupidity as it remembered it was
only a voice "I'm poking tongues at you"
Draco snickered
as he walked on, the bad parody playing the whole way to the funeral
home.
"I'm a genius"
"No,
you're a moron, and I'm not doing your income tax. I'm a wizard, I
don't do taxes."
"I make 'em look better dead than they
did alive. I'm an artistic genius"
Draco scowled "You're
an idiot who's not listening and has butter on his tie. I am not
going to clean that off either." The blonde walked out.
A
couple hours later he stalked into the restaurant still shaking his
head at that guy with the rose. "So totally didn't get
that."
Taking his seat across from a daggy looking man, he
called out to the waiter "Bobo. Rum no coke"
An argument on
the other side of the restaurant caught both men's attention. Draco
laughed; a young woman was yelling at Snape.
"Now Patricia don't
leave"
"What do you think I am? Some sort of talking
doll?"
Snape looked at her "You are a talking doll. I made you
with a potion"
"Kiss my arse!" She threw a glass of pumpkin
juice over him and stormed out.
Draco couldn't help but grin as
Snape stood there looking like an idiot, the pumpkin juice
permanently staining his favourite shirt.
"Waiter. Would you do
away with her dinner and any evidence of her and bring me a big glass
of vodka?"
Draco's 'date', Garry began laughing heartily
"A man who can't control his woman is funny." The comment
earned him a slap across the face from Draco.
Garry looked at him
quizzically, "What do you care? You're a man"
The blonde
glared fiercely "But the author isn't!" he called out "Bobo
the check please"
Garry stopped him "No no, I want to see the
dessert cart"
"You never have dessert!"
"Well never is
a long time"
Draco raised an eyebrow at the other man, who was
giggling like an idiot. "This is going to be a long night." He
mumbled to himself.
Suddenly Garry started running his hand
through his hair at a ferocious speed.
"What's the matter
with you?"
"My scalp is not getting enough blood
sometimes."
Draco raised his eyebrows and scrunched up his
nose "Well stop it, looks like you've nits."
"Have
some dessert." Garry indicated to the cart.
As Draco began to
pile his plate up. The waiter stared, then leant forward and
whispered, "You're supposed to say 'No I shouldn't'"
"Someone else is paying! I'm not turning down free
dessert."
The waiter shrugged and moved away leaving the cart
behind.
Draco turned smiled at Garry. Who for no reason suddenly
blurted out "Will you marry me?"
Draco blinked "What? You're
not even kneeling."
Garry knelt on the floor beside Draco.
Everyone in the restaurant complained that he was ruining the suit,
Draco yelled out "Forget the fucking suit!"
"Draco Lucius
Black Malfoy on my knees, in front of these people, will you marry
me?"
"Where's the ring?'
Garry looked around, "I-I
don't have one"
"Oh look. Just use you're pinkie ring. You
are buying me a bloody expensive engagement ring tomorrow though"
"I
like this ring."
Draco looked at the ring "No one likes that
ring, its ugly. Just do it"
Garry reluctantly held out the
ring.
"Yes. Yes Garry James Potter. I will marry you, I will be
you're husband."
Bad Italian music drowned out all other noise
and Garry sang out "Bobo, the check!"
Bobo rubbed his hands
together in glee as he thought of the extremely large portions of
alcohol and desserts that Draco had consumed.
In the car on the
way, errr somewhere, Garry told Draco that he had to go to Sicily to
see his dying mother. Draco looked at him confused "She's dying
again?"
Garry simply shrugged "We have to stick to the
original script a little bit."
The
noisy crowds bustled around the airport (so that's where they must
have been going!)
Draco stood nervously in front of Garry "I
want ya to call me when ya get in"
"I'll call you when I get
to my mother's house."
"You've made me very happy."
Draco nearly choked on his own words. "I can't believe I'm
saying this shit."
Garry ignored the last comment and proceeded
with the script. "Listen, about this wedding there's one thing I
want you to do. I want you call this number, it's a business
number." He handed over a business card "Ask for Harry and invite
him to the wedding."
Draco looked at the card "Yeah, who is
he?"
"He's my younger brother."
The blonde was stunned
"You've got a brother?"
"You went to school with him"
Garry shook his head at Draco's stupidity. "There was some bad
blood, we haven't spoken in five years, I-I-I want you to call him
and invite him to the wedding. Will you do it?"
"Yeah, yeah of
course I will." Draco then added sarcastically "Anything you say
oh master"
As the plane was taking off, Draco looked bored at
the old the old woman standing next to him.
