::Chapter Fifteen::

Dear Diary,

So much has happened in the past four days. I stopped writing in here because I'm been buried in endless amounts of homework. Not to mention my life is hell on earth. I can't stand this anymore, Diary.

I suppose I should actually say what has been going on. I thought that life was unbearable when I had to cope with Ron's infidelity and my incapability to comprehend Draco Malfoy.

Well, Diary, if it wasn't bad then, it's hell now.

Let's see, today's Sunday, so…Wednesday was when it all started. My day started off impossibly hellish when I saw that wanker Ron and his bitch girlfriend holding hands on their way into breakfast. It's amazing how things like that set the mood for your whole day.

At lunch time I saw them kiss, and that was it. I started crying. Mind you, I didn't want to cry. I can't stand the idea of showing him how much he's hurt me. I'd love to say that I'm fine now and not be lying. But it hurts more than you would ever dream… It feels like I've lost a piece of me.

I despise him… I do. Naturally I ran in the opposite direction, trying to get away from the pain… if only, if only, the woodpecker sighs.

I have no idea what made him follow me, but I can make an educated guess. I saw him in the courtyard, so I ran into the school and turned as many corners as I could. When I ran out of breath, I stopped and fell into the wall. I wasn't quite sure where I had landed myself, but someone was running towards me. By now I was crying softly, so I didn't want this person to find me. I started walking, but lo and behold, Draco Malfoy caught up with me.

Me: Go away.

Him: No.

Me: Why did you follow me?

Him: Because I want you to be okay. And I know you're not. I saw the way you looked at him when he kissed her. I just want to be here for you.

Me: Great… make my life a little less confusing, why don't you?

Him: I'm sorry, Hermione, I know I'm some freaky paradox to you. Right now let's just make this about you. Are you alright now?

Me: No, you ruddy idiot, I'm not okay. I don't know if I'm ever going to be okay…

Then he kissed me. Boy, he can kiss… He just braced me against the wall and didn't let me up for air. It was marvelous. Until I heard the one voice I never wanted to hear again.

Ron: You filthy bastard!

Draco was very reluctant to stop kissing me, but he did. When Ron made him. Ron pulled him off of me and started punching the life out of him. It took me at least two minutes to separate Ron from Draco, who surprisingly wasn't fighting back.

Me: RON! What the ruddy hell are you doing?

Ron: ME? What on earth are you doing snogging MALFOY?

Me: I don't think who I snog is any business of yours anymore, Ronald Weasley.

Ron: It is when it's our bloody archrival!

Me: Your archrival, Ronald. Right now I could care less who he is or what he believes in, or how he used to treat me. He has been there to comfort me after you ripped my heart out and threw it to the dogs. Don't you go suddenly caring about MY life when you are the one who put me in this FUCKING HELL! You have NO FUCKING RIGHT to criticize ME about MY choices when you are the one who fucking CHEATED ON ME!

Me: ::punched Ron::

Ron: Fine, Hermione. Go ahead and snog him, shag him senseless all you want. And when he turns you over to You-Know-Who for being what you are, I won't be there to stop him.

Me: I wouldn't want you to be.

Ron stormed off, thank God. The worst was yet to come, though.

Me: Draco, I'm so sorry. Are you okay? Oh my god, your nose is bleeding. We should take you to the Hospital Wing.

Draco: I'll be fine, nothing a little tissue and cleaning charm won't mend.

Me: I'm so sorry, I can't believe him!

Draco: Is that all I am?

Me: What?

Draco: Is that all I am? A nice comfort shag? I was hoping you were coming around to see that I really can be more than that.

Me: Draco…I'm sorry. Right now, I don't know what you are to me. You proposed a big thing to me, and I don't know if I can handle that. Not yet.

There was a really scary, long pause here.

Draco: Fine.

Me: Fine?

Draco: Yes, fine. Hermione Granger, you are beautiful. I want to be with you because by some Grace of God I have seen you for the beautiful person you are, and I want you. Not just your body, but your heart. And I will be here for you, to comfort you, to shag you, to give you whatever you need, for as long as you need to heal your broken heart.

Me: What happened to you?

Draco: I grew up.

Me: You make it sound so simple…

Draco: I wish it had been.

Me: Do you mean all this?

Draco: Are you the smartest witch in Hogwarts?

Me: ::laugh::

Me: ::kissing him::

Me: Give me time…

I then proceeded to turn and walk away. When I got to the Gryffindor Common Room, I could tell that Ron had spread the word about me kissing Draco. A very intimidating hush fell over the room when I entered. Just about everyone was glaring at me. All I wanted was to talk to Ginny. I could see her sitting by the window, looking outside. I kept my eyes on her the whole time, trying to ignore the whispers of bitch, traitor, whore. Ginny stood up to face me as I approached her.

Me: Ginny…I'm sorry.

I thought she was going to slap me. I thought she would punch me. Scream her lungs out at me. Call me names.

She did none of these things. I could see the tears well up in her eyes. And she just turned away.

Actions speak louder than words. Much louder. In that one moment, I knew that I had hurt Ginny the most. I had kept things from her, lied to her, and betrayed her trust as a friend. As I felt the tears form in my eyes, I had one thing to say to her.

"I know I hurt you. I never meant to. You're my best friend. I need you."

Then I left. I'm still hoping she'll come to see me, come talk to me. I'm sleeping in the Heads dorm tonight. Haven't been here in a while… Draco just came in, I can hear him ambling about in his room. He's opening the door, I'm using a copying charm on the quill.

Me: Hi.

Draco: I know, I know…time. I thought I'd just see if you were here tonight.

Me: Yeah, well, time does nothing. Anyway, I'm not very popular in Gryffindor House right now. I'd be scared to sleep there.

Draco: ::chuckle::

Draco: All jokes aside about that…are you okay?

Me: Yeah, of course.

Me: No… I'm not okay. They hate me all because I kissed you. They're probably all siding with Ron, comforting him. He's the one who bloody cheated on me! I didn't do anything wrong.

Draco: In their eyes, you did. I don't think you did, but you did to them.

Draco: ::sat on bed and hugs me::

Draco: I'm sorry I got you into this, Hermione. If I hadn't kissed you that day, none of this would have happened. I wish I could make things better for you, but I can't.

Me: I know. I know you can't. It's not you're fault…

Draco: It's going to be hard for us.

::long long long pause::

Me: I'm scared.

Draco: Me too.

The next morning

We then lay down on my bed and fell asleep embracing. And now I know what I must do. I am going to get to know Draco Malfoy. I will redeem him in the eyes of some, and I will love him. He has been my saving grace. I don't know why I didn't see if before. I know things will be hard for us, and we will be put down and sneered at by those we once called friends. As I fell asleep in his arms, I could sense that he was serious about everything. I'm going to make something of this bond of ours. And the rest of this school can kiss my arse if they don't like it.

Diary, I'll tell you why I'm so sure that I am supposed to be with Draco. He actually came back to talk to me even after I turned him away. He kept caring even when I said "Give me time." He didn't have to say anything. The fact that he came back says it all.

xoxox

Hermione

AN – Okay, that was kind of hard to write. I know I didn't get it the way I wanted it, but I can't think of how else to do it. Please review Sorry I took so long to update, school is very time-consuming.