"You got someone on
that plane? My sister's on that plane. I put a curse on that
plane"
"Well let's hope it's effective, that guy is a
complete git! No idea why I agreed to marry him."
The blonde
angrily apparated to a botte shop with a really sickly sweet
name.
The elderly couple behind the counter were having an
argument, delighting in the pain of others Draco stopped and
listened.
"So how do I look at her?"
"Like a
penguin."
The old man looked at his wife sceptically "How
would you know? You never seen a penguin in you're life?"
"I
see a penguin in every man and I see a penguin in you
"You
know what I see?"
"What?" The woman replied
angrily.
"The sister of the girl I should have married"
Draco
smiled happily to himself as he walked home with his champagne. He'd
had more than enough of the soppiness.
He stopped out front of
his house, and rubbed his head, he had a headache from that bad
Italian music that had been playing the whole way home, wondering why
he hadn't just apparated instead. He stared in confusion (and
anger) at his house, "What the fuck happened to Malfoy Manor? It
shrunk!" He sighed and went in, figuring it would have something to
do with 'sticking to original'.
Owls flew at his head, trying
to peck his eyes out, there must have been about ten of them. A voice
(Draco couldn't see because of all the owls) called down the stairs
to the owls, calling them off.
Draco looked up almost thankfully
"Ciao, Dumbledore. If you don't get those owls out of my house,
they'll become tomorrow night's roast"
Dumbledore grumbled
something in Italian that Draco couldn't understand, and then
disappeared. Taking his owls with him.
More bad music was
emanating from the lounge room. Draco groaned, took out his wand and
cast a spell to blow the record player to pieces. He loved
explosions.
Lucius was sitting on the couch.
"Where's
ma?"
"I don't know, Dead?"
Draco sighed, not this again
"Why aren't you asleep?"
Lucius (who seemed to be in a
totally uncharacteristically depressive mood) replied "I don't
know feels too much like death"
On the way through to the
kitchen Lucius whined more about old age and death. Draco was close
to solving the problem by the time he got to open his
champagne.
"Pop. I'm getting married"
"What for? You've
already been married, it didn't work out"
"The guy died"
The blonde looked at the author a moment "Is everyone dying?
Merlin, how depressing"
Lucius looked at his son, "Who's the
man?"
"Garry Potter"
"Garry Potter?" Lucius chuckled
"The guy is big baby! And why isn't he here to tell me?"
"Because
he flew to Sicily, his mother is dying."
"Again?"
Draco
shrugged, "That's what I said."
"Where's the ring?"
Draco held out his hand.
"That's a pinkie ring!"
"Oh,
don't worry, he is buying me a bloody expensive one when he gets
back from Sicily"
"Good. Lets go tell ya mother."
When
they woke Narcissa up the first thing she said was "Who's
dead?"
Draco answered before his father had a chance to
"Everyone apparently. I'm getting married."
"Do ya love
him?"
"No."
Narcissa hugged him "I'm so proud of
you."
Morning shone horribly bright
as Dumbledore walked up the street, owls attached to leads fluttering
above his head. They chirped merrily as the old man walked through
the cemetery gates. (Where else would he be going?)
In place of
any kind of religious sermon, several old men stood around gossiping
over the freshly dug grave. No one could really understand much of
what they were saying, because most of it was in Italian. What could
be understood though, was "La Luna" which means moon, and "Brings
the man to the woman."
Most people assumed from this that they
were talking about some special type of full moon. Had they
understood Italian however, than they would have known that the
conversation was actually about moonshine (illegally made alcohol).
It had nothing to do with the moon at all, and everything to with
"When a man's drunk he'll sleep with anything."
Not that
it really matters, because it was a totally useless scene anyway. So
we'll just go back to the house where Narcissa is cooking some
weird thing involving eggs fried the centre of a hole in bread.
They
were in the middle of a really annoying conversation about selling
the house, (all just because Draco and Garry weren't going to live
there.) When (thankfully) the phone rang.
It was Garry. After a
rather long rant at the operator about Garry's having called
reverse charges, Draco finally accepted the call.
"You call
collect! Do you think we're rich?"
Garry strangled pained
voice came done the line "You are"
"Well that's not the
point. You don't just waste money!"
Eventually Draco managed
to get him off the phone.
Narcissa asked, "How's his
mother?"
"Still dying" was Draco's response.
"I
thought she was already dead."
Draco shrugged "So did I."
He
finished off his weird egg in bread thing and then picked up the
telephone.
Narcissa's voice pulled him to a stop "Now who ya
ringing? You're paying the bill"
At the end of yet another
conversation that the author can't be bothered to type, Draco
yelled at the receiver "Animal!"
Never
being the type to give up. (Well he was, just he didn't this time)
Draco walked to the bakery. Bad Italian music playing again. He
looked towards the sky "If you don't stop that music, I'll put
you under cruciatus!"
The voice echoed across the streets once
more, "Find me." The music played on.
"Why am I walking
everywhere anyway, I can apparate?"
The voice answered him,
"Because it's part of the original movie." Then it began to hum
along with the music.
Draco was thankful as he walked into the
'not too clean looking' bakery. The girl behind the counter
looked a bit dim to Draco, but there was no one else there. "I'm
looking for Harry Potter."
Luna (that was the dimwit's name),
turned up her nose at Draco, did a whole 'stuck-up' type routine,
before finally responding in a very snarky type voice, "Down at the
ovens, what do you want?"
"I want to talk to him. Duh." (God
this girl really is stupid)
Draco followed the girl, outside and
around the back to where the ovens were. No one was left in the open
shop that Draco could see and he sincerely hoped they got burgled.
He had to cover his ears as she yelled over the noise "Harry!
You got a visitor."
Draco explained that he was there on behalf
of Harry's brother Garry.
Harry looked offended "Why didn't
Garry come himself?"
"He's in Palermo, ya mother's
dying."
"Again? I thought she died years ago."
"Yeah,
well, she's dying again." Draco shrugged, "Anyway, we're
getting married. I came because Garry wants you at the wedding."
For
no reason that Draco could see Harry suddenly went into this whole
spiel about how "Garry has his." Followed by "What is life?
They say bread is life, and I bake bread, bread, bread and I sweat,
and shovel dough in and out of this stinkin' hot whole in the
wall!"
Harry looked over at Luna, "Over by the wall, bring me
the big knife" Harry paused for effect "Bring me the big knife,
I'm gonna slit my throat"
Luna stomped her foot as tears began
to form in her eyes. She looked like a five year old "I tell ya I
won't do it."
Draco, who was thankful he had never bought
bread from this particular bakery (and was wondering how they managed
to get all that sweat in bread past the Health Department) looked at
him, "You're one of the most powerful wizards in the world, and
that's the best way you can think of to kill yourself? Kinda like
that whole Sirius killed by a 'curtain' deal isn't
it?"
Apparently Harry was still very sensitive about Sirius'
death, because he resorted to the old "Fuck you Malfoy." Before
he remembered he was supposed to in character and returned to his
macho style rant. "Do you know about me?"
Luna mumbled out "Oh
Mister Potter."
Draco looked at Luna like she was a total loon
(Had to do. I'm so sorry). Then answered Harry's question. "Yes,
I went to school with you."
Pretending that Draco had said no,
Harry explained that five years ago when we all thought he was still
at Hogwarts, fighting Voldemort. (shrug must have been school
holidays) Garry had come to the bakery and ordered some bread. Harry
had been at the slicer when Garry told him that he was his older
brother, they had been separated when their parents died (the first
time). Harry, shocked, had turned around. As he did so his hand got
caught in the slicer. Pomfrey had been able to grow it back, but it
had still really hurt.
When he had told Ron, who he had been
engaged to (at Fifteen!) Ron had dumped him for another man.
Goyle.
Draco had looked at him with one eyebrow raised, "That's
not Garry's fault."
Harry pulled out his wand and used it to
blow up a tin of flour.
Draco smiled to himself (He loved
explosions).
Harry was red in the face, he held up his left hand
and pointed at it, with his right. "I don't care! I lost my hand!
Garry has hand, Garry has his pride."
"You have your hand.
They grew it back."
Harry sulked a bit "It still fucking
hurt!"
Draco groaned as Harry began a depressive talk about
losing his dream. He felt like hexing 'the boy who lived' as the
depressive talk went on, and on.
Somewhere in amongst all this,
Luna did a Shakespeare type speech that basically only really meant
that she loved Harry, but he'd never know that. Of course he did
know, he just chose to ignore the fact, based on the fact that he was
gay and that she was, well…a loon.
"Listen. Is there somewhere
we can talk?" Draco realised that was the only way he was going to
end this badly written drama scene, (made worse in parody format).
On
the wall of Harry's apartment was a painting of a monster truck, a
record played in the background. "Crush, splash, 'ah my leg'
crunch, vroom. Zoom. 'DUCK!'" It was "the sounds of Rally
Crashes". (Well can you imagine Harry Potter listening to
opera?)
Harry turned off the record player, so that he could hear
what the blonde was saying. He then cut his steak awkwardly with one
hand, even though his other one was sitting on the table, quite happy
and non-detached.
A peaceful conversation began between the two.
Harry asked what had happened to Draco's first husband (I should
have explained that earlier, oh well). Draco explained that the first
husband had died (does anyone live?)
"How did he die?" Harry
asked with a mouth full of food.
"He was hit by bus" (That's
what it is in the movie! Don't blame me for that.)
The
conversation went along like that for quite awhile (Cheerful movie
wasn't it?)
Draco was impatient for this bad parody to end. "So
five years ago, you lost your hand and your fiancée. Had a
woman since then?"
"No"
"Stupid"
"When did your
husband die?" Harry was still talking with raw steak in his mouth,
still eating with one hand.
"Seven years ago" (13! I really
should have thought more about their ages. I just didn't like the
idea of them being in their 30's as per the movie.)
Harry cut
in through the author's stupid babble. "Other than Garry, Had a
man since then?"
"No" Draco looked quizzically at the author
he had actually had several.
"Stupid" Harry replied.
"I
need a drink" Draco was exasperated "How about you give me a
glass of Whiskey?" (Again, seriously that's how they did it in
the movie. Not my doing.)
A half a bottle later…
Draco was
beginning to feel the build up of alcohol in his system (well he had
been drinking pretty much 3 days straight at this point). "You
can't see what you are, and I see everything. You're a penguin."
Harry came to the conclusion that all the 'death-eater
training' must have affected the blonde Slytherin mentally. "I'm
a penguin?"
"Yeah" Draco slurred, "The big part of you
has no words, and it's a penguin. Ron was a plastic package for
you, he caught you and you couldn't get away, so you chewed off
your own wing." The blonde nodded to emphasize his point. "That
was price you had to pay for your freedom. Garry had nothing to do
with it, and now, now you're afraid cos you know that the big part
of you is a penguin, that has the courage to bite off it's own wing
to save itself from plastic packaging."
Harry decided that since
Draco was so profoundly drunk now would be the best time to ask, "Why
are you marrying Garry?"
"Because I need to marry someone to
get my inheritance."
Harry shook head at such stupid logic, "He
made me look the wrong way and I lost a hand. You could lose you're
head!"
"I'm looking where I have to, to become a groom."
"A
groom without a head." Harry stood up, kicking his chair away.
"A
penguin without a wing!" Draco yelled angrily.
Harry used his
wand to blow up the small round table that was between them.
Draco
sat, stunned at the action. But still enjoying the explosion anyway.
(He really did love explosions.)
Harry stood, and ran his hand
through his hair. It got caught in the tangles and he trouble getting
it out again. When he did though, He slowly walked over to where
Draco was sitting, grabbed him by the shoulders, pulled him to feet
and kissed him angrily and deeply.
It took Draco a while to react
(Because of all the alcohol), When what was happening sunk in he
pulled back. "Wait a minute, Wait a minute!" Then he wrapped his
arms around Harry's shoulders properly, and kissed back, as only a
Malfoy can.
Harry tried to pick Draco up, to carry him off, but
he almost fell from the weight (They are about the same size). When
that didn't work, Harry used a spell to float Draco instead.
"Where
are taking me?" Draco was a bit worried about being floated around
like luggage.
"To the bed."
"Oh. Good, about time."
Draco grinned as he was floated down the hall, 'Sounds of Rally
Crashes' playing in background.
Harry guided him to the bed and
placed him softly, leant forward and kissed Draco's neck, then his
chest. "What about Garry?"
"Garry's ugly." He grabbed
the brunette and pulled him down.
They both moaned as Harry
sucked on Draco's neck.
We are left to assume that there was a
really great sex scene here, but we'll never know. This is because,
as per the movie we all looked at a painting instead (two monster
trucks in the snow). The moaning, whispers and other sex sounds could
be heard over the 'Rally Crashes' record. (Who turned that back
on anyway? Must have been Peeves.)
Anyway apparently the director
of the original film had enough of staring at the boring painting (I
know I had), because we they cut away to a totally unimportant dinner
scene back at Malfoy 'house' (not manor). Everybody is sitting
around the table, Narcissa, Lucius, Dumbledore, Narcissa's brother
(Lupin) and his wife (McGonagall). (This being more fascinating than
the sex scene apparently! I don't get the logic there).
Dumbledore
walked over to giant cage in the corner and put his plate inside. The
owls happily devoured it's contents.
McGonagall sighed and said
to Narcissa, "Dumbledore's going to need another plate."
Narcissa quietly got a fresh plate of whatever it was they were
eating.
Across the table Lupin was reminiscing.
"Never seen
anyone so in love as Lucius was back then, he used to stand outside
Narcissa's window for hours" Lupin waved his fork around as he
talked.
McGonagall interrupted him, "He was only out there,
because Narcissa stole his still and he needed it to make the
moonshine!"
Lupin went on as though she hadn't said a word,
"One time I woke up in the middle of the night, this bright light.
It was the moon, as big as this house." Lupin was still waving his
fork around, sending food flying everywhere. "As I howled at it, I
got mad at you Lucius, because I thought you had sent this big moon
over, just to torture me."
"Yes" Lucius hissed, "I can
control the movements of the moon"
"See! He admits
it."
"It was moonSHINE, you fool"
Dumbledore
meandered back over to his owls, plate in his hand. Just as he was
about to hand the plate over to them, "Old man. You give those owls
another piece of my food."
Later; Dumbledore is walking out of the house, owls on leads fluttering above his head once more as the voiceover hummed its bad Dean Martin Parody.
"When the moon hits your eye like a big-a pizza
pie
You're too drunk
When the world seems to shine cos you've
had too much wine
You're too drunk"
Dumbledore stopped
at the riverside. Glanced up at the moon, then removed from his
jacket a giant size bottle of 'Lucius' Moonshine'. He stared
blissfully at the bottle, as his owls hooted at it.
On the other
side of town, another couple, (that was at the start somewhere) are
also looking lovingly at a large bottle of 'Lucius' Moonshine'
(I gotta try this stuff!)
Over in a much shittier area of town, in
a really grungy looking apartment. Harry is standing behind Draco,
arms wrapped around the blonde as they look romantically at a huge
bottle of Moonshine. (Sex scene apparently over…and we saw none of
it. Bastards!)
The next any of us saw of either Harry or Draco was
the next morning. (Ripped off. I want the sex scene! Why the hell
would I want to look at a bad painting of two trucks, when there is a
really hot sex scene going on?)
Draco rolled his eyes and Harry
absently rubbed his scar while they waited for the author to finish
her rant. She looked the characters "Well. It was annoying."
"Are
we right to go on now? Do you mind? We won't be interrupting you at
all?" Draco asked sarcastically.
Everybody waited a bit longer
while Harry, took some paracetamol for the scar-induced headache.
(though personally I think the headache was from drinking all that
moonshine.)
"Okay" he said walking back to the doorway where
the next scene begins.
"No one needs to go to the toilet?"
Draco glared at everybody, then pointed his wand at one person who
was beginning to stand, "Don't even think about it!"
Both
boys took a deep breath as they got back into character.
Harry
looked pleadingly at Draco, "Can I see you again?"
Draco
wanted to yes, he wanted to scream it, but that wasn't part of the
script. So he pretended to be all 'freaked out', "No, I'm
marrying Garry! Don't come to wedding either."
Harry slit his
eyes in annoyance, "I'm going to the wedding."
"No, your
not."
"Yes. I am!"
"Don't." Draco was wondering how
they were going to get a full catholic wedding anyway, gay marriages
still being illegal.
"Alright look." Harry had a scheme of
some kind in mind, Draco could tell. "I love two things, I love you
and I love Monster Truck Rally's. If I could have the two things I
love most together for just one night, then my life would be
complete. If you do this one thing for me, then I'll never bother
you again."
Draco, figuring that sex at a Monster Truck Rally,
could be really good, agreed, then cheerfully left. Bad Italian music
playing while he walked.
Because the Malfoy's are not catholic,
instead of going to confession, the blonde went to pub instead and
told his sins to the barman, who was very impressed. He was giving
pick up tips to the aforementioned barman when he noticed his mother
was also in the bar. The blonde sauntered over and took a seat next
to her. "What are you doing here?"
"Your father's
cheating."
"He's been seeing other women my entire life it
never bothered you before. How do you know anyway?"
"A woman
knows."
"So he told you then?"
After leaving the bar,
Draco went to have his hair done, so he could look good for the
Monster Truck Rally that night.
"I want you take the grey
out."
The hairdresser stared at him, "What grey? You're
twenty!"
"I just want to be certain. Do it!"
He had his
nails done (men have their nails done…they do.) and bought a new
outfit (not a red though). When he met Harry out front of the Monster
Truck Rally, Draco Malfoy looked stunning. So did Harry. Both wearing
new outfits, trying to impress each other.
While they stared
nervously at each other, the author wandered off to get another cup
of coffee, she was getting bored with this story now, and it was
taking a whole lot longer than she ever intended it to. One Thousand
words had been the original plan…you can see how well that
went.
Harry extended his hand to Draco. "Go in?"
Draco took
Harry's arm, and they made their way over the muddied field, to
find a seat, as close to front as they could find. The blonde
happened to look over as they were making their way through the
crowds. "That bastard! He's here with another woman." Draco
glared angrily at his father and Umbridge (the other woman), "That
is not my mother!" He stomped his foot, "Dammit. Where's my
gift?"
Harry looked confused. "Gift? What?"
"Yes, my
gift. The sure sign of 'I'm cheating on your mum, make sure you
don't walk in on us.'"
"Oh. That gift." Harry pretended to
know what the Slytherin was on about. "Just forget it for now,
okay. Let's just enjoy our night."
The blonde huffed, but
continued to make his way through to the front anyway.
The Rally
was just beautiful. Lots of crashes (which Harry loved.) some
explosions (which Draco loved), and an extremely serious injury
(which they both loved).
While Harry, Draco, Lucius and Umbridge
were all at the Rally, Narcissa was at Bobo's restaurant. While
waiting for her cocktail to arrive (Mochatini? Something like that),
she watched a couple several tables from her. Snape was there with a
younger woman (different one)
She was yelling loudly at Snape, to
which he replied, "I think you like to roll around in mud and I
don't, that's embarrassing..."
The girl threw a glass of
pumpkin juice over him and walked out of the restaurant.
The juice
causing yet another stain on his shirt, Snape addressed the other
diners "Sorry about that folks, she's a very pretty mental
patient."
Narcissa believed him, it would be just like Snape to
date a mental patient.
"No no don't worry about me." Snape
told the waiter, "Just clear her place, get rid of all evidence of
her and bring me a big glass of Vodka." (more drinking…no wonder
everybody's dying! Their livers must be shot to hell.)
Narcissa
invited him over to eat with her, (it looked better than alone.)
Over at the Monster Truck Rally Harry and Draco, were getting
very drunk and having a lot of fun making Lucius feel guilty about
not having bought Draco his 'I'm cheating on your mum don't
walk in on us' present.'
Snape, being a gentleman walked
Narcissa home to Malfoy 'house', bad Italian music playing while
they walked. They were nearly at the door when ran into Dumbledore
who was babbling about his big bottle of moonshine. He was on his
way, umm…somewhere, owls on leads fluttering above head. The old
man assumed Narcissa was cheating and mumbled something in Italian
about not being more careful (condoms?)
(Sounding a bit rushed?
That is because the Author wants the end of this increasingly stupid
and overly long story. sighs happily)
Okay so I'll just kind
of summarize the end, how's that? (well you don't really get a
choice) Here goes.
Lucius dumped Umbridge (that pen, in bed? Ouch!
Major fucking ouch!)
Draco tells his mother about Harry. She does
the whole "Do you love him?" bit again, to which Draco says, "Ma,
I love awful."
"You idiot! What kind of marriage are you
trying to set up here?"
They all freak out about Garry's
having come back from Italy, with the news his mother was no longer
dying. A fact that shocked McGonagall who was in the room when Garry
came back "Didn't she die years ago?"
"It was a miracle."
Narcissa smirked.
Garry can no longer marry Draco, because his
mother didn't approve of the match.
"Here then, take this
awful ring back then. Damn ugly thing." Draco was really glad to be
rid of it.
Then, Harry who couldn't care less what his mother
thought, (She was alive all this time, and he had to live with the
Dursley's…why would he care?). Proposed to Draco
instead.
"Where's the ring."
Harry didn't have a ring,
so he borrowed Garry's pinkie ring.
"Not that again." Draco
complained, "It's ugly!" He accepted it anyway.
They all
got drunk on Moonshine and lived drunkenly ever after. (At least,
until they died that is. Which in this movie, well…)
The
excruciatingly bad Dean Martin parody plays over the closing
credits.
When the moon hits your eye like a big-a pizza
pie
You're too drunk
When the world seems to shine cos you've
had too much wine
You're too drunk
The End!
